Today, my dad took me to a bar for my first legal drink. He quickly got "drunk" and started slurring that I was an accident, saying the only reason I'm alive is because he'd been too poor to pay for an abortion. As I started crying, he burst out laughing and said soberly, "Just kidding, son." FML
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Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, my dad and his buddies were hanging out. One of them said to my dad, "Hey! I've heard your son wants to be a doctor! He he he! You better start saving up!" My dad then triumphantly responded, "PAH!!! No problem there. He's an idiot! He probably won't make it to premed!" And yes, he was sober. FML
Today, my dad showed up at my house and offered to take me to my favorite restaurant. He drove me to an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting. He believes I only had my daughter, who I love with all my heart, because I drunkenly hooked up with a girl. FML
Today, my dad got so drunk that he proposed to me. FML
Today, I joked with my dad, saying I'd gotten my boyfriend pregnant. In response, he slapped me, threw my phone across the room, smashed my laptop, and then took a moment for what I'd said to sink in. FML
Today, I told my Dad I was an alcoholic and had decided to seek help. His reply, "Don't stop drinking, you are the life of the party, funny and beautiful when you drink." FML
Today, I found my dad drunk, sitting on the bathroom floor crying. When I asked him why, he said, "My son is gay." I'm his only child, and I'm a girl. FML
Today, my mom came home heavily drunk. As I was taking care of her, she told me all about how I was a mistake. That didn't hurt nearly as much as when she told me she wishes I'd died during her pregnancy. FML
Today, I found out that my father, who very recently lost his wife, decided that drunkenly hitting on my long-time boyfriend's mom was a good idea. FML
Today, I came home to find my dad drinking. Trying to be cheerful, I greeted him with a "Hi, dad!" He sighed, shook his head, and said "It hurts me when you call me that." FML
Today, I met my biological father for the first time. He seemed to be slightly intoxicated from the outset, and less than half an hour later, he had tried to intimidate me into "loaning" him several hundred euros for reasons he wouldn't tell me. So long, "dad". FML
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Top comments
Rallred32 20
Your father has a sick sense of humor, OP.
m22100 14
That's not something to " kid " about.
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Comments (108)
sassy2085 16
First rule of family's dad's always make up crap and they are never to be believed.
SunTzu2 9
You're Dad's really cool and loves you. He's got a dark sense of humor and probably likes Monty Pyton ...! It shows he's accepted that you've become an adult and all that goes with it. Say thanks for the drinks and as you slap him on the back tell him he's an arse for not working harder before you were born Good luck in future
figgity83 15
OP that's terrible, but I assume you're legal to drink in the USA, which means you are 21. While that is awful, why are you crying. Boobs and beer, man up.
False_Stupidity 41
Just like to point out that OP is from Australia and our legal age is 18
TallMist 32
Yep, because guys aren't allowed to have feelings. It's practically illegal, huh? /s
danielcho7727 20
haha
Mirakledba 10
well I'm a mistake and its not a joke:(
bluefrootloops 13
Your dad sounds like a funny guy, lighten up OP. Besides an abortion is a hell of lot cheaper than raising a kid.
ahsanmasood 4
i think you have a bad ass dad :D besides, i think this is more a lesson in drinking then anything else...
ruckfules85 34
That's ****** beyond measures
DocDrose 20
your dad sounds like a great guy! gold!
Ki11erC 18
Your dad sounds like a fun person to go drinking with. Dark sense of humour but after 18 years I'm surprised you didn't already know that.