Today, my dad took me to a bar for my first legal drink. He quickly got "drunk" and started slurring that I was an accident, saying the only reason I'm alive is because he'd been too poor to pay for an abortion. As I started crying, he burst out laughing and said soberly, "Just kidding, son." FML
Collection
Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, my dad and his buddies were hanging out. One of them said to my dad, "Hey! I've heard your son wants to be a doctor! He he he! You better start saving up!" My dad then triumphantly responded, "PAH!!! No problem there. He's an idiot! He probably won't make it to premed!" And yes, he was sober. FML
Today, my dad showed up at my house and offered to take me to my favorite restaurant. He drove me to an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting. He believes I only had my daughter, who I love with all my heart, because I drunkenly hooked up with a girl. FML
Today, my dad got so drunk that he proposed to me. FML
Today, I joked with my dad, saying I'd gotten my boyfriend pregnant. In response, he slapped me, threw my phone across the room, smashed my laptop, and then took a moment for what I'd said to sink in. FML
Today, I told my Dad I was an alcoholic and had decided to seek help. His reply, "Don't stop drinking, you are the life of the party, funny and beautiful when you drink." FML
Today, I found my dad drunk, sitting on the bathroom floor crying. When I asked him why, he said, "My son is gay." I'm his only child, and I'm a girl. FML
Today, my mom came home heavily drunk. As I was taking care of her, she told me all about how I was a mistake. That didn't hurt nearly as much as when she told me she wishes I'd died during her pregnancy. FML
Today, I found out that my father, who very recently lost his wife, decided that drunkenly hitting on my long-time boyfriend's mom was a good idea. FML
Today, I came home to find my dad drinking. Trying to be cheerful, I greeted him with a "Hi, dad!" He sighed, shook his head, and said "It hurts me when you call me that." FML
Today, I met my biological father for the first time. He seemed to be slightly intoxicated from the outset, and less than half an hour later, he had tried to intimidate me into "loaning" him several hundred euros for reasons he wouldn't tell me. So long, "dad". FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
Rallred32 20
Your father has a sick sense of humor, OP.
m22100 14
That's not something to " kid " about.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (108)
sleepingwbu 3
this isn't even funny, this is a terrible thing to do.. sorry that happened to you.
wtffml1979 22
That is hilarious! If you are 21 years old and your dad takes you out for your first drink it's kinda sad, but cool of him. And to have fun with you and joking is funny as hell. Loosen up people.
scottacj 4
Not sure if you're saying it's sad that his dad took him out on his birthday or that he's having his first drink. Either way I see no problem, I turn 21 in a week and my parents are taking me out for my first drinks. Not everybody drinks before they're 21 and a lot of people go out with their parents on their 21st.
ebonyirony 29
OP is in Australia. 18.
babswashere 9
The majority of people who ever lived are accidents. Why would you start crying? Stop being a little girls and grow some balls
interesting33 36
That may be so - but to have his father tell him that and say that he didn't want him at all at age 21 and not say "but I'm really glad now that I had you" or something is horrible. It sounds like his father still doesn't want him. I'm not surprised OP cried. Leave him alone.
Sniper_Chick4110 20
18.. Op lives in Oz. And i agree with #51
Butwhymeagain 12
hahaha that is horrible
poisongirl708 11
Damn that's really messed up. I'm sorry -hugs-
megabite99 4
There's only two types of people you can trust in this world. Children and drunk people
AgaveRat 5
Your dad sounds like someone I'd like to have a beer with! Funny guy that one is.
noobienick 19
Hey, at least he was kidding, right?
megadki14 6
that ain't right
Foreverheavyn 7
Your fatger is an asshole. Only way I can put it.