By naps aren't what they used to be - United States Today, my car was stolen from the parking garage, the same one I work at as a security guard. FML I agree, your life sucks 43016 You deserved it 25887 126 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By lovingsnow - Singapore Today, I got back home and my hamster was dead. I left notes two weeks ago everywhere to remind my parents to feed it while I was overseas. Apparently, my parents even didn't realize I was gone. FML I agree, your life sucks 33161 You deserved it 2768 103 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By guest - United States Today, my wife decided that to help her stop smoking, she's also giving up the things that make her crave a cigarette. Sex is one of them. FML I agree, your life sucks 51982 You deserved it 6652 323 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By K. - United States Today, my dad demonstrated just how incredibly illiterate he is. He sent me a chain email about the awful lives of people with "Asparagus syndrome". FML I agree, your life sucks 28769 You deserved it 3704 68 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By wowawesome Today, I got a second piercing in my ear. I needed help cleaning the back, so I asked my dad for help. I told him to careful, but right when I did, he tore the earring out with the cotton swab. Thanks, dad. FML I agree, your life sucks 1454 You deserved it 331 3 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States - Grandville Today, I heard from my dad for the first time in over six months. It was through Facebook, in a message blaming my brothers and me for his horrible life, and in which he spelled my name wrong. FML I agree, your life sucks 38391 You deserved it 2489 63 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous They Do. Today, my boyfriend told me he would be really disappointed if we had kids before we got married, because it would ruin our plans to go to Disney World for our honeymoon. Apparently, kids ruin vacations. FML I agree, your life sucks 1112 You deserved it 999 32 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States - Sherwood Today, I had to sit in a three-seat truck between my dad and his best friend on a 4-hour trip to Detroit. It was great, besides their incessant crude jokes and stories, including chafing ball sacks, and naming their new radio station, "Chicks With Dicks Radio." FML I agree, your life sucks 26525 You deserved it 2704 48 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By missingphoneproblems - United States - Warner Robins Today, after being upset at the fact that my phone was stolen at work, I received a note on my locker saying, "100 bucks and you get the phone back." My phone is being held for ransom. FML I agree, your life sucks 27184 You deserved it 1893 117 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By fock - Canada - Almonte Today, I had to convince my 28-year-old boyfriend to take down his booger wall. FML I agree, your life sucks 24233 You deserved it 5287 124 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By JunkDex - Australia - Merrylands Today, my boss thought it would be a great idea to delay paying me until after Christmas. There goes rent, bills, food and of course Christmas presents. FML I agree, your life sucks 25475 You deserved it 1679 65 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By KingSnow03 Stay away from us! Today, because I have a coughed a total of 2 times in a row, I'm now banned from seeing any of my family until I get tested for coronavirus. The earliest available appointment is May 3rd. Looks like quarantine is going to be a lot worse than I thought. FML I agree, your life sucks 1593 You deserved it 181 14 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Grrrreat - United Kingdom - Hatfield Today, after a heavy make-out session, my boyfriend and I discovered his lips bruise really easily. This wouldn't be a problem except he's been telling people I hit him. He thinks it's hilarious. FML I agree, your life sucks 40915 You deserved it 4894 85 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States - Westfield Today, I went to my father's house to get my dog, since I had left it with him while I was on a business trip. When I got there, my dad said the dog pooped on the floor a few days ago, and so he took him to the pound. FML I agree, your life sucks 15993 You deserved it 979 62 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, while out for lunch, a guy approached me and asked for my number. I politely declined. To my dismay, he dropped to his knees, grabbed his head, and started moaning about how nobody ever gives him a chance. I felt the accusing stares. FML I agree, your life sucks 52596 You deserved it 6777 102 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, I had one more gift to buy: a copy of Fight Club. I asked a person working at Best Buy if they had any in stock. The man wouldn't sell me the last copy because I had broken the first two rules. FML I agree, your life sucks 32638 You deserved it 13325 209 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By DBR - United States Today, my alarm went off. I reached to swat it, missed, slipped, smacked my face on my dresser, and fell on the floor. As I picked myself up off the floor, I hit my head on the open top drawer of my other dresser. In 30 seconds of consciousness, I was attacked by two pieces of furniture. FML I agree, your life sucks 58771 You deserved it 11418 117 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, I was on a first date with this girl I've been talking to. I met her and she came with me so I could park my car in the student lot. On the way back, I saw a beat up car with its window duct taped up and exclaimed "Haha! Look at that piece of junk." It was her car. FML I agree, your life sucks 8615 You deserved it 38912 59 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United Kingdom Today, I found out apparently I sleep walk. My boyfriend has been filming me and uploading it all to Youtube. FML I agree, your life sucks 31363 You deserved it 4457 77 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous Today, I apparently had diarrhea in my sleep. I had to get up and sneak to the bathroom so as to not wake my husband. When he asked about the stain, I panicked and told him I started my period. FML I agree, your life sucks 2497 You deserved it 395 14 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By floggingnasty - United States Today, I got a new roommate in the dorms. When I got back to my room, I could smell her feet before I even opened my door. FML I agree, your life sucks 36742 You deserved it 2816 93 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous Grossed out Today, I was helping this girl to the nurse’s office because she was so sick that she could barely walk. About halfway there, she stopped and vomited on me. My jaw was dropped in shock when she threw up on me again. A little went into my mouth. FML I agree, your life sucks 2654 You deserved it 309 6 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous Today, I found out my wife has been taking "love thy neighbour" very literally with the bloke next door. FML I agree, your life sucks 24353 You deserved it 1511 52 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Arthur B. Adapt, improvise, overcome Today, I saw a spider in my kitchen. Freaked, but trying to be humane, I held out a piece of paper so it would climb on, and I would then put it outside. However, it jumped out of nowhere and landed on my face. My reaction was to whack at where the spider was - my face. I stumbled around, disoriented; the spider got away. FML I agree, your life sucks 1280 You deserved it 415 6 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Justme - United States Today, I had surgery on my "girl parts" and can't have sex for six weeks. My boyfriend sees no need to spend any time with me until I heal up. FML I agree, your life sucks 53242 You deserved it 7394 163 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Potted - United States - Denton Today, after my close friend had his baby, he told me that he was no longer going to be selling weed at his house. I was happy for him, because it's unsafe. Until I found out he was still selling at my house with the help of my roommates, without telling me. FML I agree, your life sucks 26861 You deserved it 3884 42 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States - Grand Rapids Today, my father shot my fiancé. He's fine, but the wedding is off. FML I agree, your life sucks 67565 You deserved it 4678 167 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By skidmark - United States Today, while standing completely still at Walmart, I was hit by a drunk man on a Jazzy Scooter. He laughed, said it was an accident, gunned the scooter and took out two more people. FML I agree, your life sucks 28346 You deserved it 2662 123 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, I was out with my girlfriend at a club. As a slow dance began, a guy approached and asked, "May I cut in?" My girlfriend surprised me by saying, "Sure!" As I was about to protest, the guy cut me off and said, "Sorry miss, I was asking him." FML I agree, your life sucks 51889 You deserved it 7226 199 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States - Tucson Today, as I was leaving for my chemistry exam, I stepped on one of the countless sheets of chemistry notes that littered the floor following last night's studying. I managed to slip and knock myself out in my own living room. FML I agree, your life sucks 28073 You deserved it 6529 66 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Wtf - Canada Today, my doctor told me my asthma was being triggered by my dad's smoking. He wrote a note to my dad, asking him to refrain from smoking while around me. My dad took one look at the note, then threw it in the trash, saying the doctor "doesn't know what he's talking about." FML I agree, your life sucks 45225 You deserved it 3004 197 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Enanimus - United States - Mountain View Today, I found out I'm allergic to my wife's new medicated handcream after I came down with a nasty, itchy rash on my chest, stomach, cock, and balls. FML I agree, your life sucks 26567 You deserved it 2960 46 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Cupcakes - Australia - Queanbeyan Today, my boyfriend said he felt like eating icing. So I baked him cupcakes, put icing on them and decorated them. When I handed them to him, he picked off the decoration, licked the icing and handed the cupcake back to me, saying, "I told you that's all I wanted." FML I agree, your life sucks 27540 You deserved it 53337 134 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous Today, my new bikini must be cheap as shit because I tanned nicely where I put on sunscreen, but where I didn’t apply it under the bikini I’ve gotten super red sunburn on my butt, my lady bits, and my boobs. My nipples look like the ends of red felt tip pens. FML I agree, your life sucks 4492 You deserved it 785 26 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By jordansquared Today, I received a Christmas card from my husband’s parents and found for the 7th straight year I wasn’t included on the card. Instead they included a picture of my husband’s ex-girlfriend holding my baby. I’ve already received messages asking if he’s back together with her. No. No he’s not. FML I agree, your life sucks 3008 You deserved it 175 26 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, my wife and I had one of the biggest arguments we've ever had, which resulted in her leaving, going to her parents' house and calling me twice, screaming and sobbing. The argument was over a seven dollar bottle of wine. Apparently, she was "saving it for a special occasion." FML I agree, your life sucks 34227 You deserved it 5207 80 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By HighasaCloud - United States - Elkhart Today, I finally built up the courage to confess my love to the girl of my dreams. She turned me down. When I asked her about all the recent receptive behavior toward me, she replied, "I thought it'd be funny." FML I agree, your life sucks 34771 You deserved it 2521 185 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Darla - United States - Arcadia Today, I realized that at age 54, I'm no longer young enough to go commando anymore. Every time I sneezed today, I peed myself. FML I agree, your life sucks 21672 You deserved it 12888 129 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - Canada - Toronto Today, the guy I've been dating told me with a wink that before he'll go on any more dates, he'd require me to take a series of "oral exams" to prove I'm right for him. I think he actually expected that to work. NEXT. FML I agree, your life sucks 48453 You deserved it 6122 111 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Kan23 - United States - Altus Today, I got fired from my job. When I asked why, all that was said to me was, "We don't have to disclose that information, but you did nothing wrong. It's just not working out." FML I agree, your life sucks 20939 You deserved it 1449 73 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By lance - Canada Today, I parked my car to go inside to grab my wallet than I'd forgotten. In the short time it took me to do that, someone broke two of my car's windows. FML I agree, your life sucks 24221 You deserved it 2467 56 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By ashesanddust | 8 #5468209 - Sunday 28 April 2013 3:07 It was probably done on purpose to teach you a lesson for napping on the job Send a private message 174 4 Reply
By waffule365 | 16 #5468210 - Sunday 28 April 2013 3:07 You should be doing your job better. Send a private message 129 5 Reply
By ashesanddust | 8 #5468209 - Sunday 28 April 2013 3:07 It was probably done on purpose to teach you a lesson for napping on the job Send a private message 174 4 Reply
Reply thesubconscious | 9 #5468353 - Sunday 28 April 2013 4:14 "Naps aren't what they used to be" Send a private message 21 1 Reply
Reply TourettesGuyFTW | 25 #5468370 - Sunday 28 April 2013 4:26 Maybe the nap was a mini coma? Send a private message 4 15 Reply
Reply AninOnin | 24 #5468566 - Sunday 28 April 2013 7:08 Or maybe the garage had multiple entrances/exits? Send a private message 2 6 Reply
By waffule365 | 16 #5468210 - Sunday 28 April 2013 3:07 You should be doing your job better. Send a private message 129 5 Reply
Reply dmoran20 | 27 #5468369 - Sunday 28 April 2013 4:25 Or find one that doesn't require common sense.... Send a private message 6 15 Reply
Reply gc327072 | 29 #5468431 - Sunday 28 April 2013 5:04 52- after all, all you have to do to become a YouTube commenter is go say "fake and gay". Send a private message 27 2 Reply
Reply quontag | 15 #5468567 - Sunday 28 April 2013 7:12 55, that is the fakest gayest thing I have heard in my life. Send a private message 33 0 Reply
Reply rawr_ily96 | 24 #5468580 - Sunday 28 April 2013 7:40 Somebody makes a living as a YouTube commenter. *cough*73*cough* Send a private message 6 19 Reply
Reply rapunzel3416 | 28 #5468657 - Sunday 28 April 2013 9:49 It might just be me but if I saw someone stealing my car I would freeze up and call the cops from a distance. There's no way I'd approach them. But I'm probably just a chicken. Send a private message 3 7 Reply
Reply ninjaCarebear | 17 #5469000 - Sunday 28 April 2013 16:15 75- Sarcasm. Ever heard of it? Send a private message 3 6 Reply
Reply Dashelle | 25 #5734943 - Wednesday 30 October 2013 8:09 Hey, don't go blaming the OP. Obviously that place has some security issue, or they wouldn't hire him in the first place! Send a private message 1 0 Reply
By Nighthunter | 11 #5468213 - Sunday 28 April 2013 3:07 Good job man! Send a private message 46 7 Reply
Reply Kyle_Kawi27 | 7 #5468393 - Sunday 28 April 2013 4:38 This comment made me laugh, thanks bro. Send a private message 9 4 Reply
By fckwhyme | 11 #5468217 - Sunday 28 April 2013 3:08 kinda deserved it Send a private message 34 10 Reply
Reply MrClean17 | 15 #5468371 - Sunday 28 April 2013 4:26 I don't think anyone really deserves to have their car stolen. OP certainly could have made it harder for the crooks though Send a private message 27 4 Reply
Reply _DudeGuy_ | 16 #5468411 - Sunday 28 April 2013 4:48 44, look at op's name, he kinda deserves it. Send a private message 24 1 Reply
Reply Bcfrmkc816 | 17 #5468446 - Sunday 28 April 2013 5:11 Ya if he was doing his job Send a private message 6 7 Reply
Reply DogsPaw | 16 #5468649 - Sunday 28 April 2013 9:38 Stolen car to Kidnapping... That escalated quickly. Send a private message 2 6 Reply
Reply VasilisaUzhasnaj | 29 #5469642 - Sunday 28 April 2013 23:22 There's not much you could do in either case if the criminal has a gun. Send a private message 0 0 Reply
By HortonThelephant | 15 #5468225 - Sunday 28 April 2013 3:09 Gone in 60 Seconds? Sure hope you aren't the guard in my parking garage.. Send a private message 58 1 Reply
Reply Uhscanherdarklee | 10 #5468334 - Sunday 28 April 2013 4:07 The first movie to pop in my head when I read parking garage was "The Human Centipede 2". Send a private message 14 4 Reply
Reply Mr_Satan | 11 #5468820 - Sunday 28 April 2013 13:20 Seriously?.... They made a second one?.... And people actually watched it?.... Send a private message 3 0 Reply
Reply Uhscanherdarklee | 10 #5469177 - Sunday 28 April 2013 17:59 Well, I half watched it. Between the slits in my fingers covering my eyes. That counts right? Much worse than the first. Send a private message 2 0 Reply
By beckilynn77_fml | 8 #5468230 - Sunday 28 April 2013 3:11 How do you explain that on the police report, or the IR you have to write up? Send a private message 37 1 Reply
By Capt_Oblivious | 10 #5468235 - Sunday 28 April 2013 3:12 I'd take that issue up with the security. .......oh, wait Send a private message 93 2 Reply
By koolkool994 | 28 #5468237 - Sunday 28 April 2013 3:13 I had to put YDI as you should know what's going on at your job Send a private message 22 0 Reply
By Adhdkid107 | 9 #5468239 - Sunday 28 April 2013 3:14 New hardest decision not telling cops your car got stolen, or pretty much telling your boss your bad at your job... Send a private message 20 1 Reply
Reply arsenicalhumor | 30 #5468347 - Sunday 28 April 2013 4:12 Damnitt. I read #17 wrong. x.x; I was thinking 4th instead of 3rd. Thumb me down please x.x;; Send a private message 11 20 Reply
Reply DippinGrizzly907 | 27 #5468622 - Sunday 28 April 2013 8:58 And because it is forbidden for 38 to thumb you down, I shall. Yet I am thumbing you down because your Canadian Send a private message 1 0 Reply
Reply arsenicalhumor | 30 #5468659 - Sunday 28 April 2013 9:57 Haha thanks, #38! ^^ Send a private message 4 3 Reply
By TresAmusant | 11 #5468240 - Sunday 28 April 2013 3:14 It's all a tricky test by your employers to see of you're actually doing your job. Clearly, you're not. Send a private message 25 0 Reply
Today, my mother suffered a stroke and had to be hospitalized. In order to drive him to the hospital, I actually had to find my father, who never answers... I agree, your life sucks 431 You deserved it 26 4 Comments
Today, the guy who told me he “wasn’t looking for a relationship” started being in a relationship with another girl. I lost my virginity to him and went... I agree, your life sucks 585 You deserved it 269 7 Comments