Kids: Today, my brother's refused to shower after 2 weeks of dripping...

By FuckingDone - United States - Enterprise

Today, my brother's refused to shower after 2 weeks of dripping sweat and never changing clothes. He claims the smell is just his "manly musk" and if I can't handle it, then maybe I'm the problem. FML

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Kids

BO Central

Gas giant

They're everywhere

By Susan - Ireland

Today, my parents asked me if I was sexually active. My grandma then screamed from upstairs, "She's not even physically active!" FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I had to explain to my Romanian colleague that, no, a cat flap is not a euphemism for a vagina. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, as I was jogging on the boardwalk, an old guy tripped me with his cane. As I was getting back up, I heard him say to his wife, "I wanted to see if she would actually fall." FML

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By Casey - United States

Today, I realized it is now considered normal and routine that my boyfriend wets the bed after a night of drinking. FML

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By Photagrapher - France

Today, my girlfriend asked for a picture of my penis, so I sent her one. Then later on, she asked for one when I was hard, the first one I sent I was hard. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I accidentally dropped a sculpture at college, and it broke. Some weirdo wearing a pink cape and a fake moustache bitched me out and told me not to be such an attention-seeking drama queen. FML

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By Ciara - Ireland - Cork

Today, I woke up to a weird feeling on my face. Thinking it was a bug, I slapped at it. It was my freshly-inserted nose ring. FML

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By hatty - United Kingdom

Today, I had my car valeted at my hotel. The manager came out, took my keys, and said the car would be waiting for me in an hour. I was then forced to watch from the lobby as the "manager" sped off downtown. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I went to have my tires replaced. While I was paying, the cashier asked if I would like a warranty for the tires. I said, "Nah, only idiots who can't drive need that." While pulling out of the parking lot, I took the turn too wide and popped my tire on the median. FML

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By nurse - Norway

Boing!

Today, I was giving a patient an injection when I heard a cracking sound and the needle was gone. Panicking, I got a doctor to have a look. The patient was sent to have x-rays to find the needle in her thigh. I then noticed the springback system in the syringe. FML

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By theuglyfriend - United States - Riverbank

Today, I went to a coffee shop with my friend. The guy rang her up and said it was only a dollar as he winked at her $10 purchase. Then he rang me up at completely full price. She got his number and I got to be the ugly friend once again. FML

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By Anonymous - Zimbabwe

Today, I rushed to a dentist's appointment. Once in the chair, I apologized for not having had the time to brush my teeth beforehand. He responded with, "Ah that's alright, I just took a piss and forgot to wash my hands." FML

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By Nafypoo

Today, I was playing competitively for my clan in a tournament. Money is involved, and I was doing quite well until my girlfriend up and turned the PS4 off because I wasn't "paying enough attention" to her, despite being on a holiday with her for the previous 3 days. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I put on a lacy dress with nothing underneath and walked nonchalantly into the living room. My husband took one look at me, let out a heavy sigh and said "right now?" FML

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By Badkitty14 - Canada - Mississauga

Issues

Today, in the middle of sex, my boyfriend asked me what he should get his mother for her birthday. FML

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By drfeelgood93 - United Kingdom

Today, I went to the cinema with a girl I like. Knowing she has a bit of a soft spot for me, I was keen to sit in the back row. Too bad her sister tagged along, insisted that we sit somewhere else, and scolded me every time I so much looked at her. I ended up paying for the unwanted guest as well. FML

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By ACAB - Australia

Officer McGiggles

Today, I got pulled over for speeding. After the cop asked for my license, he started laughing when he saw my picture. FML

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By Alicia - United States

Today, my friends and I had a long fun day at the river. That was until sundown. I now have mosquito bites in places you don't want to know. FML

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By SwimminginSweat - United States

Today, during a slow dance, my date wrapped his arms around my waist. Right as I touched his neck he says, "Sorry, I'm slightly sweaty." He wasn't lying. For the longest two minutes of my life I was swimming in his sweat. FML

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By nick - United Kingdom

Today, I decided to go on a diet to lose some weight before summer. This was followed by the arrival of a giant parcel full of candy from my mother. FML

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By Buzzie - United States

Today, I learned that my apartment's walls are thin enough for my neighbors to hear my vibrator. I've lived in this apartment for three years. I've been single and horny for all of them. FML

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By feminismlol - Australia - Brisbane

Today, I went to my first meeting at the university women's group, excited to become a more involved feminist. The first item on the meeting's agenda? The upcoming bake sale. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia - Perth

Today, at work, an old man was having trouble using his credit card at the checkout. I told him to "just stick it in", and he replied with "I love it when you talk dirty to me." The whole line at the checkout laughed. FML

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By Kutakito - Sweden - Saltsj?baden

Today, my 25 year old brother dumped all my underwear into the fireplace for interrupting him while he was playing WoW. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my mom told me that my new concealer is way too dark and makes my skin look hideously orange and uneven. I wasn't wearing any makeup. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Falkirk

Today, my 10-year-old son told my 5-year-old daughter that we're a ghost family, and told her to run through our glass door to see for herself. She believed it, ran straight into the door, and ended up having to be taken to hospital. FML

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By random - United States - Amarillo

Today, while working as a paramedic, we got called to an assisted living home. The medical emergency? The woman had a leak in her bathroom and wanted it fixed. FML

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By no name - United States - Gaylord

Today, while working at my job at a nursing home, I slipped and fell. It wouldn't be so bad if it was just water. No, one of the residents had just had an "accident". FML

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By Unemployed - Malaysia

Today, I fell asleep during my division emergency meeting. As I about to head home that evening, my boss patted me on the back saying "Wrong move. Good luck". Turned out, it was a meeting to determine who will be kicked out of the company due to recession. My name was written first on the list. FML

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By brunetteshavemorefun - United Kingdom - Burnley

Today, I dyed my naturally-blonde hair dark brown. Upon seeing me, my boyfriend immediately wanted to have sex, because I now remind him of his favourite porn star. FML

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By waltzy777 - United States

Today, we were having a family get together at my house. Because of this, i had to mow our lawn to make sure it looked nice. I got a little bored and decided it would be funny to cut a rather large penis into my yard. right when i finished, i ran out of gas. My 83 year old grandmother saw. FML

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By *facefloor* - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I got into a heated argument at a house party. To avoid a huge scene, I pulled her into another room, during which I managed to trip over my feet and faceplant the floor. She shouted, "Hah! That's what you get!" Now everyone thinks she beat the shit out of me. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I threw an elaborate surprise birthday party for my boyfriend of four years. He thought we were going to a quiet dinner but when we arrived, thirty of his friends jumped out and surprised him. Instead of kissing me to thank me, he broke up with me because of how easily I had lied to him. FML

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By meens42 - United States

Today, my dad asked me to stop calling him "dad" because it’s too weird for his girlfriend’s kids to hear, because they call him dad. FML

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By youngboob - United States - Topeka

Today, after my dad trying every bait, hormone, and poison, the cockroaches in this apartment have gone crazy. They are trying to kill themselves. One tried to commit suicide, by suffocation, in my mouth this morning. FML

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By :( - Australia - Brisbane

Today, I was all set to lose my virginity to my girlfriend. I was ecstatic, until she threatened to "beat the fuck" out of me if I didn't make it good for her. The actual sex was 30 seconds of me being given death glares, causing me to lose my boner and have to leave in shame. FML

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By tracelee - United States

Today, I hit a parked car. I was walking. To make the scene more embarrassing, the car alarm shocked me and I backed up quickly into the parking meter, knocking me down once more. FML

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By dak-rod423 - United States

Today, my balls were stepped on while I was taking a nap in the park. The man said he didn't see me lying there. I was wearing a neon orange jacket. FML

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32554

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By Steven - United Kingdom - Llanelli

Judgmental much?

Today, at a supermarket, I ran into a girl I knew in high school. She had 2 kids with her and they were buying school supplies. My cart was full of beer and snacks. After a chat, she left, not before saying, "I hope things get better for you." I have a job and a girlfriend. FML

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By Anonymous - Spain - Ripollet

Absolute beginners

Today, my boyfriend and I were about to make love for the first time. The moment my bra came off, he started hyperventilating to the point of blacking out. So much for that. FML

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Top comments

By ctosc | 21

#6611736 - Saturday 21 May 2016 22:48

lure him into the yard and spray him with a hose

By feven | 32

#6611749 - Saturday 21 May 2016 22:53

Tell your parents. It's simple but it'll probably work out.

COMMENTS

By gusthecat | 12

#6611732 - Saturday 21 May 2016 22:44

Don't sweat it OP, brothers be brothers

By saffy66 | 34

#6611733 - Saturday 21 May 2016 22:44

Maybe you could encourage him to seek a second opinion?

By jmledford | 10

#6611734 - Saturday 21 May 2016 22:45

that is nasty, I can't go one day without taking a shower. two at max. guess it's time to pull out the hose.

By Skinyrd | 17

#6611735 - Saturday 21 May 2016 22:46

He sounds like one greasy motherfucker

mfmylifesrsly | 29

#6611813 - Sunday 22 May 2016 0:21

I'm sure he's a real big hit with the ladies.

By ctosc | 21

#6611736 - Saturday 21 May 2016 22:48

lure him into the yard and spray him with a hose

PhantomKitty | 26

#6611758 - Saturday 21 May 2016 23:01

"It rubs the lotion on its skin, or else it gets the hose again."

Phantomsnake | 10

#6611765 - Saturday 21 May 2016 23:06

Hoes before bros

fakedsincerity | 32

#6611810 - Sunday 22 May 2016 0:17

I think you mean hose before bros, #12!

ZombieSazza | 34

#6611829 - Sunday 22 May 2016 0:40

#10, I love you, thank you!

Phantomsnake | 10

#6611901 - Sunday 22 May 2016 3:22

Yes I do, #18 thanks

laden_swallow09 | 34

#6612041 - Sunday 22 May 2016 7:32

Lure him? Just drag the dipshit by his hair and hose down his stank ass.

By tyler_the_asiann | 16

#6611738 - Saturday 21 May 2016 22:49

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

Tripartita | 44

#6611746 - Saturday 21 May 2016 22:51

You and #1 should hang out; I think you'd really hit it off.

By feven | 32

#6611749 - Saturday 21 May 2016 22:53

Tell your parents. It's simple but it'll probably work out.

ohSNAPyall | 26

#6611885 - Sunday 22 May 2016 2:32

How could they not have noticed?

By HAMY_fml | 23

#6611753 - Saturday 21 May 2016 22:55

dump febreze on him in his sleep and tell him the problem is his ass smelling musk

By moonlight77 | 28

#6611763 - Saturday 21 May 2016 23:05

I voted "I agree, your life sucks" after reading "Refused to shower". That is just disgusting! Drag him in to that shower if you have too,
OP.....with gloves off course.

By anyagrande | 31

#6611770 - Saturday 21 May 2016 23:09

Fucking gross