By Anonymous - 22/6/2020 17:01

OK sweaty, time for a bath

Today, I realized my morbidly obese, sweaty sibling is the source of a strange waft I've been smelling when I get home. He'll only shower once a week, so the apartment and furniture smell like sweat and sometimes poo, especially on hot days. I didn't notice until I went outside and stepped back in to follow my nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1624

You deserved it

113

Tweet

Share

Understandable

Alexa, play "Paranoid" by Black Sabbath

Weird kid

By XxFA1LxX - 22/7/2012 13:57 - Canada - Calgary

Today, my neighbors bought a signal scrambler to stop their kids from going on the internet at night. Too bad it blocks my internet too. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32245

You deserved it

2489

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 30/7/2013 01:32 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, my daughter's biggest aspiration is to create a time machine for the sole purpose of going to the '70s to see the Ramones in concert. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38718

You deserved it

9348

Tweet

Share

By Sugartits - 8/8/2017 13:00

Today, my boyfriend forgot to pick me up from work. We work at the same place. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4971

You deserved it

368

Tweet

Share

By itstillhurts - 21/12/2009 04:23 - United Kingdom

Today, I was down the pub with a mate and we got onto the subject of bar fights. I said I thought being glassed wouldn't actually hurt that much. My friend looks at me, calmly finishes his pint and then swiftly smashes his glass over my head. Turns out I was wrong. And we got kicked out. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10509

You deserved it

35599

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 10/3/2010 21:12 - United States

Today, after taking my girlfriend on a date, she invited me back to her place for "hot coffee and dessert". Excitedly, I said yes. When we got there, we actually had coffee and dessert. When I told her this wasn't what I'd had in mind, she kicked me out for being a pervert. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11103

You deserved it

67721

Tweet

Share

By Ewt - 6/12/2019 05:00 - Canada - Victoria

Not a joke!

Today, I found out that my best friend does not wash her hands after going to the bathroom, even if she changes her pad. I then remembered all the times she handed food to me, and teased me when I tried to wash my hands first. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2187

You deserved it

173

Tweet

Share

By bloodyLIP - 14/5/2011 19:06 - United States

Today, I learned the hard way that an ice cube is capable of ripping the skin off your bottom lip. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27142

You deserved it

14107

Tweet

Share

By RingAroundThe..SPLAT - 16/5/2012 04:10 - United States - Washington

Today, my girlfriend confessed that she was scared that she was more in love with me than I in her, and that she was afraid I would leave her. So she left me instead. I'd been thinking about proposing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37791

You deserved it

2857

Tweet

Share

By hudd357mag - 6/2/2012 05:35 - United States

Today, the girl I have a crush on texted me to go out tonight. When I got to her house, she peered at me quizzically and asked, "What do you want? Did I text you?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

34048

You deserved it

2429

Tweet

Share

By mountains - 19/11/2012 00:47 - United States - Pembroke

Today, I awoke in the midst of the night to find my half-naked dad drunkenly arguing with the microwave. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22911

You deserved it

1802

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 13/2/2011 08:36 - United States

Today, I confirmed that my neighbors burn their garbage in their backyard. How? My dog just threw up a nice smelly consistency of spaghetti, plastic and cigarette butts on my carpet. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26705

You deserved it

3789

Tweet

Share

By ChelseaRae - 6/7/2011 05:11 - United States

Today, I was flipping through a magazine and saw an ad that had the line "No corn, no wheat, no soy", all of which I'm severely allergic to. I got so excited at the prospect of having a food I could eat, I fell out of my chair. I then realized it was an ad for dog food. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37372

You deserved it

5510

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 21/10/2012 05:59 - United States

Today, my cat played dead just so I would leave him alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23356

You deserved it

6017

Tweet

Share

By Sabre777 - 17/8/2019 22:00

Today, while as a therapist, a client made an audible fart and pointed out that she had done so. Shortly after, she wrinkled her nose as she savored the odor. She began to discuss her significant trauma issues. Before I could respond, her fart wafted over to me, making any mature response pointless. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1435

You deserved it

125

Tweet

Share

By involuntary waxing - 15/1/2012 09:00 - Canada

Today, I started a new medication, not paying much notice to the one side effect: "unusual vaginal secretions". They're unusual alright, they glued my underwear to my skin. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38876

You deserved it

4290

Tweet

Share

By Depressed and clueless - 24/10/2018 15:00 - United States - Manhattan

Today, after months of being told I'm just being paranoid, my hallmates admitted and proved that there really is a dorm-wide conspiracy to socially isolate me. I don’t know what I did wrong. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3425

You deserved it

180

Tweet

Share

By Animal_aide - 7/1/2010 18:42 - Canada

Today, I got my car back from the repair shop. After paying $400 for them to fix the scratches on the driver's side door, some one decided to key both sides of my car while I was on my lunch break from work. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31900

You deserved it

2941

Tweet

Share

By wheelchairgirl - 16/12/2016 01:21 - Denmark

Today, I was watching a beautiful flock of birds flying overhead while walking in the street. The guy next to me was lucky enough to catch bird poop with his forehead. I was lucky enough to get distracted by it, trip, and break my ankle. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7274

You deserved it

1061

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 13/9/2009 02:44 - Canada

Today, I found out that my girlfriend of almost 6 years has put me in debt over $33,000. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44203

You deserved it

17162

Tweet

Share

By gracie511 - 29/1/2019 12:00

Today, my flight was delayed 3 hours so I was scrolling through my phone. Minding my own business, I was swiping through tinder and some guy behind me goes, “Ouch; hard no for that one?” And I turn around only to see the man I JUST swiped left on. FML.

I agree, your life sucks

2460

You deserved it

482

Tweet

Share

By Heartbroken - 20/6/2011 02:17 - United States

Today, I spent 2 hours making the perfect card for my dad for Father's Day. When I handed it to him, he smiled and said "Thank you" and then killed a fly with it. I found it in the trash a couple of hours later. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39221

You deserved it

4277

Tweet

Share

By clash - 28/11/2008 06:30 - France

Today, I haven't had sex for so long that my condoms have gone off. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35783

You deserved it

7550

Tweet

Share

By Emoney1 - 26/5/2011 14:06 - Canada

Today, I stopped to help a stranded motorist. I yelled out my window, "Hey do you need a hand?" The guy was just standing beside his car taking a piss. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31948

You deserved it

6822

Tweet

Share

By Third trimester - 26/5/2017 17:00 - Canada - Toronto

Today, as I stepped into a subway car, I noticed some free seats and began walking towards them. A group of girls standing nearby looked at me, then at the seats, and made a run for them. They then high-fived, presumably as congratulations for sitting down before the pregnant lady could. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6550

You deserved it

383

Tweet

Share

By Robert - 1/1/2018 20:00 - United States - Anchorage

Today, I had another lucid dream. Like every time I lucid dream, I immediately started having tons of dream sex. That would've been fine if I hadn't been taking a nap on the living room couch in the middle of the day. The entire family heard my squirming and moaning and saw me nut my pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7445

You deserved it

2567

Tweet

Share

By PoachedFish - 29/12/2010 10:57 - Lebanon

Today, was very chilly. My little sister felt sorry for my two goldfish swimming in the cold water. She decided to put them in hot water. They died. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34215

You deserved it

3038

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 22/10/2014 15:06 - Mexico - Guadalupe

Today, I dressed up in my nicest clothes and spent ages putting makeup on before going to a nightclub, hoping to meet someone nice. The only person who acknowledged me was a guy who yelled, "Hey, wanna fuck?! Not like anyone else would ever touch you, am I right?!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

37745

You deserved it

4662

Tweet

Share

By spekledworf - 28/8/2012 02:57 - United States - Wrentham

Today, I discovered why the milk in my house has a funny, sweet taste. My family has been pouring the leftover milk from their cereal back into the carton. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32335

You deserved it

1988

Tweet

Share

By Lexi801 - 19/9/2014 01:56 - United States - Salt Lake City

Today, I had a volleyball game, and we were down by 13 points. I looked up at the crowd, and my mom was shaking her head in disappointment. When it was my turn to serve, I aced them, and tied the score. When I looked up she was gone. She'd left. When I got home, I heard how I sucked for an hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44738

You deserved it

2868

Tweet

Share

By Alex - 11/6/2019 14:30

Today, I was working at my job at a bank. A couple was waiting in the lobby, and not being busy, I asked what they needed. They told me that they were applying for a loan, so I asked if it was for something exciting. It was to pay for their 12-year-old son's burial expenses. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2292

You deserved it

336

Tweet

Share

By Foosa801 - 25/12/2016 23:08 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I woke up my friend and had him take me to the ER. I had trouble breathing and my chest hurt, so the doctor put me on an EKG and took X-rays. I had strained my chest lifting weights at the gym earlier that day and pulled a muscle, and now thanks to my massive anxiety I have a $700 hospital bill. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7242

You deserved it

1905

Tweet

Share

By Awkward - 22/10/2014 00:36 - United States - Owings Mills

Today, I had to google the definition of transsexual just to know what the hell my friends were talking about. I need to read a book. FML

I agree, your life sucks

17564

You deserved it

28135

Tweet

Share

By Samm Povich - 25/2/2012 05:36 - United States

Today, while working as a police dispatcher, I took a call for a motorcycle accident that occurred near my house. After obtaining all the essential information I realized the rider was my brother. He doesn't own a motorcycle, but I do. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35789

You deserved it

2518

Tweet

Share

By anonymous - 27/1/2012 15:26 - United States

Today, my mother-in-law asked if she could move in with us. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39499

You deserved it

2966

Tweet

Share

By Queso Dog - 2/10/2012 14:42 - Japan

Today, I went on a bad first date and the guy was more into it than me. I tried to scare him away by only speaking in robot voice, with robot arms. He thought it was adorable, and told me I reminded him of his mother. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15181

You deserved it

28441

Tweet

Share

By Snowflakepandi - 1/9/2017 13:00

Sneaky sneaky...

Today, while on vacation, I found out that my boyfriend moved out. He had claimed that he couldn't come with me because his boss messed up his time off request, and for the last two days he said he'd been "cleaning". FML

I agree, your life sucks

3364

You deserved it

264

Tweet

Share

By Duplighost - 12/1/2012 20:16 - United States

Today, my girlfriend's Marine dad walked in on us fooling around naked. Now we can only hang out with "parental supervision". Oh, and I have to record my visits on a clipboard by the door. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24692

You deserved it

39891

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 25/9/2014 19:32 - United States - College Station

Today, I have such severe ADD that I can't focus without my medication. When I take the medication, I can only focus on one thing, but not necessarily the thing I need to be focusing on. I have a chem test soon, and I've been vacuuming my room for the past 4 hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45621

You deserved it

4950

Tweet

Share

By TeeJay - 1/6/2009 14:06 - United States

Today, it was my birthday, and my wife gave me a sex toy for self-masturbation. She even showed me how to properly use it so I can masturbate myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks

64281

You deserved it

7426

Tweet

Share

By whatjusthappened - 21/7/2014 15:58 - United States - Norman

Today, I tried to break up with my boyfriend, because he's too manipulative. By the time our chat ended, instead of being single, I'm somehow now committed to going on vacation with him and his family. FML

I agree, your life sucks

49714

You deserved it

15983

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By RichardPencil | 28

#7915702 - Monday 22 June 2020 17:40

That's great detective work, Sherlock!

Maybe the local SeaWorld has some tank space to house a dirty whale.

By jfigley | 3

#7915781 - Monday 22 June 2020 22:17

Haha wow.... got an idea. Constantly squirt water from a spray bottle, and when they complain its not fair that you keep doing that....complain back saying you will keep doing it until he takes a shower daily. No reason you should have to deal with that....

Comments

By RichardPencil | 28

#7915702 - Monday 22 June 2020 17:40

That's great detective work, Sherlock!

Maybe the local SeaWorld has some tank space to house a dirty whale.

By jfigley | 3

#7915781 - Monday 22 June 2020 22:17

Haha wow.... got an idea. Constantly squirt water from a spray bottle, and when they complain its not fair that you keep doing that....complain back saying you will keep doing it until he takes a shower daily. No reason you should have to deal with that....

By AmbrosiaFan | 18

#7915810 - Monday 22 June 2020 23:39

How old are you both? Who is all in the apartment?

Personally if he doesn't start showering daily, dump soapy water on him when he's on the toilet.

By MaleficusTheUnsung | 10

#7916073 - Wednesday 24 June 2020 7:18

U need to take a shower once a month to assert dominance