Today, my boyfriend still couldn't work out where my clitoris is. It's RIGHT THERE, you idiot. I've pointed it out, but each time it's like he needs a compass and a map or something. FML
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Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, my boyfriend went down on me for the first time. When I didn't get off right away, he asked what he was doing wrong. I told him he was doing fine, but instead of focusing only on my vagina, he might want to pay attention to my clitoris as well. His response? "What's a clitoris?" FML
Today, I had to play the hot and cold game with my boyfriend until he found my clitoris. FML
Today, I was trying to be sexy and rub my boyfriend's un-aroused package while we were watching a movie. I couldn't find it. FML
Today, my boyfriend was about to go down on me as foreplay before losing his virginity and he actually poked my clitoris and said, "What’s this thing?" FML
Today, my boyfriend told me he doesn't know what it's like to be turned on. Apparently, I've been doing something wrong for the past two years. FML
Today, my boyfriend discovered that if he flicks my clitoris just right, my legs both twitch spastically regardless of arousal level. He thinks it's hilarious and can no longer take sex seriously. FML
Today, my boyfriend is still determined to find my kink. I keep telling him I don’t have one. Literally, I don’t. He isn’t forcing me to do anything physically but he won’t drop the subject. He keeps making all these different suggestions and expecting me to have some magical discovery or something. FML
Today, I walked out halfway through a much anticipated dick appointment because it became apparent that he thought my clit was located somewhere on my upper thigh. He kept rubbing it and moaning, "Oooooh, I bet you like that, baby." No, sir, I certainly did not. FML
Today, frustrated that my boyfriend never gives me any orgasms when we make love, I tried politely hinting that he needs to improve. To start with, I said maybe he should be more spontaneous in bed. He replied, "What, like putting it in your ass? Gotcha." Great. FML
Today, I was explaining the inner parts of a vagina and how they work. To my boyfriend. FML
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Top comments
steve247 2
Try circling it with a sharpie?
orgasm_blush 4
Hmmm. How old are you guys I feel like that might play a big part in this.
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Comments (362)
scottgeo 0
Tie him up and straddle his face. Make it an experience he wont forget
copo37 7
Well if he keeps getting tangled up in your jungle, hand him a damn machete. After he's done his part in environmental demolition shave him a nice landing strip.
jizzwold 21
You should be a writer.
copo37 7
Why do you say that?
swinglifeaway123 8
Your metaphors, are why he said it. You are very eloquent.
EmyKaye 0
Dude I want your car!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
ZielZone 4
And you still date him. ROFL
BB_ava 0
I'd go so far as to say, the majority of couples DON'T date for sex.
dwh4574 3
Tell him to do some research on the computer. Lol ya sounds kinda nerdy but u talk about knowing how to please your woman ;)
marqn001 9
i smell underage lol id laugh if their 13 woah!
CADMAN82 1
Says the 17 year old.
imcutefml 0
17isnt underage in many states some states underage is 15and down so 16and up is not always "underage" i know cause i did a report on it in health... For texas 17is legal age
SwtCherryPie 26
yeah 17 is still a minor regardless... you may be able to get into rated R movies but you still cant buy cigarettes or **** or enlist in the military
imcutefml 0
Not true my friends are 17 and have alredy been to basic
Calyx_fml 22
Spread your lips wide and point to it with a chopstick. Put his finger tip on it and show him how to rub it. Shave or wax. Tell him it's on the outside, not the inside. Be explicit.
miz66independent 1
Is that weird this turned me on? Yeah....
CADMAN82 1
Is it weird your reply turned me on?
Ugi 27
I thought the weird bit was the chopstick! WTF?
HomeAl0ne 20
Ah, a chopstick! I was wondering what I was doing wrong....
wtf20007 10
could always use two chopsticks?..
DjeePee 25
Hmm, I have some sort of a feeling that you're starting to get very frustrated...
The_Great_Zucchi 15
I think you ppl have your spots mixed up...
drawmesunshine 17
Sounds like OP needs some of The_Great_Zucchi
Petunia888 13
OP sounds frustrated. Buy a vibrator and show him how it's done. Or you could turn it into a role-playing thing and you could be the teacher that punishes him when he gets it wrong. C'mon OP, have some fun with this.
csudh17 6
That shit sounds straight. U down to meet up ?
Doortje 30
I love the wording of this FML :D Poor OP though :( Maybe you really should draw him a map.