By Anonymous - 20/11/2020 17:04 - United States - El Macero

Ding dong

Today, I got an ingrown hair. It wouldn’t be so bad, if it were anywhere other than my penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks

830

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119

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Alexa, play "Hey! Student" by The Fall

Nice neighborhood

Give me my drugs!

By Timebaseboy - United States

Today, the driver side mirror of my car was smashed off and laying on the ground. On the window was a $75.00 ticket for improper equipment for not having a mirror. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33811

You deserved it

2059

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By Sara246 - Canada

Today, I found out that my boyfriend has been cheating on me. When I confronted him about it, he asked which girl I'd found out about. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42502

You deserved it

3635

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By Anonymous - Australia - Subiaco

Today, I was complimented on my improved performance over the last 3 months. My boss said he doesn't know what I've done to improve, but to keep it up. I'd only started looking for another job, and stopped giving a shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27149

You deserved it

2362

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By xxmollyxx - Sweden

Today, I dropped my remote behind the bed and went to reach for it. Instead of the remote, I grabbed hold of a rat carcass that must have got in when builders were working in my bathroom several weeks ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32550

You deserved it

3555

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By Anonymous - 22/8/2020 23:02 - United States - Santa Ana

Bee Movie 2: Electric Boogaloo

Today, I woke up to the inside of my house covered in bees. Hundreds of them. I have been complaining about a bee problem to the HOA for two weeks, and their response has been, “The hive was taken care of." Well, a few hundred bees inside and a few thousand on my outside wall beg to disagree. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1462

You deserved it

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By Broken - United States

Today, I was running with my sister's dog. It had the brilliant idea of shooting between my legs and I immediately faceplanted on the cement. I now have a swollen nose and cuts all over my body. I'm a grown man who does martial arts and I got beat up by a dog the size of a baby. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33807

You deserved it

6721

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By dan - Reserved

Today, we had a sprint race in gym class which I wasn't looking forward to because I'm a little chubby. The race started and I shot off as fast as I could, somehow in the lead. Everyone was cheering. When I was nearing the finish line I turned around, only to see the race hadn't started yet. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40147

You deserved it

8985

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By Anonymous

There you go

Today, our work computers are down so I've been trying to fix it via my home computer for 3 days. My 12-year-old son took one look at the screen, changed 2 settings on a drop down menu, and the problem was fixed. My 12-year-old is better at my job than I am. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3702

You deserved it

1449

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By SkyDiver

Today, I tore up my airborne academy admission documents because my lab results weren't good enough. A few hours later, they called me to apologize for the misunderstanding, mine turned out to be perfect and they'd accepted me. They need me tomorrow with all the documents to finalize the admission. FML

I agree, your life sucks

18121

You deserved it

42489

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By Anonymous - Ireland - Mountmellick

Today, I overheard my uncle talking about me to his friends. Nothing serious, just that he'd fuck me senseless if we weren't related. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44281

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3220

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By Failure2017 - United States

Today, my husband referred to me as his “favorite meat sock” in front of our son. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4337

You deserved it

463

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By killmenow - United States

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me after a year of living together. She told me that she met someone else and wanted to move out. She moved out... but moved her things into my roommate's bedroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks

64176

You deserved it

3472

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By Jonnygiant - United States

Today, I was taking a shower after basketball practice. When I got out of the shower I thought no one was home so I thought it might be fun to walk around the house completely naked. I walk downstairs and my mom was eating dinner. Along with 20 other members of her bookclub. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26205

You deserved it

69900

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By Sapphire Mills

Today, it's my 2-year wedding anniversary. It also marks 2 years since my wife told me, "We're married now we don't need to have sex anymore." FML

I agree, your life sucks

4382

You deserved it

524

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was in gym class talking to a guy I like. My friend then decided to come up behind me and pants me, pulling down my underwear along with them. His only comment? "Someone needs to shave." FML

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40572

You deserved it

7572

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By -.- - United States - Ellwood City

Today, my mother told me how long it took for her to have me. Not how long she carried me in her womb - how long it took her and my dad to have sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33902

You deserved it

3002

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By Mimo - Egypt

Today, my best friend told me she's been in love with me for over 4 years. I'm getting married to the man of my dreams in a month and she's supposed to be my bridesmaid. "Awkward" doesn't even begin to describe our friendship right now. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14525

Phew, glad it wasn't me

2018

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I finally got the courage to talk to a guy I secretly like. I was so nervous that instead of saying, "Hi, I'm Veronica," I said, "Veronica, I'm high." FML

I agree, your life sucks

37122

You deserved it

8415

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By FOXYgrandpa441 - United States - Casper

Today, I was getting lunch at a fast food restaurant. My boss was in front of me, and in order to get on his good side I offered to pay. Instead, I got fired because I guess my boss assumed I was making fun of his salary, which I knew nothing about. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27202

You deserved it

3118

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By unknown - Canada

Today, I brought my 6-year-old to the mall to sit on Santa's lap. She told him what she wanted and smiled for the picture. When the lady told her that her turn was over, she began throwing a fit, pulling off Santa's beard in the process. This caused all the kids in line to begin sobbing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33418

You deserved it

6844

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By fall3nrain - United States

Today, I was trying to keep myself occupied due to my recent breakup. I was reading this book someone gave me about animal communication, so after a while, I figured I'd give it a shot. Then it dawned on me; I'm single, at home on a Friday night, and I'm trying to talk to my dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41711

You deserved it

7150

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By PissedOff

Today, my husband sent me a short video of my snoring last night because I wanted to hear how bad I sound. The first few seconds went by OK, but for the rest of the clip I could barely hear anything else over the sound of my husband taking a long piss in our bathroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4703

You deserved it

460

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By Jack - United States - Asheville

Today, my mom said, "I'm sorry your life is such shit." She meant it as an apology. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13914

You deserved it

1338

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By Anonymous - United States - Floral Park

Today, I was fired from the job I've had for 15 years. My boss recently hired his daughter as a senior manager and she made several cuts because, as she put it, the sales team was "too old and lame". I didn't know being a young bitch was a requirement to work at a furniture warehouse. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2831

You deserved it

125

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, the police finally recovered my stolen car. All it took was a shootout and two people dying. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14553

Phew, glad it wasn't me

1925

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By Embarassed - United States - Kent

Today, my girlfriend dared me to put on her bra and panties and give her a lap dance. Feeling spontaneous, I decided to do it. Just as I was getting really into it, she told me I was on webcam for all her friends. Apparently it was a contest of who had their boyfriend the most whipped. She won. FML

I agree, your life sucks

54449

You deserved it

15858

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was sitting on the couch, watching The Avengers with my 4-year-old daughter, who loves the Hulk. When Hulk finally showed up, she excitedly looked at me and screamed, "Hulk Smash" before slamming both of her fists into my balls. FML

I agree, your life sucks

55447

You deserved it

6848

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By Noname - United States

Today, I had a gymnastics meet. I thought I was done with my period, but when I was up on the beam warming up my routine, one of my coaches called me down and told me that I apparently wasn't. My coach goes around asking my teammates moms if they had any pads. My dad caught this all on tape. FML

I agree, your life sucks

75708

You deserved it

7643

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By slapstick1982 - United States - Ashford

Today, I caught my wife flicking a booger off her finger. I asked her why she was doing that and she said, "Because if I can't see where it lands, it disappears and is not gross". It landed on my arm. I saw where it landed, it did not disappear, and yes it is gross. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1904

You deserved it

150

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By unknown

Today, I dissected a baby pig. All I could think about was Wilber from Charlotte's Web. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1328

You deserved it

292

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By patate

Today, I was yelled at and almost fired for showing up "late" to work. I was the first one here. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4714

You deserved it

317

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By fubuggie - United States - Saint Albans

Today, while working the register, a known mentally-unstable man approached me. He ended up telling me that the Statue of Liberty is sexist and a screw-up by Washington. When I told him that the French made it, he told me to shut up and complained to my manager. He knows me by name now. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42458

You deserved it

5013

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By Anonymous - United States - Brandon

Today, I went to my new gynecologist. He has an eye twitch, and every time he asks about my genitals, he winks at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47842

You deserved it

4305

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I took a dump without checking for toilet paper. I then called my step dad, who said "use the stuff in the garbage." FML

I agree, your life sucks

28417

You deserved it

5599

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By geeklove - United States

Today, I got a Facebook message from the school genius/nerd, who I have never talked to. He politely informed me that after much thought and deliberation, he has narrowed it down to who his ideal mate is. Me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34651

You deserved it

7468

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By Anon - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, I took a phone call in the bathroom, since the rest of the house was too noisy. I sat down on the toilet and waited while they put me on hold. After a while, I must have forgotten the lid was down and my pants were still on, because I started peeing myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21569

You deserved it

9064

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By whinywiper - Canada

Today, I realized that the reason there is no toilet paper in the house is because both my parents are too stubborn to be the one who goes out to buy more. It's been five days. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23399

You deserved it

3790

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By embarrassed - United Kingdom

Today, I texted my Dad to tell him I'm staying at my boyfriend's house and won't be home. Since I had predictive text on, my phone didn't quite get the word 'home' - the message I sent said, 'I'm staying at Will's, I'll not be good tonight.' FML

I agree, your life sucks

15275

You deserved it

29311

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By willywonks - United States

Today, I went over to surprise my girlfriend of two years with flowers and dinner at her apartment. After I knocked, a handsome young man answered the door. Thinking I had the wrong apartment, I apologized, only to hear my girlfriend's voice call from the background, "Baby, who's there?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

164733

You deserved it

8267

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By balls - United States - Santa Clara

Today, the only reason I took a shower was because I could smell my dick sweat while still wearing underwear. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10484

You deserved it

29868

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Top comments

By TCRII | 29

#7953361 - Saturday 21 November 2020 2:16

Just pull it out. The hair, not the penis...

By RichardPencil | 30

#7953363 - Saturday 21 November 2020 3:25

It's ingrown. He'll need another circumcision.

COMMENTS

By TCRII | 29

#7953361 - Saturday 21 November 2020 2:16

Just pull it out. The hair, not the penis...

RichardPencil | 30

#7953363 - Saturday 21 November 2020 3:25

It's ingrown. He'll need another circumcision.