Love: Today, My boyfriend gave me a gift card for $32 to a local salon....

By nadalada - 18/02/2009 08:06 - United States

Today, My boyfriend gave me a gift card for $32 to a local salon. I thought the amount was kind of random, but when I went in I saw that the bikini wax was $32. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 410

You deserved it 13 960

Love

Batman

The receipts, the tea

Legend

By Anonymous - 18/02/2012 12:16 - United States

Today, I realized that my fiancé only touches me when he wants to have sex. Any other contact is purely accidental. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 222

You deserved it 4 324

By Eric Moore - 25/09/2011 08:12 - United States

Today, my girlfriend of 3 years said she was leaving me because recently I wasn't making much money, and was playing too many video games. I recently got a raise at my job of 5 years. The job? Testing video games. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 520

You deserved it 3 944

By Amy - 10/05/2012 19:14 - Canada - Prince George

Today, I woke up, only to find my arm was still asleep. I tried to move it just a tiny bit, but somehow ended up punching myself in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 951

You deserved it 5 224

By Anonymous - 10/01/2015 22:12 - United States - San Pablo

Today, I gave a presentation to my college class about life with Tourette syndrome. I only got 3 minutes into it before my asswipe classmates started yelling stuff like "Shit!", "Cock!", and "Bob Saget!" I gave up and went back to my seat in tears as our bored instructor said "Next." FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 411

You deserved it 3 011

By BloodyMarry - 04/06/2013 17:53 - United States

Today, on the drive to church, I got a nosebleed. Not so bad, until I sneezed and splattered myself and my fiancé with blood, snot, and eventually tears. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 667

You deserved it 4 707

By D: - 06/10/2013 17:13 - France - Paris

Today, I woke up to my creepy new roommate licking my cheek. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 330

You deserved it 3 878

Kids are assholes to each other

By sphear880 - 21/05/2021 19:59

Today, I have discovered that my daughter is struggling with anorexia. When I sat down to talk with her about it, she said it’s because, "all the other kids at school keep calling her fat." She was underweight before, and has now gone to being severely underweight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 117

You deserved it 54

By elijahrobrt - 07/01/2012 06:48 - United States

Today, I went to a great concert. Against all odds, I got to meet the band. All I had for them to autograph was a flyer protesting their concert that was given to me on the way in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 316

You deserved it 5 681

By atomwolf - 09/12/2016 17:01 - United Kingdom - Southampton

Today, I wanted to work out the volume of my penis and did so on the first piece of paper I could find on my desk. After I finished the calculations I realized that the other side of the paper was in fact my school report. It's the only copy I have. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 982

You deserved it 11 958

By GodSquad - 26/09/2013 08:06 - United Kingdom - Blackburn

Today, I found out that the girl I've fallen in love with is a "young-earth/dinosaurs-lived-with-humans" crackpot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 342

You deserved it 7 975

By AnonymousAndSad - 24/04/2014 23:42 - United States - Waukon

Today, after an entire year spent in physical therapy recovering from three knee surgeries, I finally returned to doing light agility exercises and running on a treadmill. When I told my therapist I had never been so happy and proud, he responded with, "This usually only takes 5 months, pussy." FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 694

You deserved it 7 829

By Anonymous - 29/03/2016 16:27 - United States - Bedford

Today, I was working out and doing box jumps. My friend thought it would be funny to kick the box aside as I tried to jump onto it. Now I have 2 broken teeth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 313

You deserved it 1 550

By Anonymous - 13/10/2012 21:54 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, my husband decided that he simply couldn't exist any longer without giving me his own version of a wet-willy. He creeped up on me as I was sleeping and wiggled his wet penis around in my ear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 030

You deserved it 4 193

By marshmallowssss - 11/03/2009 21:12 - United States

Today, I just finished having dinner with my boyfriend, so I leaned over to him and said seductively, "How about some dessert?" Obviously, he didn't catch my tone, because he then looked at me and said, "Babe, you really don't need it." FML

I agree, your life sucks 72 967

You deserved it 9 331

By Noname - 16/03/2009 04:05 - United States

Today, I was rejected from the University of Washington. My dad has been a professor there for 30 years, and is on the board of admissions. FML

I agree, your life sucks 438 505

You deserved it 103 130

I'm parked here!

By Anonymous - 13/10/2021 17:00

Today, they've been building a house next door. I went to wash and wax my car, and I was back home for only 10 minutes before a Bobcat digger backed into it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 869

You deserved it 49

By Anonymous - 10/01/2016 10:35 - United States - Pittsburg

Today, my mom said if I dont get straight A's in my classes this year, she'll get the school to hold me back until I do. I believe her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 444

You deserved it 2 489

By Dirtisgood - 24/08/2018 00:00

Today, my in-laws told me, in all seriousness, that my kid was going to end up paralyzed because I let him play on grass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 001

You deserved it 153

By Someone - 16/04/2014 00:20 - Canada - Windsor

Today, our family went to a water park. The park's mascot came up to greet us, and my daughter got scared. She then refused to go inside, so we had no choice but to leave. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 987

You deserved it 5 794

By cocacola999 - 03/05/2014 10:38 - United Kingdom

Today, I was at a party. Trying to overcome my social anxiety, I was trying to take part in conversations. So, when a girl mentioned she had a doctor's appointment next morning, I blurted out: "What kind of a doctor?" Everyone stared as she responded: "A gynaecologist." FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 674

You deserved it 7 753

My brain and I

By Anonymous - 22/10/2021 08:00

Today, it’s late and I’m so tired, I’m not even able to read a book anymore, or walk around without bumping into things. Yet apparently, my brain still doesn't consider this a sign that we should fall asleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 787

You deserved it 66

By Anonymous - 14/09/2010 02:56 - United States

Today, I had a conference with my dad, my counselor, and my history and English teachers because my dad was "concerned" about my grades in those two classes. We talked for a while and it was going well, then my counselor asked what I wanted to study in college. I said I wanted to be a teacher. He laughed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 746

You deserved it 4 657

By hAHAha Halo - 02/08/2010 17:55 - United States

Today, my girlfriend's father offered her $10 to stop talking to me. I don't have a girlfriend anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 778

You deserved it 5 129

By blank13 - 09/08/2009 01:41 - United States

Today, I went to Knott's Berry Farm with my girlfriend. After we got off of Supreme Scream, the ride attendant asked her, "How was it?" She pointed to me and said, "It's like sex with this man, my boyfriend; intense, then disappointing because it only lasts like 30 seconds." FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 540

You deserved it 12 387

By Anonymous - 06/12/2013 16:13 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my girlfriend and I finally watched Toy Story 3; I ended up crying when the toys almost die. After the movie, my girlfriend broke up with me because I embarrassed her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 206

You deserved it 12 313

By ohgawd - 08/10/2011 06:48 - United States

Today, my sister asked me to explain where to put a tampon. I realized near the end of the conversation that she believed the urine, feces, and blood all came from the same orifice. This began a long discussion during which I was forced to tell her not to put the tampon in her rectum. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 862

You deserved it 2 818

By stolenbike - 14/06/2009 17:28 - United States

Today, my motorcycle was stolen from the 4th level of my “secure” gated parking garage. I strategically park it tightly between my car and a concrete wall to limit theft opportunity. They scratched my car trying to get it out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 755

You deserved it 3 925

Goodbye phone

By so jealous - 27/04/2020 05:00

Today, I was FaceTiming a good friend of mine from back home, telling her how good she looked and how happy I was to hear from her. My insanely jealous girlfriend snatched my phone and smashed it on the ground. I was saying my friend looked good because she'd just finished chemo. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 142

You deserved it 380

By Boned...hard - 28/01/2010 00:09 - France

Today, after confessing my love for my best friend, he looked at me and said "I'm not feeling it. But does this mean we can have sex?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 471

You deserved it 3 603

Hope there's no dancing involved

By InjuredTriviaNerd - 09/03/2021 09:00 - Australia - Kellyville

Today, I fell on a crack in the pavement and broke my ankle. Next week, I'm supposed to fly interstate to be on a quiz show I've spent two years in the audition process for. FML

I agree, your life sucks 896

You deserved it 93

By ivannooze - 29/07/2011 21:40 - United States

Today, the heat rash that has been devouring my side for the last week was revealed to be something much worse: shingles. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 650

You deserved it 3 030

By Anonymous - 14/09/2013 21:51 - Canada - Sherwood Park

Today, my 16-year-old cousin came to visit for the week. So far, she's said "raunchy", "cray-cray", "legit", and "like" an uncountable number of times. She's only been here for a half hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 781

You deserved it 3 727

By mmvv - 08/02/2010 05:41 - United States

Today, I found out the hard way that my boyfriend occasionally wets the bed. He's 25 and we're moving in together next month. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 362

You deserved it 3 827

By those_allergies - 12/05/2013 05:20 - United States - Bend

Today, I was eating a mystery flavored candy and I had an allergic reaction. Not only did I have to go to the hospital because my throat swelled up, but I still don't know what I'm allergic to. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 235

You deserved it 4 309

By dentistftw - 08/08/2009 04:06 - United States

Today, was my 22nd birthday. The only person who remembered was the dentist who sent me a postcard in the mail. I stopped going to him four years ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 895

You deserved it 2 886

By TowelSinger - 12/02/2012 08:07

Today, I was at a choir convention, and everyone sings the national anthem outside their rooms each night. I was not informed and took a shower. My roommates opened the door, yanked me out, and locked me out of the room to sing wearing just a towel. The guy down the hall was video taping it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 411

You deserved it 4 178

By sorethumb - 15/12/2015 23:39 - United Kingdom - Bookham

Today, while observing a surgery, I was asked to open a glass ampule of adrenaline. Not only did I break it and get it everywhere, I sliced open my thumb bad enough to need stitches. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 462

You deserved it 3 357

By Chris - 02/02/2010 05:40 - France

Today, the windows on my car were frozen. I filled up a bucket of hot water, and threw it on the windows. The windows cracked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 672

You deserved it 82 471

#Childfree

By ChildFree - 20/04/2015 23:55 - Saudi Arabia - Riyadh

Today, my mother-in-law asked me when my fiancé and I were going to start having children. When I told her we weren't planning on having any, she went on a tirade about how selfish and cold I am for denying her precious grandchildren. Now she hates me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 527

You deserved it 4 567

By Anonymous - 12/12/2013 23:25 - United States - Santa Clarita

Today, my grandparents came over to visit. I'm still not sure if they came to see me or my dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 384

You deserved it 3 348

Add a comment - Reply to : #

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

smdrager 0

Send a private message

Wednesday 18 February 2009 15:20

That was an amazingly clever hint. Kudos to your BF.

ohgeez 0

Send a private message

Wednesday 18 February 2009 16:28

At least he's hinting at it instead of making a gross face and screaming next time your panties come off. He'll show his appreciation.

smdrager 0

Send a private message

Wednesday 18 February 2009 15:20

That was an amazingly clever hint. Kudos to your BF.

Beavers18 6

Send a private message

Friday 2 April 2010 20:44

must not like to eat furburgers

graham11 14

Send a private message

Sunday 27 November 2011 22:55

Subtle..

Spyingcheeseman 8

Send a private message

Monday 10 February 2014 3:42

I love you

davidtheday 0

Send a private message

Wednesday 18 February 2009 15:21

Shave/wax it, save your bf $$ on toothpicks.

desimonster 0

Send a private message

Tuesday 1 June 2010 3:10

very clever. I lol'd

Dude_fml 0

Send a private message

Wednesday 18 February 2009 15:21

That's actually funny, if you would have thought of it as a joke.

lazorzpewpew 0

Send a private message

Wednesday 18 February 2009 16:19

Very considerate of him :D

ohgeez 0

Send a private message

Wednesday 18 February 2009 16:28

At least he's hinting at it instead of making a gross face and screaming next time your panties come off. He'll show his appreciation.

LaFlavex 0

Send a private message

Wednesday 18 February 2009 17:02

only $32?! where do you live?!

ydi_ruuc 0

Send a private message

Sunday 30 May 2010 22:27

Washington

cocainewhore 30

Send a private message

Monday 23 June 2014 18:39

Only $32? That's quite a lot for a bikini wax. It costs me £15 round here, at the more expensive places.

Jaywin 3

Send a private message

Wednesday 18 February 2009 18:31

Your BF is very clever and #10 made me lol

Okeenow 0

Send a private message

Wednesday 18 February 2009 18:46

Nothing wrong with a little scruff on the muff

what_the_fail 0

Send a private message

Wednesday 27 January 2010 7:22

Fail ^

mxij 13

Send a private message

Friday 27 December 2013 18:11

Yeah, but when it starts to look like an angry badger, you might consider waxing

runmymouth 0

Send a private message

Wednesday 18 February 2009 19:24

is there a reason that so many of these comments are all "DO WHAT YOUR BOYFRIEND LIKES!" If you want the wax, get it. If not, HE can suck it up.

misseva1012 3

Send a private message

Wednesday 6 May 2015 17:13

You should take into consideration what he likes. He's the one with his face down there. Not you.

Timmip12 9

Send a private message

Friday 26 June 2015 5:51

Lol he can SUCK it up... Was the pun intended?

thatonetribute 31

Send a private message

Wednesday 2 September 2015 21:58

Yes, 110. But guess what? It's my body. It's not made for pleasing men. I do what I want with it.

rate_fml 0

Send a private message

Wednesday 18 February 2009 19:30

haha, I second #17.

Nearly

Today I ripped my lovely £50 coat on barbed wire, what I only worn a hand full of times, ended up having to spend £10 to get it repaired, have to wait till Friday to pick it up, it’s only Tuesday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11

You deserved it 14

Today, a tech came to repair my cracked phone screen. He told me to remove my case and took it to his van in my driveway to fix it. Thirty minutes later, he rings my doorbell and hands me my phone back. He says he fixed the screen but tripped and dropped it walking back to my house, and completely shattered the back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 68

You deserved it 4

Spicy

Today, I spent all day waiting for an unlikely follow up text from the girl from Tinder I let peg me on the first date. FML

I agree, your life sucks 384

You deserved it 1 055

Today, I swear I'm off men for good after my latest dud date wanted me to pee on his chest to turn him on, and we were only 20 minutes into the first date. The entire male gender are disgusting pigs, no matter how nice they pretend to be. FML

I agree, your life sucks 836

You deserved it 1 196

Kids are assholes to each other

I'm parked here!

My brain and I

Goodbye phone

Hope there's no dancing involved

#Childfree

Add a comment - Reply to : #

Top comments

Comments