Today, my boyfriend broke up with me. I felt down, so I laid...

By all by myself - United States - Alaska Peninsula Nwr

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me. I felt down, so I laid in bed and told my parents I needed some alone time. A couple of minutes later, one of them started blasting "All by Myself" so loud that I felt the floorboards vibrate. FML

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Love

Out of it

Bit on the side

People are people

By Anonymous - Canada - Toronto

Today, I was driving to work and I got a text from my girlfriend. She said she was breaking up with me. I was a little heartbroken, but I had to get on with my day. I got to work and my boss fired me. Turns out, my boss and girlfriend have been having an affair and she told him to fire me. FML

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By duckwater - Australia

Today, my boyfriend and I went for a ride in a paddle-boat. He decided it would be fun to paddle near the fountain. The fountain decided it would be fun to shower me, him and all of our things in filthy, stinking duck water. I had to ride the bus home by myself. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Des Moines

Today, I blew a huge gum bubble. My cat was on my lap and decided to shove her face in the bubble. There's gum all over her, and I still have scars from the last time I tried bathe her. FML

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By anonymous - Canada

Today, I had to lie to my female roommate about what happened last night. She was drunk and spent half the night cuddling with me and trying to get me to kiss her. I've loved this girl for two years, but I promised her I wouldn't let her cheat on her boyfriend with anyone. Even me. FML

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By slingerslasher - United States - New York

Today, I was using the short urinal when I heard someone say, "Ahem!" in a loud voice. I looked back to see an angry little kid. He made me switch urinals so he could use the short one. I got urinal-evicted by a little boy. FML

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By wookieewhosshe

Today, it's the first day in 3 weeks that I'm in my flat after 7 a.m. due to a very busy work schedule. I was looking forward to a Saturday lie-in. Also today, my flatmate's alarm clock went off loudly from 7:30 to 10:30. He's in another country and his door is locked. Bye bye lie-in. FML

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By sucksssssss - France

Today, while at work, my boss asked me to clean the bathroom. Someone pooped on the floor and I stepped in it, dropping my manager's keys into the toilet. I then had to clean up my shoe and the floor and put my hand in the toilet to get the keys. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, while at my mom's birthday dinner, I started to pretend to drum with one hand, using my left leg as the drums. Everybody stared at me and started to yell. Now they all think I was masturbating. FML

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By zero_minded12 - United States

Today, I was at the mall blasting music. I was wearing a nice shirt, and had my iPod in my breast pocket. I noticed a cute girl smiling at me, so I smiled back and as she started to walk over, I turned down my music while smiling. It looked like I was rubbing my nipple. FML

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By twitch01 - United States

Today, as a joke, my friends and I decided to put me in a dress and makeup, to creep out a friend. I'm a guy. I'm not sure which is worse, the fact that I so willingly volunteered to wear the dress and the makeup, or the fact that I thought it was comfy and made me look slim. FML

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By grrrr - United States

Today, my son learned about various animals in school, and how they urinate to mark their territory. Apparently, the entire second floor of my house is now my son's territory. FML

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By Anonymous - 8/10/2020 14:01 - United States - Allentown

A mother's love…

Today, I crawled into my mom's room to tell her my stomach was in massive pain. She ended up throwing me out of the room while spraying me with Lysol. My appendix was about to burst and I needed surgery. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada - Victoria

Today, I woke up with a giant red rash all over my face, so puffed up that I could hardly open my eyes. The doctor said it was probably from some of the compounds found in most makeup. I'm just getting into theatre and have auditions coming up. FML

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By firebombtimEFUCKERS - United States

Today, I finally managed to sleep, after two days of being kept awake by the miniature floodlights my neighbors have installed to scare off burglars. Only a couple of hours into my sleep, I woke up to the sound of their car being broken into. FML

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By - 25/1/2020 18:00

Please do it

Today, it was my last day with my boyfriend before he went to college. At the store, he got a huge box of condoms. When I asked why he was getting so many, he said they were for the girls he meets at college. He then asked me to steal them for him. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, while sleeping over at my guy friend's house, I woke up mid-air after falling off his abnormally high loft bed. Luckily, there was a table and 3 shot glasses to break my fall. FML

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By logansowow

Today, I found out that my wife is seeing a marriage counselor. With her ex. FML

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By shitty situation - Canada - Toronto

Today, my boyfriend came over for a family brunch, during which he told my mother, in vivid detail, how he gets the shits whenever he eats kale chips. FML

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By Anonymous

Spider-man

Today, I tried to catch a spider in a glass. It was on the paper and I wanted it to fall into the glass, but I moved the paper the wrong way, screeched like a banshee and flung the glass at the floor. I was barefoot. FML

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By Can2 - United States - Houston

Today, I called my auto insurance company to try to get some discounts and lower my rate. I ended up adding $30 to my monthly payment. FML

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By shittyhall

Today, someone shat liquid poo in the hallway at work. Right. Outside. The bathroom. Another foot and they could have used a toilet instead of the carpeted floor. FML

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By lakb

Today, I missed work because I was at the hospital getting treated for accidentally inhaling chlorine gas. I didn't realize that using Comet Industrial Strength Cleanser to scrub out a cat litter pan could be so hazardous. FML

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By Rach - Ireland

Today, I saw my crush standing at the bus stop. I did the "I'm talking to someone on the phone thing," trying to be cool. Halfway through the conversation my phone actually rang, I quickly answered but it was my mom on loudspeaker yelling, "Did you bring your tampons?" FML

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By shitlicker - United States - La Verne

Today, I lost my balance trying to get my bag out of my car. In doing so, my lips came in contact with some bird poop. FML

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By emancipate me - United States - Knoxville

Today, my mom was in a really bad mood, so I stayed in my room to avoid her. It didn't take long before she barged in and started bitching about my dog, who'd pissed her off by acting too happy. Yes, she's actually that insane, and I have to deal with it on a daily basis. FML

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By thenewgirl - United States - Jacksonville

Today, my boyfriend and I were wondering whose extra spare key was on the counter when we came home. Turns out it's his ex's and she returned it, while neither of us were home. We're still taking inventory to see what's missing. FML

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By unholy shit - United States

Today, my parents boarded the fad wagon and became Juggalos. FML

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By Mintspice - United States

Today, my friends decided to pull a prank. They told my girlfriend I had cheated on her, which I hadn't. Her revenge? Inviting me over to have me walk in on her with my brother. Our 6 month anniversary was two days away and I got her a trip to Spain, which cost me almost three pay-checks. FML

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By reluctant teacher - United States - Clarksville

School's out for summer, thank God!

Today, I had 15 teenagers literally laugh in my face when I asked them to be quiet. I'm a student teaching in a high school, which is the culmination of 2 years of my life and $20,000, and I might in fact actually hate doing it. FML

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By Username

Today, I asked my boyfriend if he was growing a mustache, as he had whiskers. He looked at me and said "No, but apparently you are." FML

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By ouch - Australia

Today, I'm on a medication that really dehydrates my skin. I thought split lips were the worst side effects. Other split orifices make a trip to the toilet a literal pain in the arse. No sign of stopping in the near future. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Kenosha

Today, I started a new job. The synopsis of my training was, "You're starting a job you're going to hate and you'll be fired for entertaining yourself while waiting for us to give you more work. But you're going to love being here." FML

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By MarkQ95 - Ireland

Today, trying to flirt with a girl, I was trying to make it out as if I had a great sex life. I got stuck between saying "100% customer satisfaction" and "no complaints" and blurted out "100% customer complaints." FML

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By Anonymous - Italy - Genova

Today, I got stuck in the elevator at work. When I was finally let out, my boss decided I shouldn't get a lunch break, because I'd already had over an hour off work while in the elevator. I had to starve through 5 more hours of work. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - New Hyde Park

Today, a teenage kid holding a cell phone ran up to me and kicked me as hard as he could in the groin. After I fell to the ground in pain, I realized he was liveblogging the event and asking people to subscribe to his YouTube channel. FML

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By Whyme - United States

Today, I went to the movies on a date. My chair made a fart sound while I moved around a little, so my date thought I'd let one rip. He then let out a really horrendously smelling one to make me feel less embarrassed, giving me a reassuring look. FML

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By Anonymous - 22/10/2020 21:08 - Israel - Tel Aviv

The Final Countdown

Today, I found out that I have three weeks to get better at my shitty job before we start discussing my "future" with the company. FML

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By sigh - United States - Frederick

Today, I was cleaning up litter from the street, when a guy asked who I work for. I said nobody and that I was just doing some community service. Before I could clarify that it was voluntary community service, he called me a "piece of shit delinquent", spat on me, and walked off. FML

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By Anonymous - Pakistan

Today, I'm 5 months pregnant. My 20-year-old boyfriend still refuses to tell his parents because he thinks he'll get in trouble. He thinks we can get away with "never telling them and just hiding the kid." FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I went to the doctor's to get a checkup. When the nurse stuck the Otoscope into my ear to look, she was disgusted. When she pulled it out, she told me that I had an ear infection, and that she'd popped a pimple in there by mistake. FML

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Top comments

By btstig | 11

#5279966 - Tuesday 25 December 2012 12:17

It's Christmas. You're going to wake up with your family. Keep your mind on the positive shit.

By esp_superstar | 10

#5279941 - Tuesday 25 December 2012 12:13

Well at least they listened to you, some parents just ignore that sort of thing. FYL:(

COMMENTS

By esp_superstar | 10

#5279941 - Tuesday 25 December 2012 12:13

Well at least they listened to you, some parents just ignore that sort of thing. FYL:(

sens3sfailing | 24

#5280330 - Tuesday 25 December 2012 16:11

They probably think she is just going all Taylor Swift again.

N3766 | 20

#5280825 - Tuesday 25 December 2012 20:02

#32, She is just too mainstream nowadays, they need something more dramatic like Celine Dion.

sens3sfailing | 24

#5280944 - Tuesday 25 December 2012 21:10

It had nothing to do with her being mainstream, but always singing of break ups...I wasn't saying play Taylor Swift.

N3766 | 20

#5281142 - Tuesday 25 December 2012 23:16

I was referring to "All By Myself" by Celine Dion, had nothing to do with the play.

sens3sfailing | 24

#5281408 - Wednesday 26 December 2012 1:46

What play? I was saying play as in the way they played all by myself

By SweetasCandy0609 | 28

#5279943 - Tuesday 25 December 2012 12:13

I'm sure parents thought it would be funny even though it wasn't, it's his loss and someone else's gain

m0rr1s | 3

#5280221 - Tuesday 25 December 2012 15:27

What if its her loss instead?

rhaemese | 9

#5280428 - Tuesday 25 December 2012 16:57

25, you're really not good at comforting people are you?

CharresBarkrey | 15

#5280854 - Tuesday 25 December 2012 20:18

Reminds me of the episode of The Office when Kevin gets dumped and Michael tells him "You don't deserve her."

By btstig | 11

#5279966 - Tuesday 25 December 2012 12:17

It's Christmas. You're going to wake up with your family. Keep your mind on the positive shit.

By Marvin_Kay | 10

#5279974 - Tuesday 25 December 2012 12:19

Lol who ever did it has a sence of humor

geekpower_fml | 28

#5280067 - Tuesday 25 December 2012 12:52

But not a *sense of humour.

robo_thunder | 13

#5280392 - Tuesday 25 December 2012 16:36

Right after a break up those kinds of things aren't very funny.

capper44 | 18

#5280447 - Tuesday 25 December 2012 17:05

#14 & 34 : seriously you need to look on internet if there is any medicine, which will help you guys understand SARcASm .....

CharresBarkrey | 15

#5280860 - Tuesday 25 December 2012 20:19

37 - There is no medicine for understanding poor grammar, as is clearly displayed by yourself.

By TheFirstSamurai | 18

#5279978 - Tuesday 25 December 2012 12:19

Subtle reminders like this make you appreciate what you have.

By Sandsh8rk | 36

#5280000 - Tuesday 25 December 2012 12:27

Looks like you are going to have to be down on yourself, rather than down with your boyfriend.

By clueless05 | 12

#5280002 - Tuesday 25 December 2012 12:27

If that song's playing, you might as well just go all out with a Bridget Jones Diary style sing-a-long!

By bwzwally8 | 15

#5280018 - Tuesday 25 December 2012 12:32

Keep your head high you will get through it just stay positive and try and not let it get to you. I know you do not know me but if you ever need anybody to talk send me a message ill be more than happy to listen.

By dirton89 | 7

#5280022 - Tuesday 25 December 2012 12:33

That's actually kinda cute. I'm pretty sure they were trying to cheer you up...

Merry Christmas to you and everyone else!! :)

By misanmiqi13 | 6

#5280030 - Tuesday 25 December 2012 12:37

they wanted to cheer you up ？