Today, my boyfriend broke up with me, by text, while we were... - FML

By Anonymous - 27/9/2009 12:17 - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me, by text, while we were in the same room. FML

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By Anonymous - 17/2/2014 17:36 - United States

Today, I was at work at the airport. I got called up to a plane's cargo hold, and thought I'd finally learn how to use the loader. Turns out they just needed me to weigh something down, effectively making me ballast. Then my boss told me to get the hell off, after which I hit my head hard climbing out. FML

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By Adam Gordon - 30/3/2017 14:00

Today, I received a Snapchat of a horse-drawn carriage version of a hearse. I replied, "That's so extra!" because I thought it was finals week at her school. Turns out, she's at her uncle's funeral. He was an officer in the Air Force and there's going to be a 21-gun salute in his honor. FML

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By macaroni17 - 10/4/2014 02:33 - United States - New Oxford

Today, we had a speaking assessment in Spanish class. When it was my turn, I yawned in the middle of a sentence, said "excuse me" and finished my sentence. She took points off because I hesitated and I spoke in English, not Spanish. FML

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By ypsitucky - 26/7/2011 01:32 - United States

Today, a drunk crashed a truck into my porch. Shaken up, I was glad to see that so many of my neighbors had gathered around to comfort me. When the dust settled, I noticed my remaining porch furniture was missing. They weren't consoling me, they were casing the place. FML

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By openended - 21/11/2014 16:56 - United States - Mission Viejo

Today, I realized that having an open relationship isn't all that great, when my boyfriend hooked up with his ex and dumped me for her. FML

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By Anonymous - 25/9/2010 02:00 - United States

Today, it was my last day with my boyfriend before he went to college. At the store, he got a huge box of condoms. When I asked why he was getting so many, he said they were for the girls he meets at college. He then asked me to steal them for him. FML

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By Sleeper_C3ll - 4/2/2009 23:04 - United States

Today, I heard a man pleasuring himself in the stall next to me during my post lunch deuce. I was washing my hands when my boss walked out of the stall. I can no longer look at him in the face. FML

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By justwow - 21/3/2012 23:58 - United States - Fort George G Meade

Today, I saw an article about how some people think internet access is more important than sex. I asked my boyfriend which he thought was more important. He chose internet access. FML

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By heallven - 31/1/2013 12:26 - France - Ostricourt

Today, my loyalty and regularity at my local pizza place were noticed. The delivery guy, when bringing yet another order, asked me if the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles were living with me. FML

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By kaytiebobaytie - 24/1/2010 18:30 - United States

Today, I was hanging out with my boyfriend. We were driving to his hockey game and he was joking around about throwing my favorite hoodie out of his window. While swinging it around, my brand new iPhone flew out of the pocket and the window, getting run over by a car. FML

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By Anonymous - 15/2/2011 19:28 - United States

Today, while sitting on the couch, my boyfriend came over, pulled his penis out of his fly, and started stabbing me in the face with it while humming the Jaws theme. FML

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By mummer11 - 15/11/2013 17:49 - Ireland

Today, my mum staggered home, piss drunk. When I tried to walk her to her room, she shoved me away and cursed at me for being a "goody two-shoes". She then slurred "I fucked your mum", and informed me that my mum is a skank. That's good to know, mum. FML

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By neverdatingagain - 27/11/2016 22:07 - United States - Lake Oswego

Today, after three years of dating, my boyfriend finally proposed. To my best friend. FML

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By Anonymous - 2/5/2013 12:50 - Canada - Airdrie

Today, my dog had her stomach pumped because she ate some cookies. The 100 cookies I made for a bake sale to be exact. FML

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By xmassmasher - 2/12/2014 07:52 - United States - Ruston

Today, while my boyfriend and I were talking with his sister-in-law about a TV show, his 6-year-old nephew walked up just in time to hear how Santa killed the protagonist's parents. I've never seen such a heartbroken face in my life, and now he won't stop asking if Santa kills people. FML

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By Anonymous - 17/7/2009 22:40 - United States

Today, I was pulled over for speeding. I speak 4 languages and thought if I spoke French, the Officer would let me off with a warning thinking I was a tourist. Afterwards I turned to my wife and said "I can't believe that worked." He was a few feet away and heard. FML

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By Anonymous - 12/1/2012 11:54 - Sweden

Today, I've had chairs thrown at me, kicks have hit me in the nuts and I've heard "I'm gonna fucking kill you, bitch" several times. I work at a kindergarten. And this is a good day compared to what I'm used to. FML

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By Anonymous - 28/9/2011 21:52 - United States

Today, the boy I like came to my house with a dozen roses to ask me to homecoming. My uncle chased him down the street with a pitchfork. FML

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By Nick - 22/8/2010 23:33 - France

Today, I got tased, with the same taser I bought my girlfriend to use on people trying to rob her. FML

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By Nicholasand - 23/11/2009 18:29 - United Kingdom

Today, I woke up in a closet of a four star hotel, having spent the night drinking. I am a secondary school teacher and I have been visiting this place on a school trip. My flight left at 4am this morning and it's now 1pm in the afternoon. FML

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By Anonymous - 22/5/2010 00:19 - United States

Today, at the pool, I tried to impress the hot lifeguard by doing the perfect dive. Afterward, I realized my shorts were floating through the water. FML

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By MrOh - 9/8/2011 17:29 - Canada

Today, my wife didn't say a word to me because her horoscope told her not to. FML

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By Anonymous - 21/4/2013 04:11 - United States

Today, I got hit by a car while riding my bike. Instead of coming to my aid, the driver just laid on his horn and screamed out the window for me to move my ass, because he had places to be. FML

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By Anonymous - 20/11/2010 05:49 - United States

Today, it was my birthday. The only person that remembered was my creepy stalker. FML

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By "lk07" - 23/4/2019 12:00 - United States - Richmond

Today, I'm stuck in bed with a fever, aches, and nasty cough. My kids and husband had it too, and kept coughing without covering their mouths, despite my asking several times so I wouldn't get sick. FML

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By Anonymous - 23/8/2020 22:49 - Canada - Toronto

Classic canine move

Today, I was walking my dog when another dog barked at him. My dog ran, pulling me with him. I fell to the ground in pain, with my hand still holding the leash. FML

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By baugy - 11/4/2012 02:19 - United States - Orlando

Today, while outside, a bug flew up my nose. After I told my family and friends about a faint vibrating in my upper nostril, they all convinced me I was paranoid. That was until that night when I blew my nose and there was the bug in my tissue. Its leg was still twitching. FML

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By Eeeek - 26/8/2010 21:17 - Bulgaria

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex in a rarely used room at school. We got carried away and found ourselves locked in. We slept there overnight. We woke up when the cleaning lady found us the next morning and were greeted by worried parents and school staff. FML

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By Anonymous - 25/1/2013 22:41 - United States

Today, my school's ski trip got canceled, because "All the snow makes the roads unsafe." We can't go skiing because it's snowing. FML

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By CPD - 15/10/2011 04:12 - Canada

Today, I made a half-hour bike ride to the movie store, only to realize I'd forgotten my money. I made the ride back home, grabbed my money, went back to the store, paid, then made a second ride home. I got home exhausted, and opened the case. They gave me the wrong movie. FML

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By deserted - 1/9/2010 07:05 - France

Today, I was going to meet my friend at a concert. I got there before her, so I went in to check out the local bands that were playing before the headliner. When she got there, I went just outside the building to give her a ticket. The security guards wouldn't let me back in. She went in anyway. FML

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By JustAGiftCardPlease - 16/6/2009 04:39 - United States

Today, I received the box my parents sent me for my birthday. Contents were a travel first-aid kit, and a remote control robot toy, with an age recommendation on the box of 8. I'm 29. They thought that since I'm an engineer I would like the toy. They also think I'll hurt myself with it. FML

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By Anonymous - 13/10/2013 16:20 - United States - Bessemer

Today, after holing myself up in my room for the day, I eventually turned my phone back on and told my girlfriend that my grandma passed away today. She replied, "Ask me if I fucking care," then accused me of not caring about our relationship because I went offline all day. FML

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By Anonymous - 1/10/2009 05:56 - Canada

Today, while I was getting it on with my girlfriend I accidentally called out "Mom" instead of her name. FML

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By dangeronpa - 14/6/2019 02:32

Today, I broke my glasses. My eyesight is horrible, I can’t see things that aren’t super close to my face. I'm supposed to drive to another state tomorrow. FML

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By janice - 3/6/2011 23:23 - United States

Today, my boss called me to his office, and played back a recording of me telling a co-worker that if I still worked there in a year, I would hang myself. He then bitched me out for unprofessional conduct. The taped conversation took place over a year ago, with my recently ex-boyfriend. FML

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By Anonymous - 1/2/2018 19:00

Today, because I left my wallet at home, I got arrested for "underage smoking." I'm 32 years old. FML

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By Dude - 2/4/2009 05:36 - United States

Today, I got laid off from work. I was being escorted to the elevator when another coworker stepped inside. He said, "How goes it?". I said, "It goes". Then he said, "At least we have a job". FML

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By soapy - 1/10/2011 16:08 - Canada

Today, while taking a shower, my back hair caused so much friction against the bar of soap, it stuck for a good second before coming free. FML

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By markzar - 5/5/2012 07:19 - United States - Amherst

Today, I had food poisoning. When I was finally able to drag myself to the kitchen for some Gatorade, I got stung by a wasp. FML

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Top comments

By guillotine_fml | 0

#590090 - Sunday 27 September 2009 20:15

let me guess the reason why he broke up: lack of communication?

By Poetry_Puddle | 0

#590089 - Sunday 27 September 2009 20:15

YOU CAN'T TEXT MESSAGE BREAK UP. :O

COMMENTS

By dinosgoRAWRR11 | 0

#590058 - Sunday 27 September 2009 20:06

that's awful.

Reply

youreanidiot | 0

#590128 - Sunday 27 September 2009 20:31

you deserve it for dating a loser... seriously, if you can't tell a guy is this unclassy, you're pretty hopeless...

Reply

lem0n_fml | 0

#590159 - Sunday 27 September 2009 20:43

Yeah, #15, cuz no one's EVER been a douchebag to you, cuz you can always predict it, right?

Reply

lahp | 0

#590180 - Sunday 27 September 2009 21:02

i agree with lemons sarcasm...

Reply

Zombierella | 2

#590238 - Sunday 27 September 2009 21:39

Maybe it could've been her fault?
maybe she was the unclassy one

Reply

IamSpartacus | 0

#590265 - Sunday 27 September 2009 21:59

#15 obviously thinks he's better than everyone. His username is "youreanidiot". He's just one of those people...

Reply

greenltrn2003 | 0

#590942 - Monday 28 September 2009 4:21

I agree with laph's observation for agreeing with lem0ns sarcasm

Reply

orangef1zz | 0

#591074 - Monday 28 September 2009 5:36

I agree with greenltrn2003.

Reply

IamSpartacus | 0

#591169 - Monday 28 September 2009 7:04

I agree with orangef1zz for agreeing with greenltrn2003 for agreeing with laph's observation for agreeing with lem0ns sarcasm.

Reply

ilovelucy92 | 0

#595082 - Wednesday 30 September 2009 3:14

#15 is sooooo right. you should find out if your boyfriends an asshole before you date them. this isnt an fml this is a thank tha lord your done with that asshole

Reply

ilovefatcats | 12

#832432 - Sunday 7 February 2010 6:42

he has no balls that wimp!

Reply

caligurls | 0

#1073386 - Thursday 8 July 2010 8:06

two words. loooz- er.

Reply

seenpyro | 0

#1170380 - Sunday 1 August 2010 10:35

haha, yu loserface hoe

By nobln | 0

#590060 - Sunday 27 September 2009 20:07

What an asshole!!! FYL

By mmmyeahsaraa | 0

#590064 - Sunday 27 September 2009 20:08

wtf wowza what a loser

By chipmunk95 | 0

#590066 - Sunday 27 September 2009 20:08

LOL HAHA

Reply

Star18lk | 0

#590516 - Monday 28 September 2009 0:07

Wow ur mature

By the_boss_fml | 0

#590069 - Sunday 27 September 2009 20:09

that guy is a boss!!!!!

By NATFLUMP | 0

#590071 - Sunday 27 September 2009 20:10

kay that sucks for you,
but as for your boyfriend, FTW ! :P

By aznboytellem | 0

#590080 - Sunday 27 September 2009 20:13

LOL!
Don't worry, you can find a better person than that cheap bastard!

Reply

penizulaface | 0

#590085 - Sunday 27 September 2009 20:14

cheap? he wasted ONE WHOLE TEXT ON HER.

By Poetry_Puddle | 0

#590089 - Sunday 27 September 2009 20:15

YOU CAN'T TEXT MESSAGE BREAK UP. :O

Reply

invisibledamage | 2

#590245 - Sunday 27 September 2009 21:44

thanks kelly!

Reply

LexLuthorBabe | 0

#590263 - Sunday 27 September 2009 21:58

Agreed, lame.

Reply

ChickenLegs937 | 6

#2765064 - Sunday 26 June 2011 22:39

haha love that YouTube video.

By guillotine_fml | 0

#590090 - Sunday 27 September 2009 20:15

let me guess the reason why he broke up: lack of communication?

Reply

Card_Games | 0

#590208 - Sunday 27 September 2009 21:19

that's epic! xD

By 88Mustang1 | 0

#590097 - Sunday 27 September 2009 20:17

He's a douche. Anyone who breaks up with someone over text is just a pussy. Sorry, but it's the truth. LoL. =]

Reply

Sun_Kissed18 | 25

#590359 - Sunday 27 September 2009 22:52

Agreed! And anyone who breaks up with someone over a text while in the same room is... I don't even know what that is...

Reply

natsumosam92 | 0

#591184 - Monday 28 September 2009 7:15

what about a text message ask out??

Reply

mettakarama | 0

#1895995 - Monday 27 December 2011 13:02

theyre still for pussys

Reply

axeno | 7

#5899584 - Saturday 29 March 2014 20:33

My girlfriend lives in a different city and I had to ask her out over text. That doesn't make me a pussy. Do you realize how scary it is going to meet someone you met on the fkn internet? You deserve to be labeled a man after that.