Love: Today, my boyfriend broke up with me, by text, while we were... - FML

By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me, by text, while we were in the same room. FML

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Serious times

Vulture

Walk on the wild side

By Alex - United States

Today, I had to get out my birth certificate to prove to my dad that today is my birthday. This has happened before. FML

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By NoTeddies - United Kingdom - Leicester

Today, my boyfriend gave me a teddy bear keyring. I had to explain that although many grown women like cuddly toys, I don't. And even if I did, a filthy, soaking wet bear he found in a puddle on the street is not a nice gesture, despite his suggestion I can just wash it in the machine. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I worked a long shift at my job while feeling like crap, anticipating getting a promotion. As my boss was leaving work, he informed me that because I also go to college, the promotion was being given to another employee that I trained a month ago. This is the second time this has happened. FML

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By Anonymous - Philippines - Sucat

Today, I had a big argument with my girlfriend, after she tried to stop me going home, even though it was already past my curfew. I got home, only to find out I'm grounded for staying out late, and dumped for being "inconsiderate". FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I clogged the toilet at my boyfriend's house. I couldn't fix it and was too ashamed to say anything. I can't handle confrontation, so I had to just sit there as my boyfriend's brother ended up getting blamed, then grounded for "lying" about it not being his fault. FML

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By Boothater - United States

Today, the director of the play I'm in decided to show us an example of the type of shoes we would be wearing in the show. She brings in a pair of hideous black combat boots, and I remark how ugly they are. They're her own favorite boots. I had to carpool with her after rehearsal. FML

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By Anonymous - 7/2/2021 21:30

Unexpected visitor

Today I went to a much-anticipated job interview. I've been out of work for a month and I really need and wanted this job. I then realized that yesterday's hike was not a good idea when a tick crawled across my forehead in the middle of the interview. FML

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By Jesska - United States

Today, I was applying Icy Hot. I squeezed the bottle too hard making it squirt in my eye. I ran to the bathroom in agony, turned on the faucet, and slammed my face right into it. FML

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By anugla - United States

Today, I ran over a cat while driving home. I tried to keep myself together but couldn't help but cry because of how bad I felt. Through my tears I failed to notice a porcupine in the middle of the road. Yep, I hit him too. FML

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By Alex

Today, I was working at my job at a bank. A couple was waiting in the lobby, and not being busy, I asked what they needed. They told me that they were applying for a loan, so I asked if it was for something exciting. It was to pay for their 12-year-old son's burial expenses. FML

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By nosexlife - United States

Today, I was with my seven year old daughter purchasing my husband a present for his birthday in a few weeks. At the register, in the very long line, I asked her where we could hide his present so he wouldn't find it, she responded loudly with "Hide it in your room! He never goes in there!" FML

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By

Today, while working at a grocery store, I spent about 30 minutes pushing carts inside in a blizzard. Not even 10 minutes after I had finished, I looked out the window and saw that not only had the snow completely stopped, but the sun was shining. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - London

Today, I finally worked up the courage to write a girl a note, with my number on it, and the words: "You're stunning. Get in touch sometime." Heart pounding, I saw her, got up, and passed her the note. Then I passed out at her feet. FML

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By Anonymous - 14/11/2020 14:08 - United States

Management 101

Today, I once again got less than 20 hours of work for the entire week. My boss's solution? Double the staff. FML

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By SchwesterGrimm

Today, a man sat next to me on a train carriage, despite various empty seats. During a weird conversation, I told him that I'm on my way back from London after seeing a friend from Germany there. He goes on to talk about Nazis and, with one arm in the air, asks me if he's doing the salute right. FML

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By leovaldez - 22/6/2020 20:08

Call CPS!

Today, after years of having seasonal allergies and months of having my throat close up, my mom agreed to see a doctor, only to insult me in front of the doctor, saying I just find new ways to make their lives harder and I'm probably making it all up. FML

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By scottskidee - United States

Biker

Today, I had my girlfriend drive me to go buy a motorcycle. I rode it 50 minutes home, got in the drive way, put the kick stand down, and then lost my balance and fell on the other side. I paid $3000 to drop it in the first hour and break the turn signal off. FML

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By matchristityler - United States

Today, my son pooped in his diaper and managed to somehow take it off without my knowledge. He then sat down on the carpet and imitated a dog with worms, all the way down the hallway, through the living room, and into my bedroom. FML

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By Anonymous - 29/9/2020 10:01 - United Kingdom - London

Paranoia

Today, I asked a girl to move from Tinder to WhatsApp, after 3 weeks of nice chat. She said no way, and that I just wanted nudes and then unmatched. The only intention I had was getting to know her and asking her on a date. FML

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By ERnightmare - United States - Long Beach

Today, I was lucky to have an extremely attractive doctor operating on me. This would have been great had he not been removing a foreign object from my vagina after an ill-fated masturbation session. FML

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By avalanche719 - United States

Today, I went to pay my vehicle registration in person to avoid paying the $10.00 online service fee. After a long wait, I came out to find a $15.00 parking ticket on my car. FML

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By bugnose

Today, I noticed an extremely large bug buzzing around my room. After several attempts, I stomped on it with my shoe. I was trying to get a closer look at my victory when it flew into my nostril. Turns out it was just playing dead. FML

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By fuckshit

Today, I witnessed a hit-and-run. I used my phone to write down the license plate for the police. However, I didn't notice that my phone had autocorrected the number. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, a really pretty girl came into my work, but when I went up to help her, my brain misfired and I accidentally said, "How can I hump you?" She yelled at me, and my manager put me on probation. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Nottingham

Today, my husband of 3 weeks told me he doesn't want to be married anymore because I suggested getting a joint bank account. FML

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By APRRECIATION - Canada

Today, I got back from a service trip to Kenya, where I had no running water or electricity. I encouraged my friends to go green and help raise awareness by conserving as much electricity as possible. I return home to find that all my lights have been on for 2 weeks. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my 8 year old adopted daughter told me she wants me to take her back so another family can adopt her because I don't give her enough toys. FML

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By pigtails - United Kingdom - Thetford

Today, management told me that I couldn't have a doorbell on my door. How did they get my attention to tell me this? By ringing my doorbell. FML

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By Rob - United States - Neoga

Today, after having sex with my girlfriend, I jokingly held the condom above my mouth. Somehow, the condom busted, and everything went over my face. Worse still, we're now wondering just how safe this condom really was. FML

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By WTF? - United States

Today, I found myself humming a Skrillex ditty all day. I'm beginning to wonder if I've had some sort of stroke. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I told a customer at the drive-thru I couldn't hear him as he had his music blaring too loud. The customer then drove to the window and verbally abused me for listening to my iPod at work. My "iPod" is the headset we use to take orders at the drive-thru. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Houston

Today, at my retail job, I tried on one of our hats. My co-worker told me I shouldn't because I could get lice. I laughed it off and told her I didn't believe her. Man, do I believe her now. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Eugene

Today, my girlfriend and I were snuggling and we placed our hands together, palm to palm. I can bend the tips of my fingers over hers, which apparently surprised her because she commented, "Huh, so big hands AREN'T related to penis size." FML

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By Groom - France

Today, I had an important interview. On the way there, I stopped in front of a car window to look at my reflection, checking I didn't have salad stuck between my teeth. Having pulled several faces, I realised that there were two girls inside the car, cracking up with laughter. FML

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By Kole

Today, I got the most painful neck cramp of my life after whipping my head back in laughter at something that wasn't even funny. FML

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By bm - United States

Today, my mom and I were looking at pictures from the beach. She goes, "That is a REALLY ugly picture of Michelle" (my cousin). The picture was of me. FML

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By FML - United States - Virginia Beach

Today, I had a rough day and was extremely tired. I took a nap on the couch, and woke up to a guy robbing my house. I pretended I was still sleeping, waiting a chance to grab him or run out safely. I ended up falling back asleep. FML

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By Anonymous - 14/4/2020 14:00

Yappy neighborhood

Today, I don't think my neighbours realize that, by getting that dog they have been wanting, they ruined the peace and quiet of the entire neighbourhood, consisting of ten houses. I'm the person underneath whose window that dog barks every day - mostly when I'm either trying to fall asleep or wanting to sleep in. FML

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By larrythelobster - United States

Today, one of my junior marines called to tell me they were in an accident that totaled both cars. The car he hit was parked in a nearby parking garage. It was mine. FML

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By lousy - United States

Today, I live with my mother and realized she goes out with her friends and dates more times a week than I do in a single month. FML

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Top comments

By guillotine_fml | 0

#590090 - Sunday 27 September 2009 20:15

let me guess the reason why he broke up: lack of communication?

By Poetry_Puddle | 0

#590089 - Sunday 27 September 2009 20:15

YOU CAN'T TEXT MESSAGE BREAK UP. :O

COMMENTS

By dinosgoRAWRR11 | 0

#590058 - Sunday 27 September 2009 20:06

that's awful.

Reply

youreanidiot | 0

#590128 - Sunday 27 September 2009 20:31

you deserve it for dating a loser... seriously, if you can't tell a guy is this unclassy, you're pretty hopeless...

Reply

lem0n_fml | 0

#590159 - Sunday 27 September 2009 20:43

Yeah, #15, cuz no one's EVER been a douchebag to you, cuz you can always predict it, right?

Reply

lahp | 0

#590180 - Sunday 27 September 2009 21:02

i agree with lemons sarcasm...

Reply

Zombierella | 2

#590238 - Sunday 27 September 2009 21:39

Maybe it could've been her fault?
maybe she was the unclassy one

Reply

IamSpartacus | 0

#590265 - Sunday 27 September 2009 21:59

#15 obviously thinks he's better than everyone. His username is "youreanidiot". He's just one of those people...

Reply

greenltrn2003 | 0

#590942 - Monday 28 September 2009 4:21

I agree with laph's observation for agreeing with lem0ns sarcasm

Reply

orangef1zz | 0

#591074 - Monday 28 September 2009 5:36

I agree with greenltrn2003.

Reply

IamSpartacus | 0

#591169 - Monday 28 September 2009 7:04

I agree with orangef1zz for agreeing with greenltrn2003 for agreeing with laph's observation for agreeing with lem0ns sarcasm.

Reply

ilovelucy92 | 0

#595082 - Wednesday 30 September 2009 3:14

#15 is sooooo right. you should find out if your boyfriends an asshole before you date them. this isnt an fml this is a thank tha lord your done with that asshole

Reply

ilovefatcats | 12

#832432 - Sunday 7 February 2010 6:42

he has no balls that wimp!

Reply

caligurls | 0

#1073386 - Thursday 8 July 2010 8:06

two words. loooz- er.

Reply

seenpyro | 0

#1170380 - Sunday 1 August 2010 10:35

haha, yu loserface hoe

By nobln | 0

#590060 - Sunday 27 September 2009 20:07

What an asshole!!! FYL

By mmmyeahsaraa | 0

#590064 - Sunday 27 September 2009 20:08

wtf wowza what a loser

By chipmunk95 | 0

#590066 - Sunday 27 September 2009 20:08

LOL HAHA

Reply

Star18lk | 0

#590516 - Monday 28 September 2009 0:07

Wow ur mature

By the_boss_fml | 0

#590069 - Sunday 27 September 2009 20:09

that guy is a boss!!!!!

By NATFLUMP | 0

#590071 - Sunday 27 September 2009 20:10

kay that sucks for you,
but as for your boyfriend, FTW ! :P

By aznboytellem | 0

#590080 - Sunday 27 September 2009 20:13

LOL!
Don't worry, you can find a better person than that cheap bastard!

Reply

penizulaface | 0

#590085 - Sunday 27 September 2009 20:14

cheap? he wasted ONE WHOLE TEXT ON HER.

By Poetry_Puddle | 0

#590089 - Sunday 27 September 2009 20:15

YOU CAN'T TEXT MESSAGE BREAK UP. :O

Reply

invisibledamage | 2

#590245 - Sunday 27 September 2009 21:44

thanks kelly!

Reply

LexLuthorBabe | 0

#590263 - Sunday 27 September 2009 21:58

Agreed, lame.

Reply

ChickenLegs937 | 6

#2765064 - Sunday 26 June 2011 22:39

haha love that YouTube video.

By guillotine_fml | 0

#590090 - Sunday 27 September 2009 20:15

let me guess the reason why he broke up: lack of communication?

Reply

Card_Games | 0

#590208 - Sunday 27 September 2009 21:19

that's epic! xD

By 88Mustang1 | 0

#590097 - Sunday 27 September 2009 20:17

He's a douche. Anyone who breaks up with someone over text is just a pussy. Sorry, but it's the truth. LoL. =]

Reply

Sun_Kissed18 | 25

#590359 - Sunday 27 September 2009 22:52

Agreed! And anyone who breaks up with someone over a text while in the same room is... I don't even know what that is...

Reply

natsumosam92 | 0

#591184 - Monday 28 September 2009 7:15

what about a text message ask out??

Reply

mettakarama | 0

#1895995 - Monday 27 December 2010 13:02

theyre still for pussys

Reply

axeno | 7

#5899584 - Saturday 29 March 2014 20:33

My girlfriend lives in a different city and I had to ask her out over text. That doesn't make me a pussy. Do you realize how scary it is going to meet someone you met on the fkn internet? You deserve to be labeled a man after that.