Love: Today, my boyfriend broke up with me, by text, while we were... - FML

By Anonymous - 27/09/2009 12:17 - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me, by text, while we were in the same room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 075

You deserved it 4 246

Empathy lives

Money, well, get back, I'm alright Jack…

Best teeth in the game

What happens in Vegas doesn't stay there?

By Markeesha - 15/07/2018 19:30 - United States - Eaton

Today, I got a letter from the state that I'm being divorced. I've never been married. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 781

You deserved it 273

You all sound the same

By kaitlin - 04/06/2021 14:01

Today, I got my first job interview since the pandemic started, with Dollar Tree. The interview was going great, until I accidentally said ,"Dollar General." Safe to say I’m not getting that job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 760

You deserved it 183

By Langdon - 15/05/2009 07:08 - United States

Spicy

Today, I went to the midnight premiere of Angels and Demons. A hobo wandered into the theater and sat down behind me. I paid $10 to spend two and a half hours listening to a crazy man talk to himself and kick my chair while he loudly masturbated. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 627

You deserved it 9 577

By Btdtgts - 25/03/2017 14:00

Today, I had to take out the grease traps from our fryers. A very rude co-worker cut me off, so I had to abruptly stop and try to prevent as much spilling as possible. Luckily, it only spilled on me. I'm here for six more hours with burned, smelly, greasy spots all over my skin and clothes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 527

You deserved it 312

By blueberry_hill - 11/12/2010 16:16 - United States

Today, my thirteen month old son woke me up at 6AM on my day off, by punching me in the eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 741

You deserved it 6 112

Hurry up

By lauren_rox - 08/11/2009 17:50 - Canada

Today, I was waiting at home for a phone call. While I was in the bathroom, the phone rang. I quickly stopped my business and ran out of the bathroom with my pants round my ankles. I leaped over the couch, tripping and then stubbing my toe while hopping to the phone. It was a telemarketer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 368

You deserved it 13 665

Nice pic

By Anonymous - 17/01/2020 05:00

Today, for the first time in my life, I sent a member pic to a girl I had been talking to for a few days on Snapchat. (she had asked me for it). She saw the pic, and blocked me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 802

You deserved it 929

Romance is dead

By Anonymous - 08/06/2021 10:59

Spicy

Today, my husband seems to think sex once a month is adequate, and that it’s acceptable to nap on the sofa once he gets home from work, wake up for dinner, then go straight to bed. I also can’t speak to him while he’s eating, because he’s watching tv. I thought I had a husband, not a roommate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 231

You deserved it 158

By doomed - 21/04/2011 02:45 - United States

Today, I got a letter from my mother-in-law stating that demons made her spread rumors about me all over my hometown before my wedding. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 936

You deserved it 2 499

By Anonymous - 28/12/2010 10:47 - United Kingdom

Today, I was on a crowded bus on the way back from my boyfriend's when I suddenly had a terrible nose bleed. I had no tissues, so instead I had to use last night's underwear from my bag. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 315

You deserved it 5 350

By Anonymous - 16/07/2015 19:16 - United States

Today, I saw my friend at the mall. He didn't see me, so I called him to say "Turn around." He took one look at his phone, snorted loudly enough for me to hear from way off, and put it back in his pocket. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 841

You deserved it 2 395

By That idiot - 28/08/2014 02:33 - United States - Las Vegas

Today, I won a goldfish at the amusement park. My little brother took him out of the bowl because he thought he was drowning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 334

You deserved it 3 613

Jamaica? I hardly know her

By Anonymous - 07/10/2015 10:58 - United States - Poughkeepsie

Today, my mom and I went to catch our flight to Jamaica. She ended up being detained and questioned, because she packed hairspray, shampoo, drinks, basically half the shit you're not allowed to have in your luggage. We missed our flight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 252

You deserved it 2 444

Falling down

By Ouch - 26/06/2021 11:01 - Serbia

Today, I learned how it feels like when you fall off a second floor balcony with mom's flower pot, landing on your back. My mom got pissed because of her beloved flowers, and gave me a lecture while I rolled on the ground in pain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 762

You deserved it 86

Classy guy.

By This_girll - 20/07/2018 19:30 - United States - Ridgewood

Today, my boyfriend of a year went to a wedding. He didn't invite me, he took his ex instead. I saw it all on Instagram. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 519

You deserved it 345

By ambrosia - 16/08/2019 00:01

Today, I saw my boyfriend cutting the crusts off his peanut butter and jelly sandwich. He’s 24. FML

I agree, your life sucks 649

You deserved it 1 790

By Anonymous - 22/12/2013 08:45 - Canada - Richmond

Spicy

Today, while going down on my girlfriend, she stopped moaning and told me to stop because she couldn't fake it anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 386

You deserved it 16 702

Glassed

By Penny - 17/10/2021 02:00

Today, I reached for my lip balm while laying in bed in the dark. I accidentally knocked my bedside lamp, and it fell on my hand and shattered. A huge glass fragment impaled my hand. I just got out of surgery. FML

I agree, your life sucks 767

You deserved it 116

By lovedbyallthewrongppl - 28/11/2010 01:03 - United States

Today, I was teaching my two year old daughter how to take a person's temperature. While I was sitting down, she came up behind me and shoved the thermometer in my ear hard. Now I can't hear out of my right ear, and I'm in excruciating pain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 079

You deserved it 13 575

By KittenTime - 26/05/2011 21:03 - United Kingdom

Today, I witnessed the miracle of life. More specifically, my cat giving birth on my bed at four in the morning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 027

You deserved it 7 503

By crazycatlady1890 - 02/05/2019 18:00 - United States - Philadelphia

Today, I finished a full marathon and just wanted to relax and get pampered by my husband afterwards. Instead, I spent the evening taking care of him and his back because he had a spasm. Don't worry, he feels much better now. Meanwhile, I can’t move my legs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 688

You deserved it 431

By andrie09 - 07/07/2009 22:18 - United States

Today, my mom told me I was a bad daughter because I didn't get anything for my parents' anniversary. I just sent my brother a check for $400 for my share of their gift. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 248

You deserved it 3 060

By Anonymous - 14/10/2015 14:29 - United States - Atwater

Today, I had to grab a large kitchen knife from my son, after I heard him convince his friend to join him in cutting off his finger, so they could "be assassins like Ezio." FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 582

You deserved it 3 084

By Icey_dan1 - 10/10/2010 15:16 - France

Today, I tried to jump between the train doors to make it in on time. And missed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 795

You deserved it 27 541

By madeyoulaugh - 25/11/2009 14:43 - United States

Today, I was watching my 7 year old daughter and her friend jump on our trampoline. I was really impressed by all the flips they were doing, and I told her "Hey! I can't even do that." To that her friend replied " Of course you can't. You're fat!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 907

You deserved it 8 157

By ShayanFCB - 20/10/2009 19:35 - United States

Today, my boss was angry at me because I had filed a complaint about him refusing to change our phone service to something more reliable. Later, a customer called him and said I had hung up on him. I got fired. I didn't hang up on the customer, the phone service just dropped the call. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 953

You deserved it 2 713

By pukishgirl - 18/11/2010 12:12 - India

Today, my boss was skeptical when I told her I had a terrible migraine and needed to go home for the day early. I removed all her doubts by puking over her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 290

You deserved it 2 875

Carry her home

By Anonymous - 16/05/2014 19:02 - Canada - Gander

Today, I helped an elderly woman push her grocery cart around the store, and look for her vehicle after she'd paid. After we spent ages wandering around trying to find her car, she remembered that she'd taken the bus today. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 290

You deserved it 4 311

Take care

By Buyingagun - 08/04/2020 05:00

Today, I looked out the window just in time to see a coyote carrying off my cat that I had just let outside five minutes before. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 263

You deserved it 515

By Anonymous - 06/04/2016 16:59 - United States - Meriden

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend wanted to try having sex despite her serious body image issues. Unfortunately, I couldn't get it up due to how utterly terrified she looked. Now no matter what I say, she thinks it's all because her body is hideous. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 946

You deserved it 2 901

Queef Richards

By Anonymous - 31/10/2020 14:02

Today, I had two customers who had some questions about their phones. Walking over, my cooch graced us with an audible fart sound that I‘m sure everybody heard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 810

You deserved it 114

By Anonymous - 16/02/2012 21:13 - United States

Spicy

Today, I met my brother for the first time in 20 years. Everything was going great, until he tried to make out with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 709

You deserved it 3 347

By W...T...F - 09/08/2013 16:15 - United States

Today, I found the carcass of the frog that got into my house last week. It was a horrifying sight, but not nearly as horrifying as the fact that I found it in my refrigerator. No, I don't know how it got in there either. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 427

You deserved it 3 706

By anon_1996 - 08/05/2013 16:59 - United Kingdom - Haslemere

Today, my boss asked me to read through a document. I gave my feedback, saying it seemed like it had been written by an 8-year-old. Turns out it was in fact written by him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 690

You deserved it 16 126

By fries - 24/11/2013 16:01 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, my boyfriend announced to me he was sleeping with another girl via alphabet soup. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 437

You deserved it 3 817

Time for the dentist

By Ethan - 07/04/2021 20:30 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I got home to my son holding his brother down with one foot on his chest and both hands on a pair of pliers, trying to pull out his infected tooth, looking like some sort of redneck, hillbilly comedy sketch. I half expected to hear sound effects in the background. FML

I agree, your life sucks 793

You deserved it 157

By Anonymous - 06/01/2010 01:10 - United States

Today, I went on a blind date that my best friend had set up for me. When I arrived, I introduced myself and we sat at the table. After we ordered our food, he asked the waiter for some crayons and a kid's menu, and colored for the half hour before our food came. He didn't talk to me at all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 435

You deserved it 4 001

Medically accurate

By Anonymous - 13/10/2020 10:05 - United States - Baton Rouge

Today, I sprained my ankle badly at a volleyball game. I asked my coach for some athletic tape so I could get back in the game. She handed me duct tape and said that athletic tape and duct tape are basically the same. Getting duct tape off your sprained ankle hurts like hell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 010

You deserved it 160

By Anonymous - 25/01/2017 16:00

Today, after months of delays, my home renovation is nearing completion. Well, it was nearing completion. Last night, a pipe burst, flooding the entire house. The water damage will cost more to repair than the entire renovation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 267

You deserved it 214

Keys, how do they work?

By Anonymous - 19/10/2020 01:56

Today, I had to call a locksmith because I got locked out of my apartment. It cost a total of $350 to break in and repair the lock. Not even 3 hours later, I dropped my only key in the sewer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 917

You deserved it 754

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Top comments

guillotine_fml 0

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Sunday 27 September 2009 20:15

let me guess the reason why he broke up: lack of communication?

Poetry_Puddle 0

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Sunday 27 September 2009 20:15

YOU CAN'T TEXT MESSAGE BREAK UP. :O

Comments

dinosgoRAWRR11 0

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Sunday 27 September 2009 20:06

that's awful.

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Sunday 27 September 2009 20:31

you deserve it for dating a loser... seriously, if you can't tell a guy is this unclassy, you're pretty hopeless...

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Sunday 27 September 2009 20:43

Yeah, #15, cuz no one's EVER been a douchebag to you, cuz you can always predict it, right?

lahp 0

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Sunday 27 September 2009 21:02

i agree with lemons sarcasm...

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Sunday 27 September 2009 21:39

Maybe it could've been her fault? maybe she was the unclassy one

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Sunday 27 September 2009 21:59

#15 obviously thinks he's better than everyone. His username is "youreanidiot". He's just one of those people...

greenltrn2003 0

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Monday 28 September 2009 4:21

I agree with laph's observation for agreeing with lem0ns sarcasm

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Monday 28 September 2009 5:36

I agree with greenltrn2003.

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Monday 28 September 2009 7:04

I agree with orangef1zz for agreeing with greenltrn2003 for agreeing with laph's observation for agreeing with lem0ns sarcasm.

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Wednesday 30 September 2009 3:14

#15 is sooooo right. you should find out if your boyfriends an asshole before you date them. this isnt an fml this is a thank tha lord your done with that asshole

ilovefatcats 12

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Sunday 7 February 2010 6:42

he has no balls that wimp!

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Sunday 1 August 2010 10:35

haha, yu loserface hoe

nobln 0

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Sunday 27 September 2009 20:07

What an asshole!!! FYL

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Sunday 27 September 2009 20:08

wtf wowza what a loser

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Sunday 27 September 2009 20:08

LOL HAHA

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Monday 28 September 2009 0:07

Wow ur mature

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Sunday 27 September 2009 20:09

that guy is a boss!!!!!

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Sunday 27 September 2009 20:10

kay that sucks for you, but as for your boyfriend, FTW ! :P

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Sunday 27 September 2009 20:13

LOL! Don't worry, you can find a better person than that cheap bastard!

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Sunday 27 September 2009 20:14

cheap? he wasted ONE WHOLE TEXT ON HER.

Poetry_Puddle 0

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Sunday 27 September 2009 20:15

YOU CAN'T TEXT MESSAGE BREAK UP. :O

invisibledamage 2

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Sunday 27 September 2009 21:44

thanks kelly!

LexLuthorBabe 0

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Sunday 27 September 2009 21:58

Agreed, lame.

ChickenLegs937 6

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Sunday 26 June 2011 22:39

haha love that YouTube video.

guillotine_fml 0

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Sunday 27 September 2009 20:15

let me guess the reason why he broke up: lack of communication?

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Sunday 27 September 2009 21:19

that's epic! xD

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Sunday 27 September 2009 20:17

He's a douche. Anyone who breaks up with someone over text is just a pussy. Sorry, but it's the truth. LoL. =]

Sun_Kissed18 25

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Sunday 27 September 2009 22:52

Agreed! And anyone who breaks up with someone over a text while in the same room is... I don't even know what that is...

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Monday 28 September 2009 7:15

what about a text message ask out??

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Monday 27 December 2010 13:02

theyre still for pussys

axeno 7

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Saturday 29 March 2014 20:33

My girlfriend lives in a different city and I had to ask her out over text. That doesn't make me a pussy. Do you realize how scary it is going to meet someone you met on the fkn internet? You deserve to be labeled a man after that.

Nearly

Today, I realized that I wore ripped jeand AND ripped boxers to work. Both ripped at the same place, in between the legs. The result was my looking down and seeing my dick halfway out of my trousers. I can't get up from my seat the rest of the day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

Today, my maid sat me down to tell me that she doesn’t like it when me and my partner fight. We don’t like each other anymore and I keep trying to break up with him, but he won’t let me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30

You deserved it 17

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I'm on day 11 of having COVID. My husband said to me, "I hope you get better soon so we can finally have sex again." Thanks for being concerned about MY health and wellbeing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 584

You deserved it 119

Today, I realized why my boyfriend drove me to his “favorite” hospital about one agonizing hour away while I was in labor. His friend who's a nurse worked there. Or should I say, his side chick. He made out with her in the room while I was “sleeping” after giving birth to our first child. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 297

You deserved it 95