Today, my boyfriend and I were laying in his bed. I was watching... - FML

By Tee - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were laying in his bed. I was watching the Terminator on T.V. A commercial came on in the middle of the movie. We just started having sex when the movie came back on he said "I'll be back." in the Arnold Schwartzenegger accent and rolled over to watch the movie. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22676

You deserved it

4568

Tweet

Share

Rock, hard place

Not now, mom!

Phantom pooper

By Instacreep

Today, I found out that when someone posts a "story" on Instagram, they can see who has viewed it and how many times. I have been viewing an ex's story every day for the past week. We do not follow each other. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2102

You deserved it

4327

Tweet

Share

By lizann - United States - Scottsdale

Today, for the second time this week, I had to ask my 27-year-old husband to stop peeing on the toilet seat. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23385

You deserved it

4645

Tweet

Share

By killmyself - United States

Today, I was masturbating lying on the lower bed of my brother's and my bunk beds. I finished jacking off and tried to get up to clean myself I hit my head on metal panel of the upper bed and passed out. Later woke up in my bed... found out my parents came home and saw me passed out naked holding a porn mag. FML

I agree, your life sucks

17303

You deserved it

46910

Tweet

Share

By whatproject - United States

Today, I was offered to attend a Buddhist ceremony by one of my regular customers. Not wanting to offend the couple, I made an excuse about have a project for oceanography. Surprise, the husband is an oceanographer and wants to help me with my imaginary project. Karma much? FML

I agree, your life sucks

11410

You deserved it

50915

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I lost my virginity to my amazing boyfriend. As we were getting dressed, I realized I had lost my bra. After intense searching I finally found it and put it on. It wasn't mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32599

You deserved it

4185

Tweet

Share

By cedechan - United States - Tucson

Today, I got food poisoning at work. I had my head in the toilet when the auto flush decided to turn on. The force of the flush was so powerful half of what I threw up splashed back into my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30597

You deserved it

2452

Tweet

Share

By maggie2014 - United States - Lufkin

Today, I fell asleep listening to my music and tanning at the beach. Not only did I wake up with a sunburn, but my iPhone had been stolen. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37249

You deserved it

28722

Tweet

Share

By Anonymousss95 - Sweden

Today, I lost my virginity. Afterwards, he told me that he was only doing this because he wanted to know if he still truly loves his girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks

51463

You deserved it

13337

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Canada

Today, my boss asked for recommendations on how to improve the office. I sent her an e-mail full of my ideas. Later, my boss sent me a reply, saying, "Here's what head office thinks of your ideas." It contained a list of insults upper management made about me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27101

You deserved it

3739

Tweet

Share

By ray - United States

Today, I learned how hard it is to remove peanut butter from your own eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13988

You deserved it

24126

Tweet

Share

By fmyboss

People never learn

Today, I was made fun of at work by my mom and my supervisor. I work at a kids' anti-bullying camp. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1705

You deserved it

157

Tweet

Share

By .... - United States

Today, I was introduced to my dad's girlfriend of six months. I've already heard them sleeping together several time,s and seen her car pull away early in the morning. After meeting face to face, I also learned that she's only two years older than me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

71695

You deserved it

3245

Tweet

Share

By still single - Brazil - Santa Maria

Today, it was still easier for me to get an engineering PhD than it is to get a girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24575

You deserved it

2996

Tweet

Share

By ewwww - United States

Today, my family was talking about how people's hair goes gray when they get old. My grandma mentioned that she was initially attracted to my grandpa because of his red hair and was sad when it turned gray. "It's ok," she continued, "his pubic hair is still red." FML

I agree, your life sucks

73080

You deserved it

4246

Tweet

Share

By BetterThanFake - United States

Today, I made a fake MySpace so that I could flirt with my boyfriend and see what he would do. He ended up dumping me for the fake MySpace girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks

17366

You deserved it

51389

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I found out that my daughter has a hit list. There are over thirty names on there. My name is on it as well. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26238

You deserved it

3812

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Canada - Ottawa

Today, I learned that most teenagers would rather grab free candy from the broken vending machine than help the guy stuck underneath it get free. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46264

You deserved it

5095

Tweet

Share

By muzikmaler91 - United States

Today, I called pizza hut to order a pizza. A voice recording was reading me their specials. The man had a horrible country accent so I began to make fun of it. Then I realized it was an actual person on the line. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7487

You deserved it

49621

Tweet

Share

By Username - United States

Today, I was walking to the store when I ran into one of my friends. He said he heard about my bike being stolen the day before, and that whoever took it was a heartless dick. I hadn't told anyone about the theft. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47155

You deserved it

3182

Tweet

Share

By yudencow

Reading skills

Today, I showed my parents the latest excerpt from my first book. It's about narratology. My dad thought I was writing about meat. He read "peaks and valleys" as "pork and veal." FML

I agree, your life sucks

1140

You deserved it

144

Tweet

Share

By Candace - United States

Today, my best friend planned a birthday party for me at the local Mexican restaurant. NO ONE showed up. We told the Mexican waiter there would be 18 arriving. Two hours later he brought me free ice cream. Even the non-english speaking waiters knew I was a loser. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35258

You deserved it

3889

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Netherlands - Kerkrade

Today, somebody poured a cup of coffee down the back of my shirt. When I turned around, I saw a man who said, "You looked like my ex from behind!" and ran off. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37039

You deserved it

2173

Tweet

Share

By sluttydancer - United States

Today, I was alone in my friend's kitchen. I had "Don't Cha" stuck in my head all day so I decided to let it out by doing a slutty dance, including spinning around the support pole in the kitchen. I heard a noise outside and saw my friend's dad had been cleaning the windows. With a boner. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25155

You deserved it

61726

Tweet

Share

By tvaladie - United States

Today, I was bored and decided it would be fun to pretend to be an undercover cop and pull over other cars. The first car I pulled over was a real undercover cop. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43059

You deserved it

349316

Tweet

Share

By John - Saint Lucia

Today, I discovered that it is possible for bugs to lay eggs in your ears. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31568

You deserved it

3016

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Princeton

Today, my husband caught me scratching my armpit with his beard brush. Just last week I swore that I never touch it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2420

You deserved it

12053

Tweet

Share

By deserved - United States

Today, after feeling fat and ugly and a bit depressed, I logged on to Facebook to see my boyfriend had posted "I have the most beautiful girlfriend in the world!" I 'liked' it and commented "Aww thank you baby!" I logged in later to see that he commented back saying "I didn't mean you." FML

I agree, your life sucks

44274

You deserved it

5169

Tweet

Share

By weeble_wobbles09 - United States

Today, my Nana showed me her new sign that says, "Some of my greatest blessings call me Nana." We stood there looking at a wall FULL of pictures of her grandkids, which is where she wanted to hang it. After scanning the wall a couple times, I realized. There was not one picture of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31343

You deserved it

2804

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous

Today, I spent a nice night with the guy I’ve been madly crushing on for the past year. When he went to the bathroom and left his phone unlocked, I looked at his photo album and saw photos of my house, my room, me sleeping, and my naked body. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7603

You deserved it

1225

Tweet

Share

By StungAlot

Today, I got stung by jellyfish. As I writhed in pain on the beach, my dad comes up and asks me to be quiet, that I'm embarrassing him. He also mentioned that jellyfish were out today and that I should be careful. Thanks, dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1741

You deserved it

168

Tweet

Share

By LaurahLunatic - United States

Today, I realized that my cat has been laid more times than me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29034

You deserved it

5996

Tweet

Share

By Ouch - United States - Amelia

Today, I found out that unlike in movies, you really don't know you're shot until you see the gunshot wound. Then, once the adrenaline wears off, it's complete agony. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6912

You deserved it

419

Tweet

Share

By Mills - United States

Today, my estranged, alcoholic father decided to tell me I have a sister. After 30 mins of him describing how beautiful she is and how much we look alike and how she has lived one town away from me her entire life, I was excited to the point of tears. Too bad she died a year ago. Thanks dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46107

You deserved it

2318

Tweet

Share

By sickened - United Kingdom - Gateshead

Today, I had a garage sale, and had amongst my clothing a few sets of underwear. A old man came up and asked to buy all of them. I'm so poor, I couldn't say no to the pervert. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39752

You deserved it

8273

Tweet

Share

By iTried - United States - Houston

Today, I found out my best friend was cheating on her boyfriend. After confronting her boyfriend and showing him proof, he responded with denial and didn't believe me. Now my whole circle of friends not only think I'm trying to start a rumor, but that I'm a home wrecker. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22457

You deserved it

8739

Tweet

Share

By John - Australia

Today, I parked my convertible in the 5 minute bay at the post office. When I came back out I noticed a bum in the front seat pretending to drive it. After shouting at him and pulling him out, he stumbled off. I was then slapped with a ticket for being parked longer than 5 minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30383

You deserved it

6210

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 28/5/2020 02:00

Looks aren't everything

Today, I was watching "My 600-lb Life". Most of the people on the show are married or in relationships. I cant even find a relationship. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1183

You deserved it

272

Tweet

Share

By collegestudent

Alexa, play "What's My Age Again?" by Blink182

Today, my dad asked me if I needed crayons for school. I'm going to college this fall. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1262

You deserved it

188

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Canada

Today, my very traditional grandmother has decided it's time for me to get married to Kevin. She's called half the town and informed them of the good news. I'm 17. I've never met Kevin. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46605

You deserved it

2323

Tweet

Share

By CoCo - France

Today, my girlfriend came home with new condoms: Manix Endurance containing a numbing gel designed to help me "last longer". FML

I agree, your life sucks

40040

You deserved it

11506

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By rlet | 1

#715175 - Friday 11 December 2009 16:08

hahaha your bf is awesome!! can't you laugh at that??
get some humor pills

By xxmadicxx | 0

#715160 - Friday 11 December 2009 16:03

aww he sounds funny!

COMMENTS

By xxmadicxx | 0

#715160 - Friday 11 December 2009 16:03

aww he sounds funny!

Reply

Kifly95 | 4

#964520 - Friday 19 March 2010 23:26

this isn't even an fml dumbass your boyfriend is just making a joke with you

Reply

ninjacapo | 2

#988948 - Friday 7 May 2010 3:51

lol well maybe u can keep urself warm until he comes "back"

Reply

BoCo_fml | 9

#1171737 - Sunday 1 August 2010 17:36

Commercial sex is ssooo fun!!!!!

Reply

IcySnake | 0

#1616691 - Thursday 28 October 2010 17:25

when would u have commercial sex? nastyyy

By rlet | 1

#715175 - Friday 11 December 2009 16:08

hahaha your bf is awesome!! can't you laugh at that??
get some humor pills

Reply

rends | 0

#1099403 - Friday 16 July 2010 23:44

he's a keeper

By rambles | 0

#715193 - Friday 11 December 2009 16:17

why would you have sex while watching a movie ?!?!

Reply

defaultusername | 0

#964214 - Friday 19 March 2010 15:37

Why WOULDN'T you have sex while watching a movie?!

Reply

oarisimo | 4

#1210957 - Monday 9 August 2010 9:02

how old are you? 12?

Reply

ronton | 4

#1272816 - Thursday 19 August 2010 23:24

how old are you? 70??

Reply

wolfgold2 | 20

#5577089 - Friday 12 July 2013 19:34

How old are you? -35????

By MoonyIce | 0

#715196 - Friday 11 December 2009 16:18

Haha, that's AMAZING. You've got a hilarious catch there and you apparently don't even know it.

FHL, more like it.

By sparkey0127 | 0

#715217 - Friday 11 December 2009 16:36

my hero haha

By perdix | 29

#715220 - Friday 11 December 2009 16:37

Get out your diesel-powered vibrator and say "Hasta la vista, baby."

Reply

Sakeyaki | 0

#717076 - Saturday 12 December 2009 23:37

I LOL'd hard.

By misspeg | 0

#715231 - Friday 11 December 2009 16:43

I don't get it? why diesel Perdix?

By Ssgsolbo13 | 0

#715240 - Friday 11 December 2009 16:50

ur BF is the man !

By AnthonyD86 | 0

#715247 - Friday 11 December 2009 17:00

how on earth would you expect him to have sex with you when Ahhnold is on the tv? sounds like a funny guy though.

By sparkey0127 | 0

#715252 - Friday 11 December 2009 17:02

I think perdix used a reference to diesel powered to symbolize huge and commercial grade. but I can't speak for someone else. just my .02

Reply

perdix | 29

#715269 - Friday 11 December 2009 17:19

sparkey, you pretty much got it!

I was also trying to evoke the image of the noise (of the engine and orgasmic screams) and the noxious fumes interfering with the boyfriend's lame TV viewing. Don't get me wrong, "The Terminator" is a fine movie, but watching it wih commercial interruption is lame.

misspeg, listen to sparkey!