Love: Today, I saw that my ex-boyfriend was online and had no plans....

By Anonymous

Today, I saw that my ex-boyfriend was online and had no plans. I felt extreme happiness knowing he had no life. Then I realized that I was online and had no plans. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10830

You deserved it

37427

Favorite

Love

Sorry…

There's no helping some people

Freak out

By Anonymous - United States - Ann Arbor

Today, my father described me as "the sort of sucker women marry then cheat on all the time." My mother agreed with him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38168

You deserved it

3593

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By Anonymous - 11/7/2020 14:01

Office world is hell

Today, at work I was sitting on the toilet and a coworker came in and yelled, “That sounded like a big one!” and wouldn't leave until I left came out of the stall. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1388

You deserved it

125

Favorite

By notmyfam - Australia - Chester Hill

Today, my boyfriend stood me up. At dinner with his parents. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15484

You deserved it

1023

Favorite

By lorahayes - United Kingdom

Today, I was on the train listening to my iPod on shuffle. The "Oompa Loompa" song came on, and slightly amused, I started humming it. It wasn't until I noticed that the man next to me was a midget that I understood the horrified looks I was getting. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38696

You deserved it

10202

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By Oops - Australia

Today, while out with my boyfriend I accidentally let out a rather large fart. I was in such shock the only sentence I could make was "I farted." Clearly he was in shock too because the only words he could utter were "I know." FML

I agree, your life sucks

21159

You deserved it

29869

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By ohtheirony

Today, I scratched my car with a bottle of scratch remover deeply enough that the scratch remover couldn't remove it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2512

You deserved it

572

Favorite

By lovesucks - United Kingdom

Today, I realised that the most kisses I ever get are in text messages from my Dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28931

You deserved it

4117

Favorite

By Uglyandfat - 10/4/2021 21:30

Assumptions

Today, I was walking home when I heard a male voice behind me yelling, “Hey! Hello!” I walked faster and grabbed my pocket knife, turned around and pointed it at him. He just wanted to hand me back the keys I'd dropped. He then added something like, "Oh, and don’t get it twisted, you’re too fat to be kidnapped and raped." FML

I agree, your life sucks

941

You deserved it

1445

Favorite

By Experience - United States - Waynesfield

Today, my dad opened a Chinese fortune cookie that read, "Experience is the name everyone gives to their mistakes." Now he won't stop calling me Experience. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40926

You deserved it

3567

Favorite

By Black Cat 13 - United States

Today, at work, a little girl was misbehaving. Her dad told her that she would look like me when she grows up. The little girl look horrified while Daddy laughed and kept reassuring her he was "just kidding." FML

I agree, your life sucks

36034

You deserved it

3499

Favorite

By 2broke4ajoke

Today, after starting my new career as a server, two women were kind enough to leave a $5 tip... while still owing $6.84 on their bill. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2534

You deserved it

147

Favorite

By seeminglyunsexy - United States

Today, my wife decided she didn't want to lose weight with me. We were trying to decide on a reward for each pound lost. I suggested sex as the reward. She felt it wasn't fair to punish her just because I lost weight. FML

I agree, your life sucks

53655

You deserved it

7947

Favorite

By mcdman - United States

Today, one of my employees lit my tie on fire. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29879

You deserved it

5869

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Randallstown

Today, I was randomly selected for a pat-down while at the airport. Being from the south, I said thanks out of pure habit. The guy replied, "No sir, thank YOU." and winked. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41753

You deserved it

5269

Favorite

By West of the day - 22/9/2020 05:01

Forever Alone

Today, I've been feeling horny a lot lately, so I downloaded Tinder and subscribed to Tinder Gold. The only matches I've had are with bots and people saying 'subscribe to my Instagram for premium content.' FML

I agree, your life sucks

806

You deserved it

321

Favorite

By Anonymous - 22/1/2021 12:04 - Canada - Edmonton

That's a hard no, Patricia

Today, my aunt asked me to change my major to a program I’m not interested in so her depressed son, my cousin, could have a study buddy. I’m in my last year of university and have been accepted to a master’s program. FML

I agree, your life sucks

998

You deserved it

Favorite

By Anonymous - 26/10/2020 19:58

The art of seduction

Today, I took a bath and dressed in a skimpy lingerie. I sat on the couch for an hour and a half before giving up and putting on my boyfriend's old t shirt. It was then that he decided to comment. On the t shirt I was wearing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1307

You deserved it

193

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Marsing

Today, I told my boyfriend that I've missed my period, and that I think I might be pregnant. He started panicking and ended up puking in the toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47389

You deserved it

12232

Favorite

By StellaSanguina - United States

Today, a buttmunch customer brought in $7 worth of pennies I had to count and roll. As I was putting them in the deposite box at the end of my shift, I fumbled and dropped the rolls. All but one broke, spilling their contents on the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35289

You deserved it

6754

Favorite

By BunniesOnAcid - United States - Clinton

Today, I was at the airport. I was on my way to see my dad for the first time since I was 4. Whilst I was waiting for my dad to find me, a strange man started flirting with me. Irritated, I told him I was waiting for my dad to get me, and to f*ck off. The strange man was my father. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40707

You deserved it

4101

Favorite

By Brianna Weltmire - United States - Denver

Today, my mom tagged me in a picture on Facebook. It's a very zoomed in picture of a zit that had just recently erupted on my face. The caption is "My baby's biggest zit yet!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

34764

You deserved it

2722

Favorite

By penisgrabber - United States

Today, I came to the realization I make a living trimming the hair off dogs' privates. I've touched more dog penises than I have human ones, and sometimes the dogs get "excited" while I'm working. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36324

You deserved it

7032

Favorite

By bigcityfail - United States

Today, I learned that my apartment building has two new tenants: my ex-girlfriend and her fiancé, the guy she cheated on me with. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43716

You deserved it

3282

Favorite

By Anonymous - 23/6/2020 08:08

Bizarre Love Triangle

Today, after going down on me and dry humping me in bed, my boyfriend told me he was having second thoughts about me while I was away for a few days. Apparently, he spent time with my best friend who set us up. She asked him to hypothetically propose to her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1580

You deserved it

149

Favorite

By all by myself - United States - Alaska Peninsula Nwr

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me. I felt down, so I laid in bed and told my parents I needed some alone time. A couple of minutes later, one of them started blasting "All by Myself" so loud that I felt the floorboards vibrate. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39876

You deserved it

4309

Favorite

By Porkchop05 - Canada

Today, trying to be sexy I was sucking on my boyfriends fingers. I was really starting to turn him on, when I noticed something crunchy in my mouth. Turns out, he went digging for treasure up his nose earlier. I found the treasure in my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks

51818

You deserved it

14661

Favorite

By Anonymous

Monday Morning Blues

Today, after a rough night, my husband's alarms started going off at 5 a.m. All 4 of them. Old town road, the Skyrim theme, that lady yelling, "I got shit to do today" and bagpipes. I'm awake. He's not. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1890

You deserved it

132

Favorite

By cassiebee - United States - Morgan

Today, at work I was trying to be nice and give a customer a discount because she was having trouble finding money to pay for her food. Everybody behind her then demanded a discount as well. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15080

You deserved it

29185

Favorite

By howcanihelpyou - United States - Wantagh

Today, while working as a receptionist at a doctor's office, my boss asked me to check in one more patient before I left. He paid his $50 copay in nickels and dimes. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1830

You deserved it

123

Favorite

By peepeepainter - United States - Jasper

Today, I was painting cabinets for the children's area in my church. While painting, I dropped my brush and got black paint on a white part. I tried to wipe it off. Now there's a very visible smudge that looks like a penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43253

You deserved it

8070

Favorite

By stoggie96 - United States - Wooster

Today, I realized that both my husband and son refer to me as "the bitch." FML

I agree, your life sucks

21508

You deserved it

29025

Favorite

By marmarr - United States

Today, I pretended to not be able to go out with a friend so I could hang with my boyfriend at the movies. When I sat down I received a text that said "turn around" it was her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11483

You deserved it

70649

Favorite

By towelwindow - United States

Today, out of the goodness of my heart, I went to work to help out a co-worker even though my last day was last week. I parked in a garage a block away for 2 hours. I paid $20 to park, didn't get paid, am spending $400 to get my back window replaced, and I have to buy a new iPod. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46781

You deserved it

8434

Favorite

By potatoes - United States

Today, my dad got me to dance with him. After about a minute of waltzing to a song on the radio, he stepped away and said, "You smell bad. You need to take a shower." FML

I agree, your life sucks

11252

You deserved it

30849

Favorite

By Anonymous - Canada - Lindsay

Today, while working as a swim instructor, I started singing the hokey pokey to get all the kids used to putting their faces in the water. One of the kids was covering his ears. When I asked him why, he said "because you were singing." He's 3. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43311

You deserved it

6576

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, my roommate turned the thermostat down to 50 degrees. Why? Because she read that shivering burns calories. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27676

You deserved it

2165

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Naples

Today, my mom called and casually let me know she'd wrecked my iPad after putting it in the dryer with my bed sheets. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34695

You deserved it

4615

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was talking to the girl I really like, and she was telling me how crappy her day was. Trying to be nice, I gave her a back rub. I somehow managed to unhook her bra. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37339

You deserved it

9010

Favorite

By Anonymous - 20/6/2020 14:02

Smash capitalism

Today, I was basically treated to, "Hey, you're laid off by the end of the month. Oh, and would you mind training your replacement? We have budget cuts, and he works for less." FML

I agree, your life sucks

1535

You deserved it

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Chicago

Today, my neighbor - whose first words to me when I moved onto the block were "I don't like your face" - called the cops and claimed I'd been exposing myself in public. His lowlife buddy backed him up on his lie. I'm pretty sure I'm going to end up in deep trouble thanks to them. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22171

You deserved it

1278

Favorite

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Top comments

By r0ck5t4r | 3

#1702564 - Monday 15 November 2010 1:06

Just because someone doesn't have plans on one particular night doesn't mean they don't have a life...

By lammylamb17 | 0

#1702531 - Monday 15 November 2010 0:58

ahhh classic tale of the Facebook stalker....

COMMENTS

By lammylamb17 | 0

#1702531 - Monday 15 November 2010 0:58

ahhh classic tale of the Facebook stalker....

silversparkles4 | 5

#1702555 - Monday 15 November 2010 1:04

Agreed lol. Though I can't really say mch since I would do the same.

DudeImBetter | 0

#1702803 - Monday 15 November 2010 2:12

hahahahaa Do you really get "extreme happiness" when you figure out your X has no plans for 1 night? It's ironic that you probably never would've described a date from your

DudeImBetter | 0

#1702882 - Monday 15 November 2010 2:32

you never would've described yourself after a date by your ex as being extremely happy but now that you aren't going out with you anymore he's making you extremely happy it's ironic.

hairt | 4

#1702890 - Monday 15 November 2010 2:33

op, WHATS EXTREMELY HAPPINESS?!

MarkerofMagic | 0

#1702931 - Monday 15 November 2010 2:41

maybe he was sick or something? he doesn't need to be with a friend 24/7. he obviously has more of a life than you. he doesn't stalk his ex's.

ryliz | 0

#1703156 - Monday 15 November 2010 3:43

indeed

buzz18 | 7

#1703200 - Monday 15 November 2010 4:06

Lol, stalker like the rest of us

fakeaccountX | 6

#1703235 - Monday 15 November 2010 4:18

Never think too soon.

nidawi | 0

#1703308 - Monday 15 November 2010 4:47

46..you never know. maybe her ex stalks her back? :D

Cannavaro_fml | 0

#1703326 - Monday 15 November 2010 4:57

You deserve it for caring what your ex is doing.

the_flirtt | 0

#1703562 - Monday 15 November 2010 6:06

facebook hor

nxnd1986 | 0

#1703582 - Monday 15 November 2010 6:10

aaaaaThe following information will be directly visible on your profile.

I_iz_B_a_troll | 23

#1703585 - Monday 15 November 2010 6:11

Op, I'm online and have no plans... No life, no friends, GODDAM OP you ruined my mood!...

cporter125 | 0

#1703661 - Monday 15 November 2010 6:45

owned by the internet

penismightier | 3

#1703742 - Monday 15 November 2010 7:03

hey cutie

Mr_Zachary | 0

#1703787 - Monday 15 November 2010 7:16

lmfao @ 107

docscientist | 9

#1703931 - Monday 15 November 2010 8:02

There seems to be a shortage of shirts.

lailabob | 0

#1704240 - Monday 15 November 2010 10:28

wow you're stupid

marmlr339 | 14

#1704988 - Monday 15 November 2010 14:55

agreed!!!

labratory5 | 0

#1705022 - Monday 15 November 2010 14:59

114 that was fucking funny

By 122409 | 0

#1702532 - Monday 15 November 2010 0:58

FURST

GavinRoskamp | 0

#1702538 - Monday 15 November 2010 1:00

Fail.

GavinRoskamp | 0

#1702540 - Monday 15 November 2010 1:00

Fail.

lammylamb17 | 0

#1702549 - Monday 15 November 2010 1:02

big fail lmao

rustic | 0

#1702593 - Monday 15 November 2010 1:12

I like your pic :3

122409 | 0

#1703168 - Monday 15 November 2010 3:50

By Pb25797051 | 0

#1702557 - Monday 15 November 2010 1:05

wow, idiot

By HSOMGF | 5

#1702559 - Monday 15 November 2010 1:05

Why do you care what your ex does? Get a life.

Karma495 | 0

#1703265 - Monday 15 November 2010 4:30

lol true

By r0ck5t4r | 3

#1702564 - Monday 15 November 2010 1:06

Just because someone doesn't have plans on one particular night doesn't mean they don't have a life...

TheLetterZero | 7

#1702879 - Monday 15 November 2010 2:32

Yeah... that was my first thought when reading this.
This FML seems kinda stupid.

TheLetterZero | 7

#1703197 - Monday 15 November 2010 4:04

Yeah... that was my first thought when I read this.
This FML seems kinda NOT STUPID IN ANY WAY, SHAPE, OR FORM. IT IS THE VERY DEFINITION OF TRAGIC AND SHOULD BE TREATED AS SUCH. I DO HOPE YOU GET OVER THIS LIFE-RUINING MOMENT, OP.
:-)

tencentsakiss | 19

#1703908 - Monday 15 November 2010 7:58

These comments are always so much funnier when the mods change them.

Ruff_fml | 3

#1704074 - Monday 15 November 2010 9:05

lol nice edit on 69 :D

TheLetterZero | 7

#1705773 - Monday 15 November 2010 17:46

Sorry, I typed that. Didn't mean to look like an impersonation. It was supposed to be more like a joke aimed at the mods. :P

By 122409 | 0

#1702566 - Monday 15 November 2010 1:06

*your

By yourmurderscenex | 13

#1702580 - Monday 15 November 2010 1:08

yeah you're pathetic.

nocanhaz | 4

#1703377 - Monday 15 November 2010 5:12

aren't we all?

Wirebiter | 0

#1703427 - Monday 15 November 2010 5:32

Nope.

By haha89 | 0

#1702586 - Monday 15 November 2010 1:10

Since when does someone have to have plans every day and hour or else they don't have a life? And why do you care about your ex? YDI for being a hypocrite.

SkullofMetal | 3

#1703614 - Monday 15 November 2010 6:21

nuff said xD

logandean | 0

#1703998 - Monday 15 November 2010 8:21

agreed!

By TheIrishJaneDoe | 8

#1702591 - Monday 15 November 2010 1:12

Were you one of those couples that has to spend every waking minute together, neglecting your friends and your independent lives in the process? If so, YDI.

By worldclass | 0

#1702602 - Monday 15 November 2010 1:16

You have to make an effort, eh? Don't leave it up your friends!