Today, I saw that my ex-boyfriend was online and had no plans....

By Anonymous - 14/11/2010 23:09

Today, I saw that my ex-boyfriend was online and had no plans. I felt extreme happiness knowing he had no life. Then I realized that I was online and had no plans. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10822

You deserved it

37406

Favorite

Love

Serious times

Rock, hard place

Deep-seated resentment

By Anonymous - 13/6/2014 23:36 - United States - Rahway

Today, I was out shopping with my mom. While we were walking, a guy in a car honked at me. I'm not used to compliments, so I was pretty flattered and flashed him a smile. He looked back at me, confused, then shook his head and pointed at my mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46425

You deserved it

5980

Favorite

By Hayley - 11/1/2010 03:37 - Canada

Today, I sneezed with so much force while I was driving that I whacked my head on the steering wheel and honked the horn. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28449

You deserved it

4509

Favorite

By anon - 5/9/2016 08:17 - New Zealand - Hamilton

Today, I gained the courage to talk to the guy I have a crush on. In a dying part of the conversation, I panicked and ended up asking him if he was gay. He replied no and seemed offended, so I quickly added, "You just seem a little gay sometimes, in a good way." He took more offense and left. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6763

You deserved it

11429

Favorite

By Anonymous - 21/9/2009 13:28 - Canada

Today, I got a new cell phone. I was unable to retrieve my old contact list from my old phone, so I sent out a mass email asking my friends to "Give me your contact info, unless you don't want me to text/call you!" No one is responding. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36127

You deserved it

12496

Favorite

By friendless - 3/12/2009 06:12 - Canada

Today, I got invited out by friends for coffee after I broke up with my boyfriend. When I told my mom where I was going, she looked at me and said, "But you don't have friends. All your friends are pixels. Where are you really going?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

32489

You deserved it

3782

Favorite

By queenofthegypsys - 1/3/2020 23:00

Why Change a Perfectly Good System?

Today, while creeping on my boyfriend's ex-wife’s Facebook, I found out that he used to call her the same nicknames he now calls me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

981

You deserved it

673

Favorite

By Anonymous - 7/3/2014 18:25 - Philippines - Quezon City

Today, I asked my grandmother what she looked like when she was young. She casually replied, "I was ugly, sweetie. Just like you." FML

I agree, your life sucks

44192

You deserved it

4448

Favorite

By GogglesGoggles - 23/12/2013 08:24 - United States

Today, a guy punched me in the subway for staring at his girlfriend. I had dark glasses on, and was fast asleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47703

You deserved it

3598

Favorite

By DyingPlants - 10/10/2011 03:27 - United States

Today, during my first date with a girl I've liked for awhile, she tells me about some minor disabilities she was born with. Wanting to be honest with her too, I tell her I'm slightly autistic. Her response was, "I'm sorry this isn't going to work. I can't date a retard." I had to eat alone after that. FML

I agree, your life sucks

52740

You deserved it

3871

Favorite

By ZeldaovaPeach - 5/7/2016 12:44 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, I received an envelope with my name written in beautiful writing in my mailbox. I just moved in the day before and hadn't given the address to anyone or met my neighbors yet so I was a bit surprised by it, even more surprised to find nothing but a dick pic inside. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15070

You deserved it

1187

Favorite

By RobinBunny713 - 19/7/2011 03:23 - United States

The Force

Today, my boyfriend and I were having a romantic moment when I made a Star Wars reference. I don't know what's worse, the fact that I said it or the fact that he seemed more turned on by it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

16736

You deserved it

34188

Favorite

By Seanzy - 30/3/2009 20:16 - United States

Today, the girl I've had a crush on forever asked me why the pin on my Letterman jacket had two guys doing it. I told her it was for participating in a wrestling tournament. And she responded, "Oh I thought you were finally coming out of the closet!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

64844

You deserved it

6827

Favorite

By VacationRuined - 16/6/2013 23:22 - Japan - Tokyo

Today, I left for a one and a half month trip to Japan with my boyfriend. He promptly broke up with me the first night in the hotel. When asked why he couldn't have waited until the trip was over, he said he didn't want to create "false memories". FML

I agree, your life sucks

47780

You deserved it

3412

Favorite

By NoMoreMeters - 29/10/2011 00:19 - United States

Today, during my fourth solo day working as a meter-maid, I had a vehicle towed for being parked in front of a fire hydrant. The vehicle belonged to the governor. I'm scared to even show my face at work next week. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33199

You deserved it

4848

Favorite

By Faxshadow - 7/1/2009 17:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I fell in love with a girl who used to love me. She doesn't anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25548

You deserved it

19338

Favorite

By Starter656 - 24/12/2017 06:00

Today, I'm the designated driver for a Christmas party I wasn't even invited to. Not only do I get to watch people have a good time, but I'm also supposed to not get involved in the party. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4284

You deserved it

772

Favorite

By sadface - 11/8/2010 06:50 - United States

Today, I was dumped by my girlfriend due to our long distance relationship. She then agreed to date my best friend who lives in the same town as me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39255

You deserved it

3438

Favorite

By turriblebday - 17/12/2009 15:35 - United States

Today, it was my birthday. My girlfriend took me out to dinner. While at the restaurant, she went to the bathroom. She was then escorted out of the restaurant for having sex in said bathroom. I was sitting at our booth the entire time. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32675

You deserved it

2567

Favorite

By Mia - 26/1/2019 02:00

Today, I wanted to bake some chocolate chip cookies. As the first load was done, I tasted a cookie and it tasted too salty. Thinking it was because of the pinch of salt, I added more sugar to the batter, only to realize that the sugar I've put into the whole batter was actually salt. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1028

You deserved it

2286

Favorite

By Chris75 - 1/9/2011 09:55 - United States

Today, my whole family piled into our station wagon just to watch my mom take part in an arm wrestling contest. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24492

You deserved it

3799

Favorite

By Anonymous - 31/12/2014 07:52 - United States - Bend

Today, feeling too lazy to cook dinner, I bought a bagged salad from a low-end store. I dumped the contents into a bowl; the first thing that fell out was a dead mouse. Bon appetit. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47392

You deserved it

6788

Favorite

By Poem - 19/12/2009 04:29 - United States

Today, I spent hours delicately writing out what seemed to be a beautiful poem to my girlfriend. After I sent it to her, I kept eyeing my phone to see her surprised message. No, my only response was "you may want to use a spellcheck." FML

I agree, your life sucks

13987

You deserved it

26181

Favorite

By thunderthighs644 - 23/11/2011 03:21

Today, while jogging, I heard an odd clapping sound over the sound of my iPod. I stopped running, and the sound stopped. This continued for an hour before I realized the slapping sound was my thighs slapping together violently. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33241

You deserved it

11829

Favorite

By unicornlovet - 23/2/2019 16:00 - Canada - Calgary

Today, I filled in for my absent pregnant co-worker like I have done since she went on disability a month ago, at the job I’ve been doing for 15 months. Today the replacement they hired also came to work, and I had to train her since she has more experience and got the maternity leave position over me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1856

You deserved it

205

Favorite

By Anonymous - 20/8/2009 05:30 - United States

Today, I was at a local chinese restaurant with two of my friends. We were laughing hysterically when my friend tells me to stop making her laugh because she was going to puke, naturally I kept egging it on. She puked all over the table and I was laughing so hard that I peed my pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11737

You deserved it

66782

Favorite

By Anonymous - 3/6/2020 08:00

All out in the open

Today, my 18-year-old boyfriend took some extremely strong painkillers that unfortunately gave him a giddy sense of euphoria. He then stripped naked in his parents' lounge room and yelled, "You've all seen it before!" His really religious parents didn't know this. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1473

You deserved it

159

Favorite

By Anonymous - 8/6/2015 14:11 - United Kingdom

Today, my dad told me he had a present for me. It was his tooth, which he had pulled out a few minutes before. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24887

You deserved it

2210

Favorite

By secret - 11/3/2010 05:18 - United States

Today, I found out the electric bill I have been paying was on my old house. I found this out when they shut off the power to my house. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15805

You deserved it

20177

Favorite

By not chicken spaghetti - 18/12/2016 23:58 - United States - Clarksville

Today, while cooking supper with my boyfriend, we both smelled something funny. He tasted the sauce I was making, then asked me to taste it because something was off. I guess the burned teflon of our cheap pot mixed with Rotel just doesn't work that well. Now we're having dry chicken and plain noodles. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5706

You deserved it

652

Favorite

By anonymous - 19/3/2011 10:32 - United Kingdom

Today, I found out that when I orgasm, my increased heart rate causes me to pass out. I also found out my boyfriend doesn't stop when I'm unconscious. FML

I agree, your life sucks

59059

You deserved it

8487

Favorite

By bymyself - 7/2/2011 02:05

Today, the nicest thing said to me all day was from my microwave that flashes 'enjoy your meal' when it finishes cooking something. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30553

You deserved it

3802

Favorite

By Anonymous - 16/4/2020 14:00

Artistic licence

Today, after spending at least 4 hours drawing a realistic shadow of a vampire for a picture contest, I finally remembered that vampires aren't supposed to produce shadows. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1154

You deserved it

649

Favorite

By get tf over it! - 30/6/2020 20:02

Cartoon villain

Today, I had a Skype interview for a wonderful new job. I was calm, cool and ready to land it. But just like in a bad movie, the interviewer ended up being the creepy guy I turned down repeatedly in high school and in our 20s. He smirked and told me I could continue, but it would be pointless. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1586

You deserved it

629

Favorite

By Medfail - 20/6/2016 07:13 - United Kingdom - Bath

Today, at the age of 27, I learnt that your tonsils aren't the dangly bit at the back of your throat. I work in healthcare. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7621

You deserved it

13532

Favorite

By Anonymous - 11/1/2011 03:27 - United States

Today, I sent a friend request on facebook to the only person I became friends with this semester at college. He denied me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31066

You deserved it

4334

Favorite

By Claire.L - 10/5/2020 20:00

Catch 22

Today, I gave my boss a two-month notice. He threatened me by saying he wouldn't provide a reference if I quit in July instead of August. I need the reference to pursue my dream to work in the USA as a nanny. I have no other choice, I either work under their pressure or start all over. FML.

I agree, your life sucks

1493

You deserved it

113

Favorite

By whatjusthappened - 21/7/2014 15:58 - United States - Norman

Today, I tried to break up with my boyfriend, because he's too manipulative. By the time our chat ended, instead of being single, I'm somehow now committed to going on vacation with him and his family. FML

I agree, your life sucks

49731

You deserved it

15990

Favorite

By Anonymous - 9/9/2010 01:33 - United States

Today, I was looking in the refrigerator for the chicken I bought four days ago. I finally found it - not in the refrigerator, not in the freezer, but in the trunk of my car, which now smells like a dead animal. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9089

You deserved it

31100

Favorite

By Anonymous - 24/5/2019 20:07

Today, I spilled grape juice on my new white shirt. I bleached it and scrubbed it until there was nothing left to see. I threw it on, ready to dart out of the door, when my dad walks in after fixing the lawnmower and puts his greasy hand right on my shoulder. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1856

You deserved it

135

Favorite

By Nicole - 9/5/2016 20:12 - United States - Bozeman

Today, a friend came to visit me from across the U.S. We spent the majority of the time she was here standing in the rain, at the dog park 20 miles from my house, so she could "make sure her baby poops on time". Basically, I took time off to watch my friend's dog take 6 craps. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11130

You deserved it

874

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By r0ck5t4r | 3

#1702564 - Monday 15 November 2010 1:06

Just because someone doesn't have plans on one particular night doesn't mean they don't have a life...

By lammylamb17 | 0

#1702531 - Monday 15 November 2010 0:58

ahhh classic tale of the Facebook stalker....

COMMENTS

By lammylamb17 | 0

#1702531 - Monday 15 November 2010 0:58

ahhh classic tale of the Facebook stalker....

silversparkles4 | 5

#1702555 - Monday 15 November 2010 1:04

Agreed lol. Though I can't really say mch since I would do the same.

DudeImBetter | 0

#1702803 - Monday 15 November 2010 2:12

hahahahaa Do you really get "extreme happiness" when you figure out your X has no plans for 1 night? It's ironic that you probably never would've described a date from your

DudeImBetter | 0

#1702882 - Monday 15 November 2010 2:32

you never would've described yourself after a date by your ex as being extremely happy but now that you aren't going out with you anymore he's making you extremely happy it's ironic.

hairt | 4

#1702890 - Monday 15 November 2010 2:33

op, WHATS EXTREMELY HAPPINESS?!

MarkerofMagic | 0

#1702931 - Monday 15 November 2010 2:41

maybe he was sick or something? he doesn't need to be with a friend 24/7. he obviously has more of a life than you. he doesn't stalk his ex's.

ryliz | 0

#1703156 - Monday 15 November 2010 3:43

indeed

buzz18 | 7

#1703200 - Monday 15 November 2010 4:06

Lol, stalker like the rest of us

fakeaccountX | 6

#1703235 - Monday 15 November 2010 4:18

Never think too soon.

nidawi | 0

#1703308 - Monday 15 November 2010 4:47

46..you never know. maybe her ex stalks her back? :D

Cannavaro_fml | 0

#1703326 - Monday 15 November 2010 4:57

You deserve it for caring what your ex is doing.

the_flirtt | 0

#1703562 - Monday 15 November 2010 6:06

facebook hor

nxnd1986 | 0

#1703582 - Monday 15 November 2010 6:10

aaaaaThe following information will be directly visible on your profile.

I_iz_B_a_troll | 23

#1703585 - Monday 15 November 2010 6:11

Op, I'm online and have no plans... No life, no friends, GODDAM OP you ruined my mood!...

cporter125 | 0

#1703661 - Monday 15 November 2010 6:45

owned by the internet

penismightier | 3

#1703742 - Monday 15 November 2010 7:03

hey cutie

Mr_Zachary | 0

#1703787 - Monday 15 November 2010 7:16

lmfao @ 107

docscientist | 9

#1703931 - Monday 15 November 2010 8:02

There seems to be a shortage of shirts.

lailabob | 0

#1704240 - Monday 15 November 2010 10:28

wow you're stupid

marmlr339 | 14

#1704988 - Monday 15 November 2010 14:55

agreed!!!

labratory5 | 0

#1705022 - Monday 15 November 2010 14:59

114 that was fucking funny

By 122409 | 0

#1702532 - Monday 15 November 2010 0:58

FURST

GavinRoskamp | 0

#1702538 - Monday 15 November 2010 1:00

Fail.

GavinRoskamp | 0

#1702540 - Monday 15 November 2010 1:00

Fail.

lammylamb17 | 0

#1702549 - Monday 15 November 2010 1:02

big fail lmao

rustic | 0

#1702593 - Monday 15 November 2010 1:12

I like your pic :3

122409 | 0

#1703168 - Monday 15 November 2010 3:50

By Pb25797051 | 0

#1702557 - Monday 15 November 2010 1:05

wow, idiot

By HSOMGF | 5

#1702559 - Monday 15 November 2010 1:05

Why do you care what your ex does? Get a life.

Karma495 | 0

#1703265 - Monday 15 November 2010 4:30

lol true

By r0ck5t4r | 3

#1702564 - Monday 15 November 2010 1:06

Just because someone doesn't have plans on one particular night doesn't mean they don't have a life...

TheLetterZero | 7

#1702879 - Monday 15 November 2010 2:32

Yeah... that was my first thought when reading this.
This FML seems kinda stupid.

TheLetterZero | 7

#1703197 - Monday 15 November 2010 4:04

Yeah... that was my first thought when I read this.
This FML seems kinda NOT STUPID IN ANY WAY, SHAPE, OR FORM. IT IS THE VERY DEFINITION OF TRAGIC AND SHOULD BE TREATED AS SUCH. I DO HOPE YOU GET OVER THIS LIFE-RUINING MOMENT, OP.
:-)

tencentsakiss | 19

#1703908 - Monday 15 November 2010 7:58

These comments are always so much funnier when the mods change them.

Ruff_fml | 3

#1704074 - Monday 15 November 2010 9:05

lol nice edit on 69 :D

TheLetterZero | 7

#1705773 - Monday 15 November 2010 17:46

Sorry, I typed that. Didn't mean to look like an impersonation. It was supposed to be more like a joke aimed at the mods. :P

By 122409 | 0

#1702566 - Monday 15 November 2010 1:06

*your

By yourmurderscenex | 13

#1702580 - Monday 15 November 2010 1:08

yeah you're pathetic.

nocanhaz | 4

#1703377 - Monday 15 November 2010 5:12

aren't we all?

Wirebiter | 0

#1703427 - Monday 15 November 2010 5:32

Nope.

By haha89 | 0

#1702586 - Monday 15 November 2010 1:10

Since when does someone have to have plans every day and hour or else they don't have a life? And why do you care about your ex? YDI for being a hypocrite.

SkullofMetal | 3

#1703614 - Monday 15 November 2010 6:21

nuff said xD

logandean | 0

#1703998 - Monday 15 November 2010 8:21

agreed!

By TheIrishJaneDoe | 8

#1702591 - Monday 15 November 2010 1:12

Were you one of those couples that has to spend every waking minute together, neglecting your friends and your independent lives in the process? If so, YDI.

By worldclass | 0

#1702602 - Monday 15 November 2010 1:16

You have to make an effort, eh? Don't leave it up your friends!