Today, my aunt and uncle stole $584 from me, since I'm moving out. Their reasoning? I stole things. When I asked what I'd stolen, my aunt looked me straight in the eye and said "Milk Duds." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my grandma calls me, accusing me of theft. I was home all day and watching Orange Is The New Black. When I asked what I stole, she said her car keys. I don’t even have my license. I told her to look in her purse. She found them. FML
Today, I was so ashamed of being broke that instead of asking my parents for money, I snuck into their house while they were at work to steal some of their food. FML
Today, I discovered that my parents rooted through our house looking for junk to sell at a garage sale. They sold all of my books from my bookshelf. When I freaked, out my mom said 'well you never read them'. There was about $300 hidden between the pages of those books. They made $60. FML
Today, I found out why I haven't been getting my bank statements for the past couple of months. My parents have been hiding them from me, because they've been stealing from it. FML
Today, I caught my husband's crazy aunt attempting to steal from my daughter's piggy bank. When I confronted her, she tried to defend herself by saying, "She's 2 months-old, she doesn't need the money!" FML
Today, I got caught stealing lollies. I am 25. FML
Today, I caught my sister taking money from my wallet. When I confronted her, she claimed that she was actually putting back money that she had stolen earlier. She doesn't understand the irony. FML
Today, my house was broken into. Apparently, I have nothing good enough in my house to steal, so they took my cake. FML
Today, I finally confronted my mom for robbing me of my inheritance from my dad. Apparently she was justified in taking it because she "needed it to raise me" and "to keep a roof over our heads" as I was growing up. As a result, I'm an adult with no nest egg whatsoever. FML
Today, I slipped money into my mother's purse after she refused to let me pay for lunch. She caught me in the act and thought I was stealing money from her instead. FML
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Top comments
Skiddywompus 0
The ****? How dare you steal their milk duds!
Denikk 0
What a lovely family...
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Comments (154)
smashgrab 0
Mmm... Milk Duds are amazing. Serves you right for stealing them! Really though, swipe a flatscreen on the way out.
Cheesecakee 11
Milk duds are pretty freakin amazing..
mario3584 0
watd r they damn willy wonka how the he'll did they hav damned $584 dollars worth of milk duds
redfinton22 9
JP you're wrong! Those are Whoppers you dum dum. Milk Duds are worth far more...I'd say you crossed the line there bud
silvercamaro 22
This sounds like something peter griffin would do. Especially the milk duds part (:
pip74205 9
You can either A) Let them keep it. B) Take the money back (either immediately or in chunks over time) . C) Take things in the house until you feel you reach the amount they stole. or D) Call the police.
SittingInTheSky 6
I choose D.
mbrooks5110 0
Why did they have access to your money?
brownlace 0
Milk Duds? That shit is real in the streets.
hjbeachbum 0
Anyone else say milk duds out loud, pretending to be the aunt?
arosssssss 4
Maybe if it were rolos or riesen, but milk duds?! They aren't even that good!
HannahLouise96 13
Riesens' are the shit!