Miscellaneous: Today, I was brushing my teeth in my bathroom. As I looked in... - FML

By Mirroronthewall - 30/08/2009 15:22 - Canada

Today, I was brushing my teeth in my bathroom. As I looked in the mirror I spotted a zit on my forehead. Keeping my toothbrush in my mouth, I quickly lean in towards the mirror to pop the pimple meanwhile lodging my toothbrush down my throat. I temporarily can't talk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 738

You deserved it 44 124

Chemical warfare

Are you ready to ruuuuuumbbbbbble?

Chuds

By Anonymous - 01/12/2018 13:30

Today, in addition to having to deal with chronic pain that keeps me from driving for more than 10 minutes, I now have to deal with my brother who thinks I'm not paying him enough for taking me to school 2 days a week, when he does the journeys for himself anyway. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 452

You deserved it 168

By Anonymous - 11/02/2011 18:15 - United States

Today, I realized that as a result of working in an office which has an oddly-placed window, the direct sunlight has caused the left side of my face to become significantly darker than the right. Just call me Harvey Dent. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 799

You deserved it 3 814

By edhere4u2nv - 06/06/2012 18:51 - United States - Ozone Park

Today, I got into a fight with my mom, and stormed out of the house. I walked two blocks before realizing that I have no place to go, and no friends to vent to. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 582

You deserved it 7 514

By Unlucky taxi driver - 08/11/2018 14:00

Today, a passenger in my taxi left without paying. They left their phone, so I posted a message about it from their social media, exposing them. Turns out they'd stolen the phone from someone else. I ended up getting arrested. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 393

You deserved it 536

By bm - 11/02/2009 19:57 - United States

Today, my mom and I were looking at pictures from the beach. She goes, "That is a REALLY ugly picture of Michelle" (my cousin). The picture was of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 077

You deserved it 2 618

Nice try

By Journo - 27/04/2009 19:46 - United States

Today, after two months of unemployment, I got a call from a marketing firm offering me an interview for an entry-level position. While Googling the company, I discovered it's a scam. I graduated college in 3 years with a 3.5 GPA, and the only interview I can get is at a fake company. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 025

You deserved it 4 998

By Anonymous - 14/08/2014 21:13 - Canada - Sudbury

Today, while on a tour bus, our guide told us that "Jimi Hendrix was like, uh, the Miley Cyrus of the '60s." I'm actually a committed pacifist, but I was already halfway out of my seat to choke the pimply-faced twat out before I managed to restrain myself. Now I'm scared of myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 369

You deserved it 6 124

By me - 22/06/2013 21:16 - United States - Findlay

Today, while volunteering at a local museum, I politely told an elderly gentleman to have a nice day. He responded by yelling "NO" and storming off. Everyone looked at me like I was some sort of monster. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 740

You deserved it 3 226

By Anonymous - 09/02/2010 06:12 - United States

Today, my boyfriend told my hamster he loved her. Repeatedly. In 'cute' baby voices. He has yet to tell me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 312

You deserved it 5 757

By Anonymous - 12/11/2011 23:04 - United States

Today, the handle in the port-a-potty broke off, with me inside. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 024

You deserved it 2 833

By Kimberlie - 15/03/2011 09:23 - United States

Today, I found out why my boyfriend wouldn't let me move into his new apartment with him. It turns out his other girlfriend had already moved in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 193

You deserved it 4 848

By screewit - 20/02/2009 23:42 - United States

Spicy

Today, I called my girlfriend and she answered telling me how amazing the sex was last night and she can't wait to see me later. I didn't see her last night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 101 542

You deserved it 4 943

By Anonymous - 07/04/2009 02:11 - United States

Today, my friends and I saw a movie. We sat in the balcony. Halfway during the movie we heard a commotion, thinking it was a group of unruly teenagers like us, we began to pelt the lower half of the theater with candy. We later learned that it was a man having a heart attack. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 898

You deserved it 100 060

Pull!

By buttpicker - 19/04/2010 23:24 - United States

Today, I was walking my dog and he stopped to take a crap. While he was doing his business, I saw something white coming out of his butt that just wouldn't budge. He started whimpering and I stepped in to help him. I pulled out an entire plastic bag. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 512

You deserved it 4 549

Go deep

By Anonymous - 27/06/2021 11:01

Today, it's been one week since I went to get my birth control renewed. It also marks 16 days until I get the half that broke off in my uterus removed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 746

You deserved it 89

TMI FML

By eugh - 07/05/2021 14:01 - United States - Midlothian

Spicy

Today, I discovered the brand of condoms my parents use. It was in the same grocery bag as my food. FML

I agree, your life sucks 665

You deserved it 480

By Merlin - 17/04/2012 17:37 - United States - Fairfield

Today, I got a one-inch fish bone stuck in my throat. I went to the doctor, who claimed he couldn't see the long white thing embedded next to my tonsil. He charged me $70, and told me to eat some bread. I had to pull it out myself with a pair of tweezers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 581

You deserved it 2 318

Nose to the grind

By Over-employed - 23/08/2021 20:01

Today, my wife was lucky not to get fired from her part-time job for doing nothing since we went into lockdown 8 weeks ago. To celebrate this, she has downed two bottles of red wine and watched an entire season of Virgin River. Guess I’ll have to find a third job to make up the income when the inevitable happens. FML

I agree, your life sucks 799

You deserved it 82

By tsu3 - 16/11/2009 15:14 - Germany

Today, after spending about 5 years to go back to school, get my life together and get a real job, I now make about $100 less a month. I used to work as a dishwasher. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 329

You deserved it 2 957

By reckless - 17/07/2010 19:34 - Canada

Spicy

Today, my dad found my "list". 32 guys, 4 girls. Colour coded as to who I would sleep with again and who I wouldn't, who were virgins, etc. He complimented me on my "organizational skills." FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 491

You deserved it 60 958

By pooh anne - 26/02/2013 20:26 - United States - Fort Smith

Today, I was trying to be sexy and change in front of my boyfriend. As I was changing, he started to talk to me about how we should both try and lose weight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 996

You deserved it 7 946

Nice try

By Ma.Sa.La. - 27/02/2009 15:18 - United States

Today, I was walking through the mall with my boyfriend of a year and a half. There was sign outside of the jewelry store that said, "Engagement Rings - No interest for 12 months." I said, "Look, baby! No interest." He replied, "That's right… NO INTEREST." FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 637

You deserved it 50 448

By Girl-with-the-glasses - 11/04/2012 07:34 - Australia - Sydney

Today, I found out about my old school's class reunion, which I wasn't invited to. Everyone has my number and e-mail address. They just "forgot" to tell me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 785

You deserved it 2 834

By Emily S - 09/10/2011 05:17 - Australia

Today, I let a guy I like look at my phone. A second later I remembered I had a secret copy of his Facebook profile picture on there to show a friend what he looked like. I was forced to tackle him to get my phone back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 291

You deserved it 40 307

By AwkwardPotato - 02/07/2013 02:37 - United States - Bakersfield

Today, my mom signed me up for a swimming class to show my sister there's nothing to be afraid of. Considering I'm 17, I assumed I'd be in an advanced class. Instead, I get to spend summer blowing bubbles in the shallow end with four-year-olds as my little sister cheers me on from the steps. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 846

You deserved it 3 741

By straightlyconfused - 27/05/2012 13:20 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, my car broke down and had to be towed to the dealership. Normally, this would be just unlucky but I work with kids and we had been fundraising for charity. I am now sitting at the dealership with my hair coloured purple, red and blue and in ridiculously high pigtails while people stare. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 205

You deserved it 2 609

By JT - 12/04/2011 14:19 - Canada

Today, I saw my unemployed 29-year-old son, who still lives with us, reading the work section of the newspaper and prayed that he was looking for a job. He was looking for the comics. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 213

You deserved it 13 379

Be careful what you wish for

By cottage cheese-cunt - 21/10/2021 08:01

Spicy

Today, I’d been bicurious for years but always much too shy to seek out a woman to attempt intimacy. Well, I finally hooked up with a girl I’ve had a crush on for a while. Not only was it an amazing, mind-blowing experience, she also left me with a crotch searing yeast infection from hell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 210

You deserved it 292

By IndianAngel96 - 29/10/2012 22:39 - United States - Houston

Today, while in a pharmacy, I walked over to the shaving cream aisle. I picked up a can to smell it and unknowingly pushed the button, spraying an old guy in front of me. He freaked out and started telling everyone that the ceiling above him was leaking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 477

You deserved it 17 326

Onan would be proud

By concernedcousin - 05/10/2019 12:00

Spicy

Today, my little twelve year-old cousin who is staying with us for a while so his parents can "work out issues" ran into my room, his face ghostly white. He begged me to take him to the hospital because he "tugged" on his penis too much in the shower, and was "bleeding milky stuff." Sigh. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 451

You deserved it 143

Management balls-up

By lene - 11/03/2021 04:57

Today, I was fired for not completing the required computer training, which no one told me about. I was told that it's my responsibility to check it every week. It would have been nice if a single one of my supervisors had given me any indication whatsoever that this was the case. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 149

You deserved it 129

Good Riddance

By JustABarista - 11/03/2017 04:00

Today, while working at Starbucks, an elderly woman came up to me asking to turn up the heat. It was at 73. After explaining to her that corporate all the way across the country controls our heat, she's reporting me to corporate and is insisting I should be fired or she won't ever return. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 213

You deserved it 350

By Anonymous - 10/02/2016 16:57 - United States - Avon

Today, there was an issue with the sewage system at work. It smelled like somebody took a turd, left it in the sun to marinate, threw up on it, then put in the air conditioning to fill the store with nauseating stink. I nearly threw up multiple times because we weren't allowed to leave early. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 228

You deserved it 1 364

By Anonymous - 10/01/2013 12:20 - Slovakia

Today, I went out for dinner with my long-term crush, who turned out to be a huge dog person. He asked me which dog breed I like the most. In an attempt to reply with both Labrador and Doberman, I accidentally said Dumbledore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 024

You deserved it 9 583

By M. Night Shytefuck - 20/01/2015 22:52 - United States - Plattsmouth

Today, I handed my boss my 2 weeks' notice. 20 minutes later, I was doing my work alone in the very cold basement of the building. My boss claimed it was a routine relocation planned months in advance. It's going to be a long 2 weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 323

You deserved it 2 786

By m0m - 04/03/2016 14:01 - Belgium - Brasschaat

Today, I had to explain to my 27 year-old sister why a stainless steel fork isn't a good toy for my 8 month-old baby. Twice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 977

You deserved it 1 654

By suspicious - 05/07/2013 02:26 - United States

Today, I received a lovely letter from the council telling me I have to cease the act of "breeding and selling cats" because someone from my Facebook reported me. I'm pretty sure I've never owned a cat or had one in my house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 088

You deserved it 2 937

By Laura - 30/11/2010 03:03

Today, I caught my daughter attempting to stick pencils up our cat's butt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 963

You deserved it 5 355

By Mandy - 20/05/2011 04:12 - United States

Today, I found out that my grandfather, who is a retired Marine, has paid real money to buy ALL the Lady Gaga themed items for his farm in FarmVille. I don't know what's worse, that he did it, or that I'm jealous of not having that stuff. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 097

You deserved it 8 742

By sociallyanxiousroomie - 19/04/2016 10:22 - Canada - Toronto

Today, my roommates had a party while I stayed in my room, and that was fine by me. What was not fine was when a stranger broke into my room, asked to lay next to me, and then just went ahead and did it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 457

You deserved it 1 612

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Top comments

Imawhalerider 0

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Sunday 30 August 2009 20:21

at least it wasn't an electric toothbrush.

bco12 0

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Sunday 30 August 2009 20:12

what the hell?

Comments

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Sunday 30 August 2009 20:13

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

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Sunday 30 August 2009 20:18

fail

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Wednesday 27 October 2010 5:58

yup, go back to kindergarten

KittyCatsDance 3

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Thursday 17 November 2011 18:07

I feel the need to tell you that you might have been first if you have used less time to put the exclamation marks...

bco12 0

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Sunday 30 August 2009 20:12

what the hell?

mushrooms_fml 0

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Sunday 30 August 2009 20:59

2nd! :)

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Sunday 30 August 2009 22:01

Ydi for caring about your teeth, btw im replying to the first comment to be seen, now go make me a sandwich

hannahMlover_not 0

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Sunday 30 August 2009 22:15

not even close. fail

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Sunday 30 August 2009 22:53

YDI for not using proactiv

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Monday 31 August 2009 1:50

Proactiv is possibly the WORST acne treatment out there! I would know!

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Monday 31 August 2009 3:41

sudo make me a sandwich

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Monday 31 August 2009 5:27

he like things sliding down his throat making him not able to speak...

possumisawesome 0

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Monday 31 August 2009 6:35

Actually, I use it, and my skin looks great.

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Monday 31 August 2009 22:44

It doesn't work for everyone.

a2zx2 6

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Friday 29 June 2012 2:51

At least it's temporary

__ColoradoSunris 0

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Sunday 30 August 2009 20:13

Haha! Oh dear. Shame.

123anonymous456_fml 0

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Sunday 30 August 2009 20:13

YDI, tard.

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Sunday 30 August 2009 20:15

ohhh ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww :/

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Sunday 30 August 2009 20:15

It's an FML, but better not do two things at the same time if you're not sure it's safe. Also, first to post a meaningful comment.

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Sunday 30 August 2009 20:23

Says you.

av232 0

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Sunday 30 August 2009 22:47

This comment was meaningful. Until you said so.

av232 0

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Sunday 30 August 2009 20:15

YDI for popping zits.

Vintage_Cola 29

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Tuesday 4 March 2014 20:57

Dude, zits are like the most disgusting thing to see on other people, and a personal satisfaction to get rid of yourself, run shit in your face and see for yourself.

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Thursday 21 January 2016 14:45

Most people don't have to "run shit in their face" to get acne

Imawhalerider 0

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Sunday 30 August 2009 20:21

at least it wasn't an electric toothbrush.

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Sunday 30 August 2009 20:25

I agree... That would have been a LOT worse.

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Sunday 30 August 2009 20:27

nice try deep throat

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Monday 5 July 2010 9:37

hah win

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Sunday 30 August 2009 20:34

this is the worst fml i've ever heard, as in your life is not fucked at all. who were you talking to in the washroom to know that you weren't able to talk? more like you wouldn't be able to breathe would be an FML. seriously.

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Sunday 30 August 2009 20:45

wow dumbass temporarily doesn't mean five seconds

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Sunday 30 August 2009 22:04

really dude, she might have cut her throat on the indside so she cant talk for like 10 days or something, and OP finish brushing ur teeth then pop the zit, it can wait another minute cant it?

Nearly

Today, I was diagnosed with anorexia. My mother still keeps on calling me a fat fuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22

You deserved it 3

Today, I found out my mother listens to my therapy sessions. She’s the reason I need therapy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20

You deserved it 1

Spicy

Spicy

Today, my college fuck buddy started sending my wife our dirty chat logs. Not only have I not spoken to her in years, but the logs are time/date stamped from when Obama was still President. She's never met my wife and I have no idea what she hopes to get out of this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 837

You deserved it 111

Today, I’d been bicurious for years but always much too shy to seek out a woman to attempt intimacy. Well, I finally hooked up with a girl I’ve had a crush on for a while. Not only was it an amazing, mind-blowing experience, she also left me with a crotch searing yeast infection from hell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 210

You deserved it 292