Today, I was brushing my teeth in my bathroom. As I looked in... - FML

By Mirroronthewall - 30/8/2009 15:22 - Canada

Today, I was brushing my teeth in my bathroom. As I looked in the mirror I spotted a zit on my forehead. Keeping my toothbrush in my mouth, I quickly lean in towards the mirror to pop the pimple meanwhile lodging my toothbrush down my throat. I temporarily can't talk. FML

I agree, your life sucks

16726

You deserved it

44074

Tweet

Share

Instadrama

Deep-seated resentment

Spread the news

By Rich - 25/2/2009 02:20 - United States

Today, my parents gave me a shirt from Banana Republic for my birthday. It looked like one I had bought for myself a couple of days earlier but I thanked them and went to hang it in my closet. An empty hanger hung where I placed the shirt I had purchased. They gave me my shirt for my birthday. FML

I agree, your life sucks

116845

You deserved it

5539

Tweet

Share

By ev_lyn_aw - 28/2/2017 02:00

Today, I received a company-wide email from my boss, praising a coworker's extra effort at improving our line of business. The coworker's efforts were a direct copy-and-paste of a plan I put together three months ago. No one cared when I gave the presentation. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6757

You deserved it

418

Tweet

Share

By HiddlePuff - 14/5/2015 12:42 - Australia

Today, while teaching my class, I hooked my laptop up to the projector and put on a documentary. I left it playing and went to the toilet. When I came back the whole class was talking to my mother. She must've Skyped me while I was gone and someone answered the call. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36079

You deserved it

8078

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 10/5/2014 22:11 - Sweden - Lidk?ping

Today, my boyfriend surprised me by coming home early. He walked in on me sitting on the toilet, singing full volume to my cat as I took a crap. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46287

You deserved it

13579

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 16/1/2011 17:38 - United States

Today, I discovered that I've lost thirty pounds since having my second child. However, I still weigh just as much as I did when I was full-term with my first child. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26946

You deserved it

8566

Tweet

Share

By ksgirl - 12/9/2009 07:39 - United States

Today, the guy I have been in love with for years decided to tell me all about his women problems and how he can't find someone. After telling him I loved him he responds, "do you know if anyone else does?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

48069

You deserved it

4024

Tweet

Share

By kk - 25/6/2011 19:41 - United States

Today, the man next to me was feeding the birds when he ran out of food. We were at Adventure Island and there were "Do not feed the birds" signs everywhere. The birds then became aggressive and started savaging the both of us. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32190

You deserved it

4751

Tweet

Share

By Cam - 14/1/2020 05:00 - Sri Lanka - Colombo

Long secret

Today, I realized that my boyfriend is still scared of his ex. It's been 8 months and our relationship is still "secret." Why? Because he's scared that she will find out and tell his family about us. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2545

You deserved it

399

Tweet

Share

By lukey_G - 20/3/2009 05:08 - United States

Today, my girlfriend was driving me to her house against my will when I said, "Sometimes it's annoying that you always decide where we go because you drive." She replied, "Yeah, I wish I could be more of the girl in this relationship." FML

I agree, your life sucks

14543

You deserved it

81013

Tweet

Share

By beccaj_ilh - 6/9/2009 15:04 - United Kingdom

Today, while I was working in a bar, a very fat drunk guy kept flirting with me. He assumed I liked him because I kept blushing. I didn’t. It’s just been so long since anyone flirted with me that I apparently now cannot control my reactions if a man talks to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40577

You deserved it

6773

Tweet

Share

By Loved - 25/5/2019 16:15

Today, my boyfriend bought me an engagement ring. It turned out to be the wrong size and we had to return it, since the store said it couldn't be re-sized. As we headed home, I felt guilty, so I turned to him and apologized. His response? "It's OK honey, I didn't really want to marry you that much anyway." FML

I agree, your life sucks

2476

You deserved it

166

Tweet

Share

By ajdown - 17/6/2011 20:23 - United Kingdom

Today, I have an eight hour transatlantic flight and the person sitting next to me has already filled his third sick bag. This wouldn't be quite so bad were we not still at the terminal with passengers still boarding the plane. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36774

You deserved it

2492

Tweet

Share

By HDCkid - 5/4/2009 08:48 - United States

Today, I met a new client in person for the first time. When I went to shake his hand, it was made of plastic. Startled, I laughed thinking it was a practical joke. It wasn't. FML

I agree, your life sucks

18530

You deserved it

62791

Tweet

Share

By Juicy12Jham - 9/9/2011 03:30 - United States

Today, I was on the phone with Microsoft Customer Service for about a total of 2 hours. That's the longest I've ever talked to anybody. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26009

You deserved it

4440

Tweet

Share

By englishclasshigh - 10/9/2009 21:34 - United States

Today, I was having a really bad day and told my friend at lunch about how stressed I was and he gave me his brownie to cheer me up. After school, he texted me "Did the brownies kick in?" Yes, they did, right in the middle of my English presentation. They were "funny" brownies. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50489

You deserved it

7466

Tweet

Share

By shocked - 12/10/2009 14:52 - United States

Today, my "future" wife got drunk in front of my parents, who she was meeting for the first time. She called my dad a piece of shit and told my mom she wants to tear her own eyes out. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36560

You deserved it

5657

Tweet

Share

By Me - 27/10/2011 06:40 - United States

Today, I got a boner at the dentist. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39846

You deserved it

8818

Tweet

Share

By robincakes94 - 29/11/2011 12:42 - United States

Today, I went to a nursing home to sing Christmas carols to the elderly. They threw their bananas at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30634

You deserved it

6602

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 13/4/2016 16:41 - United States

Today, I joined my grandpa on his morning jog. I didn't last 15 minutes before nearly passing out from exhaustion. He came jogging back home nearly an hour later looking even better than he did when we left. FML

I agree, your life sucks

19838

You deserved it

6684

Tweet

Share

By Lydlsis - 30/10/2015 23:53 - United States

Today, while shopping, I suddenly got the terrible urge to use the bathroom. I already had several items and my 5-year-old niece in tow, so I hurried to checkout. I ended up pissing myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21645

You deserved it

4581

Tweet

Share

By accidentalslut - 7/8/2009 17:09 - United States

Today, I met a hot guy at a club and we really hit it off. We went back to his place and we got down to business. After, I noticed he had an iPod Touch on his nightstand. I complimented him on it and he responded with, "Yeah, my girlfriend gave it to me as an anniversary present." FML

I agree, your life sucks

22033

You deserved it

56079

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 12/1/2013 20:12 - United Kingdom - Bristol

Today, I spontaneously poured my heart out for my boyfriend, telling him how much I love and adore him. He answered by leaning in close, saying "Jolly good" in an affected accent, and burping loud and clear in my ear. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32372

You deserved it

5062

Tweet

Share

By madfather - 23/2/2009 01:38 - United States

Today, I went to the store to buy some condoms for my girlfriend, Kim and I. I was in a rush and when I looked at the cashier realized it was her father. Nervous and hoping to reassure him, I go "don't worry, I'm not using these with Kim." That didn't help. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29053

You deserved it

72375

Tweet

Share

By sothatsano - 16/12/2015 08:56 - United States - Spokane

Today, I was going to propose to my girlfriend. At the right moment, I got down on one knee. As I was reaching into my pocket to get the ring, she got so freaked out she kicked me in the face. I chipped a tooth and the ring flew off, and now I can't find it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26306

You deserved it

1805

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 9/6/2011 20:32 - United States

Today, I put lemon juice in my hair as a cheap and easy way to get highlights. I left it in my hair and I laid out in the backyard to get some sun. The sunshine wasn't the only thing that found me; it seems every bug in the neighborhood is now hiding in my hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15445

You deserved it

50832

Tweet

Share

By BadNurse - 11/2/2017 20:00 - United States - Evansville

Today, I learned that the manager I switched jobs to escape 7 months ago will be my new boss. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8251

You deserved it

523

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 8/8/2015 05:18 - Canada

Today, I witnessed my dad wake himself from a nap with his own fart and start panicking in confusion. I guess I shouldn't have broken down laughing, because he demanded to know what I did to him. He didn't believe the truth and bitched me out for screwing around. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24426

You deserved it

2134

Tweet

Share

By rhartnett11 - 16/2/2011 12:56

Today, I woke up to a bloody nose. Instead of rushing to the bathroom, I creatively dripped the blood over a knife for photography class because the assignment was to show emotion. So many of the students and faculty were disturbed that I'm now forced to talk to the school psychologist. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27615

You deserved it

41013

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 16/6/2020 14:01

All kinds of wrong

Today, while at my friend's house, she had to leave the room for a few minutes. Her dad then put me in a headlock and told me that I had "better treat his daughter right if I ever wanted to walk again," because she's in love with me. Then he left. I'm a gay guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1610

You deserved it

161

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 10/6/2012 06:24 - Canada - Whitby

Today, I used a prank app, where you shake the cell, and it makes the screen looks cracked. I ended up losing my grip on the phone. It went flying, and it is now cracked for real. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10921

You deserved it

36470

Tweet

Share

By foreveralone - 23/6/2013 14:42 - United States

Today, it was the second anniversary of the day I met my girlfriend. I had to go to work, but I set an engagement ring and a letter on my pillow for when she woke up, and left breakfast for her on the counter. When I got home, she and all of her things were gone. FML

I agree, your life sucks

63816

You deserved it

9445

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 30/8/2019 12:00

Today, after almost a year of dating and getting dumped out of the blue, I found out my ex-girlfriend wants to get a restraining order against me. I guess dropping a box of her things on her porch after she wouldn't answer her phone is considered stalking. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1524

You deserved it

148

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 14/9/2019 04:01 - United States

Try to do a nice thing…

Today, I mowed our lawn without being asked. My sister wouldn't stop yelling at me for not checking with her, because she wanted the grass to get long enough to "play jungle" in. My mom sided with her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1734

You deserved it

110

Tweet

Share

By DrGas - 4/9/2009 04:30 - United States

Today, while giving a lecture about gases to a large chemistry class, I went outside to let loose an unusualy loud fart while they took some notes. I came back in only to see 300 students dying of laughter. I had left the wireless mic on. FML

I agree, your life sucks

17342

You deserved it

47115

Tweet

Share

By anonymous - 21/2/2010 15:16 - United States

Today, I was checking out a gorgeous woman in spandex with beautiful flowing long black hair on the treadmill at the gym. I spent a few minutes just watching her body move and ripple under the material. She turned off the treadmill and got off, only for me to find out that it was a guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12829

You deserved it

45047

Tweet

Share

By tryfailtryget11 - 5/9/2009 04:23 - United States

Today, I was on the phone with my boyfriend. We were messing around and I always jokingly say "You're adopted, nobody loves you" to everybody. His reply, "That's pretty fucked up, I am adopted." He really was. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11647

You deserved it

76616

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 6/7/2012 10:42 - United States

Today, I was the maid of honor at my sister's wedding. I was the first one to walk down the aisle, where I managed to trip over a wire, shutting off the music and falling on my face. My family cheered and took pictures. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28451

You deserved it

3433

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 30/7/2011 09:26 - Canada

Today, as I was taking the bus home, I sat down next to a man wearing an FML shirt. While snickering I said to him "You totally deserved it." I guess he thought that comment deserved a broken nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21341

You deserved it

81496

Tweet

Share

By SadDad - 6/3/2009 01:51 - United States

Today, in a very crowded public restroom at a sporting arena, after looking to the man using the urinal to his right, my 6 year old son turns to address me on his left and exclaims, "Daddy, that man's wiener is a lot bigger than yours!" The whole bathroom heard and looked immediately at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

72106

You deserved it

4325

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 10/6/2015 13:26 - United Kingdom

Today, I asked my boss for a couple of days off to recover from a nasty ear infection which has left me hard of hearing. However, he didn't understand why that would affect my job and refused. I work in a telephone call centre. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30028

You deserved it

1934

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By Imawhalerider | 0

#527193 - Sunday 30 August 2009 20:21

at least it wasn't an electric toothbrush.

By bco12 | 0

#527144 - Sunday 30 August 2009 20:12

what the hell?

COMMENTS

By ny1996 | 0

#527143 - Sunday 30 August 2009 20:13

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

Reply

_anonymoose_ | 0

#527176 - Sunday 30 August 2009 20:18

fail

Reply

breenarae25 | 0

#1608662 - Wednesday 27 October 2010 5:58

yup, go back to kindergarten

Reply

KittyCatsDance | 3

#3597454 - Thursday 17 November 2011 18:07

I feel the need to tell you that you might have been first if you have used less time to put the exclamation marks...

By bco12 | 0

#527144 - Sunday 30 August 2009 20:12

what the hell?

Reply

mushrooms_fml | 0

#527343 - Sunday 30 August 2009 20:59

2nd! :)

Reply

thealliance | 0

#527504 - Sunday 30 August 2009 22:01

Ydi for caring about your teeth, btw im replying to the first comment to be seen, now go make me a sandwich

Reply

hannahMlover_not | 0

#527537 - Sunday 30 August 2009 22:15

not even close. fail

Reply

FenderYK | 0

#527586 - Sunday 30 August 2009 22:53

YDI for not using proactiv

Reply

turtlellama | 0

#528042 - Monday 31 August 2009 1:50

Proactiv is possibly the WORST acne treatment out there! I would know!

Reply

tmptmptmp | 0

#528336 - Monday 31 August 2009 3:41

sudo make me a sandwich

Reply

ithedarkone | 0

#528535 - Monday 31 August 2009 5:27

he like things sliding down his throat making him not able to speak...

Reply

possumisawesome | 0

#528636 - Monday 31 August 2009 6:35

Actually, I use it, and my skin looks great.

Reply

thesunshotme | 0

#530037 - Monday 31 August 2009 22:44

It doesn't work for everyone.

Reply

a2zx2 | 6

#4628433 - Friday 29 June 2012 2:51

At least it's temporary

By __ColoradoSunris | 0

#527148 - Sunday 30 August 2009 20:13

Haha! Oh dear. Shame.

By 123anonymous456_fml | 0

#527151 - Sunday 30 August 2009 20:13

YDI, tard.

By allysonnn | 0

#527158 - Sunday 30 August 2009 20:15

ohhh ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww :/

By TuucciZ | 0

#527161 - Sunday 30 August 2009 20:15

It's an FML, but better not do two things at the same time if you're not sure it's safe.

Also, first to post a meaningful comment.

Reply

wbrycem | 0

#527201 - Sunday 30 August 2009 20:23

Says you.

Reply

av232 | 0

#527578 - Sunday 30 August 2009 22:47

This comment was meaningful. Until you said so.

By av232 | 0

#527163 - Sunday 30 August 2009 20:15

YDI for popping zits.

Reply

Vintage_Cola | 29

#5875558 - Tuesday 4 March 2014 20:57

Dude, zits are like the most disgusting thing to see on other people, and a personal satisfaction to get rid of yourself, run shit in your face and see for yourself.

Reply

walker9879 | 25

#6516208 - Thursday 21 January 2016 14:45

Most people don't have to "run shit in their face" to get acne

By Imawhalerider | 0

#527193 - Sunday 30 August 2009 20:21

at least it wasn't an electric toothbrush.

Reply

Horsegal | 0

#527211 - Sunday 30 August 2009 20:25

I agree... That would have been a LOT worse.

By McFail_fml | 4

#527219 - Sunday 30 August 2009 20:27

nice try deep throat

Reply

b182link | 0

#1064404 - Monday 5 July 2010 9:37

hah win

By warmfuzzy | 0

#527255 - Sunday 30 August 2009 20:34

this is the worst fml i've ever heard, as in your life is not fucked at all. who were you talking to in the washroom to know that you weren't able to talk? more like you wouldn't be able to breathe would be an FML. seriously.

Reply

GR3453m0nk3y | 4

#527296 - Sunday 30 August 2009 20:45

wow dumbass
temporarily doesn't mean five seconds

Reply

ianzorzes | 0

#527519 - Sunday 30 August 2009 22:04

really dude, she might have cut her throat on the indside so she cant talk for like 10 days or something, and OP finish brushing ur teeth then pop the zit, it can wait another minute cant it?