Today, my aunt and uncle stole $584 from me, since I'm moving out. Their reasoning? I stole things. When I asked what I'd stolen, my aunt looked me straight in the eye and said "Milk Duds." FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my grandma calls me, accusing me of theft. I was home all day and watching Orange Is The New Black. When I asked what I stole, she said her car keys. I don’t even have my license. I told her to look in her purse. She found them. FML
Today, I was so ashamed of being broke that instead of asking my parents for money, I snuck into their house while they were at work to steal some of their food. FML
Today, I discovered that my parents rooted through our house looking for junk to sell at a garage sale. They sold all of my books from my bookshelf. When I freaked, out my mom said 'well you never read them'. There was about $300 hidden between the pages of those books. They made $60. FML
Today, I found out why I haven't been getting my bank statements for the past couple of months. My parents have been hiding them from me, because they've been stealing from it. FML
Today, I caught my husband's crazy aunt attempting to steal from my daughter's piggy bank. When I confronted her, she tried to defend herself by saying, "She's 2 months-old, she doesn't need the money!" FML
Today, I got caught stealing lollies. I am 25. FML
Today, I caught my sister taking money from my wallet. When I confronted her, she claimed that she was actually putting back money that she had stolen earlier. She doesn't understand the irony. FML
Today, my house was broken into. Apparently, I have nothing good enough in my house to steal, so they took my cake. FML
Today, I finally confronted my mom for robbing me of my inheritance from my dad. Apparently she was justified in taking it because she "needed it to raise me" and "to keep a roof over our heads" as I was growing up. As a result, I'm an adult with no nest egg whatsoever. FML
Today, I slipped money into my mother's purse after she refused to let me pay for lunch. She caught me in the act and thought I was stealing money from her instead. FML
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Top comments
Skiddywompus 0
The ****? How dare you steal their milk duds!
Denikk 0
What a lovely family...
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Comments (154)
Hellisforthedead 2
Sir. Milk Duds are serious business, sir.
Aragno_fml 5
Throw up on the floor. They'll get their milk duds back and will propably repay you!
delfino1604 24
you so deserve it for stealing them damn milk duds lmao
silvercamaro 22
Yeah good one but...no?
juston_p 1
Those better have been some crack coated milk duds!
TorontoChik 0
Oh wow! Uh...
danbaseballfan 0
That shit just got serious! With milk duds
perdix 31
If your love of Milk Duds is anything like mine of Good n' Plentys, you got off cheap! I've probably stolen millions of dollars worth of those crunchy licorice things!
JPLovesAnimals 4
Milk duds are malt balls(no pun Intended) not licorice.
TraceCase_ 19
44, no, they are not. Those are whoppers. Anyway, no one was trying to say milk duds were licorice either.
perdix 31
#44, you're completely wrong, and I was just making an analogy to the OP's love of Milk Duds to mine of Good n' Plentys. I know what Milk Duds are. Nevertheless, I think malted milk is sorely underutilized as a component in candy. Caramel and nougat are OK, but the crunchy, gritty texture and flavor of malted milk should be a lot more widely used.
simpleplan239999 1
Lmfao... You guys are arguing about candy. I mean think about it...
silversonic75 6
Milk Duds? That's just ridiculous. You should buy some and eat them as they watch, wishing they could have one. Ask if they want one. And when they say yes, tell them that each one you give them will cost them $10. Repeat this and eventually you'll get all the money back in no time.
rattusrattus 19
EXCELLENT! Now I can be justified in stealing £1000s from my mother for all the chocolate of mine she has eaten. Except I wont, because I'm not a crazy person.
vegeta922 2
So now feel free to take something worth $584 from them.