Intimacy: Today, it was the first time my boyfriend had seen me naked.... - FML

By ambermcnulty - France

Today, it was the first time my boyfriend had seen me naked. He grabs my breasts and then begins to sing "I've got a lovely bunch of coconuts." He is 22. FML

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Our house, in the middle of our street

Coherence dude, do you have it?

Never flip flop and drive

By SE011194 - United States - Atlanta

Today, my boyfriend told me that the girl he really likes sees me as a threat. FML

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By Jules

Today, the first day of school, I threw up on my teacher in the middle of class. FML

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By Lizzie - United Kingdom - Birmingham

Dad jokes, part #23555

Today, my boyfriend came over for dinner for the first time. As a joke, my dad answered the door wearing the white church robes that he wears when he is lay-reading during a church service, and said, "Welcome, child of God." FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Bessemer

Today, after holing myself up in my room for the day, I eventually turned my phone back on and told my girlfriend that my grandma passed away today. She replied, "Ask me if I fucking care," then accused me of not caring about our relationship because I went offline all day. FML

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By unwantedlove - France

Today, my fiancé and I were cuddling on the couch watching TV when we started kissing. As I crawled onto his lap and started to unzip his pants, he said, "You're blocking the TV." FML

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By Anonymous

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me for not letting her keep the 75 cents that she stole from my truck. FML

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By IcyWinter - Canada - Winnipeg

Today, I had to tell my daughter that just because markers say "washable", it doesn't mean that you can draw all over our newly-painted walls. She's 15. FML

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By NUsConstantine - United States

Today, my research partner emails me 2 hours before our deadline saying that she can't complete her half of our 20 page report because when she woke up this morning she couldn't see. How did she write the email? FML

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By fatguyinalittlecoat - United States

Today, I was on a stationary bike at the gym. I got into a conversation with a very attractive female gym-friend. I felt something cool "down below". I looked down and saw one of my testicles had sneaked out of a hole in my shorts, I quickly looked up only to see her staring at the same thing. FML

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By Modeon123 - Korea, Republic of - Seoul

Today, I was eating my lunch. When I opened my mouth to eat a spoonful of rice, a bee flew right inside my mouth. My tongue got stung. FML

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By lynn777 - Canada

Today, I was walking home through the slush and snow when a car drove by, soaking me with dirty water. Frustrated, I flipped him off. He then turned around and splashed me again. FML

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By Jo - United States

Today, there was an earthquake. Good news: the only damage was a tree fell on some loser's car. Bad news: that loser was me. FML

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By Single4Life - United States

Today, my friend told me that she gave my number to a guy I've liked for a while. I asked why and she just said "He's just going to have to tell you himself." I got hopeful and really nervous. A few hours later he calls. Turns out, he's called to try and get a date with my gay friend. FML

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By robbedonCTA - United States

Today, I felt a tug on my backpack and found my wallet missing. A nice stranger pointed to a guy running down the stairs and said "There goes the guy who took your wallet!" I ran to catch the supposed offender. The 'nice' stranger was the actual offender distracting me as he got away. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, somebody ordered pizza and sent it to the house across the street from them, so they could shoot at the pizza guy with an air-soft gun from the upstairs of their house. I was that delivery guy. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada - Coquitlam

Today, I overheard a "friend" talking about me and my recently deceased dog. He said: "Only time I've seen someone get that upset over someone dying, they were fucking each other. Just sayin'." FML

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By onehitwonder

Balls

Today, it snowed a lot and my friends and I went outside for a walk. Someone drove by and threw a snowball at me, hitting me square in the face. Surprised, I side-stepped only to end up losing balance and roll down a hill into a ditch full of prickly bushes. FML

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By concernedsis - United States - Atlanta

Today, I heard some gossip at school about a weird kid who supposedly jerks off at every house he visits. They were talking about my brother. FML

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By Apcn - France - Concarneau

Today, my boyfriend bought yet another video game and played it all afternoon. Unlike me, our parrot is taking this situation rather well: for the past two hours he's been repeating, over and over, "EA Sports, it's in the game." FML

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By leahneedssleep - Canada

Today, trying to make a good impression and be helpful, I volunteered to look after my manager's cat while she moves house. The cat hasn't stopped meowing since he got here this evening, it's now 4 am and I have work in the morning. FML

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By anon - Australia - Sydney

Today, I spent hours cooking an amazing dinner for my family, who had just gotten home from a trip, so we could spend some time together because I'd started to miss everyone. When they got home, they saw it all laid out and just took plates to their room, without even telling me they were home. FML

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By Anonymous - 21/12/2020 11:02 - Australia

One law for me…

Today, I got disciplined for sleeping on night shifts, by my boss, who also sleeps on night shifts. FML

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By anon - Canada - Goderich

Today, my father tripped over the dog and hit a wall. He was so convinced his arm was broken that we waited for 3 hours in emergency to find out he had a bruise. FML

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By peachezthelette - 27/12/2020 19:58

Itchy butt

Today, while at work, I had to explain over the phone to my 33-year-old boyfriend how to use Preparation H. FML

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By Anonymous - 1/5/2021 21:30

Leaving makes sense

Today, I finally left my bitch girlfriend with her son, who has difficulties and violence issues. Now everyone is telling me I should go back, because the kid needs a father, never mind that I’m depressed and in therapy for suicidal urges. Guess my mental health doesn’t matter. FML

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By Larry - United States

Today, I am sick with a cold and I go to the most important interview of my life. A giant glob of wet snot comes out of my nose when I am expressing my desire to join their team. FML

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By passedout

Today, I got my blood drawn for a donation and they didn't warn me that I was borderline anemic. I passed out in the middle of Walgreens and woke up to people just standing there, staring. FML

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By AnnoyedByFriends

Today, my friends thought it would be fun to change my dad's name on my phone to my girlfriend's name. Guess who got an erotic text message when standing next to me while in the line to buy groceries. FML

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By hk - Malaysia - Kuala Lumpur

Today, I was introduced to the girl my current boyfriend went out with while dating me. FML

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By professionalmedicineman - United States - Arlington

Today, it was my first day at my new job as a receptionist at a small doctor's office. When the doctor's wife called and asked if he'd stepped out, I forgot the word "Doctor" and instead replaced it with, "medicine man". FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I went to get an ultrasound of my reproductive system done because I was having some abdominal pain. Everything was fine until the tech suddenly gasped and said, "Oh my God! You have two uteruses! Want me to print off a picture so you can show them off to your friends?" FML

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By Anonyme - France - G?anges

Today, our 8-month-old son had a big cold and his nose was blocked. I couldn't find the baby nose pump in it's usual place, so I went to ask my husband. He had it in his hand, and was using to decorate the cake that was going to be served to tonight's guests, my parents. FML

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By SCARRED - United States - Kansas City

Today, I walked in on my dad giving my mom a striptease. FML

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By i fking love docb - Virgin Islands, U.S. - Christiansted

Today, I watched my girlfriend slowly floss her teeth, and then eat what showed up on the floss. FML

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By Anonymous - 22/7/2020 02:02

What's your damage?

Today, I put my car in the garage last night so it wouldn't get damaged by a huge thunderstorm. Golf clubs fell on it while it was stowed away. FML

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By sheWontbeOnMyZombieApocteam - United States - Killeen

Today, while walking home with my girlfriend we decided to take a shortcut in the woods. After hearing a huge noise, she pushed me and ran. FML

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By TragicallyAnxious

Today, I learned that drunk me from last night is apparently great at flirting. She also apparently flirted her way to a free bottle of white wine, only to shatter it on the kitchen floor at 2 a.m. How did I find out? Three words: glass in foot. FML

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By Vlad

Today, we found out that the drinks we've had for our Christmas party at work yesterday were expired. For anything between six and eleven months. All of us drank them. FML

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By Anonymous - 20/5/2020 02:00

Better out than in

Today, I had the most excruciating pain I've ever felt in my lower right abdomen. I was doubled over and vomiting it hurt so bad. After going to the E.R., thinking it was my appendix and getting checked in, I let out the biggest most rancid fart in my life and the pain immediately went away. FML

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By Scholar - United States

Today, for the second day in a row, I got to hear both of my roommates having sex, through two closed doors and a hallway. This is as I hit my thirtieth month of involuntary celibacy. FML

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Top comments

By hockeyhouse | 5

#756237 - Tuesday 5 January 2010 9:22

Boys are men from the day they're born, and men are boys until the day they die.

By Cuc_fml | 0

#756252 - Tuesday 5 January 2010 9:33

that's kinda funny I'm sorry

COMMENTS

By hockeyhouse | 5

#756237 - Tuesday 5 January 2010 9:22

Boys are men from the day they're born, and men are boys until the day they die.

Reply

shoieb9 | 14

#756368 - Tuesday 5 January 2010 10:46

Well said!

Reply

conor1423 | 0

#759760 - Thursday 7 January 2010 7:42

SEXIST

Reply

JackRocksSoSuckI | 0

#909072 - Wednesday 3 March 2010 1:03

ha ha

Reply

GreenBud_fml | 0

#931855 - Wednesday 10 March 2010 10:48

Girls don't understand guys... and guys don't understand girls. >__<

Reply

BrennaJoann | 0

#984462 - Sunday 25 April 2010 4:29

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.. Show it anyway

Reply

aardvarkish | 15

#1112634 - Tuesday 20 July 2010 8:10

117, pigs are very intelligent animals...
But nothing compares to the aardvark. FYI.

Reply

hellokittywhore | 0

#1126083 - Friday 23 July 2010 0:35

everyones a kid on the inside!!
but your boyfriend has inspired me to get that song on my iPod. thanks!! :D

Reply

tianxing1012 | 0

#1357487 - Sunday 5 September 2010 23:24

not all, and i do find this fml to be extremely hilarious.

Reply

paparoachgirl | 6

#5699262 - Wednesday 2 October 2013 13:55

how do you spot a feminist at a dinner party? Don't worry, they'll tell you.

By ps2stony | 0

#756245 - Tuesday 5 January 2010 9:25

if they as big as coconuts then damn that guy is lucky

Reply

NovemberJuliette | 0

#2255381 - Monday 28 March 2011 14:41

WIN OP's bf :)

Reply

WinterPerfection | 3

#2815781 - Sunday 3 July 2011 23:14

Ikr, I'd feel honored!

By Cuc_fml | 0

#756252 - Tuesday 5 January 2010 9:33

that's kinda funny I'm sorry

By Gucci_Girl | 2

#756271 - Tuesday 5 January 2010 9:45

Lmfao.

By Marcheline_Chase | 0

#756277 - Tuesday 5 January 2010 9:49

Yeah, half the male population of the world would do that if they were with some " Big Kahonas"

By fatalkiss | 0

#756278 - Tuesday 5 January 2010 9:49

hahaha why fyl? i think it's cute how retarded our boys are sometimes.

By allen20 | 0

#756286 - Tuesday 5 January 2010 9:52

Yea #6 i agree. Some girls complain about everything dammn. Its like their dead serious about everything :O

By MakeupBurn | 0

#756294 - Tuesday 5 January 2010 9:54

he has a sense of humor. he's a keeper!

By akiranozaki | 0

#756296 - Tuesday 5 January 2010 9:54

Best boyfriend ever.

By Chris122990 | 4

#756305 - Tuesday 5 January 2010 9:57

My girl thinks it's hilarious.