Today, it was the first time my boyfriend had seen me naked.... - FML

By ambermcnulty - 5/1/2010 02:27 - France

Today, it was the first time my boyfriend had seen me naked. He grabs my breasts and then begins to sing "I've got a lovely bunch of coconuts." He is 22. FML

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Big baby man

White line fever

Business savvy

By Bandgeek - 16/3/2017 20:00

Today, at work, 5 minutes after I'd sent my help home, we got an 83 dollar order. I'm the only cook. FML

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By Danielle - 9/4/2011 23:00 - United States

Today, while dog sitting, the dog peed on the carpet. There was a bottle of cleaning spray on the counter so I sprayed the spot. Turns out that spray was Clorox Bleach. Now their carpet is bright orange. FML

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By Anonymous - 1/11/2009 17:51 - United States

Today, I found out that my daughter is dating my boss' daughter. I found this out because my extremely homophobic boss told me and wants me to 'heal' them or get fired. I didn't even know my daughter was gay. FML

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By mysea8679 - 12/6/2013 22:09 - United Kingdom - Newcastle Upon Tyne

Today, whilst trying on wedding dresses with my mom, she told me that I looked fat and awful in the dress I liked. When I told her how hurtful she was being, she told me that I should be grateful that she told me what she thought instead of laughing at me behind my back. FML

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By littlelia - 15/9/2019 14:00

Mirror, mirror…

Today, my fiance's mother asked him how he can be with someone with chronic pain for the rest of his life. She has chronic health problems too, but doesn't see how this is a hypocritical question. FML

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By Anonymous - 3/4/2012 17:48 - United States - Tucson

Today, I went to McDonalds and ordered a happy meal with a girl's toy. The high school girls behind the counter said I was too old to be served one, and I had to go home and explain to my sick daughter why she didn't get her toy. FML

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By Robert Herrin - 14/8/2018 18:30

Kinky Crab

Today, I fell asleep with my hermit crab on my bed and woke up to him pinching my nipple. FML

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By Noname - 12/3/2009 00:09 - United States

Today, I was studying for a final when I noticed all I had was a blue highlighter. I decided to drive to the store to get a yellow one. On the way there, I got $200 worth of traffic tickets for not stopping at a stop sign. I basically spent $200 because I prefer yellow highlighters over blue. FML

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By ohlordhelpmenow - 15/1/2012 03:54 - United States

Today, my dad created a new rule: It isn't old until there's mold. FML

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By Anonymous - 7/5/2009 10:44 - Malaysia

Today, one of my teachers asked me to babysit their kids saturday night. She didn't forget that it was Prom night, she was going to chaperone it. My teacher assumed I wasn't invited to Prom... I wasn't. FML

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By socks - 21/9/2011 07:01 - United States

Today, I had to explain to a woman I didn't know that my husband was killed overseas. She replied, "I know exactly how you feel, my dog died last month." FML

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By KillMeNow - 18/10/2011 16:08 - United Kingdom

Today, on my first day of being a trainee teacher in a classroom, I told a boy to stop using that stupid accent or else I'll give him a detention. Turns out he just moved here from Romania. FML

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By Anonymous - 20/5/2019 14:22

Today, I had to cover for a coworker so I worked a 12-hour shift. I worked so late, I missed the final episode of Game of Thrones, which I have been really looking forward to. Guess who texted me, talking about how it ended? FML

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By Scottie Too Hottie - 27/6/2016 22:49 - United States - Pontiac

Today, I waved money at a passing ice cream truck and it kept going. So apparently I can't even get a date with a Sno Cone. FML

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By Anonymous - 15/10/2011 17:05 - United States

Today, I saw my boyfriend of a year kissing another girl. When I walked up to confront him about it, he tried to convince the other girl he didn't know who I was. FML

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By tumbleshay - 21/3/2015 01:32 - United States - Veneta

Today, I broke up with my girlfriend because I felt unappreciated. She found it appropriate to sarcastically say, "Oh no, how will I ever be able to open my jars?" FML

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By Anonymous - 27/1/2011 02:53 - United States

Today, I got my phone fixed and the lady who was working on it somehow resent all the old text messages in my outbox. One was to my ex saying "I love you." FML

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By feelinblue - 23/6/2009 11:31 - Australia

Today, I ran into an old student of mine at the grocery store. She didn't recognize me at first so I introduced myself as her old teacher. She looked taken aback for a moment, and then said, "Oh my God... you're still alive?" FML

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By gordogs 25 - 4/4/2012 10:53 - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, I woke up for the third time in a row from a wet dream about my ex-girlfriend. I'm currently on my honeymoon. FML

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By Anonymous - 29/6/2009 19:52 - United States

Today, my parents booked my 18th birthday party at Chuck E Cheese's. FML

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By savanah_aaron - 31/3/2017 20:00

Today, I have to use the same techniques to trick my 24-year-old husband into brushing his teeth, as I do my 2-year-old. FML

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By Stixchop - 26/2/2009 23:21 - United States

Today, I went to go get a haircut and I asked how much it was for a haircut, shampoo, and a blow job. I meant to say blow dry. FML

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By FailBear - 29/1/2009 21:34 - United States

Today, I found a guy getting out of my car with my GPS. He started running and I chased him. We eventually reached a dead end and he gave it back to me. I took it back from him and said, "Sorry..." FML

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By BikerGuy - 24/2/2016 06:31 - Canada - Alhambra

Today, the girl who likes me incredibly much asked me if she could come for a ride with me on my motorcycle. Normally this isn't a problem as I take lots of people out for rides for fun, but this time I had no choice but to tell her she couldn't because she's just too heavy for it. FML

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By Richmond24 - 29/7/2010 19:10 - Canada

Today, I got all four of my wisdom teeth out. My mom didn't get my prescription for painkillers because she thought I'd get addicted. FML

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By HellaBomber91 - 11/2/2010 20:15 - United States

Today, I went in to a job interview with 6 other girls my age. I tried to sit down on a chair exactly like the ones every other girl was sitting on. Then, one of the interviewers offered to get me a more "sturdy" chair. For the entire interview, I got to sit in the "fat girl chair". FML

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By j_babydoll6520 - 26/8/2011 11:09 - Australia

Today, I got a text message from a number I don't know saying "I'm sorry, but I'm cheating on you, I couldn't do this in person because you're ugly when you cry." I haven't had a relationship in 6 years and I still manage to get dumped. FML

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By maybe time to adopt - 4/3/2018 15:00

Oops.

Today, after my wife and I have been trying for a baby for 2 years, I found out she's still on the pill. Apparently when she was a teen she had bad period cramps, so her doctor gave her the pill for the pain. She never realized it stops pregnancy. FML

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By .... - 8/6/2009 04:08 - United States

Today, I was introduced to my dad's girlfriend of six months. I've already heard them sleeping together several time,s and seen her car pull away early in the morning. After meeting face to face, I also learned that she's only two years older than me. FML

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By artdegreemyass - 21/7/2012 21:14 - United States - West Palm Beach

Today, I was cashiering at Walmart, when a customer picked open a cold-sore on her lip before trying to give me her money with the same hand. When I freaked out and refused to take her money, she started screaming and threatening to sue me for "violating the First Amendment." FML

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By Anonymous - 17/2/2014 17:43 - United States - Freeport

Today, I was singing while driving through the car park. I blacked out trying to hit a high note, and ended up bashing into another car. FML

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By - 14/5/2019 14:00

Today, I spent 4 hours making a cheesecake for my brother's girlfriend, which she begged me for a week to make. After my oven breaking and having to buy a new hand mixer, she tells me she's not going to eat it because this morning she decided to try being a vegan because, "it sounds interesting." FML

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By Anonymous - 3/10/2019 02:00

Miss Pissy

Today, I was protesting for animal rights. On my way home, I accidentally hit a pig with my car. I freaked out and got out to check to see if it was OK. It knocked me over, spraining my wrist, and it pissed all over my pants. FML

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By fazzems - 7/8/2009 03:10 - Canada

Today, I had a video call with a couple of old friends, but the conversation sort of got boring, so I started mouthing words so they'd think the connection was bad and end the awkwardness. Then, as soon as they hung up the call, I realized I'd left my music on in the background the whole time. FML

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By vivelawank - 10/5/2014 20:52 - United Kingdom

Today, I realised the only preparation I've done for my final French exam has been wanking off to French porn. FML

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By 30000 - 2/1/2015 03:38 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I was brushing my teeth. When it came time for me to spit, I absentmindedly opened the bathroom drawer and spat in there instead of in the sink. FML

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By Anonymous - 17/3/2010 19:32 - United States

Today, while at work as a lifeguard, an older gentleman who comes in almost every morning wearing a very tight swimming suit, came up to me and said, "I don't want you having any erotic fantasies of me." After a long pause he added, "Actually, I wouldn't mind it if you do." FML

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By melikeyturtles - 2/11/2011 05:21 - United States

Today, I went to my boyfriend's apartment to break up with him since he's always busy, and I haven't seen or spoke to him in almost 2 months. I arrived to find out from his landlord that he'd moved out 3 weeks ago, leaving a note saying that we were over. FML

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By AussieGirl - 21/11/2009 11:40 - Australia

Today, as I put on my pajamas, a large spider ran down my leg. After freaking out, killing it, and recomposing myself, I went to the bathroom. As I sat down to go to the toilet, I looked up to see hundreds of baby spiders hanging over my head. FML

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By Sally - 26/1/2009 00:06 - United States

Today, I am studying abroad in Mexico and someone asked me what it's like to be from Minnesota. I responded in Spanish, in front of thirty people, what I thought translated to, "If you get cold, you can just put on a jacket." Apparently, what I thought meant "jacket" actually meant "masturbate". FML

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Top comments

By hockeyhouse | 5

#756237 - Tuesday 5 January 2010 9:22

Boys are men from the day they're born, and men are boys until the day they die.

By Cuc_fml | 0

#756252 - Tuesday 5 January 2010 9:33

that's kinda funny I'm sorry

Comments

By hockeyhouse | 5

#756237 - Tuesday 5 January 2010 9:22

Boys are men from the day they're born, and men are boys until the day they die.

Reply

shoieb9 | 14

#756368 - Tuesday 5 January 2010 10:46

Well said!

Reply

conor1423 | 0

#759760 - Thursday 7 January 2010 7:42

SEXIST

Reply

JackRocksSoSuckI | 0

#909072 - Wednesday 3 March 2010 1:03

ha ha

Reply

GreenBud_fml | 0

#931855 - Wednesday 10 March 2010 10:48

Girls don't understand guys... and guys don't understand girls. >__<

Reply

BrennaJoann | 0

#984462 - Sunday 25 April 2010 4:29

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

Reply

aardvarkish | 15

#1112634 - Tuesday 20 July 2010 8:10

117, pigs are very intelligent animals...
But nothing compares to the aardvark. FYI.

Reply

hellokittywhore | 0

#1126083 - Friday 23 July 2010 0:35

everyones a kid on the inside!!
but your boyfriend has inspired me to get that song on my iPod. thanks!! :D

Reply

tianxing1012 | 0

#1357487 - Sunday 5 September 2010 23:24

not all, and i do find this fml to be extremely hilarious.

Reply

paparoachgirl | 6

#5699262 - Wednesday 2 October 2013 13:55

how do you spot a feminist at a dinner party? Don't worry, they'll tell you.

By ps2stony | 0

#756245 - Tuesday 5 January 2010 9:25

if they as big as coconuts then damn that guy is lucky

Reply

NovemberJuliette | 0

#2255381 - Monday 28 March 2011 14:41

WIN OP's bf :)

Reply

WinterPerfection | 3

#2815781 - Sunday 3 July 2011 23:14

Ikr, I'd feel honored!

By Cuc_fml | 0

#756252 - Tuesday 5 January 2010 9:33

that's kinda funny I'm sorry

By Gucci_Girl | 2

#756271 - Tuesday 5 January 2010 9:45

Lmfao.

By Marcheline_Chase | 0

#756277 - Tuesday 5 January 2010 9:49

Yeah, half the male population of the world would do that if they were with some " Big Kahonas"

By fatalkiss | 0

#756278 - Tuesday 5 January 2010 9:49

hahaha why fyl? i think it's cute how retarded our boys are sometimes.

By allen20 | 0

#756286 - Tuesday 5 January 2010 9:52

Yea #6 i agree. Some girls complain about everything dammn. Its like their dead serious about everything :O

By MakeupBurn | 0

#756294 - Tuesday 5 January 2010 9:54

he has a sense of humor. he's a keeper!

By akiranozaki | 0

#756296 - Tuesday 5 January 2010 9:54

Best boyfriend ever.

By Chris122990 | 4

#756305 - Tuesday 5 January 2010 9:57

My girl thinks it's hilarious.