Intimacy: Today, it was the first time my boyfriend had seen me naked.... - FML

By ambermcnulty - France

Today, it was the first time my boyfriend had seen me naked. He grabs my breasts and then begins to sing "I've got a lovely bunch of coconuts." He is 22. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24072

You deserved it

6040

Tweet

Share

Understandable

Miss me yet?

Fishy anxiety

By chevysprint - Canada

Today, I locked my keys in my car. I was late for work so I went to smash the side window with a big rock. The rock bounced off the window and into my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11385

You deserved it

33293

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Australia - Mona Vale

Today, a tenant in my apartment block told me about a nice shady place behind our building where he often goes to relax. Curious, I went looking for it. It was a quiet and secluded courtyard. At least until a man came out of nowhere waving a hammer in my face, screaming in a foreign language. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27940

You deserved it

3246

Tweet

Share

By Handyhusband - United States

If the women don’t find you handsome, they’ll at least find you handy...

Today, I installed a doggie door at my wife’s grandmother’s house. I was putting the door back on the hinges when I realized I had put it at the very top of the door instead of the bottom. I’m now trying to turn this hole into a window. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1321

You deserved it

2628

Tweet

Share

By erockinthesuburb - United States - Noblesville

Today, I was maced. Not by a person, but rather by one of those automatic air fresheners in the bathroom. It was conveniently placed at eye level, you know, for freshness. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44119

You deserved it

3275

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was performing in the musical 'Cabaret'. I was playing a Nazi soldier, swastika armband and all. Someone thought it would be funny to take my real clothes while I was on stage. I had to walk a mile back my house with my costume on. Someone threw eggs at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

54343

You deserved it

5579

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous

Today, I found out I'm starting to get varicose veins, typical in older people who don't move enough. I'm 34 and I get 9 hours of exercise a week. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1443

You deserved it

136

Tweet

Share

By NoBasement4U - Canada - Medicine Hat

Today, my dad went to a hardware store to replace the broken shower head in my bathroom. He got the cheapest shower head he could find, and so when I took a shower, the shower head burst out and hit me square in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26333

You deserved it

2117

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, for my Teen Living class, all the students got a fake baby. In order to stop the baby from crying, you have to use the bracelet they provide. I lost the bracelet. I have the baby all weekend. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9651

You deserved it

40829

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend dumped me for "cheating" on him by using a vibrator. FML

I agree, your life sucks

59348

You deserved it

17158

Tweet

Share

By dusk - United States

Today, I won a lifetime supply of pineapples. One problem, I'm allergic to pineapples. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36945

You deserved it

4223

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, while working out in the gym, I spotted a very attractive girl. I decided to pick up the heaviest dumbbell to show off how much I could curl. She ended up driving me to the hospital because I burst into tears after tearing up my bicep and deltoid. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25531

You deserved it

66594

Tweet

Share

By namenlos - Australia

Today, on Facebook, my sister posted a ton of photos of herself wearing a skimpy bikini, commenting that she looked hideous and fat. I can't stand attention-seeking fuckballs, so I called her on it. My mother then condemned me for "mocking" my sister, and grounded me for an entire month. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37082

You deserved it

6126

Tweet

Share

By stretchy - United States - Bethesda

Better safe

Today, my boyfriend forced me to do stretching exercises with him before and after sex as a "safety precaution". FML

I agree, your life sucks

57488

You deserved it

9294

Tweet

Share

By properpissed - United States - San Francisco

Today, I was talking to one of my British friends online, and he told me to say "yew anchors" a few times really fast. I'm a fairly stupid person, and wasn't very focused, so I did as he said. When I finally figured what the words meant, my dad had heard and grounded me for cursing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35362

You deserved it

10120

Tweet

Share

By Lunar-Spice - 16/12/2020 04:54 - United States - Midlothian

Teddy is always there for you

Today, and for the past month, I'm so lonely that I fall asleep holding my teddy bear's paw for comfort. FML

I agree, your life sucks

639

You deserved it

69

Tweet

Share

By hihaay - United States

Today, while on the bus, I found out the seat I'd taken was the preferred spot of a very hostile and extremely overweight freshman. Instead of letting me find different place to sit, she half sat on me, and completely ignored my attempts to dislodge myself all the way to school. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30035

You deserved it

2944

Tweet

Share

By pissypants

Maybe he's into that...

Today, at the movies on a date, I drank all my soda and waited too long. I couldn't take it anymore and quickly got up, knocking my dates popcorn on the floor, and ran to the bathroom. I didn’t make it and went home in shame. It’s better he thinks I stood him up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2071

You deserved it

3306

Tweet

Share

By ohgodwhy - United States

Today, I spent hours baking an apple pie to impress my future mother-in-law. I was especially proud of the fact I'd made the crust and filling myself. When I served it to her, she picked off the crust and, between mouthfuls, bitched that it was nothing like canned pie filling. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28453

You deserved it

2079

Tweet

Share

By BALEIGHLOVE17

Today, my boyfriend of 2 years broke up with me. Ten minutes after, he called me asking how to change his relationship status on facebook. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47690

You deserved it

3721

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I ran into my serious boyfriend of two years at a restaurant. He was sitting with another girl. I went over and asked him who she was. He replied, "Who are you?" Apparently I was the secret girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks

77841

You deserved it

5347

Tweet

Share

By ~~~ - Australia - Adelaide

Today, after nearly three weeks of hard work, I finally completed my best drawing yet, a self-portrait. I was incredibly excited to take it to class tomorrow. That is, until I came home from a walk later on, only to find my brother had drawn a stick figure on it, wanking into my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47440

You deserved it

4320

Tweet

Share

By Bill - United States

Today, I discovered that my new college roommate not only makes casual conversation about his bowel movements, he also names them. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28526

You deserved it

2774

Tweet

Share

By Daddy Tyrone

Today, my wife bought a bright pink dildo and left in the lounge whilst she went upstairs to get changed. We didn't expect the in-laws to arrive with my niece and nephews, who were hitting each other with the - as described by my 5-year-old nephew - "big pink sword". FML

I agree, your life sucks

3059

You deserved it

716

Tweet

Share

By Mrs. Teacher - United States - Suwanee

Today, I collected my students' notes in class to check them. One girl, who is always drawing weird anime crap in her sketchbook, turned in just one piece of paper that read, "FUCK YOUR CLASS." FML

I agree, your life sucks

21641

You deserved it

23398

Tweet

Share

By thedancer5 - Canada

Today, my boyfriend dumped me by writing a breakup note with permanent marker on my newly painted bedroom wall. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41745

You deserved it

3357

Tweet

Share

By therevsev - United States

Today, I realized that it has been so long since my wife and I were intimate that I got slightly turned on watching her suck the meat off chicken wings. I'm jealous of fried, sauce-soaked poultry. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38430

You deserved it

5064

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Indianapolis

Today, after extensive tests due to pregnancy-related issues, I've been told my diet must change. I can no longer eat salt, sugar, gluten, or meat, and lactose is questionable. The doctor hopes it will end after the birth. Seven months to go. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3393

You deserved it

333

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was getting a bikini wax to prove to my husband that I could be sexy despite being five months pregnant. As the woman was applying the wax, she said, "You know, if I wanted to, I'm in the perfect spot to reach in and steal that baby." FML

I agree, your life sucks

40623

You deserved it

5279

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Phoenix

Today, a tiny worm was wriggling across the screen of my Mac laptop. I tried to wipe it away with my thumb, but it just kept crawling. Turns out the worm lives *inside* my screen, beneath the glass. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46523

You deserved it

4703

Tweet

Share

By brelni - United States

Today, my ex-boyfriend came over to visit. Being nice, I let him walk down the stairs first, following after him. I still managed to reach the bottom before he did; after taking one step, I lost my footing and fell all the way down, scraping the skin off my arms and legs, and bruising my butt. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24107

You deserved it

4742

Tweet

Share

By Pooperscooper - France

Today, I learned when you're babysitting a 5 year old, and you hear the toilet flush and then the words "uh oh", it's already too late. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45571

You deserved it

6849

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Los Angeles

Today, at a family gathering, it emerged that my now ex-fiancé has been sleeping with his brother's girlfriend for some time now. A fight broke out, the police were called, and more than one of his relatives are blaming me for him cheating with her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43508

You deserved it

3583

Tweet

Share

By soapypete - United States

Today, before a big client pitch I went into their office bathroom to quickly slick down my hair. It had two identical automatic faucets, one for water and one for hand soap. Now my hair is full of soap, and smells like industrial strength lavender. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10197

You deserved it

30850

Tweet

Share

By best friend! - Canada

Today, my best friend informed me that she has been sleeping with my boyfriend. She tried to justify it by saying, "He's just going to break up with you anyway." FML

I agree, your life sucks

36435

You deserved it

2392

Tweet

Share

By chlorobitch551 - United States - Charlotte

Today, I overheard my dad telling his friends that the only way I'll ever sleep with a woman is with the help of Rohypnol. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29748

You deserved it

2878

Tweet

Share

By kelly.duggan - Canada - Carleton Place

Today, I went to get an ultrasound done. I texted my ex, who's the father, and told him how adorable its little feet are, and asked him why he didn't come. I got a reply with two words: "DNA test". FML

I agree, your life sucks

42571

You deserved it

11766

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Australia - Sydney

Today, a classmate at college accused me of stalking her. All because I walked past her house. I was walking to the supermarket. FML

I agree, your life sucks

19145

You deserved it

1180

Tweet

Share

By smashleighfig - France

Today, I found out my husband of 10 years has a online blog. Excited to read about myself, I began skimming, only to find out that every entry is him explaining how he let his "soulmate" walk away 9 years ago because of his "previous commitment" and how he regrets it every day. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39970

You deserved it

3594

Tweet

Share

By apparentnerd - United States

Today, my sister is dressing up as a nerd for Halloween. She's using my clothes for the costume. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32605

You deserved it

7850

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Harrison

Today, I met my girlfriend's mom. She went on about how my girlfriend's dad is a no good drunk, following this statement with spilling her fifth glass of wine. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25054

You deserved it

2086

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By hockeyhouse | 5

#756237 - Tuesday 5 January 2010 9:22

Boys are men from the day they're born, and men are boys until the day they die.

By Cuc_fml | 0

#756252 - Tuesday 5 January 2010 9:33

that's kinda funny I'm sorry

COMMENTS

By hockeyhouse | 5

#756237 - Tuesday 5 January 2010 9:22

Boys are men from the day they're born, and men are boys until the day they die.

Reply

shoieb9 | 14

#756368 - Tuesday 5 January 2010 10:46

Well said!

Reply

conor1423 | 0

#759760 - Thursday 7 January 2010 7:42

SEXIST

Reply

JackRocksSoSuckI | 0

#909072 - Wednesday 3 March 2010 1:03

ha ha

Reply

GreenBud_fml | 0

#931855 - Wednesday 10 March 2010 10:48

Girls don't understand guys... and guys don't understand girls. >__<

Reply

BrennaJoann | 0

#984462 - Sunday 25 April 2010 4:29

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

Reply

aardvarkish | 15

#1112634 - Tuesday 20 July 2010 8:10

117, pigs are very intelligent animals...
But nothing compares to the aardvark. FYI.

Reply

hellokittywhore | 0

#1126083 - Friday 23 July 2010 0:35

everyones a kid on the inside!!
but your boyfriend has inspired me to get that song on my iPod. thanks!! :D

Reply

tianxing1012 | 0

#1357487 - Sunday 5 September 2010 23:24

not all, and i do find this fml to be extremely hilarious.

Reply

paparoachgirl | 6

#5699262 - Wednesday 2 October 2013 13:55

how do you spot a feminist at a dinner party? Don't worry, they'll tell you.

By ps2stony | 0

#756245 - Tuesday 5 January 2010 9:25

if they as big as coconuts then damn that guy is lucky

Reply

NovemberJuliette | 0

#2255381 - Monday 28 March 2011 14:41

WIN OP's bf :)

Reply

WinterPerfection | 3

#2815781 - Sunday 3 July 2011 23:14

Ikr, I'd feel honored!

By Cuc_fml | 0

#756252 - Tuesday 5 January 2010 9:33

that's kinda funny I'm sorry

By Gucci_Girl | 2

#756271 - Tuesday 5 January 2010 9:45

Lmfao.

By Marcheline_Chase | 0

#756277 - Tuesday 5 January 2010 9:49

Yeah, half the male population of the world would do that if they were with some " Big Kahonas"

By fatalkiss | 0

#756278 - Tuesday 5 January 2010 9:49

hahaha why fyl? i think it's cute how retarded our boys are sometimes.

By allen20 | 0

#756286 - Tuesday 5 January 2010 9:52

Yea #6 i agree. Some girls complain about everything dammn. Its like their dead serious about everything :O

By MakeupBurn | 0

#756294 - Tuesday 5 January 2010 9:54

he has a sense of humor. he's a keeper!

By akiranozaki | 0

#756296 - Tuesday 5 January 2010 9:54

Best boyfriend ever.

By Chris122990 | 4

#756305 - Tuesday 5 January 2010 9:57

My girl thinks it's hilarious.