Today, it was the first time my boyfriend had seen me naked.... - FML

By ambermcnulty - 5/1/2010 02:27 - France

Today, it was the first time my boyfriend had seen me naked. He grabs my breasts and then begins to sing "I've got a lovely bunch of coconuts." He is 22. FML

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Mr Sensitivity

Boom, headshot

Out of the frying pan

By Anonymous - 5/12/2011 00:40 - United States

Today, I cleaned my toilet. I had forgotten it was white. FML

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By theuglyone - 14/11/2016 19:40 - United Kingdom - London

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me for a girl he met through me. I shouldn't feel bad. Apparently, she's exactly like me, only much prettier. FML

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By Anonymous - 6/12/2010 14:38 - United States

Today, I found out a guy I work with has an eye twitch. I thought he was just a winker. I have been winking back all week. He either thinks I'm an asshole or am trying to seduce him. FML

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By Anonymous - 3/12/2010 21:18 - Argentina

Today, a guy I've liked for a while asked if he could talk to me during break. He'd never done that before, so I was excited and said yes. As soon as we both sat down, he asked if I'd help him get a date with my best friend. FML

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By Mick - 6/6/2011 14:18

Today, I ran into an old high school friend while out with my husband. When she inquired who I was married to, I pointed to my husband, who was looking at shirts. She laughed and said "No really?", insinuating that I couldn't get anyone that good looking. FML

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By Anonymous - 6/9/2013 11:45 - United States - Gorham

Today, after 8 months of being belittled and treated like trash at my job as a prep cook in a high-end kitchen, I stood up for myself to the line cooks. Not only did everyone laugh at me, I got fired for causing a scene during service and insubordination. FML

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By GymBattle - 31/10/2013 23:18 - United States

Today, while I was working out, I was listening to music with my earbuds in. The Pokémon theme started playing and I begun singing along. It wasn't too long after that I remembered I was in a crowded gym on a military base. FML

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By Dancing King - 7/8/2014 15:36 - Norway - Egersund

Today, I went with my girlfriend to the gym for the first time. I knew I was in bad shape, but I bet her that I could lift more than her. Not only did I get my ass handed to me by a 5', 115lbs girl in front of the entire gym, I also have to attend Zumba in bright pink spandex. FML

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By jack the ripped - 30/4/2016 04:38 - United States

Today, while examining my busted nose in the mirror, I had a sneeze attack. Now it looks like someone got their throat slashed in my bathroom. FML

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By disguested - 4/3/2010 20:01 - United States

Today, after threatening my son for weeks that if he didn't clean his room, I would, I went in, equipped with a garbage bag, ready to throw away everything I found, only to discover dozens of empty bottles, two partially empty pizza boxes, Taco Bell wrappers, and cockroaches. FML

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By random - 6/5/2009 08:57 - United States

Today, I got my hair dyed at a fancy salon. While the stylist was pulling out the foils in my hair I sat up and started screaming in pain because the hot foils were burning my scalp. All she said was "oh, you're fine". I went back home to find an oozing burn wound on my scalp. FML

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By Anonymous - 1/7/2013 14:39 - United States

Today, I realized that getting wasted before finals is not a good idea. I sat down in the test hall, reached into my bag for a pencil, and found instead three baby carrots and a spoon. FML

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By Brianna Michelle Ferrell - 18/9/2018 13:30

Today, I went on a date with a guy and he kept winking at me. I thought it was really sweet until later that night he told me he had Tourette's. FML

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By thanksmom - 22/12/2014 23:15 - United States - Watertown

Today, my mother brought over some early Christmas presents for me and the kids. The kid's presents were fine, mine however consisted of many yard accessories, including solar lights. I live in an apartment building with no yard. Her response? "Buy a potted plant and shove them in there." FML

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By nolongerengaged - 3/2/2009 17:08 - United States

Today, my fiance told me that he no longer loves me, that he still has feelings for an ex. The wedding is off and he needs the ring back to give to the right woman. FML

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By Toby's.Mom. - 16/2/2017 17:00 - United States - Houston

Your kid is a boffin

Today, I heard my son use the word "exacerbated". I had to look it up to see if he had correctly used it, which he had, because I couldn't remember what it meant. I'll be 23 next week. He's not even 4. FML

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By dontpeeonmenxtime - 29/12/2011 14:51 - United States

Today, I woke up to slight memory of my boyfriend leaving for work an hour earlier than originally planned due to "excessive sweat" in my bed. When I removed my sheets and took in a deep whiff, my olfactory receptors instantly knew that his so called "sweat" was actually his urine. FML

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By - 30/12/2009 11:16 - France

Today, after going to college for 5 years to become an architect I discover my plumber makes more than I do. FML

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By UnknownKitten - 3/5/2016 03:07 - United States - Elgin

Today, I returned home after a long day of work. I noticed that my kitten had gotten a hold of my pin cushion, and that there were no needles left in it. My husband and I have only managed to find one, out of 16. FML

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By Sarah Lyn Guillen - 24/6/2019 04:59

Today, I saw the cutest baby watching a show with my Dad. After commenting how cute she was, my Dad goes on to say, "Yeah, most babies are cute. Except you, you looked like a lizard." FML

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By Anonymous - 2/12/2011 06:15 - United States

Today, I saw my dad for the first time in ten years. He was stealing my car. FML

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By now afraid... - 3/4/2016 17:28 - United States - Bloomington

Today, I found a bowl of green beans just sitting in my microwave. The only person in my life who ever eats green beans is my psycho ex-girlfriend. She moved out three months ago. FML

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By brokeasajoke - 11/11/2009 16:13 - United States

Today, I let my dad borrow my car. I found out a few hours later that he has had a suspended license for three years. How did I find out? He got pulled over and arrested. My car was also impounded. I'm a college student barely making it as it is. Guess who can't afford the impound fees? FML

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By wow - 27/11/2019 05:00 - United States - Portland

Good shot

Today, for the first time in months, my best friend agreed to hang out with me. After waiting, three hours for him to show up, I called to see what was taking him so long. He told me he couldn't come because he needed to get a haircut. FML

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By storksleuth - 4/10/2011 08:57 - United States

Today, I saw a girl wearing a Nirvana shirt. Since Nirvana has been my favorite band for a long time, I tried striking up a conversation with her. Turns out she doesn't even listen to them, and only bought the shirt because she "liked the smiley face." FML

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By poop towel - 15/9/2011 19:43 - United States

Today, my new roommate moved in. It seems that instead of using toilet paper like a normal human being, she instead opts to use the nearest towel in reach. I found this out when I went to dry off with mine after a shower. FML

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By mockable - 6/4/2012 11:09 - United States

Today, I was informed that one of my store managers does a "great" impression of me. No one will tell me what it is, but apparently it's really funny. FML

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By ihavenothing - 18/2/2011 14:47 - United States

Today, my mom told me that she was selling my favorite thing in the world, my trombone. The only thing that I'm good at is the trombone. FML

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By Anonymous - 30/10/2015 22:22 - United States - Saint Peters

Today, I finally stood up to the guy who's been bullying me for the last 2 years. Even though he's been caught in the act several times, he never gets punished, so I figured I'd get away with gut-punching him. Nope. An hour later, I was suspended from school. FML

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By Lilly_28 - 11/8/2009 14:01 - United States

Today, I was home alone. I didn't expect anyone to be anywhere near home, so when I got out of the shower, I walked to the living room, naked, to get the tv remote for my room. Only to find the UPS guy standing at our glass front door. I screamed... so did he. FML

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By Anonymous - 12/6/2013 02:12 - United States

Today, my mother came into my workplace to wail on me for "ruining our family's reputation" because I got a girl pregnant. I've been married to the "girl" for 8 years. FML

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By Miss_Kristen - 26/2/2012 15:31 - United States

Today, an African-American family came into the restaurant at which I work. They said, "Jackson, party of 5." After I laughed, I realized they were serious. FML

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By Anonymous - 2/8/2015 05:19 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my boyfriend told me my vagina is "as clean as a dog's mouth." I'm not sure if that supposed to be a compliment or not. FML

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By nobleach - 2/7/2009 14:05 - United States

Today, I decided I was going to bleach my bikini line, as I have not been able to shave there due to some ingrown hairs, and I also have to lifeguard every day. As it turns out, I'm allergic to the bleach. There is now an angry red, burning rash on my crotch that you can see around my swimsuit. FML

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By Anonymous - 5/8/2019 06:00

Air Conditioned Egg on Face?

Today, I went to see the mechanic who'd just serviced my car, because it was still leaking cooling fluid. I started to explain the problem, but he stopped me and asked if I'd had the AC on. I said yes. He smiled and said lots people have this "problem" in summer. Did you know the AC releases fluid when you turn it off? I didn't. FML

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By Anonymous - 29/4/2009 10:12 - United States

Today, trying to make my 6 year old daughter to laugh, I drew a picture of a butt, a puff of air coming out and the word "toot". My daughter thought it extremely funny. Later, when she was talking with my extremely judgmental mother-in-law, I heard her say "daddy taught me how to draw butts." FML

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By screwed - 11/3/2020 23:00

Bad choice of material, dude

Today, I told my on and off girlfriend as a joke that I stalked her two years ago. She didn't believe me. When I say she didn't believe me, I mean she didn't believe it was a joke. FM

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By Anonymous - 29/3/2012 16:53 - United States - Houston

Today, I thought about how my dad went to get me a Halloween costume and hasn't come home yet. That was 11 years ago. We've moved twice since then. FML

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By Anonymous - 20/9/2018 22:30

Today, I was headed towards the unisex bathroom at physical therapy when another patient looked up at me and quickly looked away. I knew instantly and prepared for the smell, but I wasn't expecting remnants still floating in the toilet. FML

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By "Kymberly Hams" - 9/4/2019 10:00 - Australia

Today, my toddler was supposed to be taking a nap. Instead, he decided it was the perfect time to remove his own nappy for the first time ever. He painted his walls, floor, bed and body, then started crying because he was dirty. FML

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Top comments

By hockeyhouse | 5

#756237 - Tuesday 5 January 2010 9:22

Boys are men from the day they're born, and men are boys until the day they die.

By Cuc_fml | 0

#756252 - Tuesday 5 January 2010 9:33

that's kinda funny I'm sorry

COMMENTS

By hockeyhouse | 5

#756237 - Tuesday 5 January 2010 9:22

Boys are men from the day they're born, and men are boys until the day they die.

Reply

shoieb9 | 14

#756368 - Tuesday 5 January 2010 10:46

Well said!

Reply

conor1423 | 0

#759760 - Thursday 7 January 2010 7:42

SEXIST

Reply

JackRocksSoSuckI | 0

#909072 - Wednesday 3 March 2010 1:03

ha ha

Reply

GreenBud_fml | 0

#931855 - Wednesday 10 March 2010 10:48

Girls don't understand guys... and guys don't understand girls. >__<

Reply

BrennaJoann | 0

#984462 - Sunday 25 April 2010 4:29

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

Reply

aardvarkish | 15

#1112634 - Tuesday 20 July 2010 8:10

117, pigs are very intelligent animals...
But nothing compares to the aardvark. FYI.

Reply

hellokittywhore | 0

#1126083 - Friday 23 July 2010 0:35

everyones a kid on the inside!!
but your boyfriend has inspired me to get that song on my iPod. thanks!! :D

Reply

tianxing1012 | 0

#1357487 - Sunday 5 September 2010 23:24

not all, and i do find this fml to be extremely hilarious.

Reply

paparoachgirl | 6

#5699262 - Wednesday 2 October 2013 13:55

how do you spot a feminist at a dinner party? Don't worry, they'll tell you.

By ps2stony | 0

#756245 - Tuesday 5 January 2010 9:25

if they as big as coconuts then damn that guy is lucky

Reply

NovemberJuliette | 0

#2255381 - Monday 28 March 2011 14:41

WIN OP's bf :)

Reply

WinterPerfection | 3

#2815781 - Sunday 3 July 2011 23:14

Ikr, I'd feel honored!

By Cuc_fml | 0

#756252 - Tuesday 5 January 2010 9:33

that's kinda funny I'm sorry

By Gucci_Girl | 2

#756271 - Tuesday 5 January 2010 9:45

Lmfao.

By Marcheline_Chase | 0

#756277 - Tuesday 5 January 2010 9:49

Yeah, half the male population of the world would do that if they were with some " Big Kahonas"

By fatalkiss | 0

#756278 - Tuesday 5 January 2010 9:49

hahaha why fyl? i think it's cute how retarded our boys are sometimes.

By allen20 | 0

#756286 - Tuesday 5 January 2010 9:52

Yea #6 i agree. Some girls complain about everything dammn. Its like their dead serious about everything :O

By MakeupBurn | 0

#756294 - Tuesday 5 January 2010 9:54

he has a sense of humor. he's a keeper!

By akiranozaki | 0

#756296 - Tuesday 5 January 2010 9:54

Best boyfriend ever.

By Chris122990 | 4

#756305 - Tuesday 5 January 2010 9:57

My girl thinks it's hilarious.