Today, my boyfriend and I were fooling around in bed, when suddenly,...

By goldie09 - 18/2/2010 17:36 - Canada

Today, my boyfriend and I were fooling around in bed, when suddenly, he turned to me and started playing with my breasts as if they were turn tables and he was the DJ. FML

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Intimacy

Understandable

Tonight, on Grey's Anatomy…

Extreme late fees

By sorry - 25/11/2019 01:00 - United States - Columbus

Blind love

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because I slightly hesitated when she asked if she was beautiful. I am blind. FML

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By sdauner - 1/3/2010 21:55 - United States

Today, I found a $100 bill on the ground and was thinking, "I'm so lucky!!" I opened my wallet to find that $300 was missing. I looked back and saw some guy picking up $300. FML

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By JD - 6/2/2010 01:20 - Australia

Today, I was in my drama class and I was standing behind the curtains. My friend accidentally bumped me into the bin that was hidden behind the curtain. Everyone heard me fall and they opened the curtains. My butt was stuck in it and my knees were in front of my face. No one helped. FML

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24122

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By Anonymous - 1/11/2010 23:56 - Canada

Today, I went into a haunted house. Around 30 seconds into the adventure, I couldn't stop screaming at the top of my lungs from all of the scares. Suddenly, the little girl ahead of me, who was all by herself, turned around and told me to "suck it up and grow a pair, loser." FML

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By Anonymous - 28/4/2013 19:53 - Saudi Arabia

Today, I got caught masturbating, twice, by the same person. FML

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By tarini - 27/5/2009 20:12 - Bangladesh

Today, I got an acceptance later to a great boarding school in India for my senior year of high school. I sent them a letter telling them I wouldn't go, because I just got back with my ex-boyfriend. I just got a text from my boyfriend. Guess who's my ex again? FML

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By musicalxtheories - 9/5/2020 08:00

Tiler, the creator

Today, my cat pooped in the shower. How did I find out? I didn't see the poop when I got in. I slipped in it, and smacked my head on the tile wall. FML

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By Anonymous - 15/9/2011 04:42 - United States

Today, my husband told me the only reason we're still together is because he can't afford to move out. FML

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By JustCantWin - 17/10/2010 17:08 - United States

Today, I called my parents to wish them a happy 28th anniversary. Now my mom's mad at my dad for forgetting, and my dad's mad at me for reminding her. FML

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By FMAhole - 12/2/2019 12:18 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, while at the office, a surprise Valentine's gift arrived for me, the first I've ever received. It was a box of heart-shaped cookies. From my mother. I'm 39. FML

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By Anonymous - 6/9/2009 23:09 - United States

Today, my friends and I went to the beach and we were tanning when I suddenly saw 10 roses floating in the ocean. I went around to pick up all the roses and threw the petals at my friends. Then I notice a big boat of people in black and white were looking at me with disgust. It was a funeral. FML

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By Anonymous - 2/8/2020 14:01

Walking Dead

Today, my doctor informed me I was a fascinating patient. Why? I have "more health issues than a patient my age should." I'm 26. FML

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1387

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By tannarox - 28/1/2012 15:46 - United States

Today, our rodent problem was taken care of. I discovered this when my cat projectile-vomited a soggy, death-scented wad of dark fur and tiny organs onto the couch. FML

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By Oops54321 - 28/9/2009 07:12 - France

Today, I was feeling really horny. I decided to send dirty texts to my girlfriend. I sent the first and she didn't reply, so I sent more and more and then I got one back saying 'Stay away from my little girl.' FML

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By Anonymous - 2/7/2012 05:47 - United States - Gainesville

Today, my mother-in-law said I wasn't the type she expected her son to marry, as he's always dated cheerleaders and model types. I must have looked offended, so she added, "I mean they weren't smart like you." So, I might be smart but I'm the ugliest girl my husband has ever been with. FML

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By BatBee - 3/8/2016 02:29 - United States - Princeton

Today, my husband and I were talking about how we missed our sexting from when we were dating, so later I took a bath and texted him while he was relaxing in bed. His response ? "I'm tired and hurry up I need to poop." FML

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By Fire_Crotch - 14/8/2010 06:27 - Canada

Today, I turned the shower on the hottest setting so it would warm up quickly. I started to sing and dance around the bathroom. I got too carried away and pelvic thrusted the water, which I hadn't turned back down. FML

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By Anonymous - 21/11/2010 08:01 - Mexico

Today, I was walking with and hugging my girlfriend at the same time. I tried to be funny and touched her breast, saying "Boob" in a silly voice. In reply, she slapped me in the crotch, saying "Dick" in the same voice. FML

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By soo - 2/7/2015 20:25

Today, a guest at the hotel I work at started shouting at me. Apparently the street vendor selling sunglasses outside the hotel sold her a pair of 'genuine' Ray Bans for $5. She wanted me to phone the police because she realized two days later they were fake. FML

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By Anonymous - 29/1/2010 07:25 - United States

Today, after having been a vegetarian for 8 years because I'm opposed to cruelty to animals, I lost a bet and had to eat a whole cheeseburger. I loved it. FML

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By kelkline - 31/8/2009 16:45 - United States

Today, my friend got a babysitter for the kids and told me she was taking me to a party. My son told me his band was playing at a party. I will be 40 tomorrow, so I thought this would be the best surprise birthday party ever. It WAS a surprise birthday party – for a friend of ours. FML

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By JWags - 4/12/2018 05:00

Today, at 30 years old, my wife asked why I'm circumcised when my parents aren't religious. I didn't know I was circumcised. FML

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By jaydiv - 22/11/2009 09:15 - Australia

Today, I saw my cat outside taking a dump. I pulled back the curtain and watched him clean it up, because I found it fascinating that animals can do that. I must have been standing there for several minutes before I noticed the neighbour next door looking at me being fascinated by my cat pooing. FML

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By imnotastranger - 9/5/2014 03:01

Today, I was teaching my 4 year old daughter how to use "stranger danger". Later that day, we went out and since I didn't buy her a ice cream, she kept screaming "STRANGER DANGER!" A total stranger tackled me until the cops arrived. FML

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By stupid drunk bitch - 24/2/2016 18:37 - United States - Cobleskill

Today, my roommate made out with this guy I kind of had a thing for. It wasn't a big deal to sober me, but drunk me wasn't having it. I drank half a bottle of vodka, punched a hole in a wall, and cried while laying on the floor. FML

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By Iknowitlooksbad - 22/6/2016 05:16

Today, I learned the hard way not to keep my own cash in my pocket while working as a cashier, when I was forced to give $30 to a scamming customer. FML

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By Anonymous - 27/3/2020 02:12

Grand Old Irony

Today, I asked my 'friend with benefits' if she'd consider actually dating me regularly. She said yes, but only if I joined the Republican Party, because she "would never date anyone who didn't fight for morality." FML

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By Chemist-why - 30/1/2015 15:11 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my fiancé and I were having sex. In the middle of it he said, "I want us to be covalent bonds". I didn't understand what he meant, and he actually stopped to explain it to me. FML

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By Anonymous - 30/12/2013 06:29 - Canada - Calgary

Today, at a restaurant, I happily watched as my boyfriend of three years got down on his knees and proposed to me. Before I could say yes and hug him, a girl flung herself at him, kissed him and shouted, "Yes!" With us still highly confused, she then ran away. FML

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By Anon - 12/2/2012 03:01 - United States

Today, I had to tell my mom to stop sending pictures of Jesus to my boyfriend. FML

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By dislocated - 14/2/2018 20:30

How romantic!

Today, my boyfriend dislocated my jaw by sitting on my face while trying to fart on it. FML

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By Katie - 9/10/2012 05:42 - United States - Homewood

Today, I received frantic calls and messages from my husband wondering where I was and if I was cheating on him. I was in the same house as him. FML

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By dogbait - 14/2/2010 05:07 - France

Today, my neighbor's dog bit me, it was extremely painful. The gash in my leg was deep and bleeding like crazy. When I finally got into my house screaming in agonizing pain, my mother said "Quit bitching, walk it off and you'll be fine." My leg is purple now. FML

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By convict possibly - 26/5/2017 18:00

Today, I got to try on a stunning suit that made me the handsomest man in the world. Upcoming prom? No. Wedding? No. I attended a date... A court date. FML

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3298

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By Anonymous - 20/6/2009 16:06 - United States

Today, my husband and I were having sex in the shower while our 5-year old was sleeping. Apparently, she wasn't sleeping and she asked me what those loud noises were. I told her I was singing. Now I can't get her to stop "singing" in the shower. FML

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By Leanna - 10/4/2017 12:00

Today, I cleaned my entire house. Ready for a fresh finishing touch in the bedroom, I grabbed the Febreze and lightly sprayed over my clean bedding, carpeting, and clothing. Then a pungent odor hit me. It seems someone forgot to label the bottle when they filled it with vinegar instead. FML

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By cfaul001 - 29/2/2012 17:41 - United States

Today, I got extremely wasted and decided to take a shower with my boyfriend. What seemed like a good and sexy idea turned into us falling and getting wedged in the bathtub. FML

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By keepsmiling - 2/9/2009 11:19 - France

Today, I thought it would be sexy to surprise my boyfriend by hiding in the closet naked and pouncing on him as he came to get his pants. I never got to the pouncing. Apparently my boyfriend has heightened reflexes so instead I got slapped hard across the face. My ear is still ringing. FML

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By iluvcoconutrough - 2/7/2009 04:34 - New Zealand

Today, at school I was sitting with a friend outside, talking about irregular periods and unshaven legs. Ten minutes into the conversation, a teacher sticks her head out the window above us and tells us to leave. We were distracting a classroom who were trying to finish a test. FML

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By PlzSendBlankets - 27/6/2016 02:00 - United States

Today, marks three days since I was supposed to follow the moving truck to my new home. Instead, I got super sick and my dad drove away without me. I've been laying on a dog cushion the entire weekend because my bed is 500 miles away. FML

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Top comments

By IDunnoz | 0

#869959 - Thursday 18 February 2010 23:06

better than him being the drummer

By gilly011 | 0

#869953 - Thursday 18 February 2010 23:04

WIN for dj hero!

COMMENTS

By gilly011 | 0

#869953 - Thursday 18 February 2010 23:04

WIN for dj hero!

bonnieandclyde44 | 0

#869972 - Thursday 18 February 2010 23:10

cuuute

sam411411 | 0

#869981 - Thursday 18 February 2010 23:11

did he make your bed rock?

Horney4her69 | 0

#870045 - Thursday 18 February 2010 23:34

I'm gonna try that; it sounds fun.

lmfao1643 | 3

#870050 - Thursday 18 February 2010 23:36

Agreed

marsty | 0

#870381 - Friday 19 February 2010 1:31

LMFAO @ 34

pongmaster | 0

#870534 - Friday 19 February 2010 2:04

W00t for your BF, this is an excellent idea

HeresReality | 0

#870808 - Friday 19 February 2010 3:22

ruh-ruh-rururuh-ruh-REMIX

kniickles | 0

#870905 - Friday 19 February 2010 3:53

this. that was clever.

Villanova23 | 0

#870960 - Friday 19 February 2010 4:09

def have to try this one :)

garuru | 4

#871048 - Friday 19 February 2010 4:33

yo he isnt me (my name is DJ) hahaha

BongBlaster420 | 0

#871470 - Friday 19 February 2010 6:39

10 haha that's a good song

Purpose30 | 0

#871496 - Friday 19 February 2010 6:49

At least he didn't try Rock band (drums mainly)!!!! ouchhh

paramorefan125 | 0

#871517 - Friday 19 February 2010 7:00

ahahaha nice

sucks4Udude | 3

#871687 - Friday 19 February 2010 8:36

lol @2 that songs awesome

andruha1123 | 5

#871742 - Friday 19 February 2010 9:17

why is this a fml?

rbond93 | 4

#872937 - Friday 19 February 2010 20:01

agreed

gomego87 | 0

#874388 - Saturday 20 February 2010 4:36

hey #1, your a meow

depotst | 0

#973870 - Sunday 4 April 2010 6:31

chicka chicka

LauraRoy | 0

#986508 - Thursday 29 April 2010 9:46

hah, my boyfriend did that to me. only it was Christmas time so he had to do it to jingle bells..

Thabb | 0

#988480 - Wednesday 5 May 2010 4:41

What's so bad about it? Sounds fun.

By bobmandude | 0

#869955 - Thursday 18 February 2010 23:05

hahaha good boyfriend. try some disco next time! :)

Bl4ck_1c3 | 2

#870139 - Friday 19 February 2010 0:09

no, metal it would be funnier headbanging and headbutting her...

Epicfailz01 | 0

#870716 - Friday 19 February 2010 2:50

you deserve it for fooling around with you're boyfriend

sterl13 | 0

#870764 - Friday 19 February 2010 3:04

fuck you

sterl13 | 0

#870767 - Friday 19 February 2010 3:06

fuck you

jamieboy11 | 0

#878325 - Sunday 21 February 2010 10:32

lol dj hero

hobojo11 | 0

#1653187 - Friday 5 November 2010 7:54

well is he a good dj ?

By IDunnoz | 0

#869959 - Thursday 18 February 2010 23:06

better than him being the drummer

pspman789 | 0

#870333 - Friday 19 February 2010 1:18

so true #4

beer01 | 0

#870355 - Friday 19 February 2010 1:24

So true! ESP using his cock as a drum stick.

cam007_fml | 0

#870833 - Friday 19 February 2010 3:29

I'm a drummer.

saunder | 0

#871908 - Friday 19 February 2010 10:19

haaa the best!

By kgraham21 | 0

#869961 - Thursday 18 February 2010 23:06

Awesome.

destroyerdj8 | 0

#870163 - Friday 19 February 2010 0:23

I agree.

By youdidwhatnow | 0

#869969 - Thursday 18 February 2010 23:09

Real question is, why'd you let him?

By The_Toxic_Mite | 0

#869971 - Thursday 18 February 2010 23:09

How the fuck did this get here? :/

unplugged_fml | 0

#870191 - Friday 19 February 2010 0:33

I know, this isn't even an fml...

davemania | 0

#870304 - Friday 19 February 2010 1:11

I actually got confused about this being an FML, thinking that she might have liked it!!!

By T_X_P | 2

#869977 - Thursday 18 February 2010 23:10

He was being silly. So?

By akiranozaki | 0

#869983 - Thursday 18 February 2010 23:12

Your boyfriend sounds awesome.

Prestigex | 0

#870142 - Friday 19 February 2010 0:11

Well I suppose if the opportunity to get laid doesn't come very often you should be serious. lol.

paramorefan125 | 0

#873044 - Friday 19 February 2010 20:27

fukk yeah!!

By chyeahbro | 0

#869984 - Thursday 18 February 2010 23:13

boobs do amazing things to guys, you never can say for sure what affect they'll have

nobridgejustwate | 0

#870136 - Friday 19 February 2010 0:08

yeah, my ex used to sit there and say "woah, it's like, you have breasts, and like... I don't. woah."

purplemnm | 9

#870320 - Friday 19 February 2010 1:14

36 bahahahaha!!!

alli_love | 0

#871278 - Friday 19 February 2010 5:32

lol!! 36 cracks me up xD

By Menick47 | 0

#869992 - Thursday 18 February 2010 23:16

Oh give him some credit! Someone eventually ruins the mood. It'd be a real FML if you killed it by playing with his penis like it was a snake.