Intimacy: Today, my boyfriend and I were fooling around in bed, when suddenly,...

By goldie09 - Canada

Today, my boyfriend and I were fooling around in bed, when suddenly, he turned to me and started playing with my breasts as if they were turn tables and he was the DJ. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20660

You deserved it

5193

Favorite

Intimacy

Instadrama

Trip Advisor says no

They're everywhere

By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Romford

Today, I found out that, although I have the same job title and complete the same work as my male colleagues, I get paid 15% less, purely because I'm a girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks

59577

You deserved it

8665

Favorite

By Raiders4ever - United States

Today, I saw my son. I didn't know I had a son. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43276

You deserved it

24933

Favorite

By RIPLife - Switzerland - Carouge

Today, I managed to have 17 different nosebleeds throughout the most important job interview of my life. I managed to bleed all over my own suit, my résumé, the carpet, and the corridor leading to the bathroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23584

You deserved it

1529

Favorite

By Anonymous - India

Today, I saw an old homeless man who had just fallen down due to his drinking. Everyone laughed at him, but I felt bad, so I went to help him up. My reward? A quick punch in the face, landing me in the hospital. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31830

You deserved it

6024

Favorite

By badjob - United States

Today, I called the company with whom I had a job interview last week, which I thought went great, but hadn't heard back from. One of the interviewers claimed that I tried to grope her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36155

You deserved it

3065

Favorite

By Anonymous

Can't win

Today, I was in the mood for morning sex, but my wife told me to go wank it off in the bathroom. Three minutes later I was mid-wank when she started banging on the door because I was taking too long, and she needed to pee. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1977

You deserved it

319

Favorite

By rockefoe - United States

What have you done this time?

Today, I realized the only times my boyfriend ever says, "I love you" are after he screws up or when he wants a blowjob. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31511

You deserved it

6696

Favorite

By Anonymous

Today, I had to explain to my Romanian colleague that, no, a cat flap is not a euphemism for a vagina. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22888

You deserved it

1956

Favorite

By Meagan smith - United States

Today, I started my new job as a teacher. Worried about how I looked, I asked a coworker if I looked okay. She said, "You look fine. Just like a normal high school kid." I spent the next half hour convincing her that I was not a student, but a teacher. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30159

You deserved it

3643

Favorite

By drunkennight - Canada

Today, I woke up after a night out at the bar, immediately remembering that I had lost my cell phone, my ID and somehow spent $100. Feeling like shit already, my friend then goes on to tell me that I flashed the entire bar, and ran around the hotel naked. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8960

You deserved it

42201

Favorite

By Username - United States

Today, I realized that my wife is such a bitch normally, she's actually nicer when she is on her period. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39398

You deserved it

8142

Favorite

By bald&ugly

Empathy City

Today, after losing all my hair to chemo, I finally felt brave enough to go out without a wig or a headscarf. I expected some weird looks. I didn’t expect a woman in a store to point to me and tell her daughter, “See what feminism does to women? She’ll never have a husband, I bet!” FML

I agree, your life sucks

2251

You deserved it

121

Favorite

By thatoneguy - United States

Today, a five year old that I am babysitting picked up a knife and said he would chop my nuts off if I didn't give him his ice cream before dinner. Only 5 more hours to go. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34344

You deserved it

3453

Favorite

By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I went on a blind date at a local restaurant. When my date walked in, she took one look at me, said "nope", and walked out. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32385

You deserved it

2768

Favorite

By tj85 - United States

Today, I received a letter in the mail. The letter was from a woman who explained to me every single detail of a three month affair she had with my husband. She included pictures. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44763

You deserved it

2587

Favorite

By Daddy - France

Today, I gave my son a bollocking for losing a very important paper that I needed for work. I've just found it in my right pocket. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8447

You deserved it

59517

Favorite

By Wally - Mexico

Today, I'm in Mexico and am supposed to be skydiving for my Christmas gift. Instead, I'm coming out of the hospital with x-rays, an ankle splint, and a $800 bill because I fell on the bottom step of a flight of stairs. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26867

You deserved it

3967

Favorite

By fuckingtrollingskankwhoreshitwankcuntfuck - United States - Enfield

Today, I was shopping with my girlfriend, when a girl came out of nowhere, screaming at me for cheating on her, and saying she was dumping me. I've never seen her before, and she was almost grinning during her little act, but my girlfriend believed it, and I'm now single. FML

I agree, your life sucks

70187

You deserved it

4129

Favorite

By WhenRumoursAreBetterThanReality - Australia - Belconnen

Today, I got a call from a friend asking why I didn't tell him I was engaged. I'm not, but I wish I was. Rumours about my life seem to be better than the reality. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47035

You deserved it

4579

Favorite

By Bubbilility - 26/12/2020 20:02 - Australia

Spreading

Today, my mother called me from the other side of the world to tell me she's got Covid. She got it from a friend, who later told her that they had attended anti-mask rallies. She's only been visiting her friend because she needs internet to keep working and can't get it where she is. FML

I agree, your life sucks

855

You deserved it

107

Favorite

By sunflower226 - United States

Today, I had to pay a $150 late fee because my landlord didn't receive the rent check. My boyfriend had addressed the envelope to himself and put the landlord's as the return address. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28486

You deserved it

4012

Favorite

By Jess - United States

Today, my husband and I got back from our honeymoon and we saw his mom's car in front of our house. When we walked in she asked us so many questions about our trip. The first question she asked my husband was, "Were you satisfied with her in bed?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

65727

You deserved it

3526

Favorite

By Anonymous - Canada - Orillia

Today, I got home to find our house broken into. Among other things, the thieves took our television, my laptop and several pieces of expensive jewelry. Also missing was my daughter's My Little Pony collection. I think we were robbed by a Brony. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29505

You deserved it

2279

Favorite

By NoValentine - United States

Today, I realized the reason I was asked to babysit 3 weeks ago for Feb 14 was because the old married couple with kids safely assumed that I wouldn't have a Valentine. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35513

You deserved it

3097

Favorite

By opposites don’t attract - 16/9/2020 11:03 - United States

Cosmopolitan's 50 Top Tips for Lonely Saddos!

Today, I was so sad and lonely, so I started browsing articles about how to get a man. Basically every list was naming the exact opposite of everything I am. So I guess if I don’t want to be alone for the rest of my life, I have to change everything about me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1046

You deserved it

313

Favorite

By Anonymous - Australia

Today, I was using a public urinal when a man came up to use the one next to me. As he approached, he said, "Friendly spy plane inbound" and pretended to look at my knob. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31061

You deserved it

2950

Favorite

By Anonymous - Kuwait - Kuwait

Today, I had to explain to my girlfriend that taking triple the maximum dosage of painkillers won't actually triple its effects. She rolled her eyes, called me clueless, and said that I should "leave this stuff to the professionals." She's studying to become a doctor. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46099

You deserved it

6412

Favorite

By IDontGetPaidEnoughForThisShit - Australia - Hawthorn

Today, on my day off, I received a call from my boss asking why I wasn't at work yet. After getting dressed and an hour-long train ride later, I got there only to find out that it was an April Fool's prank. I had to take the train back home. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29604

You deserved it

5683

Favorite

By Anonymous - 8/8/2020 23:01

Sounds reasonable

Today, my husband refuses to have sex with me, ever since I told him I wanted to try for a baby. When I asked him why, he said it was because he likes lack of responsibility and money in the bank more than the thought of a screaming baby, no sleep and strong suicidal urges. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1092

You deserved it

1629

Favorite

By thisucks - Canada

Today, I went out on a date with a guy significantly older than myself. I told him I really liked him because I can have an intelligent conversation with him, unlike most guys my age. He told me he just wanted to get into my pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33030

You deserved it

10874

Favorite

By Anonymous - 10/5/2020 05:00

Beautiful

Today, my boyfriend wrote me poetry. Here's how it went: "Roses are red, violets are blue, I suck at poetry, show me your tits." That's the most romantic thing he's done for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1317

You deserved it

439

Favorite

By SeeMeInTheDark - United States

Today, I was doing homework in my room when my roommate started meowing all of a sudden. Not only was he meowing, he started to make loud cat noises that resembled a cat being run over by a car. He's gonna be my roommate for the rest of the year. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31968

You deserved it

3343

Favorite

By Coldflame - United States

Today, I was designated driver for my friends. This entailed: standing around in the cold for 3 hours, not drinking, dealing with drunk people, and oh yeah, I almost forgot, cleaning up vomit from my hair, my clothes, and my brand new car. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27023

You deserved it

7496

Favorite

By Jack - United States

Today, I was in minding my own business in bed in my dorm room. It was dark and my roommate came over, intending to slap my ass really hard. The problem is, I was lying face up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36885

You deserved it

2973

Favorite

By laurlaur - United States

Today, my dad nearly had a head-on collision with another car, but I grabbed the wheel at the last second, potentially saving both our lives. He spent the rest of the car trip pissed at me because I'd "interfered" with his driving. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34961

You deserved it

2898

Favorite

By muffinmen1022 - United States

Today, I went to Macy's to go shopping, I was wearing a shirt and tie and dressed nicely. Customers came up to me with questions, but I just ignored them. Minutes later, thinking I was an employee, the manager came and yelled at me, and threatened to fire me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46322

You deserved it

11793

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, after being turned away by nearly all the restaurants in the area, I tried applying at Burger King. They too turned me away. I have a Culinary School Degree. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35298

You deserved it

3089

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Tyler

Today, I found out my fiancé is already married when his wife showed up at my door. That's about the same time she found her husband is gay, and that Ashley can be a man's name. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30038

You deserved it

2777

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I got into a car accident. The other party left the scene immediately after without exchanging insurance information. Deer can be so rude. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32471

You deserved it

8740

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Tucson

Today, my mom blew her top when I casually mentioned that it's pretty well known that the story of Jesus is a retelling of older Persian and Egyptian stories. She then went on to yell at me that I wasted my money on college and "book learning". FML

I agree, your life sucks

36280

You deserved it

10680

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By IDunnoz | 0

#869959 - Thursday 18 February 2010 23:06

better than him being the drummer

By gilly011 | 0

#869953 - Thursday 18 February 2010 23:04

WIN for dj hero!

COMMENTS

By gilly011 | 0

#869953 - Thursday 18 February 2010 23:04

WIN for dj hero!

bonnieandclyde44 | 0

#869972 - Thursday 18 February 2010 23:10

cuuute

sam411411 | 0

#869981 - Thursday 18 February 2010 23:11

did he make your bed rock?

Horney4her69 | 0

#870045 - Thursday 18 February 2010 23:34

I'm gonna try that; it sounds fun.

lmfao1643 | 3

#870050 - Thursday 18 February 2010 23:36

Agreed

marsty | 0

#870381 - Friday 19 February 2010 1:31

LMFAO @ 34

pongmaster | 0

#870534 - Friday 19 February 2010 2:04

W00t for your BF, this is an excellent idea

HeresReality | 0

#870808 - Friday 19 February 2010 3:22

ruh-ruh-rururuh-ruh-REMIX

kniickles | 0

#870905 - Friday 19 February 2010 3:53

this. that was clever.

Villanova23 | 0

#870960 - Friday 19 February 2010 4:09

def have to try this one :)

garuru | 4

#871048 - Friday 19 February 2010 4:33

yo he isnt me (my name is DJ) hahaha

BongBlaster420 | 0

#871470 - Friday 19 February 2010 6:39

10 haha that's a good song

Purpose30 | 0

#871496 - Friday 19 February 2010 6:49

At least he didn't try Rock band (drums mainly)!!!! ouchhh

paramorefan125 | 0

#871517 - Friday 19 February 2010 7:00

ahahaha nice

sucks4Udude | 3

#871687 - Friday 19 February 2010 8:36

lol @2 that songs awesome

andruha1123 | 5

#871742 - Friday 19 February 2010 9:17

why is this a fml?

rbond93 | 4

#872937 - Friday 19 February 2010 20:01

agreed

gomego87 | 0

#874388 - Saturday 20 February 2010 4:36

hey #1, your a meow

depotst | 0

#973870 - Sunday 4 April 2010 6:31

chicka chicka

LauraRoy | 0

#986508 - Thursday 29 April 2010 9:46

hah, my boyfriend did that to me. only it was Christmas time so he had to do it to jingle bells..

Thabb | 0

#988480 - Wednesday 5 May 2010 4:41

What's so bad about it? Sounds fun.

By bobmandude | 0

#869955 - Thursday 18 February 2010 23:05

hahaha good boyfriend. try some disco next time! :)

Bl4ck_1c3 | 2

#870139 - Friday 19 February 2010 0:09

no, metal it would be funnier headbanging and headbutting her...

Epicfailz01 | 0

#870716 - Friday 19 February 2010 2:50

you deserve it for fooling around with you're boyfriend

sterl13 | 0

#870764 - Friday 19 February 2010 3:04

fuck you

sterl13 | 0

#870767 - Friday 19 February 2010 3:06

fuck you

jamieboy11 | 0

#878325 - Sunday 21 February 2010 10:32

lol dj hero

hobojo11 | 0

#1653187 - Friday 5 November 2010 7:54

well is he a good dj ?

By IDunnoz | 0

#869959 - Thursday 18 February 2010 23:06

better than him being the drummer

pspman789 | 0

#870333 - Friday 19 February 2010 1:18

so true #4

beer01 | 0

#870355 - Friday 19 February 2010 1:24

So true! ESP using his cock as a drum stick.

cam007_fml | 0

#870833 - Friday 19 February 2010 3:29

I'm a drummer.

saunder | 0

#871908 - Friday 19 February 2010 10:19

haaa the best!

By kgraham21 | 0

#869961 - Thursday 18 February 2010 23:06

Awesome.

destroyerdj8 | 0

#870163 - Friday 19 February 2010 0:23

I agree.

By youdidwhatnow | 0

#869969 - Thursday 18 February 2010 23:09

Real question is, why'd you let him?

By The_Toxic_Mite | 0

#869971 - Thursday 18 February 2010 23:09

How the fuck did this get here? :/

unplugged_fml | 0

#870191 - Friday 19 February 2010 0:33

I know, this isn't even an fml...

davemania | 0

#870304 - Friday 19 February 2010 1:11

I actually got confused about this being an FML, thinking that she might have liked it!!!

By T_X_P | 2

#869977 - Thursday 18 February 2010 23:10

He was being silly. So?

By akiranozaki | 0

#869983 - Thursday 18 February 2010 23:12

Your boyfriend sounds awesome.

Prestigex | 0

#870142 - Friday 19 February 2010 0:11

Well I suppose if the opportunity to get laid doesn't come very often you should be serious. lol.

paramorefan125 | 0

#873044 - Friday 19 February 2010 20:27

fukk yeah!!

By chyeahbro | 0

#869984 - Thursday 18 February 2010 23:13

boobs do amazing things to guys, you never can say for sure what affect they'll have

nobridgejustwate | 0

#870136 - Friday 19 February 2010 0:08

yeah, my ex used to sit there and say "woah, it's like, you have breasts, and like... I don't. woah."

purplemnm | 9

#870320 - Friday 19 February 2010 1:14

36 bahahahaha!!!

alli_love | 0

#871278 - Friday 19 February 2010 5:32

lol!! 36 cracks me up xD

By Menick47 | 0

#869992 - Thursday 18 February 2010 23:16

Oh give him some credit! Someone eventually ruins the mood. It'd be a real FML if you killed it by playing with his penis like it was a snake.