Miscellaneous: Today, it was snowing. I slipped on the ice and fell in the middle...

By Anonymous - 06/01/2010 21:15 - United Kingdom

Today, it was snowing. I slipped on the ice and fell in the middle of the road, dislocating my left shoulder and knee. As I was screaming in pain and trying to stand up, two boys on the pavement threw snowballs at me while everyone in the cars just drove around me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 123

You deserved it 2 785

Miscellaneous

Best teeth in the game

Late term

Or does he?

By Anonymous - 22/09/2011 03:42 - United States

Today, I was feeling unusually self-confident, so I decided to skip putting on makeup for the day. On my way to class, I passed some guys selling towels. One of them jeered, "Wanna be prettier? Buy a towel, and throw it over your face!" There goes my self-confidence. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 045

You deserved it 4 558

By cstokes - 05/05/2011 04:44 - United States

Today, at work, I was supposed to have an easy two-hour shift, after which I was planning on attending a party that had been arranged to celebrate my graduation. Nearly six hours later, I am just getting home after being super busy and shorthanded at work for hours. I missed my own party. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 220

You deserved it 3 419

By Stumanji - 29/12/2009 11:42 - United States

Today, I found out my reward for topping three of the four employee performance charts was a paycut. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 026

You deserved it 2 184

By Anonymous - 03/05/2014 05:00 - United States - Las Vegas

Today, I pulled up next to a lady who was trying to text, smoke, and drive. My brother said that she was probably going to cause an accident. He was right. At the next light she hit us. She then yelled that I purposely caused the accident because, "that's how teenagers are". FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 100

You deserved it 3 430

By -1 friend - 17/05/2013 21:16 - United States - Freeport

Today, I was in a big Skype chat, which somehow turned into a heated argument. My friend lost it, typed "your stupid" and called me a "looser." When I pointed out the irony of his messages, he rage-quit, drove all the way to my house, and punched me in the face at the door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 239

You deserved it 14 643

By Anonymous - 27/11/2009 21:45 - United States

Today, my mom tried to give me advice on how to improve my looks. I scoffed at her but listened to her advice anyway. She ended her tirade with, "I just want you to get laid someday." FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 076

You deserved it 3 622

By Anonymous - 18/06/2013 23:22 - United States - Glastonbury

Today, my daughter believed that watching the Big Bang Theory would count as studying for her chemistry final. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 744

You deserved it 7 129

By damn-it - 22/02/2009 06:41 - Australia

Today, my Grandma was showing me an ancient family letter. It was apparently written by someone historically famous. She was going on about how important it was, in such good condition too, worth a lot. I dropped my glass of juice. It spilt all over it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 900

You deserved it 48 107

By poro123 - 05/11/2012 05:39 - United Kingdom

Today, my grandmother said to me, "You look just like your mother did at your age. Except you're fatter of course." FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 300

You deserved it 4 853

What's that?

By Best-stuf-on-Earth - 12/07/2009 07:07 - United States

Today, I had a check-up with my dermatologist. When I took off my pants, she noticed a small mark on my penis and was concerned. I had to inform her that it was not in fact a mole, but a bruise from getting it stuck in a Snapple bottle two days prior to the check-up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 330

You deserved it 78 200

By thanxguys - 17/03/2010 19:03 - United States

Today, I discovered that when my parents offered to help me pay for college, what they really meant is they would get the forms for me to apply for student loans. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 528

You deserved it 4 762

Lava lamp

By Kathleen Verhaegen - 30/04/2020 20:00

Today, I'm so pale, my boss asked me whether I light up in the dark. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 334

You deserved it 279

TW: Gross

By sweet_stufz - 11/11/2010 13:30 - Canada

Today, I was in a public washroom and I had to take a dump. I knew how dirty the toilets were, so tried to do the "stand and poo." Unfortunately, I slipped and the poo fell on the ground. Then I realized there were no paper towels. There was a line outside waiting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 624

You deserved it 38 803

By sleepy125 - 23/01/2009 19:13 - United States

Today, the first guy I've ever loved is going to a fancy rush party with my best friend. He did tell me he needed space to think about us this whole weekend. I guess I know what he's been thinking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 184

You deserved it 2 022

Plooped

By ZombieMommy - 10/03/2017 05:00 - United States - Conroe

Today, I was pouring milk into my coffee and, as it plooped into my mug, I noticed the expiration date on the jug passed 2 weeks ago. Nobody here drinks milk very often and I ran out of creamer so I've been unknowingly drinking my coffee with curdled milk for the past 3 days. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 276

You deserved it 2 275

By maybe next time? - 14/09/2016 11:57 - Australia - Greystanes

Today, I was participating in an activity to join a program which I really wanted to join. One of the teachers in charge seemed to notice my efforts and asked if I wanted to join the program. I said yes, thinking I had a chance. She laughed, shook her head before saying no and walking away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 466

You deserved it 887

By Jade - 16/02/2011 05:55

Today, I woke up in the middle of the night because I was thirsty. In my groggy state, I grabbed the first bottle of liquid I could find, opened it, and took a sip. It was nail polish remover. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 317

You deserved it 42 527

Desks are so judgmental these days!

By Anonymous - 17/10/2019 00:01

Today, I was promptly told to lose weight today by my computer desk when it broke under the weight of my leg. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 079

You deserved it 581

By dibman - 07/01/2011 09:11 - United Kingdom

Today, at work, I was asked to sharpen some pencils. I'm an electronics and mechanics engineer, and while I understand it's been quite a while since I was in primary school, I still wonder why my boss felt the need to explain in minute detail how to sharpen a pencil. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 653

You deserved it 2 942

By Anonymous - 19/08/2011 15:08 - United States

Today, I thought I might need some anger-management classes, after I punched a hole in a kitchen cabinet when my dog wouldn't stop yapping every time the rooster my neighbors just got made a noise. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 328

You deserved it 28 456

By shockedgirl - 16/01/2010 07:17 - United States

Today, I spent the day studying with one of my classmates whom I've just met. While studying, she kept bragging about her boyfriend and decided to show me a picture of him. It was my boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 111

You deserved it 2 705

Chainsaw massacre

By sleepless in sleeplessness - 18/06/2021 11:01 - United States

Today, my girlfriend snores like a lumberjack. Even when I leave to sleep on the couch, I can still hear her through the door. She won’t go to the doctor because, "snoring runs in her family and they’re all just fine." Yeah, uh huh. FML

I agree, your life sucks 852

You deserved it 119

By sickofit - 31/12/2015 08:24 - United States - Charlotte

Today, at work, our boss's son came in to help. The whole time he was there he sat in the back on his phone not helping and whenever we asked him to do something, he had an attitude. The only time he voluntarily got up to help was when his dad came in to check on the restaurant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 633

You deserved it 1 423

Man child, part 2

By Anonymous - 10/11/2020 02:02 - United States

Today, I was told I'm lazy by my boyfriend because I skipped work. He skips his all the time and when I get home still have to cook and clean up after him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 855

You deserved it 262

By anon - 05/12/2014 15:44 - United States - Georgetown

Today, my work department set a new sales record, something not done in nearly 30 years. It's corporate policy to give a bonus to each worker responsible as a reward. Our manager decided our "bonuses" would be plastic medals from Dollar Tree. He didn't even buy enough for everybody. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 802

You deserved it 2 456

NYC public transport

By Anonymous - 04/12/2020 17:02 - United States - New York

Today, there was a pretty girl sitting near me on the train home. I thought about asking for her number., but instead a drunk nitwit decided to wander around the car and came very close to touching her. She got up and moved to the other end, while I had to deal with a belligerent hobo who was now intent on fighting me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 791

You deserved it 141

By Anonymous - 04/08/2009 20:22 - United States

Today, I was working the lighting for a drama production. In the last scene, two characters realize they are in love and kiss, then the stage goes dark. I mixed up my settings, and instead of a blackout, flashing party lights started going off. 300 people turn around to stare at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 499

You deserved it 39 353

By MBoomer - 16/11/2016 06:36

Today, I found a great parking spot but I wasn't sure if it was restricted by any means or of I could just park there for free. I asked a police officer walking by and he told me it was alright, only to come back 4 hours later to find a ticket on my windshield. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 345

You deserved it 940

By Anonymous - 07/04/2012 19:40 - United States

Today, my wife sent me to the store to pick stuff up so we could make BLTs. I got the bacon, but couldn't remember what else went into them, so I bought an avocado and napkins. When I got back home, my wife very slowly and sarcastically explained what BLT stands for. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 789

You deserved it 53 535

By ArsonistsLullaby - 21/09/2016 21:02 - United States

Today, I had sex with my boyfriend for the first time. When he slid his penis in, he felt my NuvaRing, and with the most excitement I've ever seen a man muster, said, "Oh my god! You have your clit pierced! I can't believe I actually get to have sex with a girl who has her clit pierced!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 767

You deserved it 1 733

By 4yrldkicker - 29/07/2009 20:26 - United States

Today, I was at the mall and someone peeked their head under the door of my dressing room while I was half dressed. Not knowing who it was, I kicked him in the face just out of instinct. Its was a 4 year old kid looking for his mother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 671

You deserved it 23 451

By Stung - 03/08/2009 21:57 - United States

Today, I found out that bees like to make hives in odd places, like in your vintage car's trunk. I also found out that they don't like it when you break their hive in half when you open the trunk to get out a spare tire. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 050

You deserved it 4 245

By Anonymous - 17/08/2011 04:48 - United States

Today, a man with a face like a corpse's shoe started talking to me in the long queue at the Post Office. Apparently, his mother invented the banana, and he's first in line for the throne in France if ever Prince Harry dies. And his breath smelled like Satan's ass gas. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 245

You deserved it 3 830

By Anonymous - 30/04/2012 00:23 - United States

Today, I was so insecure, I got scared of what people might think of my fingers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 595

You deserved it 6 022

By Anonymous - 16/11/2010 12:28 - Australia

Today, I was pulled over by the cops for a random breathalyzer test. They asked to see my license. I always keep my wallet in my car for situations like this. I received a $100 ticket because my mum apparently didn’t think it was a good idea to keep my wallet in the car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 305

You deserved it 7 053

By nikkrissa_04 - 07/08/2009 11:17 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were messing around in his car. I then decided I was going to give him a blowjob for the first time. As I was going down, he grabbed my chin and said "Don't do that, your mouth isn't clean enough." FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 937

You deserved it 12 089

By brandiboobarry - 29/11/2010 06:01

Today, I told my mom that I wanted professional head-shots done for Christmas. When asked why, I said "I want to submit them to a modeling agency." My mom exchanged looks with my sister before laughing so hard that she wet herself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 683

You deserved it 6 975

By shawty_x - 26/04/2009 12:35 - United Kingdom

Today, I woke to find my boyfriend of 2 years gone. I saw my little sister's talking bear at the bottom of my bed, it said "squeeze me" so I squeezed it and it said "it's over." It was my boyfriends voice. I was dumped by a talking bear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 87 110

You deserved it 4 890

Porque no los dos?

By aye! - 25/07/2020 02:02

Today, just like every other day, I noticed that one of my male coworkers always stares at me while passing by or when it's time for lunch. I read somewhere that if a person stares at you too long, they either want to have sex with you or want to kill you. He has a girlfriend, so I doubt it's the first option. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 175

You deserved it 279

Such a helpful kitty!

By Preggers - 14/03/2017 20:00

Today, my cat has taken it upon herself to provide for the heavily pregnant lady. So far I've been presented with a mouse and 3 birds. I know they're for me because she meows until I see them, then walks away again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 276

You deserved it 654

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