Health: Today, I braved the winter weather conditions to get to a clinic... - FML

Nearly

28/09/2021 01:05

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36

You deserved it 3

27/09/2021 06:27

Today, I have to get up and go to work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54

You deserved it 97

Spicy

Spicy

Unfriended

By thethrowawayplace - 15/10/2021 17:00

Spicy

Today, my friend was watching a black guy getting yelled at by the cops on TV. He then decided to yell, "Wow, ni***** really don't know how to behave!" When I didn't react, he yelled it over and over, until I slunk into my room. He knows I'm part black. FML

I agree, your life sucks 472

You deserved it 72

Grind mindset

By MyStomachHurts - 15/10/2021 05:00

Spicy

Today, my boss wrote me up for taking too many bathroom breaks. I tried calling in sick with a bad case of indigestion, but he told me to just power through it because, "it can't possibly be that bad." I have been in severe, persistent discomfort the whole damn day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 509

You deserved it 37

21/01/2011 15:13

Today, I braved the winter weather conditions to get to a clinic for a prescription anti-diarrhea medication. When I arrived to find it closed, I turned around to walk to my car where I slipped on the ice. The impact made me simultaneously bruise my elbow and shit myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 525

You deserved it 3 613

Weird reason to leave, but OK

Walk the line

Broken heart

23/09/2012 21:05

Today, I was driving home on the highway with my wife and her parents. As I overtook another car, a rock got kicked up into our windshield. My wife screamed about the crack it created, while my mother-in-law goaded her on and mocked my "piss-poor driving." FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 957

You deserved it 2 137

18/06/2009 02:40

Today, I took home my grandpa's ashes. I then went out with my grandma, leaving my 5-year-old at home with my 12-year-old. When I got home, my beaming 5-year-old opened the door, covered in white powder. My grandmother asked where all the powder had come from. She pointed to the empty ashbox. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 190

You deserved it 17 998

21/09/2012 19:10

Today, my boyfriend picked me up from school. It was an unusually sweet gesture from him, and I was flattered. That is, until he told me to sit my ass in the back, so his dog could ride in front with him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 993

You deserved it 4 753

Alexa, play "I'm Not In Love" by 10CC

By sucker - 07/09/2019 17:01

Today, I went on a date I was really enjoying. My ex-boyfriend called halfway through. When I answered, he told me he wanted to get back together and couldn’t stop thinking about me. I didn’t realize my phone was on speaker. My date heard everything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 654

You deserved it 2 375

03/05/2009 06:17

Today, I got a cross-country job promotion. I decided to plan my Going-Away-Forever party, and bought a pack of 100 invitations. After mailing them out to all my friends, I have 92 left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 907

You deserved it 13 119

See ya!

By inefficiencies - 02/02/2021 05:10

Today, I was supposed to have a hospital appointment I've been waiting three months for, but they changed it to a phone call. The call consisted of the consultant asking questions and saying, "Yes, I see that in your notes", before concluding I need to a physical appointment and booking one… for three months' time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 932

You deserved it 46

24/04/2019 18:00

Today, while eating a BLT sandwich, I unexpectedly sneezed a lump of bacon up the back of my nose. It has just taken 6 hours of unpleasantness to snort the lump back out. Not how I wanted to spend my day off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 865

You deserved it 214

Bridezilla strikes again

By Anonymous - 29/04/2021 10:58

Today, I told my sister I felt like her friends didn't like me, since they were ignoring my questions, opinions, etc., in the bridesmaids' chat, but were all over each other's messages. She kicked me from her bridal party, saying her friends wouldn't want me at the bridal shower and bachelorette party. FML

I agree, your life sucks 993

You deserved it 79

04/10/2009 05:04

Spicy

Today, I woke up after a heavy night of drinking, with my laptop dead on my chest. Apparently, I had attempted a bit of digital penile oscillation, but passed out instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 453

You deserved it 19 714

22/07/2013 15:58

Today, I couldn't move without people talking to me about the "Royal Baby". It's like it's actually going to have an effect on my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 735

You deserved it 6 334

07/08/2009 15:23

Today, my parents came to the restaurant I work at as a waiter. After, I picked up the check to realize they had left me a $500 tip! We split the tips among the employees so I only got $50 back but I was still psyched. When I got home they asked me if I had noticed that they used my credit card. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 006

You deserved it 6 895

23/09/2010 09:59

Today, I went to my parents' place to visit. My ex-boyfriend's photo is on the fridge, but there aren't any photos of my husband or any of our wedding photos. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 259

You deserved it 2 973

10/05/2017 00:10

Today, I got written up with a final warning because I ''drink alcoholic beverages'' at work. I was drinking Root Beer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 175

You deserved it 336

26/07/2013 03:15

Today, I was in a training about the newest changes in CPR. The trainer was discussing chest compression techniques and said she prefers "good, fast, hard pumping." I was the only one who snickered out loud, drawing several annoyed looks from the other trainees. I'm a 45-year-old doctor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 742

You deserved it 20 457

27/09/2012 15:46

Today, I was on a plane returning to University, and I decided to shut my eyes. I opened them about 45 minutes later just as the plane landed to find I couldn't move at all. I was in sleep paralysis. The air hostesses had to lift me out of my seat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 225

You deserved it 2 280

Where's the beef?

By Anonymous - 08/07/2021 14:03

Today, I was supposed to be let the bull out of the trailer and head straight home. Someone didn't latch the gate, so it just walked through between pastures. The bull and a cow went through, a horse broke into the cow lot, and another horse had a meltdown and wiped out in mud after trying to jump the fence. I don't like beef cattle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 635

You deserved it 127

05/05/2012 07:08

Today, it was my wedding. Everyone showed up, except my fiancé. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 234

You deserved it 3 205

05/05/2011 04:44

Today, at work, I was supposed to have an easy two-hour shift, after which I was planning on attending a party that had been arranged to celebrate my graduation. Nearly six hours later, I am just getting home after being super busy and shorthanded at work for hours. I missed my own party. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 215

You deserved it 3 419

13/03/2009 00:38

Today, I got a $200 ticket mailed to me for drunk driving in Maryland. I have never been pulled over for drunk driving and I have never been to Maryland. FML

I agree, your life sucks 97 792

You deserved it 4 389

10/02/2010 01:16

Today, I panicked when I felt a hard bump on the side of my stomach. I thought I had appendicitis. Turns out it was my ab muscles. I've been overweight so long I didn't know what they felt like. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 353

You deserved it 27 192

28/02/2017 02:00

Today, I received a company-wide email from my boss, praising a coworker's extra effort at improving our line of business. The coworker's efforts were a direct copy-and-paste of a plan I put together three months ago. No one cared when I gave the presentation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 804

You deserved it 423

04/04/2009 06:05

Today, a really cute guy sat across from me on the bus. He smiled at me, then tensed his muscles and lifted a heavy bag with one arm. Thinking he was trying to act "macho" to impress me, I rolled my eyes and threw him an annoyed/disgusted look. When he got off, I realized he only had one arm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 159

You deserved it 83 539

27/05/2011 10:45

Today, my mother went shopping. She bought three boxes of Popsicles and a giant stuffed dog. She did not buy dinner or toilet paper. I've eaten nothing but cereal and popcorn for three days now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 831

You deserved it 5 650

29/07/2010 03:00

Today, while on my run, I saw a middle-aged man sleeping near a business condo. I approached him and asked if he was "ok." He grabbed my leg, held onto it with a death-grip, and moped about how horrible his life was - for ten minutes. At least the weather was nice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 767

You deserved it 8 916

18/02/2016 04:37

Today, after interviewing for a promotion to a position that was created with me in mind, I eagerly accepted a call from my boss, expecting good news. Turns out, they found a better applicant, who they don't believe will need support from the position I currently hold, so it's being eliminated. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 479

You deserved it 1 384

What did I do?

By Ryan McArdle - 25/01/2021 10:58

Today, I tried to log into Instagram for the first time in 2 days. They deactivated my account for violating their guidelines. I haven't posted a picture or made a comment in months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 695

You deserved it 92

30/07/2011 04:38

Today, in health class, I raised my hand and asked if you could get an STD from dogs. I have officially now ruined any extremely small chance I had of being popular. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 399

You deserved it 79 323

28/01/2013 23:02

Today, my boyfriend came over for a family brunch, during which he told my mother, in vivid detail, how he gets the shits whenever he eats kale chips. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 927

You deserved it 2 965

20/02/2010 06:09

Today, after having my bath, I realised that I've gotten so fat that I have to lift up my butt cheeks in order to dry underneath them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 124

You deserved it 42 230

09/12/2013 21:01

Today, I woke up and coughed up the spider I thought I'd killed last night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 753

You deserved it 5 362

02/06/2013 19:00

Spicy

Today, I discovered that my 20-year-old son has been using my bras for his jerk-off sessions. FML

I agree, your life sucks 68 093

You deserved it 6 448

31/12/2008 18:23

Today, I crashed my car racing backwards and told my parents I was rear ended. They made me call the police and file a report. I hope there were no cameras. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 096

You deserved it 47 994

02/11/2009 09:03

Today, I asked my boss for my first raise in almost two years, to which he replied, "In the real world, I think you've definitely earned one, but this isn't the real world." FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 887

You deserved it 2 329

01/12/2016 19:18

Today, I wrote a bad review for a pizza place after their pizza gave me food poisoning. Now, they won't stop calling me, begging me to take my review down in exchange for free pizza. I have tried to tell them that I wouldn't eat their pizza again even if I got paid to do so, but they won't listen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 505

You deserved it 1 370

12/10/2012 18:43

Today, I went on a coffee date with the man I've been in love with for a while. Before I knew what was going on, he'd started chatting up a pretty girl sitting nearby. I had to drink my coffee alone while he got her number. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 770

You deserved it 2 545

01/01/2010 06:10

Today, my sister-in-law asked why I wasn't out partying with my friends to celebrate the new year. My mom then asked "What friends?". Ah, the new year begins. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 412

You deserved it 2 948

"Why are you booing me? I'm right"

By Anonymous - 29/06/2021 18:00

Today, I broke my toe on a decorative statue I bought for our front yard. My husband warned me it took up too much space and was a hazard, and now I get to hear him say, "I told you so." FML

I agree, your life sucks 330

You deserved it 908

27/07/2013 16:30

Today, I went on a blind date that my friends set up. Not only did my date visibly recoil at the sight of me, she ended up trying to convince me that we're actually cousins. When I told her how absurd that was, she muttered "Fuck it" and left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 225

You deserved it 3 984

26/12/2013 23:57

Today, I went on a 70-mile drive to the next town over to finally meet this beautiful girl I had talked to online. To my surprise, she looked exactly how she did in her pictures, minus the ring on her finger and the fiancé who wanted to punch me in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 387

You deserved it 5 796

04/03/2011 00:39

Today, I was on a conference call and digital meeting at work when I got bored and started surfing the Internet. Little did I know that my desktop was being shared. My boss was on the call and saw everything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 647

You deserved it 37 675

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Friday 21 January 2011 20:34

The clinic was closed, but your anus wasn't.

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Friday 21 January 2011 18:58

you should have worn a diaper.

Comments

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Friday 21 January 2011 18:57

hahaha

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Friday 21 January 2011 19:00

please don't think of me as a bad person but I literally rofl'd at this

TaylorTotsYumm 10

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Friday 21 January 2011 19:26

You're a terrible person. Shame on you.

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Friday 21 January 2011 19:54

excuse me for this comment but "that sounds like a shitty situation" lol

PeteyPablo12308 20

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Friday 21 January 2011 20:29

That's one of the funniest things I've ever heard!

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Friday 21 January 2011 21:23

I honestly cant think of any reason why anyone would say ydi for this one. That totally sucks for you op.

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Friday 21 January 2011 23:12

ydi.. go to a local pharmacy not a clinic.

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Saturday 22 January 2011 0:10

That happened to me too on the way home from college.

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Saturday 22 January 2011 0:38

YDI for being brave next time be a coward and stay on the toilet.

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Friday 21 January 2011 18:58

you should have worn a diaper.

mygreenhoodie 0

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Friday 21 January 2011 19:05

too bad this is fake, girls don't shit

Not_Ever_Telling 3

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Friday 21 January 2011 18:58

Oh, that just sucks. :(

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Friday 21 January 2011 22:50

I bet it froze too

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Friday 21 January 2011 18:59

Wow. Gross.

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Friday 21 January 2011 18:59

thats... shitty... bahaha.

HesJustTheBest 0

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Friday 21 January 2011 19:01

Sounds like you got yourself into a bit of a shitty situation...

thelastavailable 13

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Friday 21 January 2011 19:07

Is the proper term "shit", "shat" or "shitted"? Just wondering.

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Friday 21 January 2011 20:18

IMO it could be either shit or shat but shitted just doesn't sound as good:/. I don't know someone more knowledgable than me can chime in on this.

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Friday 21 January 2011 21:26

shart

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Friday 21 January 2011 22:59

I have to shit. I took a shit. I shit myself -or- I shat myself. I just shat five minutes ago. Sharted or shart is when you fart but end up with shit coming out. Makes me wonder about the origins of the name for William Shatner.

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Saturday 22 January 2011 8:44

Shat

ED35 7

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Sunday 24 July 2011 7:56

Shat. No question.

RunAwayAndCry 3

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Monday 10 October 2011 15:58

Shit or shat. You can use both.

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Saturday 20 October 2012 7:45

The grammatically correct term for the past tense of shit is shat

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Friday 21 January 2011 19:07

Sounds like you should intestine the ground before you walk.

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Friday 21 January 2011 21:13

Aww what's with the thumbs down? It wasn't fantastic, but at least it was a little more creative than "what a shitty situation"

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Friday 21 January 2011 21:23

Right? I know it's not great, but it was my response to the obligate, shitty situation, in every single post having to do with crap.

fthku 13

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Friday 21 January 2011 19:09

That stinks. (I just realised this when I finished typing, no pun intended) You shouldn't get anti-diarrhea medicine anyway, consider yourself lucky. You're keeping all the bad stuff that needs to come out. And you got to get rid of some of it without even having to go to the toilet! well done, you.

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Friday 21 January 2011 19:17

mud butt