Health: Today, while walking to work, I sneezed so violently that I slipped...

By Anonymous - 19/01/2015 22:07 - Canada - Brampton

Today, while walking to work, I sneezed so violently that I slipped on a patch of ice and hit the ground hard, badly spraining my shoulder. I lay there in agony as a pair of bystanders just stood there, laughing their asses off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 557

You deserved it 3 103

Health

Thanks for the support

Selfish tit

OK Shaggy

Blind love

By sorry - 25/11/2019 01:00 - United States - Columbus

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because I slightly hesitated when she asked if she was beautiful. I am blind. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 490

You deserved it 209

Hey Scratchy!

By Anonymous - 03/09/2019 18:00

Today, I got a mosquito bite under each armpit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 436

You deserved it 162

No justice

By Anonymous - 04/10/2020 20:01 - Germany - Hörth

Today, my ex-boss still owes me almost 900€. I just paid another 150€ to have a lawyer tell me that, yes, the law is clearly on my side but no, I will most likely not win in court because I don't have hard proof. I just paid money to be told I won't be getting the money I'm owed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 233

You deserved it 123

By KP - 25/06/2009 16:22 - United States

Today, while I was working a customer notified me that the men's restroom need some attention. Thinking that there was just a small mess, I walked into the restroom only to discover someone had taken a crap in the sink. Guess who got to clean it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 054

You deserved it 3 078

By Henry - 11/11/2011 22:29 - Norway

Today, my girlfriend agreed to doing it doggy style. During it all, I pulled on her hair. I guess I pulled too hard, because when I let go, her face smacked straight into the bedside table. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 933

You deserved it 45 663

By OhDear - 24/02/2011 20:03 - United Kingdom

Today, I went on a date with a guy who seemed to be quite the gentleman. I was proven wrong when he told me to "shut it" during dinner, stiffed me on the bill, and then left me at the restaurant so he could get his own taxi home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 736

You deserved it 5 071

Great excuses

By sumi - 01/06/2021 22:00

Today, I dumped my boyfriend because I found his OKCupid account. He claimed that he only has it so he can do the quizzes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 843

You deserved it 99

By Anonymous - 14/01/2011 20:53 - United States

Today, while playing with my cat, she decided to give me a surprise nipple piercing with her claws. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 200

You deserved it 5 259

By ScreweD- - 16/11/2015 21:39 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I got a writing assignment back. After meeting with my professor specially after class and meticulously combing through every word of that paper, I got a low D. Turns out, he graded me down on every suggestion of his that I took. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 066

You deserved it 2 086

By iMarriedmymother - 07/11/2009 07:06 - United States

Today, my wife told me she had stopped taking her anti-depressants a month ago in hopes of increasing her non-existent sex drive. I asked her if it had helped, and was about to suggest she start taking them again for her own wellbeing. She replied with, "Anyway, I'm just not attracted to you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 777

You deserved it 2 533

By fuckalltwitardsintheface - 20/09/2012 21:34 - United States - Lindsey

Today, I went to a new dentist because I've been experiencing occasional toothache. Upon seeing my x-rays, he noticed something odd. Apparently, during a root canal a while ago, a piece of an instrument broke off, and has been lodged within ever since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 502

You deserved it 1 691

Hott

By hotheadslav - 21/06/2015 01:59 - United States - Warsaw

Today, I was on a date with a girl and everything was going great. As I took her back to her house and walked her to her door I leaned in for a kiss. She seemed to really enjoy it so I went for another but as I leaned in again, I sneezed uncontrollably shooting her face with saliva and snot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 844

You deserved it 4 469

By Jim - 25/01/2011 08:27

Today, during PE I got hit in the face with the ball. Everyone cheered because we got 5 extra points. No one asked if I was okay. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 342

You deserved it 4 283

By LennyLemon - 25/08/2016 13:00 - Australia - Perth

Today, I was taking a shower in a hostel when the girl in the cubicle next to mine decided to blow her nose onto the shower floor. The water from her cubicle was flowing into mine and I ended up standing in a puddle of fresh watery snot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 944

You deserved it 1 062

Great comparaison, dude

By Betrayed - 14/10/2021 22:59

Today, my fiancé called off our engagement when my doctor told me that I was infertile. Apparently, I’m now “useless” to him. When I mentioned adoption, he basically compared it to suggesting Pepsi when you want Coke. Seriously? FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 020

You deserved it 146

By Unknown - 23/12/2014 18:25 - United States - Cincinnati

Today, I learned to never invite my father to a wedding. He'll show up late, complain about the food, piss on a tree, and leave. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 601

You deserved it 3 022

By Anonymous - 17/10/2014 01:10 - United States - Dayton

Today, I never really thought that my boyfriend and brother having the same name was too weird. Until I called out his name during climax. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 589

You deserved it 6 048

By kise - 28/11/2012 06:20 - France - Paris

Today, drunk at a party, I leaned through a window to throw up. I was outside. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 846

You deserved it 33 569

By Anonymous - 20/10/2016 13:17 - United Kingdom - Maidstone

Today, I woke up to find my face covered in scratches, some of them bleeding. I was rather puzzled, as I don't have a cat. Then I realised that the feathers in my pillow had stuck out and scratched my face. I was attacked by my own pillow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 282

You deserved it 1 118

By shira512 - 10/08/2012 23:59 - United Kingdom - Romford

Today, after much debate, my husband convinced me to let his scumbag brother babysit our seven-year-old son while we went out to a restaurant. When we got home, we found him teaching our son how to pick the lock to our liquor cabinet. My husband is unapologetic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 144

You deserved it 4 014

By Anonymous - 09/05/2014 22:03 - South Africa

Today, I woke up to a blood-curdling scream from the bathroom. I jumped out of bed in panic and rushed into the bathroom, only to see my sister limping around in the nude. She'd just jumped out of the shower because someone had flushed the toilet downstairs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 235

You deserved it 4 300

By kel - 10/02/2010 17:34 - United States

Today, in between the passing times at school, one of my classmates opened the door to my next class, so I turned to tell him thank you. Apparently, he was opening it for the teacher who was leaving. I collided with her and her very hot cup of coffee. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 638

You deserved it 4 842

By mathesonn - 29/05/2014 23:32 - United States - Auburn

Today, out of habit from twelve years of karate classes, I bowed to my teacher as I exited my classroom. My chemistry classroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 518

You deserved it 7 253

By AbsentMindedBoy - 03/03/2009 04:09 - Canada

Today, I visited my ex-girlfriend's house. I saw her mother and asked "Hi! Have you recovered from that nasty cold that you had for so long?" She said "I don't have a cold," to which I smiled and said "That's great to hear!" Turns out she had lung-cancer instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 538

You deserved it 15 731

By Anonymous - 22/02/2018 15:00

Today, I came out as transgender to my extremely accepting and religious family over Facebook. My feed is currently flooded with plans for my exorcism. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 550

You deserved it 1 495

By Mandy - 09/05/2009 06:19 - United States

Today, I finished a drawing that I spent over 14 hours working on for my mom for Mother's Day. I took it outside to seal it with fixative. I took of the clear lid, shook the can, then sprayed red spray paint all over my art. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 650

You deserved it 24 628

By Anonymous - 22/09/2015 05:09 - United States - Boston

Today, I tried to be nice and let a homeless man have a place to crash for the night. He repaid me by pissing all over my new couch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 593

You deserved it 23 294

By amiadori - 01/05/2009 09:50 - United States

Today, I found out my girlfriend of 5 years cheated on me. When confronted she told me, "I didn't get wet so it wasn't cheating." FML

I agree, your life sucks 88 478

You deserved it 5 307

By Anonymous - 23/04/2013 16:06 - United States

Today, I removed the side rails from my truck because I didn't think I really needed them. An hour later, I went to Wal-Mart, forgot they were gone, and busted my ass in public while getting out of my truck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 912

You deserved it 44 235

By blah! - 08/12/2013 13:19 - United States - Newington

Today, my grandkids went around my house claiming items to inherit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 566

You deserved it 4 087

Ouch

By Anonymous - 03/01/2012 23:07 - United States

Today, I was diagnosed with a clogged milk gland. I am not, nor have ever been, pregnant and therefore have also never breastfed. This condition is caused by my boyfriend's over-active urge to suck on my nipples. I'm in horrible pain, and he won't stop laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 781

You deserved it 6 253

By nobody - 28/02/2016 01:36 - United States - Petaluma

Today, my best friend said we couldn't be friends anymore because I'm too depressed or too happy all the time. After explaining for half an hour what bipolar depression was and how I have it he just said, "Bullshit!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 842

You deserved it 1 689

By boreed - 27/12/2010 05:37 - United States

Today, I finally got an unsightly mole on my face removed. While I was shaving. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 973

You deserved it 4 368

By belladonna1025 - 29/12/2018 00:00

Today, I told a customer her total was $89.40. She put her leg up on the counter and dug a $100 bill out of her nasty sock. It was damp. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 749

You deserved it 410

By thatsucks - 17/05/2009 17:42 - United States

Today, I realized that my father's weekly unemployment check is more than my bi-weekly pay check. My full time job pays less than my father's unemployment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 997

You deserved it 5 148

By Anonymous - 09/01/2011 18:47 - United Kingdom

Today, I had to explain to my friend why it's inappropriate to conduct a phone conversation while simultaneously eating a bagel, listening to music, and taking a shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 890

You deserved it 3 919

By Anonymous - 09/01/2014 17:59 - United States - Imperial

Today, my fiancé texted me, saying he'd been masturbating to pictures of me. I told him that I couldn't wait to get home and take care of him. He replied, "Nah, don't bother, I got this." Now I'm horny and sad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 950

You deserved it 7 742

By Nottheprettylady - 05/04/2009 01:07 - Canada

Today, at my job as a cashier, a man and his 3-year old son got in line. The father said, "Give this to the pretty lady," looking at me. The kid looks at me, looks at his dad, and walks over to the next cashier. FML

I agree, your life sucks 68 807

You deserved it 3 800

By sadass - 23/01/2009 12:04 - Australia

Today, my boyfriend told me that my feet smell. He was in the next room at the time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 916

You deserved it 8 282

By egghead - 23/09/2011 08:31 - United Kingdom

Today, I was introducing my American cousin to the peaceful English village I live in. Just as I was reassuring her that the people were very friendly and welcoming, a car drove past and pelted us with eggs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 992

You deserved it 3 203

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Top comments

0goodtimes0 13

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Tuesday 20 January 2015 5:32

So much for Canadians being super nice

RobinGoodfellow 47

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Tuesday 20 January 2015 5:35

Sneezes: doing their best to ruin lives.

0goodtimes0 13

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Tuesday 20 January 2015 5:32

So much for Canadians being super nice

mikepzz 27

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Tuesday 20 January 2015 5:40

I'm Canadian, don't worry they probably apologized afterwards. :)

thevelociraptor 31

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Tuesday 20 January 2015 5:44

It's hardly possible to have a country that only consists of nice people. Like every other place you will get some really nasty ones like the bystanders Op ran into. Yes, the majority of Canadians may be nicer and say sorry more often, but not everyone does. Anyway, I hope your shoulder recovers quickly Op!

KingBobtheThird 16

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Tuesday 20 January 2015 6:05

Dude... not all Canadians are nice, that's such a stupid stereotype.

tournamentdecide 33

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Tuesday 20 January 2015 6:18

Did you even acknowledge #10's comment, 16?

Enslaved 36

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Tuesday 20 January 2015 6:43

Those bystanders were probably mean tourist?

AnOriginalName 19

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Tuesday 20 January 2015 6:52

Canadians actually aren't that nice. They stole that stereotype from their former rulers, the British, and the British are too polite to correct that false stereotype.

howard007 18

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Tuesday 20 January 2015 12:44

Why are you guys taking the sarcasm from the stero type so seriously

0goodtimes0 13

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Tuesday 20 January 2015 13:53

Thank you 39

RobinGoodfellow 47

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Tuesday 20 January 2015 5:35

Sneezes: doing their best to ruin lives.

badluckalex 23

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Tuesday 20 January 2015 9:14

Idk if it's just me but I feel so much better after letting a sneeze out. I hate when you have to sneeze but can't, then you look like an idiot trying to get that itch out of your nose

Shadowblast423 3

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Tuesday 20 January 2015 13:39

Any time you have to sneeze, look at the brightest light you can. Works most of the time.

juliaafaulkner 15

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Friday 23 January 2015 1:38

One of the best solutions.. However you are also blinded for the next few minutes and are subject to seeing random colours here and there..

ethawesome1125 10

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Tuesday 20 January 2015 5:37

Just hope they fall over as soon as they leave

Zacky_Chan 22

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Tuesday 20 January 2015 5:38

At least nobody mugged you.

iAlissa 34

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Tuesday 20 January 2015 13:14

Ah yes, the silver lining has been found.

Angelkisses130 26

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Tuesday 20 January 2015 5:41

My mom said something similar happened to her. She has weak joints and fell outside of a grocery store. All those people around and only one person helped while everyone else just stared. People are mean and just don't give a shit :( sorry everyone sucks OP

kirbs19 37

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Tuesday 20 January 2015 8:30

I hope your mom was okay #6 at least there was ONE good person to help her out :)

randomname98 22

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Tuesday 20 January 2015 17:06

I fell on the ice not too long ago, and hit the ground so hard I thought I broke my elbow. My sister's response was to smile, do a really bad job of covering said smile, and walk away. The school bus came by shortly afterwards, and someone that got off helped me. These are sad days when you can trust a stranger more than your own sister.

Angelkisses130 26

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Wednesday 21 January 2015 0:36

That's pathetic and very low of her. At least the stranger was there to help you, at least there's still some good people out there. I wouldn't just walk away or crack a smile at someone in so much pain, I don't see how anyone could do that :-( hope your elbow is okay