Today, I was walking home from work, when I slipped and fell... - FML

By SqueakingRetard - 17/1/2014 23:28 - Canada - Barrie

Today, I was walking home from work, when I slipped and fell on a patch of ice. I clambered back to my feet, made it three feet, then slipped and fell again. A guy who'd witnessed the whole thing stuck his head out of his car window and yelled "Dumbasssssss!" FML

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Superficial World

Nice neighborhood

Tonight, on Grey's Anatomy…

By Anonymous - 7/3/2013 03:14 - United States - Fort Worth

Today, I met a guy in a bar. He was sweet and funny so I asked him out for coffee later. He quickly turned me down, saying that I didn't even meet his first requirement. His first requirement was "looks like a girl." FML

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By NotoriousSRJ - 28/1/2011 15:43 - Canada

Today, I got pulled over by a cop. Since my window wasn't working, I opened the door, causing him to run towards me with a drawn gun. He then had a go at me with his night stick. After realizing my window was broken, he laughed and let me off with a warning. FML

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By KatieB - 4/4/2012 21:11 - United Kingdom - Newark

Today, my boyfriend was over. I asked my dad how long until dinner was ready, his reply was, "Five minutes, so no, you can't go upstairs for a quickie". FML

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By Anonymous - 15/8/2012 23:58 - Australia

Today, I was hanging out with my brother and his friends. While we were walking to the store, there was a loud snap. Everyone jumped. My bra had snapped, and I had to hold back tears of pain and pretend I was just as confused as they were, while they searched for the source of the sound. FML

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By carolinagirl - 4/4/2011 16:23 - United States

Today, I found out that my mom and dad got a divorce. They didn't tell me, they just changed their relationship status on Facebook. FML

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By friendless - 6/8/2019 00:01

Today, the reason I’d rather elope with my fiancée than have a wedding is because I have no friends. FML

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By prego - 30/4/2009 02:03 - United States

Today, I called my mom into my room to ask her to bring me something. She reffered to me as a "lazy fat slug." I'm 38 weeks pregnant and was put on emergancy bedrest by my doctor. FML

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By Brittany - 3/2/2010 05:03 - United States

Today, after calling my boyfriend and telling him that my dog had just died, he hesitated and stuttered "She was old, sick, and suffering. Babe, it was her time to go." He then informed me he had to go to his friend's house and hung up. My dog was 2, in great health, and was hit by a car. FML

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By Anonymous - 21/10/2011 21:27 - Canada

Today, while at my job as a hostess, I was seating a couple and their adorable little girl. I tried to ask how old she was, but what came out was, "Aww, what breed is she?" FML

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By Anonymous - 24/1/2015 14:33 - United States - Canyon Country

Today, I walked in on my mom blow-drying my grinning dad's pubes. FML

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By Anonymous - 19/1/2011 03:08 - Singapore

Today, my sister used my mobile phone to call her boyfriend who is married with children. His wife found my number on his phone and thinks that I am my sister. Since then, she has been calling me non-stop, calling me a 'prostitute' each time. FML

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By Nick - 22/5/2018 01:30

Today, my girlfriend and I went to see a horror movie. It ended up scaring her so badly that she refused to leave our bed all night long, even to pee. I have to clean the mattress now. FML

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By tawan - 4/12/2009 16:35 - United Kingdom

Today, I set off a fire alarm in school. I was taken to the head teacher's office, where he said that though he was shocked at my behavior, it was nice to see me being more like regular students and trying to fit in, instead of isolating myself as usual. I was shoved into the fire alarm by bullies. FML

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By foreversingle - 30/6/2013 18:09 - Netherlands - Helmond

Today, I bought some makeup supplies at the supermarket. The cashier snorted and muttered, "Not enough in the world for you." FML

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By PinkTornado - 17/3/2009 14:20 - Canada

Today, I broke up with my boyfriend. After three long weeks of him ignoring me and cancelling out on time we were supposed to spend with each other. He looked at me with the most confused look on his face. Then he says ''Are you serious? I was planning the perfect day to ask you to marry me'' FML

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By left4dead - 27/10/2012 20:04 - Australia - Sydney

Today, I went on a field trip with some people from school. I'm currently confined to a wheelchair, so I had to rely on my sister to get around. She eventually went off with her friends, assuming that the people nearby would keep me company. Five minutes later, they'd all left me. FML

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By knickedleg - 22/5/2010 07:03 - France

Today, I was using Veet instead of shaving, so that the razor wouldn't cut up my legs. I cut myself with the plastic utensil that you're supposed to use to remove the Veet. FML

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By Anonymous - 18/12/2015 13:34 - Sri Lanka - Colombo

Today, I accidentally farted while on my flight home. It was silent but so deadly that several people were visibly distressed. The overweight guy sitting next to me got a bunch of dirty glares. I was too ashamed to own up to it. FML

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By SadAndAlone - 3/12/2015 16:41 - Sweden - Nacka

Today, I got the most action I've had in months when a stranger fondled my thigh on the subway. It was a blind man, searching for empty seats. FML

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By tortureromoretorture - 27/8/2015 00:28 - United States - West Islip

Today, after twelve straight hours of work, my fourteen year old son surprised me with a broken window and a cracked TV. He said, "I was swatting away a fly." FML

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By sadface - 11/8/2010 06:50 - United States

Today, I was dumped by my girlfriend due to our long distance relationship. She then agreed to date my best friend who lives in the same town as me. FML

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By irwingiggles - 8/2/2015 10:26 - Netherlands

Today, I figured out how my birth control works. If you're on your period for four months straight you can't have sex, so you won't be pregnant. FML

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By LexS12 - 30/4/2017 04:00

Today, at the age of 21, I've been diagnosed with arthritis in my knees. There goes my volleyball career. FML

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By Anonymous - 21/4/2011 13:47 - United States

Sweet talker

Today, my boyfriend said to me, "You know how I know I love you? I don't want you to leave after we have sex." He thinks that's a compliment. FML

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By Anonymous - 5/8/2013 17:58 - United States - Athens

Today, I wore a bikini to the lake with my parents. I didn't know that my back was covered in bruises, and ended up having to awkwardly explain to my parents that I am not in an abusive relationship; the bruises came from the sex I had last night. FML

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By awkward - 5/9/2017 12:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I went to a friend's "party". Everyone bailed but my friend didn't say anything, so it's just me and my girl. The train tickets alone cost £20. FML

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By Anonymous - 19/7/2015 05:05 - United States

Today, I spent hours cooking a big dinner for my parents for the first time. I guess I made the steak too rare, because when my dad cut into it, he said "Christ! This thing's practically alive!" and said a skilled vet could probably bring the cow it was cut from back to life. FML

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By no more flips - 17/5/2015 14:05 - United States - Columbus

Today, I decided to impress my friends by doing a flip on the trampoline. What did impress them, was my lack of tears after I hit the edge of the trampoline and broke my nose. FML

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By Chensticles - 14/10/2009 01:25 - France

Today, I went to my hairdresser who promised me a haircut which "all the girls would want you" for. She gave me a combover. FML

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By wekasdjkasldasdkasdzcawqe - 7/8/2013 20:55 - Sweden

Today, my mother yelled and yelled at me until I apologized to our cat for not petting him when he sat on my lap. FML

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By scooterbyrd - 6/11/2016 06:08

Today, I saw a photo on Facebook of all my best friends from high school together at a 50th birthday party I wasn't invited to. I knew the birthday guy for longer than any of them and introduced everyone in high school. They wouldn't even know him without me. FML

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By hozzyandie - 14/12/2010 18:02 - Ireland

Today, at the office, everyone in my department swapped secret santa presents. I bought the guy whose name I picked a DVD box-set of his favorite TV series. One of my friends got a fancy make up kit. Another got a pack of posh notebooks. I got a toilet plunger. FML

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By Anonymous - 4/1/2011 09:01 - New Zealand

Today, I went down on my boyfriend while he was drunk, and he told me to get protection from his bedroom. I came back, he was passed out on the couch. His parents then came into the room after hearing noises. I was sitting there naked holding a condom while he was fast asleep. FML

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By nzkristy - 3/1/2010 10:59 - New Zealand

Today, I got sent home from work for appearing stoned/under the influence of drugs. I suffer from severe hay fever, which no antihistamine has fixed yet, hence the red and glassy eyes. FML

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By Respect101 - 26/6/2014 00:20 - United States - Alvin

Today, I was talking to my boss about dogs and cats. I'm a dog person; he's a cat person. He told me that he likes cats better, because they are laid back and don't do anything all day. Before I could stop myself, I blurted out, "Just like you?" FML

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By sofuckingembarassing. - 11/2/2013 19:19 - United States

Today, I spoke to my crush for the first time, and after a while he asked for my number. Ecstatic, I took the first piece of paper I saw out of my purse. I wrote it down and gave it to him, but he handed it back and said, "You might need this." It was an appointment card for my therapist. FML

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By sexyconvo - 25/11/2009 07:23 - United States

Today, I tried to convince my boyfriend to come over, telling him it would be "worth his time." He asked, "How?" I said, "Dazzling conversation of course. Just kidding, you'll probably get laid." He replied, "Oh. Well I would if it was for the conversation." FML

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By just me - 13/5/2012 18:54 - Germany - Overath

Today, I argued heavily with my dad over being dragged to a family game of lacrosse. All through the game, he kept "accidentally" hurling the ball straight at me on the sideline. After he eventually nailed me straight in the heart, he screamed at me to "get out of the fucking way". FML

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By bosslady - 30/6/2015 09:57 - Belgium - Brussels

Today, my intern was given his own office. I have been asking to move out of my cubicle for nearly four years. FML

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By hulio88 - 7/12/2010 00:37

Today, after years of hard work, I had an interview at the highest ranking university in the world 800 miles from where I live. It snowed heavily for the last 2 days closing every road, railway, and airport causing me to miss the interview. There is no rescheduling. FML

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Top comments

By NoMore_CoolNames | 14

#5830619 - Saturday 18 January 2014 5:02

He caught you slippin.

By dachayke | 16

#5830624 - Saturday 18 January 2014 5:03

And then his car slid into a ditch.

Comments

By NoMore_CoolNames | 14

#5830619 - Saturday 18 January 2014 5:02

He caught you slippin.

Reply

Shabba_13 | 13

#5830809 - Saturday 18 January 2014 7:49

Bitches be trippin

Reply

Ambient25 | 24

#5830843 - Saturday 18 January 2014 8:57

"I GET KNOCKED DOWN, BUT I GET UP AGAIN, YOU'RE NEVER GONNA KEEP ME DOWN"

Reply

HeinrichHimmler | 9

#5830867 - Saturday 18 January 2014 10:04

She should drink less often

By arodven | 18

#5830623 - Saturday 18 January 2014 5:03

The guy was an ass. Don't sweat it.

Reply

dachayke | 16

#5830644 - Saturday 18 January 2014 5:07

How could she sweat when it's freezing outside?

Reply

hickdog | 6

#5830722 - Saturday 18 January 2014 6:05

ass + sweat = swass... just sayin'

Reply

EternalRest | 5

#5830734 - Saturday 18 January 2014 6:18

...just sayin' what?

Reply

extrasnipes | 22

#5830931 - Saturday 18 January 2014 13:31

no hes an asssssssssss

Reply

jsp16 | 24

#5831557 - Saturday 18 January 2014 23:25

OP's name reminded me of that squeaky voiced teen from the Simpsons. Maybe it was him :O

By dachayke | 16

#5830624 - Saturday 18 January 2014 5:03

And then his car slid into a ditch.

By patchesOhoolihan | 12

#5830631 - Saturday 18 January 2014 5:04

Your climbing a slipperly slope

Reply

Cadillac4427 | 8

#5830926 - Saturday 18 January 2014 13:29

well no .....he wasn't on a slope ......

Reply

CamBen42 | 29

#5831190 - Saturday 18 January 2014 18:27

You're

By x3jmac27 | 22

#5830632 - Saturday 18 January 2014 5:04

Haha OP you just made my day so much better (: and be careful. Don't want to hurt your tail bone

By expectcriticism | 13

#5830639 - Saturday 18 January 2014 5:06

maybe you should be more careful dumbasss

Reply

LeezaIsTheBest | 14

#5830890 - Saturday 18 January 2014 11:35

I immediately thought of Red from That 70's Show when reading this comment xD

Reply

ironmany_fml | 23

#5831461 - Saturday 18 January 2014 21:28

well op has just told us her side of the story.. maybe she was walking with high heels on and slipping or something, which is a pretty dumbass thing to do..

I mean why would the guy call her a dumbass just for falling...

we can't make any assumptions without knowing the whole thing...

By KamiyaHaine | 18

#5830646 - Saturday 18 January 2014 5:07

I hope your back is ok!

Reply

Kamon97 | 23

#5830687 - Saturday 18 January 2014 5:17

I hope the ice is ok :(

Reply

HeinrichHimmler | 9

#5830869 - Saturday 18 January 2014 10:06

I hope your nails are ok

By PattonGilette2 | 18

#5830647 - Saturday 18 January 2014 5:07

aaa

By worldclassrager | 39

#5830661 - Saturday 18 January 2014 5:10

Good Lord I hope you're okay...ice is one slippery slope to injury...

By TheRoyalBattler | 5

#5830662 - Saturday 18 January 2014 5:10

As they drove off screaming; Cobra-la-la-la-la!!