Today, I was playing around on Photo Booth, using weird effects...

By ugly5402 - 6/1/2010 21:05 - United States

Today, I was playing around on Photo Booth, using weird effects on pictures of myself. I clicked on one and thought to myself that it was a really ugly effect. Then I noticed that it was set on normal. FML

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Miscellaneous

Keep the peace

Boom, headshot

Gas giant

By dummy - 11/7/2011 19:21 - United States

Today, while babysitting a five year old, I found a cartoon called Metalocalypse for him to watch while I made dinner. I didn't realize it was an "adult" cartoon until afterwards. He watched a whole episode about a clown with a cocaine problem. FML

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By stacyyvonne - 7/10/2011 02:53 - United States

Today, I finally found the courage to tell my drug addict husband that I'm leaving him. He sat in his chair, denying using drugs, ever. Right after he said this, he passed out and spilled hot coffee on himself. He then denied spilling the coffee. As I was leaving, he took all of my shoes. FML

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By somebody - 1/6/2015 03:37 - United States

Today, the babysitter not only clogged the toilet, they tried to unclog it with our vacuum cleaner hose. FML

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By Anonymous - 2/6/2011 04:17

Today, I threw myself a surprise party. FML

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By Anonymous - 9/10/2014 22:17 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I got roped into a volunteering thing at the last minute. I was waiting outside with all these kids who looked hungry. Feeling bad, I passed around crisps and cookies. Turns out we were at a convention to promote healthy eating in malnourished children. FML

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By Anonymous - 1/12/2012 05:59 - United States - Saint Louis

Today, my girlfriend accused me of cheating, because I tipped our waitress at dinner. FML

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By Lucachoo - 21/10/2016 05:16

Today, my boyfriend presented me with a 30-minute montage video of him working out and flexing his muscles as my anniversary gift. FML

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By bluewatersify - 18/1/2010 14:23 - Australia

Today, I got a letter in the mail, my mother has applied for a reduction in her child support payments for my brother and I. She's paid $10 child support in 16 years. FML

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By Anonymous - 24/9/2009 04:52 - United States

Today, I was planning on breaking up with my girlfriend of five years in two days time. She just mailed me a care package that said, "I'd die without you." FML

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By corasmom - 27/7/2011 18:09 - United States

Today, I learned that my daughter's gerbils are not afraid of the vacuum cleaner. FML

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By Aisu - 8/5/2009 18:14 - United States

Today, my mother called me a bad son for not telling her "Happy Mother's Day". When I told her Mother's Day wasn't until the 10th, she said that I would have forgotten anyway. FML

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By WhyMe - 27/11/2018 17:30

Today, I woke up approximately half a nanosecond after my dog involuntarily vomited in bed. On my face. I opened my mouth because it literally filled my nose. I swallowed out of reflex before I was fully awake. FML

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By bdiddy - 11/7/2009 19:50 - United States

Today, I moved in with my brother to save on a swanky apartment. I was skeptical as to how this would work out as we fought a lot as kids. Our first big fight? Whether or not to keep his dorm-style futon complete with Return of the Jedi sheets. He's a 35-yr old physician; I'm a 28-yr old lawyer. FML

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By COCKYmanUSC - 12/9/2011 02:50 - United States

Today, I was the victim of a drive-by. The attackers used water guns. FML

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By Kimel - 22/1/2016 00:11 - France - Vincent

Today, my eldest daughter announced she was getting divorced. She never even told me she was married. FML

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By Anonymous - 9/3/2011 16:07 - Canada

Today, I went on a dinner date with the guy I like. He ate all his food then started eating off my plate, going on to eat over half of my food. When the bill came, he made me pay for it. FML

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By ugh - 1/12/2015 03:52 - Canada - Lethbridge

Today, my mother went through my bag and found what she thought was rolling papers. I was yelled at and called a stupid pothead with no future. They were facial blotting papers. FML

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By LALALALA - 29/5/2009 21:08 - United States

Today, I saw that Pixar had put out a teaser trailer for Toy Story 3. I got so excited to watch it that had to go lay in bed for a few minutes in order to calm myself down. I'm 19 years old. FML

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By Anonymous - 12/11/2012 13:29 - United States - Lancaster

Today, my boyfriend of three years, whom I recently got engaged to, asked me to take a photo of my mother's boobs while she was sleeping so that he could see what mine would look like when I got older. FML

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By Dummas - 15/1/2017 12:00

Today, I sent out an email asking people to contact me if they were not on our group's email list yet so that I could add them. I sent it out to the group list. They were quite amused. FML

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By Anonymous - 15/7/2017 00:30 - Italy - Verona

Today, as I woke up, the first thing I saw was a bee on my hand. I tried not to make the slightest move, waiting for it to fly away without stinging me. The second thing I saw was my cat jumping at it. FML

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By Anonymous - 10/5/2017 04:00

Today, my mom came in to hug me while I was sleeping, or so I thought. I woke up and tried to hug her back, only to find she had wrapped a tape measure around me. She was trying to measure my bust size to win a bet. FML

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By PublicToiletEspionage - 21/5/2009 10:52 - United Kingdom

Today, I was desperate for a pee so I used some public toilets which were full of obviously underage girls drinking. I didn't think anything of it until halfway through my business when I looked up to see two of them leaning over the top of the stall taking pictures with a mobile phone. FML

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By cat_loser - 9/12/2016 01:29

Today, I agreed to catsit for a friend. Her cat rode back to my house sitting on my shoulder in the car. As soon as I opened the door, he jumped out and ran off into the woods. It's been 2 1/2 hours and not even food will entice him back to me. FML

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By Anonymous - 14/1/2016 12:51 - Australia

Today, my girlfriend actually slept with one of the celebrities on her "5 celebrities we're allowed to sleep with" list. FML

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By sadchick - 9/9/2009 22:53 - United States

Today, my mom found a new favorite game. I recently broke up with my boyfriend of a year and still have not been able to find a job (months after graduating college). Due to this stress I cry easily, her game? Seeing how many times a day she can make me boo-hoo. FML

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By K Holed - 29/1/2009 17:04 - United States

Today, my parents told me that they received a letter from a prison. Being curious they opened it up and read the entire thing. It was from this girl I randomly met. Now I have a prison stalker and my parents think I date felons. FML

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By dwaggle - 2/7/2009 00:58 - United States

Today, my wife tried to catch the bouquet at my sister's wedding. Afterward I informed her that only single women were supposed to do that, and she replied "I know". My wife told me that she was divorcing me at my sister's wedding. FML

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By Stewtato - 12/7/2019 22:30

Today, a bat flew into my house. We locked it in my brother's room, complete with cats, and just barely got it back outside alive. We later found out it was an endangered species, so we also narrowly avoided arrest. FML

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By Anonymous - 19/5/2015 20:58 - United Kingdom - Duns

Today, I spent half-an-hour trapped inside my dog's crate. The door locked behind me as I squeezed myself inside to stroke her. After bellowing at my family in the garden for what felt like an eternity, they came through just to laugh and take pictures. FML

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By tinygirl - 7/3/2011 06:16

Today, it's official, we measured. My boyfriend's manboobs are bigger than my breasts. FML

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By HoHoSnow - 9/12/2009 03:03 - United States

Today, I got stuck in the snow in the middle of street. As I was just beginning to get myself unstuck, the snow plow came by and buried the front end of my car. FML

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By Randy - 13/9/2011 02:15 - United States

Today, I got home from work to find my wife asleep in her easy chair with my two year old son asleep in a pile of torn-up paper. I soon found out it was my 1960s collection of a Superman comic book series that I inherited from my dad. It was worth well over $2,000. FML

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By Please go home - 5/4/2019 00:00

Today, has been the third week my boyfriend's best friend has been sleeping on our bedroom floor because he doesn't want to face the consequences of his actions back at his parents' place. My boyfriend sees no problem with this, and says he can stay and live off us as long as he wants. FML

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By devdevdev - 2/7/2014 01:20 - Brazil - Santa Maria

Today, I went on a date with this girl. Turns out she's a software developer, too. Our date became a technical discussion. FML

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By Anonymous - 7/8/2015 17:31 - United States - Newark

Today, the jackoffs at my new job kept making jokes about my prosthetic leg. When I finally lost my shit and told one of them to back off, he said "Woah there, Mr Pistorius!" then said he'll avoid using the restroom now in case I decide to shoot him through the door. FML

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By snowlover - 16/2/2014 07:37 - United States - Fremont

Today, I was driving through the mountains and there was a chain requirement. I went to put them on and found a note where my chains used to be saying, "Have fun in a blizzard now bitch" from my ex. FML

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By Anonomous - 26/1/2015 15:48 - Canada - Whitby

Today, I got a cute girl's number for the first time. Too bad it was because she rear ended my car. FML

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By DrunkenValor - 6/9/2009 04:03 - United Kingdom

Today, my friend got drunk. We tried to get him into a cab, he punched me in the face, three chavs then accosted me, accusing me of trying to mug him. I was then beaten up by said chavs and then the police charged me for being drunk and disorderly. FML

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By alynna007 - 2/1/2013 10:31 - United States - Lakewood

Today, I overheard my mother telling my sister that she expects my marriage to fall apart any day now. Apparently, I have no concept of what "marriage" really means. My husband and I just celebrated our 7th anniversary, while my mother is planning her 5th wedding. FML

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Top comments

By devendra_fml | 0

#759193 - Thursday 7 January 2010 1:42

i have to say, you don't know your own face very well.

By teebonehead | 0

#759203 - Thursday 7 January 2010 1:44

No mirrors in your house , or all of them broken ?

COMMENTS

By tomc666 | 0

#759156 - Thursday 7 January 2010 1:32

lol

raNDMGUy | 5

#759514 - Thursday 7 January 2010 4:38

i fricking hate fmls about people whining cause they're insecure

ultravioletfoil | 0

#759755 - Thursday 7 January 2010 7:39

At least they're funny, unlike you.

raNDMGUy | 5

#759800 - Thursday 7 January 2010 8:18

it's funny, just really annoying

daddyluiigi | 3

#4377522 - Tuesday 1 May 2012 14:21

LMFAO

By Aim123 | 0

#759172 - Thursday 7 January 2010 1:35

Aww, gutting!

xx3ginaxx3 | 0

#825307 - Thursday 4 February 2010 21:27

unfortunately*

By ming88 | 0

#759173 - Thursday 7 January 2010 1:35

lol x2

carlycrf | 8

#2694528 - Thursday 16 June 2011 17:34

This FML sounds fake....

By iambatman123 | 0

#759187 - Thursday 7 January 2010 1:40

Haha, sorry. I can't help but laugh.

By devendra_fml | 0

#759193 - Thursday 7 January 2010 1:42

i have to say, you don't know your own face very well.

By Dr_Pepper_fml | 3

#759198 - Thursday 7 January 2010 1:43

lmao..

sexy_meghan | 0

#759340 - Thursday 7 January 2010 2:59

people who dont wear make-up are much prettier then people with make-u Btw

great_dane | 0

#759382 - Thursday 7 January 2010 3:22

thats not necessarily true. people can be pretty with or without make-up. its not fair to judge people who do wear makeup.

sexy_meghan | 0

#766644 - Sunday 10 January 2010 22:42

yes but people who wear makeup are wearing a mask people who dont wear makeup let there true self come through and thats what really should matter

pajamurao | 0

#1024628 - Wednesday 9 June 2010 5:49

^ thank u

By teebonehead | 0

#759203 - Thursday 7 January 2010 1:44

No mirrors in your house , or all of them broken ?

whatevershesaid | 0

#759243 - Thursday 7 January 2010 1:58

"all of them broken"
...
PWND.

By cel123456789 | 0

#759213 - Thursday 7 January 2010 1:46

fake

By tytygood | 0

#759217 - Thursday 7 January 2010 1:48

Lol, that's really all I can say.

By kbaker90 | 0

#759219 - Thursday 7 January 2010 1:48

It's ok, maybe you're just not photogenic. I look like a beast in every single picture of me, but in the mirror I actually look normal. It happens to a lot of us.

Sun_Kissed18 | 25

#759255 - Thursday 7 January 2010 2:04

Same with me. I HATE pictures of myself. It could have also been an awkward angle that accentuated the wrong places or something. Keep positive :)