Today, I was playing around on Photo Booth, using weird effects...

By ugly5402 - 6/1/2010 21:05 - United States

Today, I was playing around on Photo Booth, using weird effects on pictures of myself. I clicked on one and thought to myself that it was a really ugly effect. Then I noticed that it was set on normal. FML

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Miscellaneous

Drinking is bad for you, most of the time

Nice neighborhood

Headache

By SeriouslyDad - 22/9/2013 13:57 - United States - Waxhaw

Today, my dad and I had a yelling match about me "lying", because I was unable to contact iTunes support without a phone number. To prove a point, he went online to find the phone number. It's been an hour and he's still searching for the number. I can't leave the table until he has found it. FML

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By meltdowninrels - 15/8/2014 22:09 - New Zealand - Wellington

Today, I found out my girlfriend has been cheating on me. When I told my sister, she just smiled, held up a closed fist, and said "Look at the number of fucks I give!" She then raised a finger, said "Oops. Finger spasm!" then lowered it again. FML

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By 3Airwalk3 - 16/2/2010 05:23 - Canada

Today, I was washing a stainless steel pot at my kitchen job. Every time I pulled it out of the dishwasher and examined it for dirt, I saw something orange inside it. After 3 run-throughs, I realized it was just my shirt's reflection. FML

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By bm128902 - 1/10/2009 04:05 - United States

Today, I had a meeting at work. My boss was going around saying that she tries to give time off to the other managers so they can spend time with their family and significant others. She looked at me and said she doesn't for me because I have no one special to spend time with. FML

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By Anonymous - 10/11/2010 17:56 - United Kingdom

Today, I failed my driving test. I've been a legal driver in my home country for 8 years, but can't pass the test here. FML

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By Anonymous - 30/1/2013 22:50 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, I spent most of my daughter's 8th birthday with her in the hospital while her broken arm was put in a cast. Apparently, my son had told her that some people gained the ability to fly on their 8th birthday before encouraging her to find out by jumping off the slippery slide. FML

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By Anonymous - 16/6/2010 23:16 - United States

Today, after weeks of looking forward to my birthday trip to the beach, I've come down with a serious case of the flu. My family is still going without me, but at least now they don't have to pay someone to watch the dog. Happy birthday to me. FML

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By Anonymous - 12/9/2019 06:00 - New Zealand

The Terror

Today, it's my first day off in over two months. My colleagues disagree - they won't stop calling me. I'm not allowed to turn my phone off. FML

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By Katsura - 19/7/2016 00:43 - United States - Perrysburg

Today, my boyfriend wanted to get into an open relationship. He has no romantic feelings for me anymore, but he didn't want to separate from my cat. FML

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By Anonymous - 31/10/2019 14:00 - Canada - Prince George

Naughty girl

Today, my mom found out that I got a tattoo two years ago. She got mad and spanked me. I'm 33 years old. FML

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By Gaz47 - 27/7/2018 19:00

Today, I was online dating and a girl from high school messaged me. Thinking she might have matured since we're now in our 40's, I messaged back. She then said it was a joke and that I'm still a desperate, pathetic nerd trying to score with the hottest girl in class. FML

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By lion2294 - 5/3/2015 09:19 - United States - Laingsburg

Today, my boss threatened to fire me if I didn't stop looking at my phone while working. I work in the back room, and there is no clock in there. I look at my phone to check the time. That way I know how long I have left in that hellhole. FML

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By charlotte9338 - 23/10/2011 23:32 - Canada

Today, I went to the hospital with a broken hand. They gave me a cast and some prescription pain medication. The only problem is that the bottle of medication is child-proof, I live alone and I can't open it with one hand. FML

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By hkkilla - 16/3/2010 17:40 - United States

Today, I had four teeth pulled, and my mom brought me some ice cream to help with the pain. I fell asleep before I could finish it, and without realising, I left the bowl on my bed. I woke up a few hours later with ice cream spilled all over me, my pants, and all over my now-dead phone. FML

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By Xandriajoy10 - 4/1/2016 05:21 - Australia

Today, my 5 year-old informed me she likes her "other mummy" more and wants to live with her instead. I need to have a long conversation with my husband. FML

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By lily_marleen - 17/5/2015 21:27 - Germany - Emskirchen

Today, I had an outdoor meeting with some important clients. It wasn't until the meeting was over that my coworker decided to inform me that I had bird poop in my hair "pretty much the entire time." FML

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By Anonymous - 23/9/2018 14:00

Today, my boyfriend proudly showed me that he's put me in his favourites contact list on his phone with a heart image. Cute, but I saw another contact on the list with a heart image as well: his favourite take out restaurant. FML

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By beautyschool22 - 11/6/2012 23:39 - United States

Today, I talked to my father for the first time in several years. I proudly told him that I have been attending Beauty School. He looked me up and down and said, "Doesn't look like you've learned much." FML

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By Marco - 13/10/2008 08:29

Today, the bank I use lost 5 billion. FML

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By bjevilcat2 - 18/10/2010 18:02 - United States

Today, my doctor confirmed that the extreme pain I've been experiencing is due to a kidney stone. My friend decided this was the time to tell me that passing a kidney stone is the male equivalent of child birth. Hello even more pain. FML

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By melikeyturtles - 10/10/2011 04:13 - United States

Today, I went to work as a home health-aid, and found out that my client turns his hearing aid off on purpose because he can't stand my voice. FML

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By ImprovTeacher - 16/6/2019 14:05

Today, I was teaching a small group of improv students. I asked one guy to do a monologue, and laughed to myself while he did so. I said, "Sorry, I'm just laughing at the way you're doing it." He then got upset and pointed out that he had a speech impediment. FML

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By Sniffles - 26/4/2014 12:28 - Ireland

Today, I realised that when I asked my girlfriend 4 months ago if was she on the pill, she thought I meant hay fever tablets. I'm going to be a father. FML

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By meandme - 4/3/2014 22:55 - Canada - Fort Vermilion

Today, I saw a kid getting bullied; a girl was hitting him in the head. After having an inner struggle with what to do, I tried to stop them. Both kids then turned on me, and called me a "hippo". FML

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By whatjusthappened - 20/12/2013 08:45 - United States - Federal Way

Today, a man started a deep conversation with me at the bus stop about life, death, and the miracles of things we take for granted every day. I was really enjoying it until he looked at his watch and said, "Oh shit, mushrooms make me lose track of time!" and ran off into the night. FML

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By Anonymous - 18/6/2019 06:44

Today, I was in a public toilet taking a dump. I then noticed someone trying to peep under the door, so I kicked them in the head as hard as I could. Turned out it was a 5-year-old looking for his parent. FML

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By ReluctantAntEater - 21/8/2014 21:48 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I tasted a perfectly salted, crispy, and dead carpenter ant hidden in my bag of pistachios. FML

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By PrinceOfBritain - 14/5/2015 02:41 - United States - Chesapeake

Today, I was walking my dog through a park with a lake. My dog was swimming in said lake, and then appeared to be having trouble keeping his head up. I put my phone and keys on the ground and waded to my dog. He was fine, but I turned around in time to see someone run off with my stuff. FML

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By Familyskank - 6/5/2009 16:57 - United States

Today, my family was preparing a turkey for my grandma's birthday dinner when my aunt noticed a utensil on the counter and asked what it was for. My mom said it was used to keep the turkey's legs together. My aunt responded to her by saying, "Maybe you should get one for your daughter." FML

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By Anonymous - 10/12/2010 02:23 - United States

Today, one my friends died. All my crying gave me a headache, so I asked my boyfriend to bring me some aspirin. My headache didn't go away. Instead, I got diarrhea because my boyfriend gave me laxatives instead of aspirin as a "joke" to cheer me up. FML

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By juwkgo - 17/2/2010 15:05 - United States

Today, as I was about to leave my house in my brand new heels, I stepped on a dead mouse. My heel went through it. FML

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By liberatedwoman - 11/8/2009 14:57 - Oman

Today, my mother sat me down to tell me that since coming home from college, I sounded like "a liberated woman". She was disappointed and disturbed by this and said that I should stop having strong opinions and ideals because it would make finding a husband for me difficult. FML

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By Sleep. - 27/11/2014 07:06 - United States - Imperial

Today, I finally got time to take a nap. Later, my mom asked me if I was depressed because I didn't leave my room for 3 hours. She talked to my dad about it, and now my family thinks I'm depressed because I slept for 3 hours. FML

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By crunknasty - 30/3/2013 05:19 - United States - El Cajon

Today, I was on the toilet, when I noticed I could see my daughter dancing in the other room in the mirror, so I took a picture with my phone. After I uploaded it, people pointed out that I was visible in the picture, sitting on the toilet and smiling. FML

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By wtf - 1/5/2015 22:57 - United States - Elkhart

Today, my husband wants me to apologize for getting angry when his father told me I'm getting so fat that I look like a whale. I'm not fat, I'm just 8 months pregnant. FML

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By Snufflopagus - 1/1/2014 13:26 - United States - Lynnwood

Today, my boyfriend told me that sometimes my nipples taste like onions. FML

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By nicooolea - 3/3/2009 08:26 - United States

Today, the 75 year old blinding owner of the bar I work at called me over and told me to fire "Rachel, the stupid c**t after the next wrong thing she does". My name is Rachel. FML

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By LonelyStudent - 2/9/2019 19:00 - United States - Chicago

Keep it down!

Today, while at a grocery store, I told my mom I had some good news. She exclaimed, "You finally got a boyfriend?!" No mom, just an A on my math test. FML

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By hypocrite - 3/7/2012 16:43 - Canada - Campbell River

Today, my new boss gave everyone a lecture about sexual harassment in the workplace. Which would be fine if he'd been able to tear his gaze off my chest for more than a minute at a time. FML

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By Anonymous - 8/11/2013 17:43 - United States - Omaha

Today, I've been awake for nearly three days due to homework and my mom's wedding preparations, so I took some adderall to keep me awake at school. I took too much, totally zoned out in class, became hopelessly fascinated by my own hand, and was accused of doing drugs. FML

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Top comments

By devendra_fml | 0

#759193 - Thursday 7 January 2010 1:42

i have to say, you don't know your own face very well.

By teebonehead | 0

#759203 - Thursday 7 January 2010 1:44

No mirrors in your house , or all of them broken ?

Comments

By tomc666 | 0

#759156 - Thursday 7 January 2010 1:32

lol

raNDMGUy | 5

#759514 - Thursday 7 January 2010 4:38

i fricking hate fmls about people whining cause they're insecure

ultravioletfoil | 0

#759755 - Thursday 7 January 2010 7:39

At least they're funny, unlike you.

raNDMGUy | 5

#759800 - Thursday 7 January 2010 8:18

it's funny, just really annoying

daddyluiigi | 3

#4377522 - Tuesday 1 May 2012 14:21

LMFAO

By Aim123 | 0

#759172 - Thursday 7 January 2010 1:35

Aww, gutting!

xx3ginaxx3 | 0

#825307 - Thursday 4 February 2010 21:27

unfortunately*

By ming88 | 0

#759173 - Thursday 7 January 2010 1:35

lol x2

carlycrf | 8

#2694528 - Thursday 16 June 2011 17:34

This FML sounds fake....

By iambatman123 | 0

#759187 - Thursday 7 January 2010 1:40

Haha, sorry. I can't help but laugh.

By devendra_fml | 0

#759193 - Thursday 7 January 2010 1:42

i have to say, you don't know your own face very well.

By Dr_Pepper_fml | 3

#759198 - Thursday 7 January 2010 1:43

lmao..

sexy_meghan | 0

#759340 - Thursday 7 January 2010 2:59

people who dont wear make-up are much prettier then people with make-u Btw

great_dane | 0

#759382 - Thursday 7 January 2010 3:22

thats not necessarily true. people can be pretty with or without make-up. its not fair to judge people who do wear makeup.

sexy_meghan | 0

#766644 - Sunday 10 January 2010 22:42

yes but people who wear makeup are wearing a mask people who dont wear makeup let there true self come through and thats what really should matter

pajamurao | 0

#1024628 - Wednesday 9 June 2010 5:49

^ thank u

By teebonehead | 0

#759203 - Thursday 7 January 2010 1:44

No mirrors in your house , or all of them broken ?

whatevershesaid | 0

#759243 - Thursday 7 January 2010 1:58

"all of them broken"
...
PWND.

By cel123456789 | 0

#759213 - Thursday 7 January 2010 1:46

fake

By tytygood | 0

#759217 - Thursday 7 January 2010 1:48

Lol, that's really all I can say.

By kbaker90 | 0

#759219 - Thursday 7 January 2010 1:48

It's ok, maybe you're just not photogenic. I look like a beast in every single picture of me, but in the mirror I actually look normal. It happens to a lot of us.

Sun_Kissed18 | 25

#759255 - Thursday 7 January 2010 2:04

Same with me. I HATE pictures of myself. It could have also been an awkward angle that accentuated the wrong places or something. Keep positive :)