Miscellaneous: Today, I had a softball tournament which also landed on my birthday.... - FML

By msj137 - 17/07/2009 07:25 - United States

Today, I had a softball tournament which also landed on my birthday. My dad had to leave town for work, so he left me a card on my night stand. Instead of a happy birthday, all it said was 'Don't mess up the game for everyone'. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 088

You deserved it 2 832

Late term

Coherence dude, do you have it?

The smell detective is on the case

By Revalation - 27/08/2011 23:06 - United States

Today, while riding the bus, a creepy guy gave me the "rape glare" and another guy repeated every word to the conversation I was having with my friend under his breath. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 482

You deserved it 3 051

By Bex - 20/01/2017 16:00

Today, I got back home after traveling in internet-scarce areas. The first thing I did when I got a solid connection was withdraw from a study abroad program I couldn't afford. Later I found the email telling me that I had been offered an all-expenses-paid scholarship. Too bad I'm not going now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 960

You deserved it 1 936

By Anonymous - 06/05/2017 02:20

Spicy

Today, as I was pulling out of my apartment complex, I was rear-ended. When I got out of my car to see how bad the damage was, I wondered why the other guy wasn't getting out of his. As it turns out, he was busy pleasing himself. I found out when I approached his car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 816

You deserved it 433

By Anonymous - 16/01/2015 01:08 - United States - La Crosse

Today, I gambled on a fart and lost. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 873

You deserved it 17 206

By Anonymous - 09/01/2011 19:08 - United States

Today, I woke up early to go to church with my parents. When I got in the car, I was struck with the worst diarrhea I've ever had in my life. My parents told me I'd be cleaning the car out when we got there, because if we turned around, we'd be late. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 462

You deserved it 3 193

By Q - 20/05/2014 17:27 - United States

Today, I had to kick my own father out of my house after he started attacking my wife for breastfeeding our newborn son in the living room. All the way to the door, he ranted that "You don't see me whipping my dick out and pissing in front of everyone, do you?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 390

You deserved it 5 321

Lovely Rita

By Greg - 29/08/2020 05:01

Today, I went to lunch with a friend in her car. I told her to park in a lot that had signs warning that we'd be towed, saying, "They never tow anyone from here. In fact, if you get towed, I'll pay for it." When we returned, her car was gone. I had to pay $145 in cash to get it back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 422

You deserved it 3 464

By Anonymous - 29/05/2012 17:50 - Netherlands - Lelystad

Today, I spilled my guts to my girlfriend, saying I'm scared that all I do is upset her. I then had to sit through a speech about how upset she was that I hadn't told her sooner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 004

You deserved it 4 770

By oxjessiiox - 11/10/2009 15:42 - United Kingdom

Today, I had to pretend to give birth in a play. I wanted to make it a realistic as possible but ended up crapping myself on stage by accident. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 035

You deserved it 29 731

By Anonymous - 24/05/2010 17:12 - Canada

Today, I went to visit my parents after 4 years of not seeing them. They moved without telling me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 727

You deserved it 19 572

By parentalnightmare - 16/04/2016 04:13 - United States - Laurel

Today, I was diagnosed with a chronic pain condition. My parents seemed very sympathetic and my mother even cried. When we got home, though, they started laughing and asked if I really believed all the shit the doctor was talking about. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 915

You deserved it 1 385

By Dani - 24/01/2012 05:23 - Australia

Today, I tried to take a piss in the woods, but ended up peeing all over my feet. I still had to hike another five hours in wet shoes. My boyfriend's only comment was, "At least you didn't wet your pants." FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 282

You deserved it 26 658

By Anonymous - 26/12/2010 21:32 - United States

Today, my mom told me that my new concealer is way too dark and makes my skin look hideously orange and uneven. I wasn't wearing any makeup. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 164

You deserved it 4 449

By SupermarketSally - 25/11/2016 13:45 - Australia - Perth

Today, a customer threw a bottle of milk at me because we'd moved our smoke counter 6 months earlier during our renovations. Moved it five metres to the right that is. He marched out of the store, then marched back, grabbed the milk from my hands, threw $5 at me and then left again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 182

You deserved it 579

By Jessica S. - 06/09/2012 11:15 - United States - Louisville

Today, I found out that the mysterious and creepy weirdo guy that continuously sends me messages on Facebook is my manager at my new job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 385

You deserved it 2 009

Disney 2021

By Anonymous - 04/01/2021 14:01

Today, I realised that I'm kinda living the life of a Disney princess, because I'm lonely and all my friends are animals. Yes, I also talk to them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 773

You deserved it 128

By W1D0 - 20/08/2011 06:23 - United States

Today, while riding in the car with my mother, we got into an argument, at which point she pulled the vehicle over, took the key out of the ignition and used it to turn off the passenger airbag. She then continued driving in silence. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 993

You deserved it 5 014

By keelah - 27/06/2014 21:57 - United States - Montgomery

Today, my cousin asked me what it's like to be so fat. I chastised him and said that was a rude thing to ask. He apologized, then asked me what it's like to be such a pussy. He didn't stop until he, a 10 year old kid, had reduced me, a 26 year old woman, to tears. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 559

You deserved it 8 518

By NewlyDread - 06/02/2013 02:31 - Canada - Toronto

Today, my boyfriend and I were looking at engagement rings. When the store owner asked about our budget, my boyfriend said with a straight face, "Nothing too expensive, I have a big penis so I don't have to overcompensate by buying a big diamond." FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 283

You deserved it 7 388

By kayak probs - 30/07/2013 14:13 - United States - Newtown

Today, I finished the kayak I have been working on for four years. I can't get it out of my basement. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 342

You deserved it 25 884

By IHateMyJob - 18/01/2009 04:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I received an email from my boss telling me how appreciated I was and how valuable I am to the company. I wish I hadn't scrolled down to read the included conversation where he asked his boss whether to lie to me about how good I was or not. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 396

You deserved it 2 040

By Creepedout - 19/11/2015 03:26 - United States - Wilson

Today, an obese man decided it was okay to share a urinal with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 590

You deserved it 1 645

By Anonymous - 14/04/2009 14:07 - United States

Today, I was walking through the park eating fries. There was an old woman feeding a few pigeons. They didn't seem too interested, so I threw some fries down as I walked by to try and help her out. About 2 minutes later, I heard screaming. A huge group of pigeons were attacking the old woman. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 455

You deserved it 19 852

By Anonymous - 19/03/2016 06:10 - Australia - Sydney

Today, a classmate at college accused me of stalking her. All because I walked past her house. I was walking to the supermarket. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 167

You deserved it 1 181

Technologically challenged

By Anonymous - 27/11/2020 17:58 - Singapore - Singapore

Today, during my Zoom PTM my teacher screen-shared his Chrome tab, in which he had opened porn instead of the presentation he had to open, and now mom wants to change my school, where I've been studying in for past 10 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 914

You deserved it 103

Delirious fever days are the BEST!

By Sheila Deville - 24/10/2019 02:00

Today, it's day 5 of being out of my mind with a fever. I actually uttered the words, "Spit is a lubricant, not a frictioncant or gripperorator." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 262

You deserved it 190

By Anonymous - 13/08/2010 14:16 - United States

Today, I was on the way to traffic court for a $340 speeding ticket I'd got. My mother called me and I wasn't paying attention which caused me to speed. Right past a cop. When I told the cop where I was going, he started laughing at me. I now have another $300 ticket. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 840

You deserved it 51 943

You Muppet!

By Branski - 29/07/2011 00:27 - United States

Today, at a campfire, I whipped out my guitar to serenade this girl I like with a Nick Drake song. When I was done, she said it was nice, but that my singing voice sounded a bit like the Swedish Chef from the Muppet Show. A couple of people nearby burst out laughing in agreement. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 666

You deserved it 6 960

By STIdiot - 17/10/2011 12:12 - United States

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend's jaw was swollen due to him not taking care of a cracked tooth. He's convinced it was actually caused by an STD, and accused me of giving it to him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 600

You deserved it 3 661

By Respect101 - 26/06/2014 00:20 - United States - Alvin

Today, I was talking to my boss about dogs and cats. I'm a dog person; he's a cat person. He told me that he likes cats better, because they are laid back and don't do anything all day. Before I could stop myself, I blurted out, "Just like you?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 581

You deserved it 27 579

By laundry day again... - 08/09/2013 13:07 - United States

Today, I discovered that my boyfriend, who has frequent night terrors, also sleepwalks. And apparently sleep-pisses on the bathroom rug. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 655

You deserved it 3 519

By Anonymous - 27/05/2009 01:09 - United States

Today, at exactly midnight, I get a text from my boyfriend saying we were done. I had just seen him 4 hours ago when we were out celebrating my birthday, and asked why he didnt just tell me then. He replies 'I couldn't break up with you on your birthday but i wanted it to be over ASAP' FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 665

You deserved it 3 535

By hopelesscollegestudent - 21/09/2012 16:22 - Canada

Today, I asked my college chemistry teacher for some much-needed help. Instead of explaining anything to me, she scoffed that if I don't understand something, I should "just Google it." FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 961

You deserved it 2 005

By { o } - 22/03/2015 17:41 - United States - Miami

Today, an old man approached me at work. I smiled and asked, "Hi, can I help you"? He looked at me for a few seconds before replying, "Fuck me, you need to lose some weight!" and then wandering off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 489

You deserved it 3 696

By Crys - 29/12/2018 12:00 - Canada - Kingston

Today, I decided to finish up some Christmas shopping. Instead, I ended up having to buy a present for myself - a new alternator after my car died and left me stranded. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 259

You deserved it 224

By chels - 10/12/2012 07:47 - United States - Youngstown

Today, my boyfriend got done with Marine combat training. The first thing he asked for weren't pictures of me but pictures of his car. Missed you too babe. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 167

You deserved it 3 356

By ouch - 12/08/2011 20:10 - United States

Today, I was on the bus when a really cute guy came on. The only seat left was the one next to me, so I smiled and waited for him to sit down. He looked at the seat, looked at me, and opted to stand until his stop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 077

You deserved it 4 859

By pathetic - 20/08/2010 09:51 - United States

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend of a year and I had sex for the first time in several weeks due to relationship problems; I came in less than 10 seconds. We're still having problems. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 610

You deserved it 29 773

By sudoku_fiend - 13/12/2015 04:40 - United States - Millville

Today, I discovered that I've spent so much time playing Sudoku in the bathroom at work that I've trained myself to need to pee whenever I open the app. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 634

You deserved it 5 788

By Anonymous - 15/04/2016 19:46 - United States - Bronx

Spicy

Today, I got locked in my boyfriend's garage in my underwear while his parents ripped him a new one for having sex beneath their roof. His sister had to let me out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 396

You deserved it 4 995

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Friday 17 July 2009 16:35

If you're lucky, he'll stay right where he is. Away. Sorry that your dad is a prick. Unless of course he plans to call you later and say 'haha, I was joking sweety' We shall see, Mr. Prick. We shall see...

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Sunday 10 June 2012 22:42

Probably not, but your grammar does.

Comments

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Friday 17 July 2009 16:16

I'm so happy with life that i surround myself with various shiny things and I sing songs of hope and joy, all the while giving my self a little back rub from a sea lion. Come on Eileen! ;-)

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Friday 17 July 2009 19:09

soccer is so much more wonderful.

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Friday 17 July 2009 20:33

Baseball/ softball is awsome. Soccer just sucks.

divineinstrument 2

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Friday 17 July 2009 22:36

Here's a challenge to everyone! Succeed in posting an FML on this site that doesn't result in trolls like this guy posting "YDI for (insert unimaginably stupid and irrelevant reason)". If you manage you can have my... soul I guess

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Thursday 13 May 2010 2:27

no, hockey own all of the other sports!

WorldCupCheer 0

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Monday 23 August 2010 23:05

thank youuuuu 59 hockey is the shhittttttt (: all other sports aren't even comeparable they r all boringggg and I'm a cheerleader and I lov hockey

kirbz 0

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Friday 17 July 2009 16:19

do you suk that bad XD

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Sunday 10 June 2012 22:42

Probably not, but your grammar does.

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Thursday 19 July 2012 13:09

I'm going to throw a dictionary at your face.

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Sunday 6 October 2013 8:46

3 u just got owned

lil_miz_liz09 0

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Friday 17 July 2009 16:24

Awww I'm sorry. Your dad's an asshole.

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Friday 17 July 2009 16:24

that sucks! my first xc meet was on my b day too

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Friday 17 July 2009 16:25

I've had worse bdays. Plus YDI for playing baseball. :)

divineinstrument 2

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Friday 17 July 2009 22:32

Here's a challenge to everyone! Succeed in posting an FML on this site that doesn't result in trolls like this guy posting "YDI for (insert unimaginably stupid and irrelevant reason)". If you manage you can have my... soul I guess

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Wednesday 7 July 2010 0:18

baseball... softball. Difference.

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Tuesday 3 May 2011 5:50

its all about the ball size 59

Carlie_McCartney 1

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Saturday 23 July 2011 14:59

hahahah I thought that said 69. day ALMOST made lol

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Friday 17 July 2009 16:27

that really sucks. no one deserves that kind of treatment, especially from a parent. bad on you dad. and i'll say happy birthday to your son though I know it won't mean as much as if you said it. and son, here's some birthday advice: leave home as soon as you can responsibly do it and don't look back. some people should never have kids.

4everFastpitch5 2

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Thursday 18 August 2011 5:18

She's a girl! Hello! Softball!!

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Friday 17 July 2009 16:29

some people should never have children. bad on you dad

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Friday 17 July 2009 16:32

this sounds like my dad about softball, but he's not as harsh. FYL

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Friday 17 July 2009 16:35

If you're lucky, he'll stay right where he is. Away. Sorry that your dad is a prick. Unless of course he plans to call you later and say 'haha, I was joking sweety' We shall see, Mr. Prick. We shall see...

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Friday 17 July 2009 16:49

That doesn't make him less of a prick, that just makes him a prick who thinks he has a sense of humor.

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Friday 17 July 2009 16:45

well that sucks

Nearly

Today, I was diagnosed with anorexia. My mother still keeps on calling me a fat fuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25

You deserved it 3

Today, I found out my mother listens to my therapy sessions. She’s the reason I need therapy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23

You deserved it 1

Spicy

Spicy

Today, my college fuck buddy started sending my wife our dirty chat logs. Not only have I not spoken to her in years, but the logs are time/date stamped from when Obama was still President. She's never met my wife and I have no idea what she hopes to get out of this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 901

You deserved it 119

Today, I’d been bicurious for years but always much too shy to seek out a woman to attempt intimacy. Well, I finally hooked up with a girl I’ve had a crush on for a while. Not only was it an amazing, mind-blowing experience, she also left me with a crotch searing yeast infection from hell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 225

You deserved it 295