Today, it's my birthday. I've been dropping strong hints all year about wanting to learn to tap-dance, hoping for some decent tap shoes. Instead, I got a beekeepers outfit and some furry dice to hang on my wreck of a car's rear-view mirror. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, it's my birthday. My mom got me a gym membership and a bunch of clothes that are a few sizes too small. FML
Today, it's my birthday. My next-door neighbours gave me a stool and some rope. FML
Today, it was my birthday. My parents got me a box of cupcakes. My brother got me a deck of cards. My aunt got me a brochure on how to quit smoking. I have diabetes, I don't play cards, and I don't smoke. FML
Today, I had dinner with my family in celebration of my 19th Birthday. I've been hinting that I need a new laptop for months now and I was sure my family had bought me one. I have got a pair of slipper socks. FML
Today, it's my birthday, and apparently my family forgot it. But one person didn't forget. My dog gave me a little present in my new shoes I bought for myself. FML
Today, it's my birthday. I don't mind crappy gifts, but I have to wonder why the hell my boyfriend bought me a home enema kit. FML
Today, it's my 26th birthday. My girlfriend gave me a matchbox car, a glow necklace, and a squirt gun. For her birthday, I bought her a new dress, rented a limo, and took her around to bar hop with her friends. FML
Today, it's my birthday. So far I have received: the news that my parents are divorcing, a dead bird and a pile of shit left on my bed (courtesy of the cat), a rash all over my face, and some slippers from my boyfriend. FML
Today, it's my birthday. My girlfriend gave me the present she'd bought for me. I said, joking, "I hope it's not a tie!" It was a tie. FML
Today, it's my birthday. My fiancé decided to give me the gift of "freedom." That's how he put it, anyway. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
Olovio 5
Atleast yoy didn't get a bloody handjob!
Buttsexpirate 9
I guess when you said that you wanted to be the bees knees, they took it the wrong way
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (114)
SeasonedLemur 5
The bee suits cause your family noticed the wasps nest under your dash, maaaan clean yo' car out fool!
azpallen 0
atleast ya got sumthin nooob ;)
s24sammy 8
so your the one who posted b4 this about your first hand job
oops_im_fucked 8
Lucky...
20jetsgo 3
Tell your parents to warn you before they f**k you like that. Lol
MrJojobinks 6
Ydi for wanting to learn how to tap dance.
081197 0
well hbd
kangarooster2010 4
Happy birthday! A beekeeper suit sounds awesome :)
mikeyg36 6
At least the fuzzy dice will make your shit car more classy.
immortal628 20
A beekeeper's outfit when you asked for tap shoes.... How does that happen? Now you need to get that person some bees for their next birthday.
immortal628 20
Yeah thats true.