By Anonymous - 30/08/2011 11:24 - Australia

Today, I got my first hand job. I started bleeding. FML
I agree, your life sucks 45 445
You deserved it 5 880

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Top comments

You shoul probably get that checked out...

saIty 17

That's when you know your pleaser is giving 120%.


You shoul probably get that checked out...

Wow. Did she have sandpaper on her hands?

Hmm I see you have already met Edward scissorhands sister...

This is what happens when you get your salad tossed for you. Idiots put tomato sauce instead of mayonnaise in it. Unless you teach the other person how you like your salad...

His virginity is lost.

Bethawny 0

a hand job? that's what happens when you have no job and play with puppets! how are your puppets bleeding!?

Edward scissor hands is not very skilled in hand jobs. You don't want to know what he's like with blow jobs

Damn_Hippster 11

What kind of hand jobs do they give in Australia?

25, nice trolling?

He probably got his first period

37- thats not a normal Aussie handjob... Thats something completely different! Lol Plus us Aussie girls like blow jobs better!

Did you get to spray some baby gravy atleast?

stacianichole 2

Cause he has scissors for teeth too? Fail.

16...what the fuck are you talking about

Damn_Hippster 11

55- I'll keep that in mind ;)

juicedboi 7

She popped your cherry.. Somehow..

are you by any chance Justin Beiber?

Did she give you a hand job with a knife?

TheRealHouse 7

is she a construction worker?!

nixter5 18

Buy dat bitch some HAND LOTION

LaydiexSkull 3

I'm guessing she gave it to him rough

dd809 9

I agree. You just have to learn to ignore the really stupid immature comments.

funkyspacemonkey 0

Do you play words with friends Asian girl?

@16; I think the point of your metaphor got lost somewhere along the lines.

At least u know u didnt catch STD

37- they call em bloody mary's

^ l l l Are you 12 years old??

That's what happens when ya raw dog it

229- I'm in high school

hey asainchick, I'd love to play balls with ya;)

Sure you are...

You're 14. You're barely in middle school...

Finn_the_human 5

Did she wear gloves?

wanna play soccer? (:

259-you're probably a little freshman.

259-haha I'm also a freshman and I'm not that stupid!! it ain't called a bloody Mary...I dunno if you were tryin to be funny or somethin but it didn't work...dip shit..

How has no one grammar nazi-ed this?!

55- speak for yourself!

That is actually a good comparison. . . .

Those sandpaper gloves from Home Depot

How awkward o___o

Is ur lover Fredy Kruger by any chance

JuanStar 0

Or Edward Scissorhands??

Pff Wolverine did it

I think she just had great staying power while she was spanking his ferret, a little too much power.

hjbeachbum 0

That is my math teachers name....hehehehe

bitchslapped22 14

159- WIN

Gurljuice 0


Susieee_Q 9

Yeah, when I was reading this my reaction was: "Nice! Congra-- Uhh...."

Capt_Awesome137 0

Lolz #3 like the name :P

From were exactly did u start bleeding?

Wow she must have quite the friction burn

Nah, she's just abrasive.

Killuhk 8

Okay i'm 19 and I don't completely understand how the fuck this could happen? Lol some one explain please...

EXACTLY what I said when I read this, lol

I you like the sabres? Best team ever!

saIty 17

That's when you know your pleaser is giving 120%.

Comedy genius there my good sir

I found Waldo. #99

Owwwwwwwww suck

bizarre_ftw 21

That's when you stop calling your pleaser your pleaser

mxrider4 0

That's fucked up

It's the age old problem as to what to do if your partner starts smoking in bed... You slow down and use a bit more lube. Though blood does technically count as lube in this situation.

It's called "Lube"

icefshng8 9


nixter5 18

Obviously 78 doesn't masturbate much...

whippymcdumb4zs 0

It's not "lube" dumb-ass, it's jerkins hand lotion.

A handjob isn't a handjob without lube haha :p not a good one anyway ;)

StopDropNRoll 11

Can't forget the kleenix!

183 that's what the mouth is for ;)

Doesn't feel very nice unless you're used to it.

no joke man this has happened to me before

I always say put lube until you think you put enough, then put more.

ikickgingers 15


Badab1ng 5

Go hard bro, go hard!

jessamy_brit 5

She's obviously a girl

Handjobs are better than no jobs

Sorry, I don't need a women to do what I've perfected! :) if a girl tries to rub me off, I stop her, she's useless then.

KennKenn 0

23- You have too much free time. Go outside, seriously.

jvillan87 5

What 23 is trying to say is: "I've never actually had someone give me a handjob, let alone had sex. I only prefer my hand because I've never felt anything else before...cept my father's pocket pussy I steal when he's not home."

23 made me lol! Hahahahaha

krakadilian 0

Thats hilarious

23 look out of your window...that's the outside and that's a girl within the outside...go talk to her

bizarre_ftw 21

204 - but will she talk back?......... Ah the suspense

smc3106 25

Within the outside? What? Lol

RecklessJellyBea 7

This is one of the downsides to beastiality.

aFatFuck 0

Are there upsides to beastiality?

Being a beast?

There's a topside. Makes a nice steak.