Love: Today, it's my birthday. My next-door neighbours gave me a stool...

Nearly

28/09/2021 01:05

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53

You deserved it 5

27/09/2021 06:27

Today, I have to get up and go to work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57

You deserved it 103

Spicy

Nice try, though

By Anonymous - 16/10/2021 20:00

Today, I bought a $100 Victoria's Secret gift card for an ex who I still have a thing for, only to find out she started dating someone else a week ago. I just realized I bought lingerie for her to wear for someone else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 29

Unfriended

By thethrowawayplace - 15/10/2021 17:00

Today, my friend was watching a black guy getting yelled at by the cops on TV. He then decided to yell, "Wow, ni***** really don't know how to behave!" When I didn't react, he yelled it over and over, until I slunk into my room. He knows I'm part black. FML

I agree, your life sucks 700

You deserved it 112

01/07/2014 04:55

Today, it's my birthday. My next-door neighbours gave me a stool and some rope. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 099

You deserved it 5 920

Love

Mama's boy

Dementia or hate? You decide

Compassionate

20/01/2011 08:52

Today, I was supposed to go on a date with a guy who lives on the same floor as me in my apartment complex. I got stood up. Instead I got to listen to him doing the girl who lives next door to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 632

You deserved it 3 083

06/10/2009 13:53

Today, my roomate thought it would be funny to take pictures of my morning wood and put it up on Facebook for everyone to see. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 340

You deserved it 3 350

16/09/2013 11:09

Today, I told my boyfriend I loved him. He told me he was a dinosaur. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 061

You deserved it 5 891

Genius, definitely

By Anonymous - 15/10/2020 07:04

Today, my boyfriend claims he found a way of spending time with my son without actually spending time with him. They play hide and seek, and for a long time as he shouts, “I’m gonna find you” every few minutes. The game can last over an hour while he watches TV without interruptions. Genius or asshole? FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 492

You deserved it 259

11/07/2015 12:51

Today, after coming home from an AFL match in Melbourne at about 11pm, I saw a woman asleep on the train as we neared the end of the line. Being a nice person, I went to wake her, to which she started screaming and trying to punch me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 641

You deserved it 3 213

06/10/2012 17:09

Today, a co-worker gave me a couple of CDs he said he wanted me to listen to. I got excited, thinking that they were playlists he'd made for me. They were self-help tracks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 418

You deserved it 2 519

04/04/2009 08:04

Today, my boyfriend was in the shower, and I decided to go join him. I took all my clothes off and stepped into the bathroom. I slipped on some water, and ended up hitting my head on the toilet and passing out. When I came to, I saw my boyfriend's dad looking over me in his towel. Wrong person. FML

I agree, your life sucks 81 335

You deserved it 44 637

03/05/2017 02:00

Today, my gay best friend slept over, as he has many times during the past three years of our friendship. This time, however, he confessed to me that he's only pretended to be gay to get closer to me because he's in love with me. I've allowed my stalker to sleep in my house and in my bed for three years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 412

You deserved it 1 482

26/04/2019 16:00

Today, I have to reschedule the vacation I had planned for eight months because I have the flu, and feel too sick to go and enjoy myself at a waterpark. This vacation is the only thing that's kept me sane these last two months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 869

You deserved it 206

04/10/2009 02:56

Today, I was trying on dresses in a stall that requires an employee of the store to have a key to open. After I took off one dress to go to another, an employee quickly opens my door, to give the stall to someone else. The entire store could see me in my granny panties and bra. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 972

You deserved it 6 516

26/05/2011 21:03

Today, I witnessed the miracle of life. More specifically, my cat giving birth on my bed at four in the morning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 025

You deserved it 7 503

06/02/2012 05:50

Today, I found out that the only thing worse than a psycho, overbearing, controlling girlfriend is a psycho, overbearing and controlling ex-girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 187

You deserved it 4 108

07/03/2015 04:26

Today, I tried shaving my bikini area for the first time. I ended up cutting myself several times. I now have impressive razor burn, and it's incredibly painful to even wear pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 918

You deserved it 6 315

06/03/2015 01:34

Today, my wife complained that the coffee grounds I swept into the sink grossed her out. Yesterday, I removed several panty-liners from her soiled underwear before doing the laundry. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 062

You deserved it 2 986

21/11/2015 21:12

Today, I sliced my finger on a frozen chicken cutlet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 661

You deserved it 2 768

08/03/2010 12:08

Today, while playing poker, I lost a stack of money to somebody with the screen name "Poopface." FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 521

You deserved it 36 223

04/12/2017 15:00

Today, I got a Samsung Galaxy and opened the box to see a cracked screen. I showed the clerk and she said I must have dropped it. I hadn't moved since she handed me the box. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 717

You deserved it 191

28/05/2012 10:15

Today, my parents think it's so hot outside that it's okay for them to work in the garden naked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 552

You deserved it 2 531

04/10/2009 07:50

Today, I made a tuna sandwich. It was really nice , so I looked at the label to see what brand it was. Turns out it wasn't tuna. It was fancy cat food. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 693

You deserved it 45 040

Elvis has left the building

By lateralligator - 14/09/2019 02:02

Today, I realized I need to lose weight when I split my pants wide open while at my job directing a funeral, bowing to the casket in front of 200 silent devout attendees, during prayers. I picked that day to wear a red thong. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 534

You deserved it 549

31/05/2009 22:09

Today, I went to put my laptop on a desk when I got a text message. I was startled by my ringtone and dropped my laptop on the ground. It now has dent marks on the bottom. The text message was from an annoying friend simply saying "I'm eating a hot dog." FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 592

You deserved it 14 535

Halloween has started early

By Anonymous - 22/10/2019 00:01

Today, while walking down the street, I was violently beaten up by a man in a Darth Vader outfit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 514

You deserved it 143

30/05/2015 18:53

Today, I had to skip lunch to work on a big project, so I stopped by a vending machine. The number I wanted was 126, but I accidentally typed 124, using my last dollar. 124 was the only empty row. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 358

You deserved it 5 514

28/11/2011 12:34

Today, my boyfriend and I were visiting a historical war bunker when I accidentally let rip a small fart. My boyfriend responded with a horribly loud, horrendous fart, and loudly announced, "This is war." There were people, lots of people. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 158

You deserved it 9 395

05/03/2015 13:32

Today, my boyfriend convinced a girl at the club to break up with her boyfriend and go home with him. She did. Now I'm single too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 187

You deserved it 3 407

09/08/2012 19:33

Today, I discovered the crunching noise your foot will make if you accidentally drop a cement block on it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 193

You deserved it 3 001

31/03/2016 23:48

Today, I took a two-hour bus ride to get to orientation, got stuck a block away because the pedestrian sidewalk was closed, waited half-an-hour for my ride in the rain, when someone called the cops on me for acting suspicious. I got to the interview soaking wet, and they told me they'd rescheduled. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 807

You deserved it 1 327

22/08/2019 04:00

Today, my wife read a Facebook article about how oral sex can lead to mouth and/or throat infections, and is now avoiding all forms of sex, in case my penis happens to give her the bubonic plague. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 098

You deserved it 209

20/09/2016 00:38

Today, I ate out, even though I was tired. When my main course arrived, I realised I had sent both my forks away with the starter plate. Rather than say anything, I ate dinner with two knives. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 794

You deserved it 14 786

Ingredients check

By Anonymous - 22/06/2021 18:00

Today, my boyfriend told me the sauce he made for our dinner that was meat-based, trying to show me how nice meat is and stop me being a weirdo vegan. The reason I’m vegan is because my digestive system can’t handle animal protein. I’m writing this from the bathroom, vomiting myself to death. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 171

You deserved it 116

21/10/2011 18:58

Today, it took me and my husband three hours to put our new book shelves together. It took our cat all of three seconds to knock it all down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 767

You deserved it 5 392

20/01/2012 15:15

Today, I got really bored so I posted on Facebook "Someone should kidnap me for the day." My mom commented, "The only things willing to kidnap you are aliens, and that would be because they'd mistaken you for a cow." 16 people liked her comment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 540

You deserved it 11 603

01/09/2012 23:15

Today, a dog attacked me. Its owner, instead of apologizing and helping me, said it was my own fault for making it think I was an attacker by running past them. We were on a jogging track. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 642

You deserved it 1 962

09/02/2012 06:42

Today, I had to pee in the kitchen sink because my bathroom is being completely revamped, and the only other toilet in the house is my parents'. They refuse to let anyone use it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 394

You deserved it 2 808

29/01/2016 18:36

Today, I walked in on one of my co-workers jerking off in the bathroom, complete with heavy breathing and victory groans. I don't want to go to HR, but I can't even look at him anymore. We have to work on a project together next week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 948

You deserved it 1 881

30/12/2008 06:24

Today, I went swimming. While I was walking along side of the pool, everyone was staring at me. I began to think that my diet was really working. It was only an hour later, in the changing rooms, that I noticed the string from my Tampax that was sticking out of my swimming costume. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 883

You deserved it 5 895

Stalker vibes

By nerdychick - 16/02/2011 01:34

Today, I printed out a picture of the popular girl in school as a sort of 'model' for how I wanted my hair cut. The hairdresser taped the picture to the mirror so he could see. Halfway through, my 'model' came in for an appointment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 980

You deserved it 22 235

23/02/2014 19:00

Today, I've been forced to start packing to go on a vacation with my parents, because they say I've been studying too hard and need a break. I've hardly studied at all and was planning on making up for it all in the time I had left before finals. I'm screwed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 388

You deserved it 41 744

19/03/2015 16:41

Today, I had to work a double shift after my relief called in "sick" just so he could go to a party. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 826

You deserved it 2 549

15/10/2017 20:00

Today, my boyfriend and roommate got into a fist fight over a magic trick. They ended up putting a huge hole in the wall that's going to be expensive to fix. We're renting my boss's house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 365

You deserved it 419

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Top comments

OneGuySixDemons 23

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Saturday 14 January 2017 4:15

Ouch. That is just nasty and uncalled for. You could call the cops on them for that...

CantTouchThat 27

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Wednesday 31 May 2017 16:04

I call BS. Pics or it didn't happen. I want to see them wrapped and you opening them.

Comments

OneGuySixDemons 23

Send a private message

Saturday 14 January 2017 4:15

Ouch. That is just nasty and uncalled for. You could call the cops on them for that...

CantTouchThat 27

Send a private message

Wednesday 31 May 2017 16:04

I call BS. Pics or it didn't happen. I want to see them wrapped and you opening them.

Kyra Auguste 10

Send a private message

Friday 10 November 2017 1:56

What the heck?! That’s really rude, and can be reported to the police as a threat!