Love: Today, I learned that I have the balls to base jump and skydive,... - FML

By Anonymous - 30/08/2011 14:12 - United States

Today, I learned that I have the balls to base jump and skydive, but I still can't ask out the hot girl working at the pub. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 618

You deserved it 8 513

Mama's boy

Late term

Supportive

By Anonymous - 25/01/2017 16:00

Today, after months of delays, my home renovation is nearing completion. Well, it was nearing completion. Last night, a pipe burst, flooding the entire house. The water damage will cost more to repair than the entire renovation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 270

You deserved it 214

Duchamp would be proud

By Anonymous - 23/09/2019 12:00

Today, my five year-old niece thought that it would be acceptable to carve her artwork all over our toilet seat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 324

You deserved it 148

By vagina dentata for christmas, pls - 25/01/2013 18:51 - United States

Today, I was hanging out with my new boyfriend, and he took me back to his house for the first time. Taped to his bedroom door was a sheet of paper emblazoned with the words: "THE RAPE DUNGEON". I feel safer already. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 686

You deserved it 5 027

By Anonymous - 11/01/2011 17:59 - United States

Spicy

Today, a month after my 21st birthday, I received my health exam results. I don't remember the night of the birthday because I was hammered. However, I called my friend and it's now clear that the stripper they paid to have her way with me, had Chlamydia. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 343

You deserved it 35 589

By jcesom - 01/08/2009 06:35 - United States

Today, my father taught my son to pee on trees outside. We went to the mall later and my son decided to practice what he'd learned on a potted plant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 838

You deserved it 6 080

By barface - 11/01/2012 02:52 - United States

Today, while very sick, throwing up in a bucket beside my bed, my dad came in pushed my face into the bucket. For a laugh apparently. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 775

You deserved it 2 795

By yashika - 03/07/2019 14:00 - United States - Denver

Today, I discovered that it doesn’t matter where I move, I will always wake up at 5 a.m. to the sound of construction directly above my ceiling. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 508

You deserved it 122

Thanks babe...

By okaykk - 05/09/2018 13:00

Today, after having hardly any sleep the whole weekend, I was woken up at 3:30 am by the sound of running water. I opened my eyes to find my fiancé peeing in my favorite water bottle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 422

You deserved it 199

By raspberrysachere - 03/06/2019 16:00

Today, I was in yoga class. We were in downward-facing dog pose, and the male instructor stood behind me and gave me an assist/adjustment by pulling upward on my hips. As I left the class, I realized that was the most intimate touch I've ever received from a man. I'm a 25-year-old straight woman. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 733

You deserved it 214

By Anonymous - 27/11/2010 15:32 - Canada

Today, I went downtown with my friends. A group of guys came up to us and started hitting on everyone but me. Then, one of them said: "Do you girls hang out with her to make yourselves look better?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 760

You deserved it 3 847

By BigBadTron - 15/05/2009 17:10 - United States

Today, my girlfriend was sick so I took her 5 year old daughter out to eat. Half-way through our "date" she asks me loudly "Can we go back to the car now and take our clothes off?" Apparently she meant her toy dog's clothes. Face burning, we left a half laughing/half glaring crowd behind. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 728

You deserved it 3 199

By oh well - 14/03/2019 06:00 - United States - Hesperia

Today, my sister in law threatened to call CPS on me because I “starved” her children when they spent the night. I didn’t starve them. I made an actual home cooked meal instead of the microwaveable or fast food crap she constantly feeds them. They chose not to eat and threw tantrums instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 709

You deserved it 170

By Brendan - 19/02/2011 21:23 - Canada

Today, while on lunch break, my fat, old co-worker walked into the break-room. I managed to block out his perverted heavy breathing, but had to leave when he began emitting a terrible odor that smelled like cheesy, sweaty molding feet. I barely held onto my lunch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 895

You deserved it 4 129

By wasted_gas - 05/10/2013 16:00 - United States - Cumming

Today, I woke up, got dressed, and left for the 1 hour drive to the nearest vet. When I arrived, I realized that I left my cat in its carrier on my kitchen counter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 735

You deserved it 26 965

By Sucks2beme - 09/11/2017 15:00

Today, a cute guy who works in my building said, “Wow! You look hot.” I blushed and replied, “Oh thanks!” He then said, “Oh, no. I meant you look sweaty. Is it hot outside?” FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 127

You deserved it 432

By happy birthday to me - 05/12/2013 05:14 - United States

Today, I had to explain to half of my class that yes, my birthday is on the same day as Hitler's, but no, it does not make me a Nazi. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 677

You deserved it 3 109

Nice boxers

By Harmonia - 26/01/2009 10:09 - France

Today, I went shopping with my boyfriend. He tried on a pair of trousers which didn't fit, so he asked me to change them, so off I went. I returned with another pair for him to try on, found him bent over and blurted out, "What's with the terrible underwear?" I'd entered the wrong changing room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 801

You deserved it 9 433

By Anonymous - 31/03/2009 09:08 - Australia

Today, I accidentally pressed the panic button under the register at work. I didn't even know we had a panic button until the cops showed up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 412

You deserved it 16 117

By JessBaby - 04/05/2009 20:44 - United States

Today, I found out my grandmother passed away. When I told my boyfriend I began to cry. Instead of caring, he said "you're getting my bed wet," rolled over, and fell asleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 81 892

You deserved it 6 553

Pompous twat

By Anonymous - 09/11/2020 06:01 - Pakistan - Islamabad

Today, this guy who I thought was my friend said that my "existence is of minimal consequence," and that I'm "an individual I clearly don't acknowledge." All this after he'd said, "I'm not trying to hurt you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 911

You deserved it 72

By Anonymous - 26/02/2016 08:37 - Australia - Wilston

Today, I went to visit my dad for the first time in over a year, as I have been studying for my Master's degree in history halfway across the world. The first thing he said to me? "So, gotten a real job yet?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 668

You deserved it 3 291

By yikesss - 23/10/2018 03:00

Today my boyfriend told me that dirty talk with me was like potty training a puppy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 819

You deserved it 420

By severely late.... again! - 26/10/2017 22:56

Today, as I got on the bus to commute to work, its front right tire exploded. Everyone, including the driver, glared at me while getting off. The next bus arrives in 2 hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 900

You deserved it 250

By Somekindofcaleb - 11/09/2017 01:30

Today, my car died after I got off work at 1am. All of my coworkers had already left and nobody could come out to jump my car. I had to walk the 3 miles home in a torrential downpour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 849

You deserved it 261

By Anonymous - 07/12/2010 03:42 - United States

Today, I brought a cupcake to school for my friend's birthday. After taking one bite, she exclaimed that it was the worst thing she had ever tasted and that we should sue the store that I bought it from. I baked it myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 470

You deserved it 5 411

By squeak - 12/09/2011 13:52 - United Kingdom

Today, I thought my hamster might be lonely, so I went to the pet shop and bought a new one to keep him company. The new hamster killed the old one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 072

You deserved it 13 947

By Ren - 24/02/2009 10:37 - United States

Today, I applied for a job in an Italian restaurant. Ideally I wanted to be a hostess rather than a waitress, and I told the manager as much. His response? "No no no. Hostess no good for you. We leave that to the pretty girls." FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 575

You deserved it 4 313

By BigPurplePresent - 28/07/2009 13:34 - South Africa

Spicy

Today, I was really upset after work, and tearily asked my boyfriend to bring something over to cheer me up when he visited later. An hour or so later he arrived, having bought me a brand new large purple dildo to "brighten my mood". FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 932

You deserved it 18 051

By SeeingLlamas - 17/04/2012 09:38 - United States - Knoxville

Today, I have been awake so long I hallucinated a llama in my living room. I have a medical condition that keeps me from sleeping properly. I've run out of medication. I still see the llama. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 047

You deserved it 3 070

Geography

By Anonymous - 14/07/2012 22:47 - United States

Today, I had to slowly explain to my boss that in some parts of the world, it's currently winter, due to the different hemispheres. He scoffed, accused me of "making shit up," and said that if I took him for a fool again, I'd be looking for a new job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 459

You deserved it 2 346

My way or the highway

By FeckedUpFifteen - 14/10/2021 20:00

Today, it’s my birthday. My family tradition is that whoever has the birthday chooses the dinner. I chose pizza, but my older sister had a tantrum, complete with throwing my phone at the wall, breaking it, saying she wanted Chinese instead. My parents ordered Chinese. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 701

You deserved it 62

By quick blow - 16/05/2012 02:53 - United States

Spicy

Today, I received an email from my girlfriend listing 10 ways to stop premature ejaculation. Subtle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 833

You deserved it 7 311

By livinproof - 10/12/2018 13:30

Today, not only did my horse step on my foot & refuse to move, he also took the opportunity to crap on my other foot while I was incapable of moving. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 537

You deserved it 304

Empathy

By Anonymous - 16/04/2021 23:59 - New Zealand - Wellington

Today, I had a miscarriage. My partner doesn't understand why I'm upset, saying, "It wasn't even a real baby yet." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 508

You deserved it 116

By babybambi - 29/12/2018 02:00

Today, I got food poisoning for the first time after cooking. Yesterday, I met my boyfriend's family for the first time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 321

You deserved it 276

By jking2z - 13/03/2015 22:39 - United States

Today, I tried to boycott an 80's theme party by wearing my regular clothes. Everyone said they loved my costume. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 340

You deserved it 19 596

By gross - 15/07/2011 01:09 - Canada

Spicy

Today, I was playing my guitar outside my apartment building, and some people had put some money in my guitar case. One guy threw in what I thought was a crumpled piece of paper or something. It was actually a used condom. It leaked all over the money and my case. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 225

You deserved it 5 011

By sadddddd - 11/09/2011 01:54 - Canada

Today, I woke up in the middle of the night feeling sick. I went to the bathroom and knelt in front of the toilet, waiting to throw up. When I finally did, I violently shit my pants at the same time. I was at my friend's house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 779

You deserved it 3 252

Mr Clean

By Jenn - 18/08/2021 09:59

Today, I discovered my new boyfriend doesn’t have toilet paper. He has a toilet cloth, which he instructed me to rinse off in the toilet after I was done. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 224

You deserved it 85

By Anonymous - 18/06/2015 12:36 - United States - Tallahassee

Today, my ex-boyfriend dumped sand into the crankcase of my truck and then filled it to the top with water after I dumped him for being immature and not respecting my things. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 457

You deserved it 3 467

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Top comments

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Tuesday 30 August 2011 18:57

STEP UR GAME UP.

HannahLouise96 13

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Tuesday 30 August 2011 18:58

Just go for it!

Comments

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Tuesday 30 August 2011 18:57

STEP UR GAME UP.

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Tuesday 30 August 2011 19:09

Then grow some.

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Tuesday 30 August 2011 19:20

Call her on the way down.

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Tuesday 30 August 2011 19:29

PSP? Aha psp step your game up :p

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Tuesday 30 August 2011 19:36

Go for it. The worst that can happen? She rejects you. So what? Rejection is a part of life. Move on.

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Tuesday 30 August 2011 19:48

Maybe if you told her about your base jumping skills she'd find you to be Macho Man Randy Savage jr. and be attracted to you.

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Tuesday 30 August 2011 19:52

He just needs to become less of a pussy

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Tuesday 30 August 2011 20:34

Which means you have no balls.

flockz 19

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Tuesday 30 August 2011 21:39

you are what you eat 46.

shoopd 19

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Tuesday 30 August 2011 22:38

Your problem is that you gotta stop putting the pussy on a pedestal.

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Tuesday 30 August 2011 22:42

Go for it, you can always switch bars! Carpe diem.

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Tuesday 30 August 2011 23:20

93 the Greek goddess Pussyliya xD hahaha

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Wednesday 31 August 2011 1:23

93- i see what you did there...

silvercamaro 22

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Wednesday 31 August 2011 5:05

He's at a bar, he should just drink some liquid courage and go for it. No jk she probly gets that a lot. Go for it, but make sure your sober when you do. Otherwise shell write you off immediately, good luck bro.

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Wednesday 31 August 2011 7:09

#124... Your 14, wtf do you know about girls in bars? He's not asking this chick out to prom or some shit.

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Wednesday 31 August 2011 8:00

Shell just say no that probably the worst thing that'll happen unless she s psycho or somethin

silvercamaro 22

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Wednesday 31 August 2011 16:20

135- I'm just sayin go for like everyone else is but be sober when you do.

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Thursday 1 September 2011 4:22

Well, he DOES have a good point... btw OP, don't worry about it! I'm sure she's probably unavailable anyways

HannahLouise96 13

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Tuesday 30 August 2011 18:58

Just go for it!

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Wednesday 31 August 2011 2:19

Ask her to come with you. It could be an awesome first date.

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Wednesday 31 August 2011 5:55

Sounds so simple doesn't it? Especially when we're putting our most vulnerable position and are at the mercy of the said girl, who can shred apart any sense of pride we may have at that moment? Yup, sounds a simple as can be.

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Friday 30 May 2014 14:51

worse you will get Is a No just do it

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Tuesday 30 August 2011 18:58

Dude it suck i understand you i have the same problem

MagicallyFat 12

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Tuesday 30 August 2011 19:20

Harry Potter has the same problem… he can take on a Hungarian horntail dragon. But he can't ask cho fucking Chang out. Nevermid that she's the ugliest bitxh in Hogwarts.

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Tuesday 30 August 2011 20:35

Lol that is so true .

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Tuesday 30 August 2011 21:02

I can understand. Girls are terrifying and, if executed improperly, can lead to more broken limbs than sky diving.

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Tuesday 30 August 2011 21:05

Same here

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Wednesday 31 August 2011 1:25

23- fuck you. You are forgetting eloise midgin sheis a cow

detroitsucks247 3

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Wednesday 31 August 2011 6:24

derp

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Wednesday 31 August 2011 7:13

No 112 moaning Myrtle is the ugliest. She's a whiny ass, stalker, ghost nerd.

TeenieAmerica 9

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Thursday 1 September 2011 18:26

You're all forgetting Millicent fucking Bulstrode. But I think she might be a man so I'm not sure if that counts...

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Friday 2 September 2011 14:48

Same

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Friday 2 September 2011 14:48

Same

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Tuesday 30 August 2011 18:58

wow!!!! I feel sorry for you man, :)

greencrippler01 0

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Friday 9 December 2011 1:22

Sammmeeee

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Tuesday 30 August 2011 19:00

It be that way sometimes.

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Tuesday 30 August 2011 19:00

girls hate to be kept waiting, so if she's at all interested you'd better ask her now! :)

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Tuesday 30 August 2011 19:05

Congratulations

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Wednesday 31 August 2011 9:16

Nice legs...When do they open?

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Wednesday 31 August 2011 12:44

i only liked your comment because of the seedy looking bald guy

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Tuesday 30 August 2011 19:05

I say go for it. Even if you got rejected, can't blame a man for trying.

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Tuesday 30 August 2011 19:10

life is short just say fuck if

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Tuesday 30 August 2011 19:27

it

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Wednesday 31 August 2011 0:06

her

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Tuesday 30 August 2011 19:11

You can die base jumping. The girl can just say no. Maybe mace you or kick you in the balls. But you'll live.

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Tuesday 30 August 2011 20:58

Lol

Nearly

Today, I spent my 25th birthday crying alone in my room with my baby, because no else seemed to care it was my birthday. My partner and I had a fight the night before and we haven’t spoken or seen each other since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11

You deserved it 5

Today, I live in Turkey and the dollar has risen to 13 lira. Just turks understand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30

You deserved it 6

Spicy

Spicy

Today, my daughter finally learned that you can’t sleep your way to success, after she tried and failed to seduce her married boss, was sacked, and blacklisted as a potential lawsuit throughout every company specialising in her chosen career field. FML

I agree, your life sucks 264

You deserved it 74

Today, I was diagnosed with a meat allergy. You can imagine the jokes my boyfriend has been thinking up since we found out I can’t "handle his meat" in my mouth anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 732

You deserved it 103