Today, I woke up to the faint memory of being drunk enough to draw dicks on my own face in permanent marker. FML
Collection
Black Friday
70% off something you didn't need, a stampede and a cart that crashes at checkout. Thanks, Black Friday.
Today, I fell asleep on the way to a pool party and woke up covered in sharpie swastikas and dicks. FML
Today, I woke up with a massive hangover after passing out at a wild party the night before. Apparently my friends couldn't find a marker, because I woke up with dozens of dicks drawn on my body and face in henna. I have a job interview today. FML
Today, I woke up with my face sharpied. I live alone. FML
Today, I fell asleep at work and woke up with penis sharpied on my face. I'm a kindergarten teacher. FML
Today, I woke up after a night of partying and went to the bathroom. That’s when I realized that after passing out with my shoes on last night, my friends decided use a black sharpie and play “connect the dots” with my acne. FML
Today, I woke up with my face covered in blood. Turns out that yesterday at my colleague's birthday party, I got so drunk that I started yelling "Nappy time!" before falling out of my hammock and face-first onto the concrete ground. FML
Today, I found an invisible ink pen. I drew on my arms, thinking nobody would see it. I had an allergic reaction to the ink, and I now have three very large, very visible, red penises on my forearm. FML
Today, my son got drunk and managed to colour in my bald patch with permanent marker while I was asleep. It’s super noticeable and I look like a complete prat. Plus in a few hours, I’m supposed to be on my first date since my divorce 12 years ago. FML
Today, in an attempt to impress a girl I like, I tried to crush a soda can by hitting it with my forehead. Not only did I fail, I knocked myself out in the process. When I regained consciousness, the girl was gone and someone had taken the liberty of drawing a penis on my face. FML
Today, I woke up in the middle of the night because I was thirsty. In my groggy state, I grabbed the first bottle of liquid I could find, opened it, and took a sip. It was nail polish remover. FML
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Top comments
Curfman 0
I bet they were bigger than yours too
loserman67 36
You my friend are suffering from deeply recessed homosexual tendencies. The influence of alcohol introduced into your brain function has let you "drop your guard" so to speak and you reacted by opening that "closed chamber" and let your deepest desires loose. By drawing several phalluses on your face and I am probably safe in saying that most of them, if not all were pointed at your mouth you were able to realize your dream of being orally penetrated by several well hung men. Go with your desires, do not keep them repressed, open the "well-spring" of sexual freedom you have been guarding as a secert all these years. $300 dollars please..... BTW - this post was funny as shit!
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Comments (58)
DocBastard 40
Good morning! ****-a-doodle doo!
Krirn 21
*twitch*
Mariebaz 11
Bahaha. All over his face, or just around his mouth?
loserman67 36
You my friend are suffering from deeply recessed homosexual tendencies. The influence of alcohol introduced into your brain function has let you "drop your guard" so to speak and you reacted by opening that "closed chamber" and let your deepest desires loose. By drawing several phalluses on your face and I am probably safe in saying that most of them, if not all were pointed at your mouth you were able to realize your dream of being orally penetrated by several well hung men. Go with your desires, do not keep them repressed, open the "well-spring" of sexual freedom you have been guarding as a secert all these years. $300 dollars please..... BTW - this post was funny as shit!
The_Troller 14
You should be a psychiatrist.
lyssgross 16
Total doobie. Favorite!
aaahhhfire21 0
Wow greatest Internet shrink ever
DEzey 0
^ like what you did there
ZooMzy 9
When I was younger, I was obsessed with drawing dicks....
jerjy1 5
no need to share this here
lajaynay 15
Sadly, you don't get the reference.
mike3775 39
Back when I drank, I never got drunk enough to where I would draw on myself, other people yes, but not myself.
LeapOfFaith 8
If you're a girl that's probably the only dick you're getting :P
micahsmommy 13
Um it says OP is a boy.
Mariebaz 11
Since they're a guy, hopefully it's the only dick they're getting.
perdix 31
"In vino veritas." I think you found out something about yourself in your drunken escapade. You need to quit pretending you are straight. If you like dicks on your face, you're going to make a great gay!
jellyD 1
Ha ha ha! **** face painting FTW! Extra Awesomeness points for self painting! Dude, I SO want to party with you!!!
babyshaft408 8
**** lover haha
Morgannnnuhhh 1
I really don't find this FML funny at all..
DocBastard 40
Now now, Alan. The comment section is supposed to be for comments related to the FML, and this one seems to follow the rul... OH **** IT! BURN THE WITCH! BURN HER!!
coffee_man900 16
Oh, way too funny. My sides hurt. Stop, please. You too Doc.
bizarre_ftw 22
V - How do you known she is a witch? 1 - She looks like one! V - Bring her forward (advance) W - I'm not a witch! I'm not a witch! V - ehh... but you are dressed like one. W - They dressed me up like this! All: naah no we didn't... no. W - And this isn't my nose, it's a false one. (V - lifts up carrot) V - Well? 1 - Well we did do the nose V - The nose? 1 - ...And the hat, but she is a witch! (all - yeah, burn her burn her!) V -Did you dress her up like this? 1 - No! (no no... no) Yes. (yes yeah) a bit (a bit bit a bit) But she has got a wart! (3 - points at wart) V - What makes you think she is a witch? 2 - Well, she turned me into a newt! V - A newt?! (2 - pause & look around) 2 - I got better. (pause) 3 - Burn her anyway! (burn her burn her burn!)
vbmg152 19
It's not funny! It's sad that he'd get that drunk! Really sad!!
Morgannnnuhhh 1
**** you again doc bastard. Suck my ****. And you too fml team. Eat my shit.