Today, I woke up to the faint memory of being drunk enough to draw dicks on my own face in permanent marker. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I fell asleep on the way to a pool party and woke up covered in sharpie swastikas and dicks. FML
Today, I woke up with a massive hangover after passing out at a wild party the night before. Apparently my friends couldn't find a marker, because I woke up with dozens of dicks drawn on my body and face in henna. I have a job interview today. FML
Today, I woke up with my face sharpied. I live alone. FML
Today, I fell asleep at work and woke up with penis sharpied on my face. I'm a kindergarten teacher. FML
Today, I woke up after a night of partying and went to the bathroom. That’s when I realized that after passing out with my shoes on last night, my friends decided use a black sharpie and play “connect the dots” with my acne. FML
Today, I woke up with my face covered in blood. Turns out that yesterday at my colleague's birthday party, I got so drunk that I started yelling "Nappy time!" before falling out of my hammock and face-first onto the concrete ground. FML
Today, I found an invisible ink pen. I drew on my arms, thinking nobody would see it. I had an allergic reaction to the ink, and I now have three very large, very visible, red penises on my forearm. FML
Today, my son got drunk and managed to colour in my bald patch with permanent marker while I was asleep. It’s super noticeable and I look like a complete prat. Plus in a few hours, I’m supposed to be on my first date since my divorce 12 years ago. FML
Today, in an attempt to impress a girl I like, I tried to crush a soda can by hitting it with my forehead. Not only did I fail, I knocked myself out in the process. When I regained consciousness, the girl was gone and someone had taken the liberty of drawing a penis on my face. FML
Today, I woke up in the middle of the night because I was thirsty. In my groggy state, I grabbed the first bottle of liquid I could find, opened it, and took a sip. It was nail polish remover. FML
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Top comments
Curfman 0
I bet they were bigger than yours too
loserman67 36
You my friend are suffering from deeply recessed homosexual tendencies. The influence of alcohol introduced into your brain function has let you "drop your guard" so to speak and you reacted by opening that "closed chamber" and let your deepest desires loose. By drawing several phalluses on your face and I am probably safe in saying that most of them, if not all were pointed at your mouth you were able to realize your dream of being orally penetrated by several well hung men. Go with your desires, do not keep them repressed, open the "well-spring" of sexual freedom you have been guarding as a secert all these years. $300 dollars please..... BTW - this post was funny as shit!
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Comments (58)
iamyummylicious 14
The face is generally part of your head. just sayin'.
fishface517 10
Here's a little joke... Drugs- addicted Sex- addicted Smoking- addicted What hit you in the face this morning when you got out of bed? Addicted ( sounded out it sounds like a dick did, just in case if you didn't get it ) Haha Xd looks like OP got hit By a few.
puppie406 23
LOL! sucks op, dont worry, permanent marker comes off eventually!!! Sorry dick face XD
equius4life 8
I have a feeling that a Strider was helping...
pinky78711 5
well its not permenent on skin i tell my friends this they dont believe me
bizarre_ftw 22
It's not that hard to get permanent marker off....... All the same, next time you drink make sure you evacuate the house of permanent markers (honestly, how drunk were you? Even at my worst I've enough sense to remember that drawing profanity on my face and such other obvious bad ideas were, as I say, bad ideas)
DJP0N3 0
There is no such thing as a permanent marker use hand sanitizer
vbmg152 19
What a dumba$$!!! YDI!!!
brittany1655 5
when i get that drunk i get dicks on my face too! ..but they arnt draw on..
seidel182 0
You are a ******* liar, no one does that!!!