Animals: Today, I bought a kitten. I've wanted a cat for years and decided...

By annabellebyebye - United States

Today, I bought a kitten. I've wanted a cat for years and decided to finally buy one now that I have my own apartment. It turns out I'm allergic to cats. FML

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Animals

Superficial World

Big baby man

Leave me alone

By appendicitisanyone - United States - Fairfield

Today, I awoke to the pain of appendicitis. Apparently it isn't a good enough reason to miss court. I now have a warrant out for my arrest. FML

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By Birthday girl - United States - Wahpeton

Today, was my birthday. Today was also the day that my mom's cat died four years ago. She was too busy crying and looking at old photos of her beloved cat to even wish me a happy birthday. FML

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By probably single - Denmark - Gram

Today, my girlfriend bought two tickets for a cruise to the Bahamas. Too bad the second ticket isn't for me. I guess her ex-boyfriend will have a wonderful time with her. FML

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By fuckbio - United States

Today, after pulling an all-nighter for my Bio final at 8AM and drinking 6 sodas, 3 energy drinks, and coffee throughout the night, an hour into the exam, I had to go to the restroom, so I get permission and go. I'm 1 of 3 people. They later find a cheat sheet in the restroom. Now I'm a suspect. FML

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By sydstreet - United States - Arlington

Today, my anxiety was so bad that when I was riding my bike on the side walk and two pedestrians came walking in the opposite direction, I got so nervous about having to go between them or accidentally hitting them that I fell off my bike, into a bush. FML

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By Apes - United States - Temecula

Today, my cat learned how to open doors. Ever since then she's been running up to my room, opening my door, and running away. My cat is playing ding-dong ditch. FML

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By purplexangel - United States - Lubbock

Today, I tried to stand by my toaster and train myself to not jump when it popped up. Not only did I jump, I also knocked the toaster off the counter and onto my toes. FML

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By ghostyyy - France

Today, my sister was on television. It would have been great if she weren't being handcuffed for burglary. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I asked the girl I like to send me 'yummy pictures.' I got a picture of cheesecake. FML

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By BigKid - 28/1/2021 21:30

Grow up

Today, I threw a tantrum because my younger sister ate my chocolate. I'm almost 18. FML

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By El Stupido - Australia

Today, I was stuck in stand-still traffic for 5 minutes, before realizing I had stopped behind a parked car. FML

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By Wisconsin love - United States

Let me Slytherin

Today, my boyfriend thought it would be funny to speak Parseltongue to my vagina to "prepare the Chamber of Secrets for entry". FML

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By Anonymous - Canada - Toronto

Today, I got into an argument with my girlfriend over how many sides a triangle has. I actually ended up drawing her a diagram. FML

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By TexasGirl24 - United States - Houston

Today, I was making a shake at work when the cup fell off the blender. I went to catch it, and instead caught the teeth of the still-spinning mixer. When my hand was still bleeding five minutes later, my supervisor told me to clock out until it stopped. I lost money for getting hurt on the job. FML

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By Random - Canada - Langley

Today, I told my crush, who I've liked for a while, that I liked him. He looked at me in pure terror and walked away. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I saw an elderly man struggling to make it across a busy street. I jumped up from my table at Starbucks to help him, leaving my things behind. When I got back to my table feeling good, I found that my coffee had disappeared. So had my wallet. FML

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So shite

Today, my date left the restaurant because I didn’t agree with his opinions about the mentally disabled or mixed race couples, etc. Basically, a real scumbag. He also left me the bill, and it turned out he had all the most expensive menu items, including a £120 bottle of wine. It cost over £300 total. FML

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By not my fault you’re a vapid idiot - United States - Hesperia

Today, my coworker told everyone on staff that I’m a stuck up bitch because I stared blankly at her when she tried to talk to me. I tried to listen, but I zoned out after she rambled on endlessly about the Kardashians and Kanye West. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - North Scituate

Today, I found a picture of my ex with a new boyfriend. This wouldn't be so bad if she didn't break up with me because she was lesbian. FML

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By anonymous - United States - Havelock

Today, my boyfriend started laughing during sex because my boobs are slightly different. He then broke up with me after I pointed out that his nuts aren't exactly even either. FML

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By augiedd - United States - Schaumburg

Today, after weeks of summoning up the courage to come out of the closet to my best friend, I told her I was gay. Immediately after she started cracking up, thinking it was a joke. I was so confused and nervous, I went along with it. She still thinks I'm straight. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I went to dinner with friends for my birthday. During the whole thing they insisted that we get whatever we wanted and celebrate, but when the check came, they all looked at me expectantly. I just bought my friends $150 of food for my birthday present. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, the guy who sexually assaulted me when I was a child is over to have coffee with my mother. She says that it's OK, because God wouldn't want her to turn away someone who has no family. FML

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By snotface - United States

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend. She started panting harder and going, "AH, AH, AH..." and I thought she was about to come. Next thing I know, there's snot splattered all over my face and neck. Turns out it was a sneeze. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Seattle

Today, I had a job interview. I got there as quick as I could, having to travel 2 hours into a city I'd never been to. When I arrived, they told me I was turned down for being too late. They'd rescheduled the interview an hour earlier and I wasn't notified of the change. FML

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By "Growlithe1395"

Today, I finally got my hands on a Nintendo Switch. While unboxing it, I left the room to get a pair of scissors. When I came back, most of the box contents were missing and my little brother was standing there. It has been about 5 hours and I still haven't been able to find anything. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Greensburg

Today, I was on my way to college when I got in a car wreck with none other than my professor. My car was totaled and couldn't drive, but his could so I missed class, but he still made it. The end result? He marked me as an "unexcused absence" and gave me a zero. The accident was his fault. FML

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By shrek - Australia

Today, my brother dyed my white work shirt bright green because I beat him to the shower this morning. As it's my only shirt, I had to wear it to work, where there was a surprise audit and I was fired for incorrect uniform. FML

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By jonnyc - United Kingdom

Today, I walked past a building site near my house, there was a sign saying "WARNING - Beware of the scaffolding". I started laughing at the stupidity of the sign, and walked straight into a metal pole. FML

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By WIno - United States

Today, I have discovered things not to do while drunk. Like shaving my legs. FML

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By wetsheets - United Kingdom - Cardiff

Today, my partner was inspired by 50 Shades Of Grey to try making me orgasm with a full bladder, therefore intensifying the experience. He was right, it was mind blowing. It also made me piss the bed for the first time in twenty-odd years. FML

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By thisguy - United States - Fountain Valley

Today, my boyfriend accused me of cheating because according to him, our child does not have his hair color, eye color, or other facial features. Our son is five days old, bald and hasn't opened his eyes much. The closest thing I can probably compare him to is an old, wrinkly potato. FML

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By ohmy. - United States

Today, my husband yawned in the middle of our wedding vows. FML

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By ahhhhhhh

Today, my daughter was acting strange. When she wasn’t muttering in some strange language, she was talking about invisible people coming to get me. Terrified, I called my boyfriend. Turns out he taught her that as a prank. He knows I’m afraid of anything supernatural. FML

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By Michelle - Australia - Richmond

Today, my boyfriend told me that I have the bad habit of not doing the dishes before he has his daily piss in the sink. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was at my friend's house. We were looking at her dad's guns, and I was explaining gun safety and how you should never put your finger on the trigger. I then shot a hole in the floor of her house. FML

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By Nohearingornoeating

WHAT?

Today, my brand-new digital hearing aid fell out of my ear as I was walking home from the store. I've retraced my steps, but cannot find it anywhere. It cost $2000, and replacement, like the hearing aid itself, is not covered by insurance. FML

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By scotto - United States

Today, I kissed my girlfriend and she tasted like a cigarette. I don't smoke. She doesn't smoke. My roommate does. FML

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By surfergal91 - United States

Today, I rummaged around in the attic, looking for old pictures of me and my family, so I could make a surprise collage. Instead, I found my dad's old journals, talking about how desperately he didn't want a kid, and how he wanted to leave my mother more and more every day that passed since I was born. FML

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By sauve dino. - France - Groslay

Today, I explained to my five year-old son that the dinosaurs were wiped out because of a meteorite that hit our planet. He replied, "They should've stood out of the way." FML

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Top comments

By Lia_Mackenzie | 4

#491428 - Sunday 16 August 2009 20:18

Wouldn't you be aware of that allergy BEFORE you got the cat? You've never had allergy tests done, or gotten a stuffy nose when you were around your friends' cats?
I suggest shots if you want to keep it. Either that, or zyrtec. Zyrtec (allergy medication) is WONDERFUL. I'm (supposedly) allergic, and I don't react to my cat at all.

By Shock98 | 0

#491369 - Sunday 16 August 2009 20:08

so get some allergy medicine.

COMMENTS

By iilovehaters | 0

#491364 - Sunday 16 August 2009 20:07

ydi for being a nerd

cherrypieguy | 0

#491439 - Sunday 16 August 2009 20:21

YDI FOR HAVING A CAT FETISH

fwertyh8r | 0

#491700 - Sunday 16 August 2009 22:25

aw that sucks.
BTW, what does OP stand for?

YDITROLL | 0

#491703 - Sunday 16 August 2009 22:26

YDI for being allergic to cats

yaintime21 | 0

#491712 - Sunday 16 August 2009 22:31

wow. you didn't know you were allergic?

smart...

americayay | 0

#491766 - Sunday 16 August 2009 22:52

It makes sense that she didn't know she was allergic. I mean, if she's never had a cat, how would she? OP, you could try some medication and see if that works. Hopefully it's not too bad.

slasher29 | 0

#491980 - Monday 17 August 2009 0:25

it stands for "original poster" referring to the person who wrote the fml. in this case, that would be 'annabellebyebye'

cherrypieguy | 0

#492302 - Monday 17 August 2009 2:50

Original poster

unkinged44 | 0

#492367 - Monday 17 August 2009 3:14

YDI for having dreams

lovealy28 | 0

#494168 - Monday 17 August 2009 20:17

ydi for buying and not adopting...save a life!

SimpleSimon | 0

#494445 - Monday 17 August 2009 22:30

Everybody who keeps bringing out the line about adopting rather than buying: Where do you think all the new-born animals will go if people suddenly stop buying them? That's right - SHELTERS.

harlehatschi | 0

#508542 - Sunday 23 August 2009 4:26

i'm allergic to some cats, but my own cat doesn't give me hayfever or anything. she has very long, thick fur, so maybe its cause the flyaway/shedded fur don't get in my eyes or in my nose. maybe you could look into getting a maine coon?