Animals: Today, I bought a kitten. I've wanted a cat for years and decided...

By annabellebyebye - United States

Today, I bought a kitten. I've wanted a cat for years and decided to finally buy one now that I have my own apartment. It turns out I'm allergic to cats. FML

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Animals

Taking stock

Commando

Late term

By Hana - Canada - York

Today, I went to the movies with my boyfriend, and ended up sitting next to this girl who wouldn't stop sneezing. Grossed out, I asked my boyfriend if we could switch seats. After doing so, the girl immediately stopped sneezing and started flirting with him. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - New York

Today, the kid next to me asked me, in all seriousness, if gay people have feelings like regular people. I'm gay, and I have to sit next to this barnacle until June. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Ouch

Today, while trying to quietly sneak a midnight snack with my girlfriend, I was slowly opening the pantry door so I wouldn't wake my mother. My girlfriend came and swung open the door onto my foot, taking the top layer of skin with it. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Escondido

Today, I have the flu. I had to wash the dishes, cook dinner, take out the trash, and take care of the laundry, all while my wife sat around watching TV, because she was "too tired". I work 8 hours a day. She's a college student. She doesn't see what's so unfair about this. FML

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By fmcsl

Today, a customer bought a luggage tag and asked what it was for. I explained and she asked if she had to hang it around her neck. I explained again and she said she didn’t have her luggage with her so did she have to hang it around her neck? FML

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By doodlecrzyMeg - United States - Mattoon

Today, I had to hide in the closet all morning because my 22-year-old boyfriend didn't want to admit to his parents that he had his girlfriend stay the night. FML

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By 0h_Boy

Death Rattle part 2: Electric Boogaloo

Today, at my job in a funeral home, I was transferring a body off a stretcher when it exhaled its last breath. Right into my face. FML

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By merse - United States

Today, my parents decided they won't pay for college because of a Fox News story that said higher education "makes you liberal." FML

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By MissTrix - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend decided he hates my male best friend because they have "conflicting interests." My best friend's response? "What's his gamertag so I can shoot him in Halo?" FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Naples

Today, my mom called and casually let me know she'd wrecked my iPad after putting it in the dryer with my bed sheets. FML

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By Scaryman - United States

Today, I was sitting down in a store when a stroller stopped by me. While the parents were fixing the strap, the baby looked at me, gasped, looked at me again, gasped, and then screamed. Ten minutes later, another baby looked at me and screamed. My face scares babies. FML

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By cupcakemonsteryu - France

Today, I found out that the man I met online was a fake Facebook account, made by my daughter and her friends. FML

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By Ihatebuses

Today, while getting on a city bus, I sat down on a urine-soaked seat. FML

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By Forgetful godmother

Today, I learned that my son’s godmother forgot about the baptism date and booked a family holiday to Italy. Her mother is also on the trip and she is the officiant. I gave them both the date over 6 months ago. Everything is already booked on our side for that date. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, my college dormitory accused me of something I didn't do, breaking a law that I never heard of, charged me $200 to fix "what I did wrong", and is forcing me to go to counciling at the school. Not only was I not on campus when it happened, but I was the one who reported the problem. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Jim Henson lives

Today, I was at the gynecologist and he was performing a routine check-up. He was a new doctor and I was just slightly uncomfortable with him. About mid-check-up, as he felt around my uterus, he said in a cartoonish voice, "Oh, it's so squishy up here." The doctor turned me into a sock puppet. FML

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By impishsamaritan

Toxic Managers

Today, I had to pretend in front of our director that my manager is a nice person. In reality, she's a soul-sucking bully who has made my life so miserable that twice I was on the brink of nervous breakdown. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I discovered everyone at work refers to me as 'The Man-Lady'. I work in a supermarket's beauty department. FML

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By Lara - Germany - Bremen

Today, I went to the doctor's because I could feel something solid in my breasts, and I wanted to get it checked, just to be safe. Turns out it was my ribs. Oops. FML

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By her mom raised her - Mexico

Today, I had to call a plumber out, because my idiot daughter clogged the pipes while trying to flush a hamburger down the toilet. FML

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By hopeless - Canada

Today, a customer was looking for some decking materials. I took her around the store and pointed out some nice plywood, noting that it's also fire-retardant, which might interest her. She got pissed off and bitched me out for supposedly calling her a retard. FML

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By melons - United Kingdom - Redditch

Today, the massive bogey that had been dangling precariously from my manager's nose for half an hour finally detached itself. Into my coffee. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Oklahoma City

Today, my mom asked why my three-year-old son is named Trevor. After I told her it was from my favorite game, GTA V, she hit me over the head with a shoe. FML

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By thatsucks - United Kingdom

Today, my husband dropped me off at work. Ten minutes later I got a text saying "I just dropped the b*tch off I'll be there in a few baby, miss you". I asked him about it. He said, "I don't know what you're talking about, Megan". My name isn't Megan. Not even close. FML

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By tantanpanda - United States

Today, I was swimming my routine laps at the gym's pool and a man came in and swam in the adjacent lane. While swimming freestyle, I smelled a really nasty fart. Not a minute later, he hurriedly left. I didn't realize what he had done until I saw "floating particles" in the water. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I was put on academic suspension only to find out my professor entered my grade wrong. I lost my financial aid and have to explain to my parents why I’m not in college anymore. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I spent all day at the hospital with my grandma for some tests. When I drove her back home she decided to thank me with $50. Knowing she is unemployed, I told her I couldn't take a whole $50. She replied with "Ungrateful, just like your mother", then took the money and left. FML

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By me - United States - Carthage

Today, I was taking a shower. My mom thinks it's ok to just walk in on someone when they are in there so she decides to take a crap. The worst part is she thought it would be less awkward to talk to me. FML

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By SydIsPrettyCool - United States

Today, my pet fish died because my drunk father microwaved it. FML

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By hmmmm - Australia

Today, the condom slipped off, because my boyfriend refuses to admit that he needs to use smaller condoms. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Springville

Today, my cat went into labor. This is surprising since 6 years ago, we paid to have her spayed. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, my little sister, who's still in high school, proved beyond a doubt she's better at my computer repair job than I am. She proved it in front of my customers and my manager, who brushed me aside and offered her a job as soon as she graduates. FML

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By Sue Ellen - United States - Providence

Today, at my wedding, my husband stood up to give a speech. It started out beautiful, until he told everyone how he started to fall in love with me after I blew him on our first date. FML

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By notaguidette - United States

Today, I weighed myself. When I was fifteen, my mom yelled at me, saying that I was going to end up being 200 pounds by the time I was forty. Well, mom, you're wrong. At this rate I'll be 200 pounds by the time I'm twenty. FML

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By Anonymous

My stupidity

Today, I got my period and went clubbing. I had to change my tampon and stupidly I only brought one, when I unwrapped it, it fell on the floor, I had to wait in the girl's bathroom for 45 minutes for a random girl to give me a spare. FML.

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By Anonymous

Parked, indefinitely

Today, my mom told me I wouldn't be able to take driver's education until at least my sixteenth birthday, because I'm, "Not ready to drive a car." Isn't that the whole point of driver's ed? FML

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By NowImSingle

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me and threw all my stuff out into the yard because she caught me "texting another woman". Guess it didn't matter to her that the contact name was "Mom". FML

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By TooTallNiCo - United States

Today, I was at lunch with my mom and we were talking about how to tell my brother that Santa Clause isn't real. After we finished our conversation, I heard someone crying. Little did I know, two little kids and their parents were sitting in the booth behind me. FML

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By jennabean - United States

Today, I was in the car for 8 hours driving home from North Carolina with my family. We brought my dog along and I was petting her for most of the ride. I thought she fell asleep, so I continued to play with her. She never woke up. I played with a dead dog for almost an hour and a half. FML

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By Anonymous - 4/5/2021 17:01

Toilet drama

Today, I'd always thought the scene in Scrubs when JD passes out while pooping was hilarious, until it happened to me. I recently found out I have a heart defect that can cause me to pass out if my blood pressure rises, and yes, I did pass out on the toilet and woke up covered in my own shit. FML

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Top comments

By Lia_Mackenzie | 4

#491428 - Sunday 16 August 2009 20:18

Wouldn't you be aware of that allergy BEFORE you got the cat? You've never had allergy tests done, or gotten a stuffy nose when you were around your friends' cats?
I suggest shots if you want to keep it. Either that, or zyrtec. Zyrtec (allergy medication) is WONDERFUL. I'm (supposedly) allergic, and I don't react to my cat at all.

By Shock98 | 0

#491369 - Sunday 16 August 2009 20:08

so get some allergy medicine.

COMMENTS

By iilovehaters | 0

#491364 - Sunday 16 August 2009 20:07

ydi for being a nerd

cherrypieguy | 0

#491439 - Sunday 16 August 2009 20:21

YDI FOR HAVING A CAT FETISH

fwertyh8r | 0

#491700 - Sunday 16 August 2009 22:25

aw that sucks.
BTW, what does OP stand for?

YDITROLL | 0

#491703 - Sunday 16 August 2009 22:26

YDI for being allergic to cats

yaintime21 | 0

#491712 - Sunday 16 August 2009 22:31

wow. you didn't know you were allergic?

smart...

americayay | 0

#491766 - Sunday 16 August 2009 22:52

It makes sense that she didn't know she was allergic. I mean, if she's never had a cat, how would she? OP, you could try some medication and see if that works. Hopefully it's not too bad.

slasher29 | 0

#491980 - Monday 17 August 2009 0:25

it stands for "original poster" referring to the person who wrote the fml. in this case, that would be 'annabellebyebye'

cherrypieguy | 0

#492302 - Monday 17 August 2009 2:50

Original poster

unkinged44 | 0

#492367 - Monday 17 August 2009 3:14

YDI for having dreams

lovealy28 | 0

#494168 - Monday 17 August 2009 20:17

ydi for buying and not adopting...save a life!

SimpleSimon | 0

#494445 - Monday 17 August 2009 22:30

Everybody who keeps bringing out the line about adopting rather than buying: Where do you think all the new-born animals will go if people suddenly stop buying them? That's right - SHELTERS.

harlehatschi | 0

#508542 - Sunday 23 August 2009 4:26

i'm allergic to some cats, but my own cat doesn't give me hayfever or anything. she has very long, thick fur, so maybe its cause the flyaway/shedded fur don't get in my eyes or in my nose. maybe you could look into getting a maine coon?