Today, I went to the circus with my family. When we were looking at the animals during the break, an elephant took my purse with his trunk and ate it. It crushed my cellphone, camera, keys and wallet. After that, the circus director yelled at me for feeding poisonous stuff to his elephant. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I took my kids to the circus. We were having fun, right up until the point they saw an old man dressed as a clown, at which point they screamed, grabbed onto my shorts, and managed to accidentally pull them down. FML
Today, I learned that Guru Tugginmypudha was right, two elephants humping is the ultimate distraction, as in, when two elephants started humping during my kids' trip to the zoo, a mad crowd of idiots rushed to watch, and somewhere in the middle of it all I clearly felt a pickpocket steal my wallet. FML
Today, I went to the zoo to see all of my favorite animals. When I got there, I realized they must've all been on strike or something, and refused to come out of their enclosures. FML
Today, I was attacked by clowns at work. I don't work at the circus. FML
Today, I took my daughter to the zoo. I threw a piece of my sandwich towards a very cute chimpanzee. As a thank you, he threw a piece of crap at me, which exploded all over my shirt. FML
Today, I got bitch-slapped by a walrus at Sea Life Park. FML
Today, my family and I went to feed carrots to the giraffes at the zoo. After I finished my first cup of carrots, I turned back to get some more. Suddenly, I was jerked back and a chunk of my hair was ripped out. The giraffe mistook the orange barrette in my hair for a carrot. FML
Today, I went to eat out. When I sat down, I realized I forgot my straw. I took my purse with me, not wanting it to get stolen. Someone stole my food instead. FML
Today, my family and I went to a beach where you could swim with dolphins. I was a little scared to swim with them so the trainers had a five minute chat to me about how they were harmless creatures. Once I got in, the dolphin attacked me and bit me. FML
Today, I ran full speed into a brick wall because I saw a tiger. On the other side of a zoo cage. FML
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Top comments
thatgirlinoregon 21
At least it didn't take your shoe!
Paco_el_Taco 17
Look at it this way, now you don't have to carry all that shit around with you.
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Comments (140)
Lindwurm_fml 0
You totally deserve it for supporting animal abuse by visiting a circus.
Lindwurm_fml 0
Ich schäme mich als Österreicher dafür, dass du einen Zirkus mit (wilden) Tieren besucht hast.
yoursucklives 36
leider gibt es aber nicht sehr viele zirkuse die keine (wilden) tiere ausnutzen...
eddeeezzyy 19
Well, my iPhone tastes like an apple :]
Fishfanatic 7
Why were you holding anything in your hands that was not food, within reach of an Elephant? More importanty, an intelligent animal who is more than likely trained to take things off people who are holding things in their hands ( this kind of training is usually employed to make administering medicines and supplements to the animal much easier ) YDI OP.
SchlomoTheGrinch 18
Stupid circus manager... they should have had very obvious signs stating that you need to keep any and all loose items OUT OF RANGE of the animals! Then again, if people could think for themselves, such signs would be unnecessary but here I am, rambling on about impossible utopias again ;-) Oh look, poisoned pachyderms! (woah... great band name!)
Chandler1Bing 0
Is your family in the circus?
nerdywhiteguy 4
It is time to go hunting
BeaterOfTheDrums 15
73-does that mean a blackberry will taste like blackberries?
hornyunicorny 2
At least you have a fkn awesome story to tell at parties and stuff now. It may not seem funny now, but trust me, it is!
SrakaSrakasta 20
You claim you love animals, yet you went to the circus where they torture and force them to act unnatural and where they get painfully punished if they don't. Gross.
laden_swallow09 35
In who's mouth are you putting those words?