Miscellaneous: Today, I was at a concert and the guy who was selling the drinks... - FML

Nearly

01/10/2021 22:55

Today, I just had the best sex in all my life. After that, my ex-girlfriend dumped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34

You deserved it 3

28/09/2021 01:05

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 95

You deserved it 6

Spicy

Spicy

Lightning Bolt

By LightningRod - 18/10/2021 11:00

Spicy

Today, I have an internal defibrillator from trauma to my heart 12 years ago. I finally experienced for the first time what it's like when it shocks me. Nothing says I'm a keeper like getting kicked in the chest and smacked upside the back of the head with a baseball bat while clapping cheeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 262

You deserved it 32

Weird flex, but OK

By Anonymous - 17/10/2021 08:01

Spicy

Today, I’m aware that comparing yourself too much to other people can make you unhappy. I now learned that the same goes for comparing yourself to objects. For example, between myself and the shared toilet in my student house, guess who has the most pubic hair? FML

I agree, your life sucks 496

You deserved it 134

28/08/2009 05:39

Today, I was at a concert and the guy who was selling the drinks tripped and fell down the stairs, landing on the floor next to me and the drinks went all over. I went to make sure he was okay and helped pick up the drinks. After assuring me he was okay, he gave me a free soda. It exploded. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 620

You deserved it 13 779

Mama's boy

Money, well, get back, I'm alright Jack…

Too Much Information

29/10/2012 22:39

Today, while in a pharmacy, I walked over to the shaving cream aisle. I picked up a can to smell it and unknowingly pushed the button, spraying an old guy in front of me. He freaked out and started telling everyone that the ceiling above him was leaking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 477

You deserved it 17 325

09/07/2012 10:37

Today, I was listening to some Michael Jackson through my earphones when I saw this really cute girl. Trying to impress, I aproached her while doing some dance moves, not thinking about how unbelievably stupid it must have looked without the music. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 262

You deserved it 37 173

09/06/2009 23:12

Today, I was late to work and couldn't get my gas tank open. Panicking, I asked the only person around to help me who happened to be a very large man. He was able to open it for me and seemed really nice. That is until he pulled out a knife and robbed me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 210

You deserved it 4 224

01/03/2010 13:17

Today, I parked and noticed a car that was identical to mine across from me. I thought it was an amusing coincidence until I came back to find both cars trashed. At least the vandal realized their mistake and left a note saying, "You deserve it for having the same car as that cheater, asshole!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 312

You deserved it 2 815

20/11/2018 17:35

Today, my best friend and my ex-boyfriend went on a business trip, got drunk, and ended up sleeping together. Now they want to start dating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 786

You deserved it 314

12/05/2013 04:35

Today, my little brothers wouldn't stop teasing me over the fact that I'm a virgin and they are not. They are 13 and 16, I'm 22. What's worse? My dad quickly joined them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 154

You deserved it 7 534

05/12/2010 13:38

Today, I went into labor with my first child, and as much as I pleaded, I had to wait for my husband to finish his raid in World of Warcraft before he'd take me to the hospital. FML

I agree, your life sucks 75 116

You deserved it 11 834

23/08/2010 09:03

Today, I found out the "small termite problem" the inspector told me about wasn't so small when a box from the attic fell through the floor and hit me in the head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 390

You deserved it 3 256

04/03/2010 05:03

Today, my guy, who is a PhD candidate, informed me that it is his goal in life to own every Will Ferrell movie. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 463

You deserved it 12 300

12/10/2010 04:48

Spicy

Today, I was getting frisky with my fiancée when she started talking about her dead great-grandma. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 746

You deserved it 3 542

26/05/2009 07:48

Today, I was looking online for an alternative number for the interior decorator that is making curtains for me because I couldn't get hold of him. Instead of his number I found a website warning people about him, saying he is a conman. I paid a very big deposit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 376

You deserved it 19 219

Territorial Pissings

By El Camino - 25/11/2010 21:01

Today, I parked in a different lot because the one I usually park in was full. When I came back later, a bumper sticker was stuck to the windshield that said, "INCONSIDERATE F***, DON'T PARK HERE AGAIN!" To make matters worse, it was stuck on with a special type of glue, so it can't be removed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 307

You deserved it 5 058

26/03/2016 18:02

Today, my boss tried to fire me for not emailing him a screenshot to prove my email wasn't working. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 952

You deserved it 1 312

11/10/2015 03:30

Today, while babysitting my nephew, I was looking through a bin of toys, and I saw a fake spider. I picked it up to do a prank with. It wasn't fake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 568

You deserved it 5 670

19/01/2016 22:28

Today, I was sitting at my desk in school, and I was really bored. I started playing with the strings on my pants, only to realize 5 minutes later it looked like I was fondling my dick. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 537

You deserved it 6 921

27/01/2015 16:12

Today, it's been five days since my roommate last talked to me. Although she's not communicating with me verbally, she's excelling at non-verbal communication: slamming doors and drawers, and watching loud videos, all while I desperately try to study. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 864

You deserved it 2 913

04/09/2014 06:44

Today, I tried to blink out a small speck of dirt that was caught in my eye. Instead, I learned what it feels like to suffocate a small, angry spider with your eyelid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 479

You deserved it 3 825

07/02/2013 17:11

Today, I had drinks at a friend's house before going out to a concert. I still had a bottle of beer left, so I brought it along with me. I got kicked out five minutes into the show for bringing my own drink, which is apparently against the rules. I paid $75 to get kicked out over a $3 drink. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 719

You deserved it 47 342

19/02/2010 08:24

Today, I returned home to find that my boyfriend's dog had gotten into the garbage and ripped all my used pads to shreds. There's a trail of Always tatters leading to his dog bed, and blood everywhere. My blood. Oh God. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 613

You deserved it 3 578

26/04/2016 00:00

Today, I had a throbbing cluster headache. It didn't help matters when an angry customer yelled at me because a dress was "defective." Why was it defective? It didn't fit her. Why didn't it fit her? It was the wrong size. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 858

You deserved it 846

24/08/2010 07:18

Today, I was at my sixteenth birthday party. My guests consisted of my grandma who I live with, and my 2-year-old cousin she was babysitting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 675

You deserved it 4 201

10/01/2011 10:35

Today, my boyfriend decided it would be fun to sit on my lap. In the process he landed on me so hard that he made me hit my head. Then when he turned around his elbow smacked into my nose causing it to break. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 146

You deserved it 3 190

29/10/2011 04:51

Today, my elderly neighbor called the police because my cat was in her yard. I now have a citation and a court date. Apparently, there is a leash law for cats in my town, and it is taken very seriously. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 107

You deserved it 6 131

27/10/2017 15:00

Today, having moved to Moscow over a week ago, I finally received the TV my work promised my flat would have. A big Russian man came to my door, handed me a TV from the 1970s and left. It doesn't work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 982

You deserved it 314

27/10/2017 22:00

Today, I went to a haunted house with my fiancé. A few minutes in, I saw someone following us so I turned and screamed. She ran off and my fiancé explained that she wasn't an actor, just a lady with a pigment disorder. I can never go back there again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 328

You deserved it 740

25/08/2011 05:29

Today, I was taking out the garbage at work when I slipped and fell into the garbage container. The scent was so bad that a bus driver denied me a ride home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 960

You deserved it 3 011

17/09/2014 11:46

Today, my brother got the same cologne as the guy I've been seeing for a while. Every time I'm with my brother I think about him, and every time I'm with him I think about my brother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 736

You deserved it 4 488

09/05/2009 14:48

Today, I decided I would eat healthy in order to lose weight. Feeling powerful, I threw away all of the icecream in my freezer. An hour later, I picked the icecream carton out of the garbage and ate the entire half-melted carton. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 394

You deserved it 119 027

03/07/2009 00:12

Today, I went to my fiancé's house to have dinner with his family for the first time. Trying to be polite at the end of the meal I went to take the plates in to the kitchen. I overestimated how heavy the half-finished soup pot was, and threw soup all over myself and future mother-in-law. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 097

You deserved it 6 942

Little fella

By littlefella - 04/02/2017 22:00

Spicy

Today, I was taking a piss when a old lady somehow managed to wander in. She blushed, chuckled and apologized, "Sorry, little fella!" before leaving. I don't know what size she was commenting on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 111

You deserved it 817

06/08/2009 21:25

Today, a very good friend of mine said he had a question to ask me. Jokingly, I threw my arms around his neck and said, "Oh yes, yes, a thousand times yes!" When I sat back down, I saw tears in his eyes, and he said, "You've made me the happiest man alive" as he pulled a small box out of his coat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 957

You deserved it 107 483

10/12/2009 08:04

Today, I received an early Christmas gift from my boyfriend of ten months. It was soap. In a few days he will be receiving his very expensive specialized car horn he has wanted for years, while I will be enjoying my new bar of Walmart brand soap, which has already begun to give me a rash. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 775

You deserved it 4 917

25/11/2011 02:49

Today, my entire family came over for Thanksgiving. It went pretty well, only four family members got in a fistfight and only one cop car was called. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 731

You deserved it 2 286

11/08/2015 15:30

Today, my doctor told me I'm pregnant. Since we've been trying for several years, I called my husband to tell him the good news. Not long after, my doctor called to inform me there'd been a clerical mix-up and I'm not actually pregnant after all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 444

You deserved it 2 013

13/07/2009 13:25

Today, my building's elevators were temporarily out of service. I climbed up 17 flights of stairs only to realize I left my keys downstairs. After the painful climb back up, the elevator lights came on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 657

You deserved it 6 813

11/08/2016 15:32

Today, while working at a fine-dining restaurant, I was dicing veggies. I was paying such close attention to make sure the veggies were all the same size, that I managed to cut off the tip of my thumb. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 105

You deserved it 2 504

28/04/2015 13:26

Today, my mom told me that if I wanted to commit suicide, I should make it seem like a car accident, and not do it in the house, because she would be too embarrassed if people thought she was a bad parent. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 028

You deserved it 2 992

26/08/2010 04:08

Today, my husband has been out of town for a week. The only text I've got from him was, "I didn't take a poop today." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 903

You deserved it 3 856

14/03/2013 22:04

Today, I attended the reading of my grandfather's will. I didn't expect to receive anything, since his side of the family had always ostracized me for being born out of wedlock. I did get something: $3,500, on the binding condition that I use a portion of it to get a vasectomy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 069

You deserved it 2 952

29/07/2010 00:40

Today, my girlfriend begged me to stay up late and video chat with her because she missed me. Even though I work early mornings, I reluctantly agreed. After waiting up until 2am for her to get online, I gave up. She had fallen asleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 240

You deserved it 5 065

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Friday 28 August 2009 12:26

not fml. you got a free soda. quit bitching about it.

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Friday 28 August 2009 12:37

That was awfully nice of you to help him out. Sure the soda exploded but you still get mega karma points!

Comments

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Friday 28 August 2009 12:24

You still got a free soda.

senior_dingdong 0

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Friday 28 August 2009 12:24

my thoughts exactly fyl but atleast he was nice

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Friday 28 August 2009 13:04

YDI for not peeing in his butt

Nicoleismyname 0

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Friday 28 August 2009 13:11

Omg your comment is so funny.... NOT

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Friday 28 August 2009 18:49

I agree, he was nice to give you a free soda. However he just fell down the stairs. I think it would be pretty obvious that it would explode. Even so, you should have opened it slowly until you were sure it would not explode.

truelyawesome 0

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Thursday 11 February 2010 7:29

this isn't fml worthy, more like mlia

truelyawesome 0

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Thursday 11 February 2010 7:30

u must be some gay third-grader

truelyawesome 0

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Thursday 11 February 2010 7:58

gay little 7 year old

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Sunday 28 March 2010 17:58

Today, I got some fizz on my shirt. FML?

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Sunday 28 March 2010 19:45

i think the guy that fell down the stair should have wrote the fml

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Friday 28 August 2009 12:26

not fml. you got a free soda. quit bitching about it.

SoloAutotunE 17

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Friday 10 July 2015 17:25

which then promptly exploded

AnthonyxD_fml 0

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Friday 28 August 2009 12:27

Lol owned

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Friday 28 August 2009 12:28

Lol pwned

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Friday 28 August 2009 12:36

This belongs on MLIA rather than FML

crazeh_monkeh 0

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Friday 28 August 2009 14:48

Seconded.

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Friday 28 August 2009 12:36

i agree with 3 you got a free drink plus he was just trying to thank you! its not ydi.. but not fyl either

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Friday 28 August 2009 16:48

This FML is another case-in-point that FML NEEDS to add a THIRD button. Life isn't simply black and white. I'd also like a way to banish the kids that only do lame posts. OP opened a soda that just went tumbling down the steps... douche move, douche results.

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Friday 28 August 2009 12:37

That was awfully nice of you to help him out. Sure the soda exploded but you still get mega karma points!

Nicoleismyname 0

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Friday 28 August 2009 12:38

I'm sorry but were you the one who fell down all those stairs, spilled your inventory and embarrassed the shit out of yourself? Hmmm noo. I'm gonna have to say fuck HIS life.

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Friday 28 August 2009 12:57

I've been to a shit load of concerts and never has there been a vendor working the stands

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Friday 28 August 2009 16:54

Nikon at Jones Beach Theater in New York always has vendors working the stands...

pyroanarchist23 0

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Friday 28 August 2009 19:50

dude i work there!!!!!

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Friday 28 August 2009 12:58

a soda exploded?!?! how are you going to cope?? I hope you get through this tough, tough time.

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Friday 28 August 2009 13:23

My thought exactly. How on earth did this shit get through moderation? YDI.

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Saturday 29 August 2009 3:49

I agree. This is the worst FML I've read in a longggg time.