Today, I was at a concert and the guy who was selling the drinks... - FML

By blinkme - 28/8/2009 05:39 - United States

Today, I was at a concert and the guy who was selling the drinks tripped and fell down the stairs, landing on the floor next to me and the drinks went all over. I went to make sure he was okay and helped pick up the drinks. After assuring me he was okay, he gave me a free soda. It exploded. FML

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Mr Sensitivity

Alexa, play "Leave Me Alone" by New Order

Bad news

By worker666 - 13/4/2014 14:51 - United States

Today, my coworker tried to convince my boss that I'm not human. Her examples of how I'm influenced by demons included how I don't wear a jacket in the winter, and that I once got a nosebleed from sneezing. My boss thinks she's hilarious and is playing along. FML

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By CurtisWogan - 12/3/2014 22:23 - United States - Albany

Today, I met my mom's new business partner for the first time. I shook his hand, and introduced myself as "Lisa's daughter". I'm a guy. FML

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By Jessika - 7/8/2009 09:18 - United Kingdom

Today, I finished a ballet class with a group of seven-and-unders. Afterwards, a new student's mother came up to me and thanked me, saying she was glad that her daughter had a "role model with a, ahem, fuller figure" and "not to worry about my weight." I have never thought I was fat before. FML

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By edible - 20/5/2009 20:01 - United States

Today, I decided to surprise my girlfriend and sent her an Edible Arrangement. When she called to tell me she had gotten it, she was more excited about the cute boy who delivered it than she was about the fruit bouquet. FML

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By blue - 8/9/2011 08:23 - United States

Today, I was put on notice at work due to my "anger problem." Apparently, sighing in a meeting means you will be labeled as someone with a short temper. However the creepy stalker guy is on the fast track to management. FML

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By Rita - 10/12/2008 04:58 - France

Today, on the bus, a young high school boy sat down next to me and started to chat me up. I thought it was cute until he asked me which high school I was attending. I'm 27, I'm married, I have a child. FML

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By tenniemo - 11/6/2018 17:39 - United States - Green Valley

Today, I’m pet-sitting for my parents while they’re on vacation. So far, one cat has projectile vomited all over the living room, and another has pooped in their bed. Twice. My parents were not concerned when I called, and said this is normal behavior. FML

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By Anonymous - 13/1/2014 07:34 - United States - Ewa Beach

Today, I was taking a piss when a fly landed inside the urinal. I thought it would be funny to try to aim and pee on it until it flew away and I stupidly continued aiming, peeing all over the floor and the wall. Another man came in time to see it. FML

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By boob sisters - 2/7/2014 17:01 - United States - Lilburn

Today, I sent my boyfriend a picture of my boobs. I quickly found out that I'd accidentally sent it to my sister instead. She sent me one back. FML

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By Anonymous - 8/10/2015 02:14 - United States - Redmond

Today, my mom texted me, asking what I'd like her to get for dinner tonight. I texted back "Something exotic if you're up for it :)". Except I accidentally typed "erotic". I only noticed the typo when I checked after getting no reply. She comes home in a couple of hours. Shit, shit, shit. FML

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By Stupid - 22/4/2013 06:58 - United States - Post Falls

Today, after a few weeks of my friends pestering me to spend time with a mutual friend, I realized we had a lot in common. We both love shoes, peanut butter, and it appears that my boyfriend of three years is her boyfriend of four years. FML

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By ReluctantAntEater - 21/8/2014 21:48 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I tasted a perfectly salted, crispy, and dead carpenter ant hidden in my bag of pistachios. FML

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By ThatHurts - 14/11/2011 00:11 - Canada

Today, I have two black eyes. The first one I got from the girl whose ass I mistakenly grabbed at a party last night. The other one I got from my girlfriend when I explained the first one. FML

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By brutality - 15/6/2009 05:38 - Canada

Today, I saw a few old co-workers at the bar. They recognized me and started calling me by the nickname they had for me that I was unaware of. It appears I was known as "butch megan" by the entire office for 2 years. FML

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By Charly - 5/1/2009 06:16 - France

Today, I sent a text message to this girl I've been flirting with for a while now saying "How about coffee?". To which she answered "Great idea, I'll go and make myself one right now". FML

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By Aly - 15/8/2013 07:10 - United States - Ontario

Today, my cousin texted me, asking how the chicken pizza had settled in my stomach. We got drunk last night and had pizza. I thought it was cheese; it was chicken. I've been vegetarian for 7 years. FML

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By Username - 21/1/2011 01:41

Today, while trying to explain to my date that a small coffee would be fine, I said "I'm cheap and I'm easy". FML

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By Wetarse - 15/3/2017 11:00 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I was laughing at the new granite stool sculpture our work put in the office garden. I said to my colleagues for a laugh that I'd be the first to sit on it. Turns out it was a bird bath. FML

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By Anonymous - 4/11/2017 05:00

Today, while making deliveries, a lady answered the door stark naked and invited me in. I'm a young single guy so I went for it, but her husband was also there, ready to go with an enormous boner, so I ran to my van and went back to the depot. They reported me for bad customer service. FML

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By stelno - 18/6/2009 13:33 - United States

Today, my wife and I were out with another couple we're friends with. When we went back to their house we looked at old pictures. They showed us a great picture, and I said "It would've been a lot better if that fat chick didn't ruin it in the background." It was the woman from the couple. FML

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By xXWhiteSheepXx - 8/4/2016 02:28 - United States - Omaha

Today, my cat likes to share my pillow at night. I guess she was extra comfortable last night, because she didn't bother getting off it to hack up a hairball. I woke up because I rolled my face onto it. FML

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By Anonymous - 24/10/2019 00:01

A Different Kind of Tension

Today, I got a text from a guy I hooked up with once before my current boyfriend. The guy told me he has chlamydia, and I should probably get tested. I had to call my boyfriend to explain what happened and tell him to get tested. I'm meeting his family this weekend at his sister's wedding. FML

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By Dying Son - 5/4/2019 12:00

Today, as I was sitting on a bench thinking about an upcoming test, some hysterical woman slapped me out of nowhere because she thought I was staring at her ass. I was staring blankly into the void. FML

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By musicaddict - 10/3/2009 20:42 - United States

Today, the cute boy in my biology class I had been crushing on invited me over to study for a huge test. Once I got to his house, I really had to use the bathroom. I ended ending up taking a huge dump and clogging up his toilet. He had to come plunge it for me. FML

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By Anonymous - 4/1/2011 14:49 - United States

Today, my girlfriend whom I'm crazy about broke up with me out of the blue. After pleading with her unsuccessfully, I called my mom for comfort and advice. She informed me that my dog had died. FML

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By Anonymous - 24/2/2011 10:34 - United States

Today, I asked my dad what his plans for Friday were. Apparently, he's going to a concert with my step-mom all evening. It's been their plan for months. Friday is my birthday. That's been set since the day I was born. FML

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By Facepalm - 15/8/2011 23:09 - United States

Today, my mom threw out years worth of trophies that I'd put tons of effort into earning. Her reason? They all looked the same to her. FML

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By my bravado's gonna kill me one day - 10/8/2018 13:00

Today, as a big fan of spicy food and a huge challenge seeker, I decided to try the hottest burger I could order. Despite being warned by a waitress, I went for it. After eating a third, I had trouble breathing from the spiciness. The waitress was smirking. FML

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By OhaiiKid - 7/3/2010 05:02 - United States

Today, I was home alone. It was very dark and so I went to turn on the lights, when I heard the sound of a gun loading. I dropped to the floor but never heard a gun fire. I got up and heard the sound again. When I got lights on, I discovered it was only my printer telling me it was out of paper. FML

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By stuckonrepeat - 4/8/2010 20:17 - Ireland

Today, when I returned from holiday, I discovered my best friend taught my parrot dirty phrases for fun. I can't get her to shut up and my little niece and nephew are coming over in three days. FML

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By forgottenbday - 11/7/2012 05:09 - United States - Canoga Park

Today, my boyfriend treated me to a surprise romantic dinner, and got me a huge balloon bouquet, a dozen roses, a beautiful card for my birthday. Too bad it's his ex's birthday and not mine. FML

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By LittleFriend - 30/11/2017 06:00

Today, I was told I will receive no Christmas or birthday presents for the next 3 years because my parents paid for my rhinoplasty. I needed it because my 12-year-old brother smashed my nose with a hammer in a fit of rage. FML

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By N1ch0la1 - 8/8/2009 09:35 - South Africa

Today, while in the shower, my roomates thought it would be really funny if they threw my cat in with me. The doctor who gave me the stitches also thought so. FML

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By dazedandconfused - 25/6/2009 22:29 - United Kingdom

Today, at work, someone heard me throw up. I then got called aside and told being hungover at work is unacceptable. I don't drink. I'm pregnant. FML

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By ApparentDrugAddict - 8/8/2011 06:23 - United States

Today, at dinner, I accidentally let it slip that I'd taken a small sip of alcohol a few years ago and hated it. My extremely strict parents are now trying to get me into rehab. FML

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By Anonymous - 10/3/2010 21:12 - United States

Today, after taking my girlfriend on a date, she invited me back to her place for "hot coffee and dessert". Excitedly, I said yes. When we got there, we actually had coffee and dessert. When I told her this wasn't what I'd had in mind, she kicked me out for being a pervert. FML

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By BadKarma - 28/8/2018 07:00 - United States - Douglas

When it rains, it pours.

Today, my washing machine, dryer, vacuum cleaner, and laptop all stopped working. FML

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By Anonymous - 18/11/2010 01:42 - United States

Today, I found out that my boyfriend likes to show his female co-workers his dick, by emailing them pictures of it. I found out when he included my email address in with theirs. FML

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By jumpy - 3/1/2010 23:59 - United States

Today, I put cucumber slices on my eyes to help me relax. I found this very calming till I woke up to ants trying to eat my eyes out. FML

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By Black - 12/12/2008 03:31 - Lebanon

Today, I caught my cat humping my dog while he was asleep. I'm sleeping with the door closed from now on. FML

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Top comments

By glassisass | 0

#521523 - Friday 28 August 2009 12:26

not fml. you got a free soda. quit bitching about it.

By ssnepenthe | 0

#521549 - Friday 28 August 2009 12:37

That was awfully nice of you to help him out. Sure the soda exploded but you still get mega karma points!

COMMENTS

By freudianego | 0

#521519 - Friday 28 August 2009 12:24

You still got a free soda.

Reply

senior_dingdong | 0

#521520 - Friday 28 August 2009 12:24

my thoughts exactly
fyl
but atleast he was nice

Reply

iPeeInButts | 0

#521576 - Friday 28 August 2009 13:04

YDI for not peeing in his butt

Reply

Nicoleismyname | 0

#521584 - Friday 28 August 2009 13:11

Omg your comment is so funny.... NOT

Reply

imtheman920 | 0

#522160 - Friday 28 August 2009 18:49

I agree, he was nice to give you a free soda. However he just fell down the stairs. I think it would be pretty obvious that it would explode. Even so, you should have opened it slowly until you were sure it would not explode.

Reply

truelyawesome | 0

#843896 - Thursday 11 February 2010 7:29

this isn't fml worthy, more like mlia

Reply

truelyawesome | 0

#843899 - Thursday 11 February 2010 7:30

u must be some gay third-grader

Reply

truelyawesome | 0

#843937 - Thursday 11 February 2010 7:58

gay little 7 year old

Reply

ReyEr9412 | 0

#969982 - Sunday 28 March 2010 17:58

Today, I got some fizz on my shirt. FML?

Reply

vi3tv0tinh | 0

#970076 - Sunday 28 March 2010 19:45

i think the guy that fell down the stair should have wrote the fml

By glassisass | 0

#521523 - Friday 28 August 2009 12:26

not fml. you got a free soda. quit bitching about it.

Reply

SoloAutotunE | 17

#6346560 - Friday 10 July 2015 17:25

which then promptly exploded

By AnthonyxD_fml | 0

#521524 - Friday 28 August 2009 12:27

Lol owned

By tyson346 | 0

#521529 - Friday 28 August 2009 12:28

Lol pwned

By MissJlk | 0

#521546 - Friday 28 August 2009 12:36

This belongs on MLIA rather than FML

Reply

crazeh_monkeh | 0

#521659 - Friday 28 August 2009 14:48

Seconded.

By noidea_fml | 3

#521547 - Friday 28 August 2009 12:36

i agree with 3 you got a free drink plus he was just trying to thank you! its not ydi.. but not fyl either

Reply

kukopia | 0

#521861 - Friday 28 August 2009 16:48

This FML is another case-in-point that FML NEEDS to add a THIRD button. Life isn't simply black and white.
I'd also like a way to banish the kids that only do lame posts.

OP opened a soda that just went tumbling down the steps... douche move, douche results.

By ssnepenthe | 0

#521549 - Friday 28 August 2009 12:37

That was awfully nice of you to help him out. Sure the soda exploded but you still get mega karma points!

By Nicoleismyname | 0

#521552 - Friday 28 August 2009 12:38

I'm sorry but were you the one who fell down all those stairs, spilled your inventory and embarrassed the shit out of yourself? Hmmm noo. I'm gonna have to say fuck HIS life.

By Einstein714 | 0

#521570 - Friday 28 August 2009 12:57

I've been to a shit load of concerts and never has there been a vendor working the stands

Reply

D5quared | 0

#521878 - Friday 28 August 2009 16:54

Nikon at Jones Beach Theater in New York always has vendors working the stands...

Reply

pyroanarchist23 | 0

#522257 - Friday 28 August 2009 19:50

dude i work there!!!!!

By spacer_ | 0

#521571 - Friday 28 August 2009 12:58

a soda exploded?!?! how are you going to cope?? I hope you get through this tough, tough time.

Reply

Alexgoesfml | 3

#521594 - Friday 28 August 2009 13:23

My thought exactly. How on earth did this shit get through moderation? YDI.

Reply

pinksmurf95 | 0

#523294 - Saturday 29 August 2009 3:49

I agree. This is the worst FML I've read in a longggg time.