Today, while walking down the aisle of a movie theatre, I passed...

By Smirky - India - Bangalore

Today, while walking down the aisle of a movie theatre, I passed gas so loudly that the audience missed the climax of the film laughing at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6554

You deserved it

1688

Favorite

Health

Walk on the wild side

Priorities

It never rains, it pours

By Rimmy Jobs - United States

Today, after volleyball practice, I noticed my pants were missing. Now I have to go to work wearing spandex bottoms, all because one of my teammates is a thieving douche. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25287

You deserved it

2180

Favorite

By poopydaddy - Canada - Oakville

Today, I found out that every time my girlfriend takes a big dump, she pretends as if she's giving birth and screams uncontrollably. I just moved in with her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

53736

You deserved it

5640

Favorite

By derped-out sperm - Ireland

Today, I had to rush my 14-year-old son to the hospital after he fell out of a tree while trying to take an obnoxious "extreme selfie". FML

I agree, your life sucks

48996

You deserved it

5903

Favorite

By dry spell - United States - Belfair

Today, my mom stole the condoms out of my room and gave them to my little brother because I "won't be needing them anytime soon". FML

I agree, your life sucks

47144

You deserved it

4762

Favorite

By buymeflavoredlube

Spit or Swallow?

Today, I was giving my boyfriend a long blowjob and had to pause for a minute because my mouth became exceedingly dry. His solution? Spit directly in my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4516

You deserved it

870

Favorite

By EmDa - India

Today, I ran into a guy who I was completely in love with for months. After a couple of minutes, I realised he totally bores me senseless. What a waste of 4 months obsessing over that shithead. FML

I agree, your life sucks

16700

You deserved it

64738

Favorite

By ferrarismyname - United States

Today, I was sitting shotgun in the car. A huge bug came inside, and everyone began to freak out so naturally I began to swat at it. I got the fly, but I also cracked the windshield. I paid $229 to kill a bug. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38478

You deserved it

23415

Favorite

By arh - Australia - Newport

Today, I wore an expensive vintage blazer which I'd purchased at a market in Paris. Turns out my colleague has the exact same one, only hers is from a clearance rack at Target. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23594

You deserved it

8771

Favorite

By BRELLA - United States

The wrong kind of banging

Today, I finally got the chance to sleep with a girl from home who I'd wanted for a long time. She has low blood pressure problems though, and when things got hot, she passed out while she was on top of me, fell and hit her head on the night stand. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50935

You deserved it

3920

Favorite

By Anonymous - 14/8/2020 05:02

Priorities

Today, my fiancé and I finally had the house to ourselves for the night for the first time in MONTHS, and we don't know when we will get a chance like this again. So, he texts his buddy to play zombies. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1354

You deserved it

194

Favorite

By candy man - United States - Chapel Hill

Today, my girlfriend got up in the middle of sex saying, "You're taking too long, I'm gonna go make some popcorn." I asked her if she could get me some. She said no. FML

I agree, your life sucks

49497

You deserved it

10686

Favorite

By redmethod87 - United States

Today, I took my dog to the puppy park to meet girls. I met one very attractive girl, she loved my puppy, and she asked for my number. As she took out her phone, my dog defecated on her feet. She was wearing sandals. FML

I agree, your life sucks

63902

You deserved it

6456

Favorite

By Jedi2500 - United States

Today, as I was leaving for work, I discovered my neighbor had just passed away. I found out when I came across his body lying in my front yard. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36319

You deserved it

2145

Favorite

By Wally - Canada

Today, I got to sleep in late for the first time in 3 years, as wife took our two young daughters out of town to visit with her parents. I told my mother that I was really looking forward to being able to sleep in this morning. The phone rang at 7:30. It was my mother asking me how I slept. FML

I agree, your life sucks

58215

You deserved it

5717

Favorite

By Stuck - United States - Evans

Today, my house is on lockdown. I recently moved to Georgia from Rhode Island to be with my boyfriend. The state is on high alert for an ice storm. I'm stuck inside with my terrified boyfriend, who's calling it "the storm of the century". I used to walk to school in this weather. FML

I agree, your life sucks

51600

You deserved it

5829

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I discovered that my fiancé had tried to fake his own death because he thought it would be easier than confessing to the affair he was having. FML

I agree, your life sucks

71505

You deserved it

3465

Favorite

By heart of cold - United States

Today, my roommate invited a couple of homeless gentlemen in to our house. After drinking all our beer, throwing up on our carpet, and repeatedly asking if we were planning on killing them, I asked them to leave. My roommate told them they're welcome back anytime. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24004

You deserved it

2026

Favorite

By Missy - United States

Today, I told my mom I broke up with my boyfriend because he wanted to have sex and I wasn't ready. Her reply? "Well, you can't stay a virgin forever." FML

I agree, your life sucks

42039

You deserved it

17075

Favorite

By Cheese4men - Canada

Today, I walked in on my boyfriend saying, "I shall be the prince, and you shall be the princess," to his hamster. Once he saw me, he quickly turned to the hamster and said, "I have to go. The dragon is here." FML

I agree, your life sucks

51497

You deserved it

8738

Favorite

By smyp - Lithuania - Vilnius

Today, I was let go from my job, because I "progress too quickly and there's no promotions available" and I "can find a better place to work at". FML

I agree, your life sucks

31669

You deserved it

2270

Favorite

By Brie - United States

Today, my grandmother pulled down her pants and screamed, "Kiss my ass" in the middle of a packed restaurant. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35034

You deserved it

3178

Favorite

By me - United States

Today, I broke up with my boyfriend. I had only been dating him for about a month. Thinking he wouldn't take it very hard, I invited him over so I could tell him in person. Little did I know he was going to start crying on my couch and not leave for 5 hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36014

You deserved it

10699

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Washington

Today, school was out because of snow. My dad walked in my room and shouted "Why are you home?!" I told him why, and he replied, "Then get out the damn house and play in the snow." He tossed me out in nothing but my shorts. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41697

You deserved it

5158

Favorite

By MsConfusedd - United States - Brooklyn

Today, I discovered that the only thing more disgusting than watching a little kid shove their finger up their nose and eat their fresh green mucus is watching your grandmother do the same. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23689

You deserved it

1925

Favorite

By thesmartone - United States

Today, I let my imbecile of a brother borrow my car. The keys to his car are now jammed into the ignition of mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25915

You deserved it

4808

Favorite

By foreseeingabreakup - United States

Today, I had to explain in great detail why it is inappropriate for my boyfriend to grab at my vagina in public. He did it again twenty minutes later. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37115

You deserved it

6979

Favorite

By Bellend - United Kingdom

Today, I noticed a flash car badly parking itself in a handicapped space. I hate the asshats who do this, so I went up to berate the driver. After an opening salvo of coarse language, a glint of light on his wheelchair in the back caught my eye. I then had to apologise for being a shitehawk. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6599

You deserved it

42432

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Erie

Today, my family was celebrating my grandma's 90th birthday. I pulled a little prank and got candles that keep relighting. After a few blows, my grandma fainted. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11521

You deserved it

49363

Favorite

By I have wood - United States - Stephenville

Today, my room mate told all of our mutual friends that he had walked in on me doing woodwork in my room. They all thought he meant he had caught me rubbing one out. I'm actually building a guitar. FML

I agree, your life sucks

52209

You deserved it

3651

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I got back from a 6 month deployment overseas. My girlfriend of 3 years couldn't pick me up from the airport because she had an intramural softball game to go to. FML

I agree, your life sucks

81274

You deserved it

6297

Favorite

By astocks - United States

Today, I found a picture of my military husband kissing another woman. His excuse? It was photoshopped. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33932

You deserved it

3213

Favorite

By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I was talking to my boyfriend about our new year's resolutions. I started telling him that I wanted to lose some weight. He interrupted me, saying, "Yeah yeah, we all know you're fat, whatever." He then went on a 30 minute speech about how he'd really like to take more pictures of his cat in 2011. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31386

You deserved it

6242

Favorite

By SallyGeen - United Kingdom

Today, at a fancy dress party, I got off with Hitler. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22579

You deserved it

40233

Favorite

By parker1993 - United States

Today, while waiting for a job interview, a woman sat down next to me and asked if I was here for the job too. Thinking she was also an applicant, I tried to demoralise her, and said the job was going to be a complete joke. With that, she stood up and said, "Do you still want to go into my office?" She was the interviewer. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8848

You deserved it

76355

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was operating on a young girl, when she began to awaken during the surgery. We quickly put her back under, of course, but now I'm terrified that she'll remember my profuse cursing and get me in the shit with my curmudgeonly killjoy of a boss. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25876

You deserved it

11368

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I found out why you shouldn't drop instant mashed potatoes in a fish tank, especially when you have expensive fish. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8182

You deserved it

44818

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Richmond

Today, I learned from my daughter's teacher that she has been wearing the same shirt for the past few weeks, ever since we had a fight about how I don't pay attention to her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8450

You deserved it

63037

Favorite

By Maddy - United States

Today, I was going to break up with my boyfriend for taking me for granted and being such a jerk. He didn't even show up for our date. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34013

You deserved it

4970

Favorite

By greek_dancer - United States

Today, I went to the mall and had to parallel park. It took me 10 to 12 minutes of maneuvering before I got into the slot. When I turned off the car and got out, there were 8 people laughing hysterically and clapping for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25736

You deserved it

46327

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I don't know what's worse, the fact that my hair sheds so much, or the fact that I find most of it in my butt crack. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4149

You deserved it

397

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By 602offroad | 12

#7409316 - Sunday 12 February 2017 23:28

Movie went from a horror to a comedy real fast.

By pjsr | 32

#7409279 - Sunday 12 February 2017 22:32

The return of Smell-o-Vision!

COMMENTS

By RichardPencil | 28

#7409272 - Sunday 12 February 2017 22:18

Next time you need to sell tickets!

By pjsr | 32

#7409279 - Sunday 12 February 2017 22:32

The return of Smell-o-Vision!

By 602offroad | 12

#7409316 - Sunday 12 February 2017 23:28

Movie went from a horror to a comedy real fast.

By Bonk182 | 2

#7409325 - Sunday 12 February 2017 23:40

why is this a FML this is an achievement! unless your a chick then it's a little gross but still

runswithlions | 3

#7409344 - Monday 13 February 2017 0:17

ohh...you're one of those guys...

By logank013 | 20

#7409370 - Monday 13 February 2017 1:20

When I was in like 4th grade, I belched so loud the whole cafeteria became quiet. I feel you OP.

By Harri20n | 9

#7409391 - Monday 13 February 2017 2:20

Must have been a shitty movie

By Briarpatch | 20

#7409393 - Monday 13 February 2017 2:23

I'm curious to know why you would be walking down the aisle during the climax of the film. Bathroom emergency, one hopes.

By species4872 | 19

#7409706 - Monday 13 February 2017 17:34

Bollywood, you probably done them a favour.

By dabomsht123 | 3

#7409784 - Monday 13 February 2017 20:14

That's Fucking awesome

By Internetflakes | 13

#7409890 - Tuesday 14 February 2017 0:15

I blame the curry.