Today, I went to my favorite bar after work for a drink. On my way to the porch out back, I didn't realize the sliding glass door was shut, and walked straight into it. I was stone cold sober, but the bartender refused to believe me, and cut me off before my first beer. FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, I was at a restaurant. I turned around looking for the restroom. I almost walked into the men’s room, then corrected myself and stumbled in the hallway looking for the ladies’. The employees thought I was drunk and kicked me out. I hadn’t had a single drink. I’m just clumsy as shit. FML
Today, I got into an accident and my car was totaled. My friends then took me out to a bar for a drink to make me feel better. It appears that the police officer I'd spoken to had kept my I.D. by mistake and I couldn't get into the bar. FML
Today, I was down the pub with a mate and we got onto the subject of bar fights. I said I thought being glassed wouldn't actually hurt that much. My friend looks at me, calmly finishes his pint and then swiftly smashes his glass over my head. Turns out I was wrong. And we got kicked out. FML
Today, I woke up in hospital after a night of heavy drinking. My friends told me I was beat up by the doorman. After going to the club to watch the security footage, it was revealed I actually fell on my face trying to fight, and caused more damage to myself. FML
Today, I walked into a café for the first time, and as I opened the door, I slammed it into the face of a poor barista. Embarrassed, I tried to apologize while holding the door open for a woman behind me, only to have my hand slip and the door crash into her as well. I then stood there, frozen, as both of them just stared at me as I apologized with, "I swear I'm not a moron." FML
Today, my friends showed me a video of me blind drunk last night, getting into a fight with my front door. The door won, unlike my face. FML
Today, I went out with my best friend and her hot brother. Upon our exit out of the restaurant I walked right into the glass door and rebounded back off it. The whole restaurant was silent as I shamefully walked out only to trip on the curb outside. FML
Today, I went to the bar I've always gone to after work for the past 12 years. On arrival, I got banned for life, punched in the nose and thrown out. The barmaid comes out and says, "Sorry, wrong guy." FML
Today, I drunkenly staggered home and crashed on the couch. When I woke up I realized it wasn't my house. FML
Today, I was out having a beer with a few friends. After getting a pint, I slipped in a puddle of beer, fell on top of a stranger on the sofa, and knocked my beer upside down on my head. Then, completely soaked, I realized I'd also knocked over the table, spilling its content on a poor girl across it. FML
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Top comments
saIty 17
Wow. I guess the Windex cleaner does make people walk into clear doors.
funnynesh 10
Well, maybe you were just never supposed to drink today...
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Comments (64)
the_true_batman 10
Time to explore the other bars in town.
SqueakyChipmunk 22
Walk a straight line. Say your ABC's backward. ANYTHING to get the beer back!
hb215 2
Saying your ABC's backwards is difficult even when you're sober
loloalltheway 23
You did something Justin bieber did once, walked into a glas door.
supportcommand 17
13- nobody here gives a **** about bieber. I would love to see that douche bag get caught in a scandal of some sort. Terrible example of a Canadian. Any pro bieber comment should get buried. Loser.
loloalltheway 23
I was just stating something I knew and I felt it was relevant but what ever, I know most of you guys hate him and all but really? I don't think he is that bad...
ObeyAlliance 7
Well, this sure escalated quickly.
missunderstanded 5
pretty sure the door cut you off first
nevershoutkendal_fml 11
If you were drunk, it could have been a lot worse. You may have tried to pick a fight with the door.
jacsoccerdude3 10
OP trying to explain to the cops... He threw the first punch officer.
TheDragonWarrior 5
That damn clear window did OP in like it would a bird. Those birds also claim to be sober. No one understands their plight. Except for you. You are fortunate, OP.
jagter 4
Is that even a thing? I thought bars where in the business of selling booze.
truth_spitta 0
Yes, in some places, bartenders are responsible and know when to tell a dude (or chick) she has drank too much, It's the responsible thing to do
GothicAngel17 24
Where I live if you're a bartender and you serve alcohol to somebody who appears to have had too much to drink then you can be fined a fair amount of money and lose your Responsible Service of Alcohol certificate.
kate3101 15
Don't know about the US, but in the UK our licensing laws say that it's actually illegal to serve alcohol to someone who is visibly drunk. Not that anyone enforces it, as far as I know, unless someone actually dies from the amount of alcohol they've had.
Pretty_Pink_Lady 10
*someone dies* Bartender: "Guess its time to cut you off."
kate3101 15
Yeah, not quite what I meant, but actually not far off.
truth_spitta 0
Yeah, here in fl (well at my brothers main bar he goes too) the bartender/owner makes a point to make sure nobody gets drunk off their rocker cause he cares, not cause he has too
missnezzy 10
Gutttteeedddd :)
janerose21 3
if that how you are sober, what about when your drunk?
KiddNYC1O 22
What about if you tried to type drunk? Yikes. =P
greenmen 12
Sorry, never happened even though I drink a lot