Today, I went to my favorite bar after work for a drink. On my way to the porch out back, I didn't realize the sliding glass door was shut, and walked straight into it. I was stone cold sober, but the bartender refused to believe me, and cut me off before my first beer. FML
Collection
Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, I was at a restaurant. I turned around looking for the restroom. I almost walked into the men’s room, then corrected myself and stumbled in the hallway looking for the ladies’. The employees thought I was drunk and kicked me out. I hadn’t had a single drink. I’m just clumsy as shit. FML
Today, I got into an accident and my car was totaled. My friends then took me out to a bar for a drink to make me feel better. It appears that the police officer I'd spoken to had kept my I.D. by mistake and I couldn't get into the bar. FML
Today, I was down the pub with a mate and we got onto the subject of bar fights. I said I thought being glassed wouldn't actually hurt that much. My friend looks at me, calmly finishes his pint and then swiftly smashes his glass over my head. Turns out I was wrong. And we got kicked out. FML
Today, I woke up in hospital after a night of heavy drinking. My friends told me I was beat up by the doorman. After going to the club to watch the security footage, it was revealed I actually fell on my face trying to fight, and caused more damage to myself. FML
Today, I walked into a café for the first time, and as I opened the door, I slammed it into the face of a poor barista. Embarrassed, I tried to apologize while holding the door open for a woman behind me, only to have my hand slip and the door crash into her as well. I then stood there, frozen, as both of them just stared at me as I apologized with, "I swear I'm not a moron." FML
Today, my friends showed me a video of me blind drunk last night, getting into a fight with my front door. The door won, unlike my face. FML
Today, I went out with my best friend and her hot brother. Upon our exit out of the restaurant I walked right into the glass door and rebounded back off it. The whole restaurant was silent as I shamefully walked out only to trip on the curb outside. FML
Today, I went to the bar I've always gone to after work for the past 12 years. On arrival, I got banned for life, punched in the nose and thrown out. The barmaid comes out and says, "Sorry, wrong guy." FML
Today, I drunkenly staggered home and crashed on the couch. When I woke up I realized it wasn't my house. FML
Today, I was out having a beer with a few friends. After getting a pint, I slipped in a puddle of beer, fell on top of a stranger on the sofa, and knocked my beer upside down on my head. Then, completely soaked, I realized I'd also knocked over the table, spilling its content on a poor girl across it. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
saIty 17
Wow. I guess the Windex cleaner does make people walk into clear doors.
funnynesh 10
Well, maybe you were just never supposed to drink today...
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (64)
martin_martian7 11
"But you didn't have to cut me off"
wikedjest 0
damn there not being stickers
happylawyer 16
It takes talent to look drunken when totally sober. Cheers!
outoftown 26
#55, As a natural-born klutz, having done similar to OP, I thank you for the second-hand compliment. This talent is not often appreciated. It helps make the bruises worth it. *curtsey... stumble... oops*
remixedmouse 0
Good you don't need any of that devil's water anyways
purpleisbloo 13
My goodness, with my luck that's something that will happen to me when I turn 21. :/ I'm too clumsy!
pengin 13
Well, that does suck OP, but if anything-- I think you should be grateful that that is a responsible bartender. It's always much better to be safe than sorry. Too many people drink and drive and the bartender just didn't want to take any chances-- for all they know-- you could've just came from another bar and had a lot to drink etc. Not only that, but I'm sure they don't want to risk people falling & hurting themselves inside the bar-- as that is a liability issue-- so if they think you're drunk and may hurt yourself-- they'll definitely not give you more alcohol-- as that'll just raise the possibility of you hurting yourself. This is not a real FYL situation so much as it's just a tad inconvenient. Just work on your clumsiness and think about the reasons as to why you wouldn't get anymore to drink, it's really not a personal thing against you.
classicnathan 8
Aw, cut off too soon is never fun!
blackwidowtaco 31
The birds on the windex commercial pale in comparison to your epic head smash into the glass.