Health: Today, my family and I were just about to leave the house for... - FML

By broken - Saudi Arabia

Today, my family and I were just about to leave the house for the vacation that I had been saving up for 3 years. I was coming down the stairs with a heavy suitcase and I tripped and fell breaking my leg, now my family's gone without me while I'm in hospital. I paid for the vacation. FML

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Out of it

This Charming Man

Late term

By TheDeathguard

Today, a couple yelled at me and reported me to the homeowner association for "watching them make out" at the pool. I'm the lifeguard. FML

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By FamilyLoving - United States - Patchogue

Today, I was out jogging. As I took a rest to have a drink of water, a car pulled onto the sidewalk and bumped into me. Not just any car; my dad's car. He then drove away. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, my boyfriend called me into the bathroom and proudly showed me how far back he could stand from the toilet while he peed. Unfortunately, he got distracted and peed all over the floor I had mopped just an hour before. FML

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By YoshiSqu4d

Today, my father told me I was becoming violent because of the video games I play. I was playing Minecraft. FML

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By suckstosuck - United States - Dana Point

Sexy talk

Today, I was getting freaky with my boyfriend and told him to spank me. In a seductive voice, he told me not to tell him what to do. Continuing, I asked him how he was going to punish me, to which he then replied, "I'm going to punch you straight in the face." FML

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By dumpedattheclub - United States

Today, me and my girlfriend went to the club. The song "Single Ladies" by Beyonce came on; the DJ came on the mic and said "Single ladies raise your hands!" My girlfriend raised her hand. FML

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By Nickname

Today, I came home to find my wife and my ex-wife naked in my bed. Apparently they've been in a relationship for five months. When I told my kids, they said that they were helping to keep the secret. FML

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By UniverseHatesMe - United States - Cuyahoga Falls

Today, my neighbor kindly set off a bed bug fogger rather than getting an exterminator, which we'd even offered to help him pay for. We have baseboard heating in our condo building. Guess where the parasites crawled to now. FML

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By MY fault!?

Today, my mom invited my asshole cousin to my daughter's 10th birthday party, saying that this is the best time for me to apologize for having him imprisoned 3 years ago. He’s the same cousin who held my daughter hostage after the cops cornered him in a drug bust. FML

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By sad life - United States

Today, I realized my boyfriend is so seldom romantic that it actually makes me uncomfortable when he says something cute. FML

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By Anonymous - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, I found out the pet name my girlfriend gave my penis wasn't randomly made up after all; it's her ex's name. FML

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By fabiennemorin35 - United Kingdom - Cardiff

Today, my boss told me that he’d hired me because he thought I looked intelligent. He then went on to say that it was about time that I proved that I was. FML

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By Natsert99 - United States - Deerfield

Today, I brought my best friend to the strip club as a birthday gift, as he had mentioned that he'd never been to one before. It might have been ruined by the discovery that his daughter had a new job. FML

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By Insane Guy - United States

Today, at work, I jumped under my desk in fear of a nuclear missile attack when the firestation next us let out its new awareness siren. I think I'm going insane. FML

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By googoogaga - United States

Today, I went to IHOP for breakfast. As we were leaving, I realized a little girl took my Hello Kitty hairclip. For the next 5 minutes, I fought with an 8 year-old for a hairclip. She won. FML

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By BtoTheRtoTheTTK - United States - Winter Haven

Holy stereotypes, mom!

Today, at a mall, my mom accused me of lying about being gay, just because I said I don't like shopping. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was just about done with my late-night shift at Ralph's. As I was about to put up my "Closed Lane" sign, an elderly women starts putting items on the conveyor belt. The cost was $14.79, and she paid with pennies. It took her ages to count them all, and I wasn't being paid overtime. FML

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By stardustveins - United States - San Francisco

Today, I was waiting in the McDonald's drive-thru and listening to some music. I was tapping my non-driving foot to the song when I accidentally tapped the wrong foot and rear ended the cop car in front of me. Whoops. FML

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By lamortdeshommes - United States

Today, I sent my boyfriend to the store to get groceries while I was at work. Instead of what I listed, he came back with hot pockets, ice cream and beer. I'm lactose intolerant and pregnant. FML

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By Seriously?

Today, my friend with benefits got my new car stuck in a mud hole. I had to call my ex to get us unstuck. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Boca Raton

Today, my grandpa accidentally posted a nude photo of himself on Facebook. I will never be able to unsee that. FML

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By Lorbibo - 14/1/2021 17:00

Yeet the guy

Today, I was trying to set up a date with my boyfriend of two years, but he said he didn’t want to, and then to interrupted me to talk to his friends on Discord. FML

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By Anonymous

Age ain't nothing but a number

Today, I was asked for ID to purchase decorative scissors. I was buying them to make my wedding decorations. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Stroudsburg

Today, I was riding a bike when a truck accidentally hit me. The handsome driver came out and asked if I was alright. I said, "I am now" and winked. He said "Eww, no" then immediately ran away and drove his truck around me. FML

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By IHateMySister - Denmark - Kirke-hyllinge

Today, my sister confessed that when she runs out of clean underwear, she uses mine. That wouldn't be so bad if she didn't also put it back in my dresser afterwards so I wouldn't notice. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada - North Bay

Today, my girlfriend sent me a text message confessing that she's been cheating on me. Apparently she regretted telling me the truth, because when I confronted her face-to-face, she claimed her roommate had sent it as a prank. She doesn't have a roommate. FML

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By Ataraxia - United States

Today, I woke up to the realization that the 2-hour nap I wanted to take before I went out with my friends last night was actually a 12-hour nap. I missed everything. FML

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By God,NotAgain,Please - Pakistan - Karachi

Today, I re-sat an expensive exam I'd flunked 6 months previously. The same impossible multiple choice questions appeared, which I'd been unable to find the answers to, even with all my textbooks and the internet. FML

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By Yuuucky - Canada

Today, my boyfriend showed me a YouTube video of him popping a huge blackhead on his forehead. He told me he had been "growing" it for more than 2 years now. I have been caressing and kissing that thing for almost 2 years because I thought it was a beauty mark. FML

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By lashless - United States

Today, while getting ready for a friend's wedding, I was curling my eyelashes. My cat decided to jump onto the towel rod. As I went to catch her, I ripped all the eyelashes out of one eye. I called my boyfriend crying. When he saw me, he laughed and said, "You look really surprised in that eye." FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was out and was having a wonderful time. At exactly midnight, I get a call from my father. He's divorcing my mother. He's also going to Florida with his mistress for the weekend. If that wasn't the best news ever, he'd love if I found an apartment to live in ASAP. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I splurged thousands of dollars on the breed of dog that I've loved since I was a kid from a reputable breeder. He is allergic to all food except the 24lb food for $70 and has sensitivities galore, including a seizure from a shot. I've spent $5,000 in vet bills in the first week. FML

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By Anonymous - 27/8/2020 10:02 - Australia - Murarrie

Kids will be kids

Today, my son accidentally damaged another kid in the face with a baseball bat, while blindfolded trying to hit a piñata. Except there was no piñata, or blindfold. FML

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By unknown - Canada - Quebec

Today, my sister was faced with the choice of getting a burger, or picking me up in a snowstorm. The burger won, and I had to travel 4km home by foot. FML

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By Ballshurt - United States

Today, I learned that you can pierce your balls. However, sitting on a thumbtack is not the best way to find this out. FML

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By what did I do? - Australia - Sydney

Today, my ex boyfriend got into a physical fight with the guy I've been casually seeing for 9 months. Afterwards, they had a beer, a long chat, and decided this was my fault and I wasn't worth the drama. FML

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By mhogan - Canada

The Laws of Attraction

Today, I was skiing and crashed into a tree. It was the only tree on the slope. FML

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By happyturtle - Croatia

Today, my friend told me she turned down a job as a babysitter because she didn't want to be secretly videotaped, as she knew the people had a nanny cam. I wasn't aware of this when I took that same job a few nights ago and asked my boyfriend to come by. We had sex on their couch. FML

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By boss stabber - United States - Kings Beach

Today, I got reprimanded by my boss for saying "It's a stab in the dark, though." According to him, it's a euphemism for anal sex and I was being offensive to a gay colleague, the same one who kept insisting it was no problem. I got written up anyway. FML

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By Bee - Canada

Today, I was mistaken for a prostitute. Twice. While in my work uniform. FML

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Top comments

By ninety3 | 0

#439245 - Wednesday 29 July 2009 6:32

Everyone should stop being douches on this one. He works three years of his life for a vacation for his family, then it's pulled away from him at the last second. And some people STILL bring up terrorist stereotypes because he's from Saudi Arabia, or, as #58 did, call his family "low rent niggs." Poor, stereotypical and childish.

By Soup_fml | 0

#438220 - Tuesday 28 July 2009 23:19

Why do people turn into klutzes when they're about to leave on a trip? 2/3 of the time my dad goes on a multiple day biking trip, he smashes one of his toes on something five minutes before leaving, then rolls around on the floor for a while. It's so predictable I was actually waiting for it to happen last time.

It's not supposed to be a vacation from your sense of balance, people.

COMMENTS

By Fisshie | 0

#438157 - Tuesday 28 July 2009 23:04

Let's hope they bring home pictures!

Reply

icertainlysuck | 0

#438513 - Wednesday 29 July 2009 0:50

but what kind of pictures could they bring? ITS SAUDI ARABIA!!!! All you can probably do for vacation is witness executions or kill some infidels. That'll make a good home movie...

Reply

jaybrown | 0

#438536 - Wednesday 29 July 2009 1:01

Your name is 'icertainlysuck'. You certainly do!

Reply

saze_fml | 0

#438540 - Wednesday 29 July 2009 1:03

@#42
I dunno, I wouldnt mind seeing pix of u being killed and raped. Fuck head

Reply

iFellytone | 0

#438569 - Wednesday 29 July 2009 1:17

Ditto #45

Reply

ryan100 | 0

#438838 - Wednesday 29 July 2009 3:02

32 has a point maybe the vacation was to build bombs and kill jews

Reply

yougetmecloserto | 0

#439784 - Wednesday 29 July 2009 13:09

42, I thought your kind had died out? Ignorant close minded bastards? With all the inbreeding and such? Eh. You'll all be gone soon enough.

Reply

ryguy997 | 0

#992749 - Friday 14 May 2010 4:45

well 42 I'm guessing the vacation was in another country.

Reply

PrimeStarscream | 30

#3032329 - Wednesday 3 August 2011 23:30

Jerk.

By Shyman4ever | 0

#438164 - Tuesday 28 July 2009 23:05

Epic fail

Reply

Clairina | 0

#438235 - Tuesday 28 July 2009 23:22

agreed. that sucks

Reply

YourOpinionSucks | 22

#6216513 - Saturday 28 February 2015 6:17

More like epic fall

By Shyman4ever | 0

#438165 - Tuesday 28 July 2009 23:05

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.. Show it anyway

Reply

yellowaholic | 25

#5626779 - Wednesday 14 August 2013 8:46

I hope you fall down stairs and break your legs

By lexiBRo | 0

#438166 - Tuesday 28 July 2009 23:05

Awww.. that really sucks.. total fml
Maybe next time pack lighter..?

By Lonely_Lez | 0

#438167 - Tuesday 28 July 2009 23:05

Your family's really fail.

By crumblemumble | 0

#438168 - Tuesday 28 July 2009 23:06

eh that's horrible :/

Reply

hollaythetiger | 0

#2521165 - Tuesday 17 May 2011 2:02

that really sucks.

By ky_stone22 | 0

#438173 - Tuesday 28 July 2009 23:07

well why waste the money, right? that really does suck though. sorry

By lexiBRo | 0

#438174 - Tuesday 28 July 2009 23:07

Well... if the vacay was paid for and non-refundable then I don't blame the family for going w/o him.. three years is a long time to save for a vacay just for it to all go down the drain

By M13LO | 0

#438179 - Tuesday 28 July 2009 23:09

you should of cancelled the reservations to everything and leave them stranded

By mehwhateverr | 0

#438184 - Tuesday 28 July 2009 23:11

They seem like jerks. ): FYL.