Health: Today, my family and I were just about to leave the house for... - FML

By broken - Saudi Arabia

Today, my family and I were just about to leave the house for the vacation that I had been saving up for 3 years. I was coming down the stairs with a heavy suitcase and I tripped and fell breaking my leg, now my family's gone without me while I'm in hospital. I paid for the vacation. FML

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Serious times

CIA-level batshittery

The runs

By Puppy Loverr - Australia

Today, I was getting a bit intimate with my boyfriend. Just when things were getting interesting, my dog managed to get into my room. He jumped on the bed and my boyfriend spent the next 20 minutes playing with the dog, while I sat next to him, half naked. FML

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By kronin - United States

Today, I woke up in a field 3 miles from where I'd passed out drunk. This wouldn't have been too bad if I didn't have to walk home through town without my pants. FML

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By night_fox88 - United States - Camden

Go out please!

Today, I woke up to my overly religious grandmother trying to shove salt down my throat yelling "DEMON BE GONE!". Why? I didn't wear the cross neckless she bought me. FML

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By DidntCheckTheCalendar - Kuwait

Today, I hired a professional makeup artist to apply my makeup for a wedding. After paying her $500 for the excellent job she does, and getting dressed, I grabbed the invitation to check out the address, and it said the wedding was on December 2. Today is December 3. FML

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#LurkerForLife

Today, I realized that my social life is so dead the only thing I do that involves other people is read FML. I don't even participate in the comments. FML

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By Brian - United States

Today, after working all day and putting in hours of overtime, I realized I never clocked in. FML

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By Anonymous - 14/8/2020 08:01

Mr Loverman

Today, my boyfriend asked when I was going to bed, because he wanted to have sex. With himself. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia

Today, I walked into two things. The first was a spiderweb. The second, due to blind panic, was oncoming traffic. FML

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By Anonymous - Ireland - Cork

Today, I got to work and saw a new desk had been setup on stilts. 'Oh, who got the standing desk?' I asked. Turns out it's for the guy in the wheelchair who was right behind me. It needs to be high so the controls of his wheelchair can fit under the desk. FML

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By Zoe123 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were at his house having sex. After about 30 minutes, his mom came home and was knocking on the door asking "What are you doing?" Thinking I might have a chance to sneak out, I got dressed real quiet. Then my boyfriend answers, "Zoe. I'm doing Zoe." FML

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By Danners88 - Australia

Today, I was at a Remembrance Day service when an old widow told me I had my "grandad's" medals on the wrong side of my coat. I told her that I was an Afghanistan veteran and that they were mine. She then berated me in front of the WHOLE service for "lying". FML

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By Stuby14 - United States - Brookings

Today, my girlfriend and I were sending dirty messages to each other. We were getting really into it until she replied to one of my messages with, "Oooooh yeah." I read it in the Kool-Aid man's voice and couldn't stop laughing. Mood killed. FML

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By Sara246 - Canada

Today, I found out that my boyfriend has been cheating on me. When I confronted him about it, he asked which girl I'd found out about. FML

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By Blonde - Canada - Toronto

Today, I googled for an hour how to open my CD player on my laptop. Turns out, there is none. They just put a space there to make it look like a CD player. FML

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By PentiumBawls8 - United States

Today, while at my job, I walked past one of my colleagues who has been sick for the past couple of days. She knows that I'm a tea drinker and asked me for a tea bag. While conversing with her, I handed her one and left. I then later realized that I gave her a condom. FML

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By Ineedjustice03 - Singapore

Today, I had to dig into my savings to help my parents pay for their divorce. FML

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By Liz - United States - Torrance

Today, my boss/husband fired me from my job because I didn't sleep with him last night. FML

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By ohsugarxo - United States

Today, I was at my only sister's wedding. She gave a speech about the person who means the most to her. She said, "She is my favorite sister who has always been there for me." Being her only sister, I got up to hug her. Turns out she was talking about her slutty sorority sister. Not me. FML

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By dogdays - Canada - Oshawa

Today, I left my dog alone while I went to work, like usual. He usually hangs out in the big bay window that faces the street. Today he decided to steal my vibrator and chew it while sitting in the window. I can only imagine how many people walked by and saw it. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Richmond

Today, by helping my sweet, caring boyfriend get over his crippling insecurities and develop some confidence, I've turned him into a lying, cheating asshole I can't stand. FML

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By Cookie_monster - Canada - Toronto

Today, getting ready to go out, I turned on my straightener. After 5 minutes, I start straightening one big strand when I realize I'm smelting plastic into my hair. Turns out I'd left it on a plastic box. Of course, plastic never comes out, so I had to cut it out. FML

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By tooth fairy - United States - Tucson

Today, my dentist called and told me that the surgery to remove my wisdom teeth - which I desperately need and saved for a year to be able to afford - will actually cost nearly $2000 more than originally stated. The surgery is supposed to be in three days. FML

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By insomniac

Today, my sister is nursing an injured cat back to health in our home because she accidentally hit it with her car. Now I can't decide which is contributing more to my insomnia: the incessant meowing, or the constant itching because our house is infested with fleas. FML

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By Disappointed

Today, my teenage daughter asked me to buy her the morning after pill, saying "It's for my acne." FML

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By SupposedlyAverage - United States

Today, my fiancé proposed to me. He said, "I could have picked anyone, but I chose you. You're a solid 2, which is average. Not a 10, but I'm glad you're a 2. Less pressure, ya know." I'm not sure if I should be more upset with the fact that I'm "average", or the fact that he thought this was romantic. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was on my third date with this really cute girl. After a very romantic evening, I decided to go for the first kiss, but because of my nervous reflex in which I get bloody noses, I ended up bleeding all over her face. FML

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By theslutmuncher - Germany - Merseburg

Today, in the midst of his ongoing mid-life crisis, my dad forced me to accompany him for some father-son bonding. The bonding involved me driving us away at high speed after he gleefully hurled a bucket of paint all over a store window. FML

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By meens42 - United States

Today, my dad asked me to stop calling him "dad" because it’s too weird for his girlfriend’s kids to hear, because they call him dad. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, two people came up to me at school, asking if I'd sell them some of my Adderall. I only just transferred here and have never mentioned my ADHD or the Adderall I take for it to anyone. FML

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By bad luck? - Australia

Today, it was my first day being a full-time paramedic. I was shot in the arm. FML

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By blah - United States - Frisco

Today, I found out my father didn't have a rare brain disease, and that he was just an alcoholic. I've been taking care of him every time his "brain disease" acts up, for 2 years. FML

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By that guy - United States

Today, I realized the only reason my phone ever rings is because someone needs help with their computer. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my girlfriend called me to pick her up from jail. She'd been arrested for indecent exposure. FML

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By Anonymous - Norway

Today, I got a phone call from a friend, who lives in the same neighbourhood as me, wondering if it was my father she saw walking a dog by her house, wearing only his boxers. It was. FML

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By Jim - United States

Today, my friends told me that they couldn't make it to my birthday dinner unless I changed the time, because I'd made dinner reservations that would clash with the new episode of Jersey Shore. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Princeton

Today, my husband caught me scratching my armpit with his beard brush. Just last week I swore that I never touch it. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I came home and saw on our fridge, "Please don't drink anymore, I really worry about your health" written by my 7-year-old daughter. I figured she wouldn't ever find out, so I opened the fridge. But I found another note on a can that said "So you're going to drink anyway?" FML

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By JustRidingMyBike

Today, I started my new job as a supervisor. I began by cleaning out my new office, including recycling large sheets of cardboard left over from the new calendars. When the 2nd shift came in, however, they got very upset and yelled at me. Apparently, I had thrown away my Muslim workers' prayer mats. FML

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By Mandy - United Kingdom

Today, I was drunk at my nan's birthday party. My boyfriend texted me asking if I could go out, to which I replied "No, I'm at my nan's house." He then dumped me, calling me a 'cheating whore.' I was confused, until I realised I'd misspelt nan and said "No, I'm at my man's house." FML

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By yobruh

Today, I had a parent-teacher conference with my 8 year old son. He'd written "Chuck Norris" as the answer for every question on his test. FML

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Top comments

By ninety3 | 0

#439245 - Wednesday 29 July 2009 6:32

Everyone should stop being douches on this one. He works three years of his life for a vacation for his family, then it's pulled away from him at the last second. And some people STILL bring up terrorist stereotypes because he's from Saudi Arabia, or, as #58 did, call his family "low rent niggs." Poor, stereotypical and childish.

By Soup_fml | 0

#438220 - Tuesday 28 July 2009 23:19

Why do people turn into klutzes when they're about to leave on a trip? 2/3 of the time my dad goes on a multiple day biking trip, he smashes one of his toes on something five minutes before leaving, then rolls around on the floor for a while. It's so predictable I was actually waiting for it to happen last time.

It's not supposed to be a vacation from your sense of balance, people.

COMMENTS

By Fisshie | 0

#438157 - Tuesday 28 July 2009 23:04

Let's hope they bring home pictures!

Reply

icertainlysuck | 0

#438513 - Wednesday 29 July 2009 0:50

but what kind of pictures could they bring? ITS SAUDI ARABIA!!!! All you can probably do for vacation is witness executions or kill some infidels. That'll make a good home movie...

Reply

jaybrown | 0

#438536 - Wednesday 29 July 2009 1:01

Your name is 'icertainlysuck'. You certainly do!

Reply

saze_fml | 0

#438540 - Wednesday 29 July 2009 1:03

@#42
I dunno, I wouldnt mind seeing pix of u being killed and raped. Fuck head

Reply

iFellytone | 0

#438569 - Wednesday 29 July 2009 1:17

Ditto #45

Reply

ryan100 | 0

#438838 - Wednesday 29 July 2009 3:02

32 has a point maybe the vacation was to build bombs and kill jews

Reply

yougetmecloserto | 0

#439784 - Wednesday 29 July 2009 13:09

42, I thought your kind had died out? Ignorant close minded bastards? With all the inbreeding and such? Eh. You'll all be gone soon enough.

Reply

ryguy997 | 0

#992749 - Friday 14 May 2010 4:45

well 42 I'm guessing the vacation was in another country.

Reply

PrimeStarscream | 30

#3032329 - Wednesday 3 August 2011 23:30

Jerk.

By Shyman4ever | 0

#438164 - Tuesday 28 July 2009 23:05

Epic fail

Reply

Clairina | 0

#438235 - Tuesday 28 July 2009 23:22

agreed. that sucks

Reply

YourOpinionSucks | 22

#6216513 - Saturday 28 February 2015 6:17

More like epic fall

By Shyman4ever | 0

#438165 - Tuesday 28 July 2009 23:05

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

Reply

yellowaholic | 25

#5626779 - Wednesday 14 August 2013 8:46

I hope you fall down stairs and break your legs

By lexiBRo | 0

#438166 - Tuesday 28 July 2009 23:05

Awww.. that really sucks.. total fml
Maybe next time pack lighter..?

By Lonely_Lez | 0

#438167 - Tuesday 28 July 2009 23:05

Your family's really fail.

By crumblemumble | 0

#438168 - Tuesday 28 July 2009 23:06

eh that's horrible :/

Reply

hollaythetiger | 0

#2521165 - Tuesday 17 May 2011 2:02

that really sucks.

By ky_stone22 | 0

#438173 - Tuesday 28 July 2009 23:07

well why waste the money, right? that really does suck though. sorry

By lexiBRo | 0

#438174 - Tuesday 28 July 2009 23:07

Well... if the vacay was paid for and non-refundable then I don't blame the family for going w/o him.. three years is a long time to save for a vacay just for it to all go down the drain

By M13LO | 0

#438179 - Tuesday 28 July 2009 23:09

you should of cancelled the reservations to everything and leave them stranded

By mehwhateverr | 0

#438184 - Tuesday 28 July 2009 23:11

They seem like jerks. ): FYL.