Today, I went to my cousin's wedding. The groom walked over when the two of us were talking, took one good look at me, slapped me on the ass, and said, "You know, if I wasn't marrying Rose here, you'd be next." Yeah, about that: I'm a 16-year old guy. FML
Collection
Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, I was the best man at a wedding and I was flirting with a cute bridesmaid. Then this old guy decides to give the newlyweds a toast. He made a crappy joke and barely anybody laughed. So I say to the girl, "Wow that sucked, who the hell does he think he is?" The girl replies, "That's my dad". FML
Today, my cousin got married. I was cold so I went to get my jacket from my car. While leaving I saw my cousin walking around the front of the venue. I told her she looked beautiful in her dress. She looked up and said, "Where is my beer, have you seen my beer?" and threw up on me. FML
Today, I went to my fiance's cousin's wedding with him. I got drunk and danced like a stripper in front of his entire extended family, who I'd just met that day. FML
Today, a guy professed his love for me in front of my friends. The guy is my first cousin. FML
Today, I woke up to a guy outside my house, who wanted to give me flowers and take me out on a date. Aside from it all being pretty fucking creepy anyway, the guy is my not quite right in the head second cousin, who's apparently now head-over-heels in love with me. FML
Today, during my wedding ceremony, the groom-to-be found it appropriate to blurt out about an ongoing affair with my maid of honor. They got married instead. FML
Today, at my younger sister's wedding, my hospitalised grandmother called to ask if I have a boyfriend yet, both my parents wondered if I'll ever get married, and when the 13-year-old next to me caught the bouquet, his father yelled from the back to give it to me instead. FML
Today, I met my cousin for the first time in years. She's 19, but she's already engaged to a guy EIGHT YEARS OLDER than her, and they're planning to get married this spring. She said she's excited to have kids soon. She's throwing away her youth to be a fucking Handmaid. This poor girl. FML
Today, as I’m single, I got permission to bring a friend as my plus-one to my sister's wedding. He’s religious so I thought of all people he’d be one to behave. Nope. He got plastered on champagne, slapped the brides ass as she was walking down the aisle with our dad, then started a fight. FML
Today, I married the love of my life. I was ecstatic until the wedding reception, where my new husband got drunk and started crying about how he'd been "forced" into marrying me. FML
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Top comments
tanekdrachonae 19
Maybe he knew -.-
Coop817 19
YDI for being so darn cute ;)
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Comments (132)
perdix 29
From what I learned at FML this week, he'll want to "break in" that "tushie" of yours. FML is like a college degree in How the World Really Works. I hope to graduate Summa Cum Loudly.
Enslaved 36
I thought you would prefer to graduate from "The School of Hard Cocks" I meant--Knocks
ManInTheMachine 19
I'm assuming you'll be majoring in boobieology. ;)
Inked0803 12
Maybe for him the door swings both ways
icepick23 12
Offer to join on the honeymoon?
Sir_Swaggington 6
Perhaps he was still drunk from his bachelor party? lol.
rise182punkz 8
Probably a joke chill out kid
Chel2010 10
Is OP a "girly man"? Haha. My boyfriend jokes like that with his friends all the time. Don't sweat it OP ;)
gshaw62 4
Well then stop doing Pilates and people wouldn't smack your ass
sarkaar 30
Maybe Rose knows everything about his history and condition and she decided to stick with him.
incendiaaa 23
poor Rose is going to have some issues soon.
Jakespeed207 4
Oh! DUDE LOOKS LIKE A LADY!