Today, I went to my cousin's wedding. The groom walked over when the two of us were talking, took one good look at me, slapped me on the ass, and said, "You know, if I wasn't marrying Rose here, you'd be next." Yeah, about that: I'm a 16-year old guy. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I was the best man at a wedding and I was flirting with a cute bridesmaid. Then this old guy decides to give the newlyweds a toast. He made a crappy joke and barely anybody laughed. So I say to the girl, "Wow that sucked, who the hell does he think he is?" The girl replies, "That's my dad". FML
Today, my cousin got married. I was cold so I went to get my jacket from my car. While leaving I saw my cousin walking around the front of the venue. I told her she looked beautiful in her dress. She looked up and said, "Where is my beer, have you seen my beer?" and threw up on me. FML
Today, I went to my fiance's cousin's wedding with him. I got drunk and danced like a stripper in front of his entire extended family, who I'd just met that day. FML
Today, a guy professed his love for me in front of my friends. The guy is my first cousin. FML
Today, I woke up to a guy outside my house, who wanted to give me flowers and take me out on a date. Aside from it all being pretty fucking creepy anyway, the guy is my not quite right in the head second cousin, who's apparently now head-over-heels in love with me. FML
Today, during my wedding ceremony, the groom-to-be found it appropriate to blurt out about an ongoing affair with my maid of honor. They got married instead. FML
Today, at my younger sister's wedding, my hospitalised grandmother called to ask if I have a boyfriend yet, both my parents wondered if I'll ever get married, and when the 13-year-old next to me caught the bouquet, his father yelled from the back to give it to me instead. FML
Today, I met my cousin for the first time in years. She's 19, but she's already engaged to a guy EIGHT YEARS OLDER than her, and they're planning to get married this spring. She said she's excited to have kids soon. She's throwing away her youth to be a fucking Handmaid. This poor girl. FML
Today, as I’m single, I got permission to bring a friend as my plus-one to my sister's wedding. He’s religious so I thought of all people he’d be one to behave. Nope. He got plastered on champagne, slapped the brides ass as she was walking down the aisle with our dad, then started a fight. FML
Today, I married the love of my life. I was ecstatic until the wedding reception, where my new husband got drunk and started crying about how he'd been "forced" into marrying me. FML
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Top comments
tanekdrachonae 19
Maybe he knew -.-
Coop817 19
YDI for being so darn cute ;)
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Comments (132)
EvilUndead 9
Either he's joking or he's bi. Either way, there's nothing to worry about. I mean even if you aren't into guys, and the dude can't take "no" for answer, you can always beat the crap out of him with 2x4 or something like that.
SexyQueen0905 24
What the ****, man?
poccocurantes 7
Maybe they just have a very interesting relationship.
upallnight11 19
He obviously wants the D.
Epikouros 32
No, I think he clearly indicated he wants the A.
upallnight11 19
You're right, excuse my ignorance.
S182 15
D. Looks like a sad face with one eye poked out....
onorexveritas 24
well you know to stay away from that guy
j_cat187 20
Hahahahaha, nope. #yoloderpherpfarttoot
panda_lou 11
Everybody is saying he knew and it was a joke. What if it wasn't? You going to sit there and tell me you've never met someone you had to closely look at for awhile before deciding if they were male or female? A lot of younger guys now have very feminine features and high pitched voices. So you look at their body. Lots of girls have straight hips and are built the same as young boys. Look for boobs, some girls have small ****. Okay so go back to the face. . . Long hair or short hair? Girls wear both. Check for jewelry both genders wear them. Check for make up Oh snap both genders wear that too. Maybe said boy had an ass and that's what the groom went off of. Hell maybe he was drunk and didn't even bother going over ops body just assumed. The groom could be a huge jackass or he could be making a joke. I don't know too many guys that would joke about being gay, outside of school I should add. I hope for the brides sake that it was a joke and not her husband flirting with another woman on her wedding day.
EvilUndead 9
IF that's not a joke, then violence is the answer to everything.
DanielleinDC 34
Given that OP is the bride's cousin, presumably the groom knew the age and sex of the person whose butt he slapped. I bet that was one tense wedding night. F Rose's life. Her husband is gay or bi and has no problem hitting on teenagers.
panda_lou 11
I went to a family wedding and I didn't know half the people there. We have a large extended family and I haven't even met some of them. The groom may not have met OP and could have thought it was just a friend or something. Also I can barely remember my close cousins ages and I grew up with them. So I wouldn't count on him remembering the age of a cousin who he may not have ever met, or only a couple of times. Again I hope it was a joke, but there is always a chance it wasn't.
JohnyLoca 8
I bet all of the neg votes u have are due to people being lazy to read the whole msg lol you have a thumb up from me
panda_lou 11
87- thanks! I don't really pay attention to the thumbs up or downs. Sometimes you'll get thumbed down for a good comment and thumbed up for a stupid one. It's w/e but I appreciate people that actually take the time to read and understand what someone posts.
Pyapi 20
Not exactly sure how it is in China, but in South America I've met quite a few men who joke about being gay. Actually, I've even had male teachers who liked to joke around like that, even if it was in front of students. Even some of my dad's friends have joked around with sexuality. I'm from South America as well and I always see those jokes as nothing more than games, I've never taken them really seriously. I wouldn't take my example to represent all of South America though, some regions can get pretty uptight as well! Not sure how it is in China though; I'd imagine it'd more more uptight. But, hey, enjoy the mental image of your male math teacher interrupting a lecture to blow a kiss to another male teacher - It sure was entertaining when I was in school!
panda_lou 11
I see jokes like that mostly when I was in high school and my family members. But they usually do the high pitched voices or try to fit in to their female siblings clothing and ball tap each other. Idky they do it but I laugh. All I'm saying is that it's possible it wasn't a joke. Idky everybody is getting their panties in a knot over it.
AVanilla 8
Am I the only one who thought of 2 and a half men?
nmorris95_fml 14
Well how ABOUT that?!
tialeanne 19
Did you catch the bouquet too?
mavman79 5
At present count, I am worried about 257 people on this planet.