Today, I went to get a tattoo. I decided on getting my four month daughter's name tattooed on my upper arm. I went home to show my wife. She broke down and told me that I'm most likely not the father. It's a toss-up between her co-worker, the guy who does our lawn, several strangers and me. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I got a tattoo with my boyfriend's name on it. As we're coworkers, I showed it to him thinking he’d love it. He told me he couldn’t continue the relationship anymore since he realized he wants to fix things with his wife. Three hours of pain and 2 years down the drain. FML
Today, I went to get a tattoo of my girlfriend's name to surprise her. Halfway through the tattooing, she called and broke up with me. FML
Today, I got my first tattoo. It was a surprise for my fiancé: our names together over a heart. I went home but before I could show him, he said we had to have a "talk." So now my ex's name is tattooed on my back. The kicker? Turns out I'm allergic to the ink. FML
Today, I found out that my wife is leaving me for a tattoo artist. I was in rehab and she met him getting a tattoo as a surprise for me. FML
Today, my dad found out I got a tattoo behind his back and is really really upset. When I got home from work my car wasn't in the driveway. When I asked my dad where it was, he replied "you'll get it back when your tattoo comes off." FML
Today, I finally met my daughter's boyfriend. He has a face tattoo. FML
Today, I realized my husband and I have been fighting a lot lately, so to show him how much I care, I got a tattoo with his name on it. He hates it. FML
Today, my girlfriend got a new tattoo - the Blink-182 logo on her stomach. I wouldn't mind it, except she got pregnant a month ago and I'm pretty sure that it can't good for the baby. FML
Today, I decided I was going to dump my needy girlfriend. I was about to break the news when she stopped me. She showed me her new tattoo she had gotten. Our names, surrounded by a love heart spread across her back. She reckons I should get a matching one. FML
Today, my girlfriend dumped me for the tattoo artist who gave us our matching "love" tattoos. FML
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Top comments
yake12 0
wow! normally I would say ydi for getting a name tattoo but kids are different!! well someone else may be the father but if you raise her properly you can be her dad
hellokimmiee 5
ouch, that hurts
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Comments (255)
TeaLover_fml 0
She didn't tell you for 13 months?
IronZombie 0
hope u had a prenuptial
kai_li 8
Don't let that deter you from being a great father. I was daddy's little girl despite being a "bastard". I owe my father everything for me being who I am today.
marial9na 0
look things might look bad, but it doesnt matter whose kid is... it matters who will raise the kid... if you love her then dont let that be in your way...
TheShard1994 5
that's bullshit. If he loves her she probably broke his heart by being unfaithful. Therefor, OP needs to abandon her, let her figure it out herself.
Yournamehere42 7
She meant if he loves the kid, stupid, not the cheating wife.
TheShard1994 5
watch who you're callin stupid, ass. I know that was the point, but even so, if the mom cheated she can figure it out with the baby
kyani 19
You've got yourself a real winner there.
prettynpaid 0
Looks like someone's gona be on Maury .
stevenmx86 8
The rule should be pretty standard: Should I get a name tattoo? Is the person/pet your family(blood/marriage/etc)? Yes-continue to next question No-Don't do it Is the person deceased? (So their relationship with you can't change) Yes-Remember it's a perm thing you're about to do but if you insist, get the tattoo No-Don't do it Follow up: Are you going to come to fml and whine when it backfires? Yes-Ydi No-Reask yourself the above question you'll come whine eventually
hjbeachbum 0
what is fml if not to tell about life stories. I say you get off the website. seriously. and your post wasn't funny. or witty.
dave04045 1
Divorce the ****, take the kid and maker her pay child support, get rid of the tattoo, check for STDs, and you'll be all set
auto_da_fe 2
Why would he get rid of the tattoo if he takes the kid?
danskinovic 0
poor bloke. can't imagine what you are feeling right now!
ilovejeland 0
slap that hoe!!!