Today, I went to get a tattoo. I decided on getting my four month daughter's name tattooed on my upper arm. I went home to show my wife. She broke down and told me that I'm most likely not the father. It's a toss-up between her co-worker, the guy who does our lawn, several strangers and me. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I got a tattoo with my boyfriend's name on it. As we're coworkers, I showed it to him thinking he’d love it. He told me he couldn’t continue the relationship anymore since he realized he wants to fix things with his wife. Three hours of pain and 2 years down the drain. FML
Today, I went to get a tattoo of my girlfriend's name to surprise her. Halfway through the tattooing, she called and broke up with me. FML
Today, I got my first tattoo. It was a surprise for my fiancé: our names together over a heart. I went home but before I could show him, he said we had to have a "talk." So now my ex's name is tattooed on my back. The kicker? Turns out I'm allergic to the ink. FML
Today, I found out that my wife is leaving me for a tattoo artist. I was in rehab and she met him getting a tattoo as a surprise for me. FML
Today, my dad found out I got a tattoo behind his back and is really really upset. When I got home from work my car wasn't in the driveway. When I asked my dad where it was, he replied "you'll get it back when your tattoo comes off." FML
Today, I finally met my daughter's boyfriend. He has a face tattoo. FML
Today, I realized my husband and I have been fighting a lot lately, so to show him how much I care, I got a tattoo with his name on it. He hates it. FML
Today, my girlfriend got a new tattoo - the Blink-182 logo on her stomach. I wouldn't mind it, except she got pregnant a month ago and I'm pretty sure that it can't good for the baby. FML
Today, I decided I was going to dump my needy girlfriend. I was about to break the news when she stopped me. She showed me her new tattoo she had gotten. Our names, surrounded by a love heart spread across her back. She reckons I should get a matching one. FML
Today, my girlfriend dumped me for the tattoo artist who gave us our matching "love" tattoos. FML
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Top comments
yake12 0
wow! normally I would say ydi for getting a name tattoo but kids are different!! well someone else may be the father but if you raise her properly you can be her dad
hellokimmiee 5
ouch, that hurts
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Comments (255)
TheDrifter 24
Because this fml got the song stuck in my head... You're whack, you're twisted your girl's a ho, you're broke, the kid ain't yours an everybody knows
Monjara 4
I am so sorry...
mightymart 5
whats your wife's phone number?!
lulzaroonie 0
Poor OP. My nugget of wisdom to you would be to divorce her, at 4 months old it will be less distressing for your daughter than if she was 14 years, you can still have joint custody once a paternity test is arranged. Your wife, while it sucks to say it is a dirty ***** and I'd insist you both get yourselves checked for STIs
xStarKillerx 4
This nugget sounds intriguing..... I must have it.
JocelynKaulitz 28
MAURY MAURY MAURY!
hellogoodbye1996 6
agree
jobint_fml 0
good material for it..
kenyrabit 25
Thank You! I just keep hearing, "{Anonymous}..you are NOT the father."
ThatGuyYouDontKn 0
that's whoreable
onepluszero 0
hahahahhahaah i see what you did there.
rockinroyalty 0
XD win ^
DropDead77 11
win, win & win!
tarheels32388 0
that's an effff'd up sitch!
LemonStarship 5
Damn she must be sneaky as hell for you to not know.
muchagente 5
Well, if you have your daughter's name tattooed on your arm, i guess you love her. So it shouldn't be too much of a problem.
kenyrabit 25
Family is what you make it. Love that little girl, but caution with her mother.
CaptainJ1000 1
DNA testing is tough in this ecenomy. maybe you should all chip in...