Today, I went to get a tattoo. I decided on getting my four month daughter's name tattooed on my upper arm. I went home to show my wife. She broke down and told me that I'm most likely not the father. It's a toss-up between her co-worker, the guy who does our lawn, several strangers and me. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I got a tattoo with my boyfriend's name on it. As we're coworkers, I showed it to him thinking he’d love it. He told me he couldn’t continue the relationship anymore since he realized he wants to fix things with his wife. Three hours of pain and 2 years down the drain. FML
Today, I went to get a tattoo of my girlfriend's name to surprise her. Halfway through the tattooing, she called and broke up with me. FML
Today, I got my first tattoo. It was a surprise for my fiancé: our names together over a heart. I went home but before I could show him, he said we had to have a "talk." So now my ex's name is tattooed on my back. The kicker? Turns out I'm allergic to the ink. FML
Today, I found out that my wife is leaving me for a tattoo artist. I was in rehab and she met him getting a tattoo as a surprise for me. FML
Today, my dad found out I got a tattoo behind his back and is really really upset. When I got home from work my car wasn't in the driveway. When I asked my dad where it was, he replied "you'll get it back when your tattoo comes off." FML
Today, I finally met my daughter's boyfriend. He has a face tattoo. FML
Today, I realized my husband and I have been fighting a lot lately, so to show him how much I care, I got a tattoo with his name on it. He hates it. FML
Today, my girlfriend got a new tattoo - the Blink-182 logo on her stomach. I wouldn't mind it, except she got pregnant a month ago and I'm pretty sure that it can't good for the baby. FML
Today, I decided I was going to dump my needy girlfriend. I was about to break the news when she stopped me. She showed me her new tattoo she had gotten. Our names, surrounded by a love heart spread across her back. She reckons I should get a matching one. FML
Today, my girlfriend dumped me for the tattoo artist who gave us our matching "love" tattoos. FML
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Top comments
yake12 0
wow! normally I would say ydi for getting a name tattoo but kids are different!! well someone else may be the father but if you raise her properly you can be her dad
hellokimmiee 5
ouch, that hurts
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Comments (255)
maybaybe 0
What a ****. Man I feel bad for you :/
Hollister1989 0
so australia... always wanted to go there.
DynamicDave 11
So Jacksonville...I've always wanted to go there.
Person1233 13
So Louisville... I've always wanted to go there...
SmallTownCutie 0
So Jersey... I've always wanted to go there...
talktomandybaby 8
hahah 173, your my idol
xmarkstheheart 0
That sucks! Maybe you could get a tattoo of the names of those guy's daughters, that way everything's even-steven. What. Oh wait...you mean it doesn't work like that...?
babyblue666 1
paternaty test
nana2255 0
take her to Maury lol... I mean sorry to hear that "/
Doortje 30
And you thought getting your daughter's name tattooed on you would be safe.
SirEBC 7
This one shut a lot of people on the last tattoo FML up. :P
dealerdon 0
leave the wife raise the kid as your own even if it's not I doubt one of those other guys will
Alkix 2
"Oh it's not like I meant for it to happen or anything. You see, I was giving Donny a ride to work because his car was broken. Then I realized I forgot the papers for the meeting today, so we swung by the house when I noticed the cable guy and the plumber were both there like you ordered. Then, as I was showing the plumber where the leak was, Thomas the lawn boy came in and had some questions. Well everyone was there so I decided to make some lemonade, and then Donny was said 'Hey, why don't we play Twister?' Well, I thought that sounded like a grand idea, and you know how much I love Twister I just couldn't resist. Well anyway it was a pretty good game, I think I was gaining the upper hand when the plumber just made a series of really aggressive moves to try to get control of the board, and that's when I realized how the situation reminded me of that movie we watched the other week, you know the one your cousin gave you? Well, I just figured that if we were all tangled up like that anyway, we might as well make the best of it, but you know what the really funny thing is? When were were all done, I still forgot the papers for the meeting! Isn't that just a laugh?"
towboatdude 0
lmfao!!!!!!!!!
chetchatter 5
wow... FYL OP your wife is a ****...
epco2020 0
that's bullshit!!! leave her ass you'll be better off!!
xoxrita 0
Agreeed. Thats so terriblee.
shona_fml 0
is your wife black? go on springer or Maury, over and over and over again. lmfao!