Love: Today, I went to a jeweler's to buy a ring to propose to my girlfriend....

By failure - 29/07/2011 06:19 - United States

Today, I went to a jeweler's to buy a ring to propose to my girlfriend. When I was at the restaurant, in mid-proposal, with people watching, I realized I had left the ring in the store. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 823

You deserved it 15 762

Love

Another great day to be alive

Burn out

Scratch that itch

By foreveralone - 23/07/2013 09:51 - New Zealand - Torbay

Today, I was finally asked out on a date after a year of being single. Turns out he got the wrong number. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 902

You deserved it 3 528

Dumbass

By Ihatepol - 16/10/2021 08:03

Today, a lady asked for a refund for a taco kit because inside the box was just tortillas, seasoning and sauce. When I pointed out the text in small letters that she had to provide her own ingredients, she told my manager I disrespected her by making her feel stupid. I was written up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 082

You deserved it 59

By Anonymous - 16/02/2013 00:39 - Italy - Milan

Today, while at the store with my mom, we ran into the girl I recently confessed to being interested in. My mom decided to shout, "IS THAT HER?! IS THAT THE GIRL YOU LIKE?!" Embarrassed, I desperately told her to be quiet. She grounded me for being "rude" to her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 729

You deserved it 3 745

By owned - 24/01/2010 23:58 - United States

Today, while babysitting, the little boy explained to me why I was single, reasons such as 'unattractive' and 'not the girlfriend type'. I cried. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 376

You deserved it 4 410

Value

By Randy - 13/09/2011 02:15 - United States

Today, I got home from work to find my wife asleep in her easy chair with my two year old son asleep in a pile of torn-up paper. I soon found out it was my 1960s collection of a Superman comic book series that I inherited from my dad. It was worth well over $2,000. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 270

You deserved it 5 229

By dumbblonde - 13/07/2019 00:31

Today, I figured out that the roommate who I let move in with me on Sunday is probably a prostitute. I’m a lawyer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 647

You deserved it 377

By AidenFromSweden - 06/07/2009 18:41 - Sweden

Today, I come home to find my nephew holding pieces of my new $3,500 Sony Video Camera. He told me he threw it out the window because it was a portal for aliens. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 733

You deserved it 4 421

By Anonymous - 24/04/2015 16:27 - United States - San Jose

Today, I complimented a player in a game who protected my ass the whole match. As a joke, I told them to marry me. Turned out the person was a horny 40-something lesbian stalker who spent the next 5 hours sending me pictures and trying to find out where I live. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 225

You deserved it 6 232

Tracked

By bitch - 27/08/2020 08:02 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I noticed that on the calendar in my boyfriend’s apartment, for every week of the months when I have my period are coloured in red and over them, in block capitals, he has written 'BEWARE'. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 106

You deserved it 708

By Anonymous - 29/07/2019 12:00

Today, while I was sitting in the living room with my mother, my phone rang. She immediately exclaimed, "I'm not calling you! Why is it going off?" She was serious. My own mother doesn't believe people talk to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 691

You deserved it 166

By badmom - 25/02/2012 11:25 - Ireland

Today, my 18-year old son decided to run his hand over our wooden fence to try and get a splinter, as he "forgot what they felt like." Last month, he stabbed himself in the arm with a sewing needle because he "forgot what an injection feels like." I raised this idiot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 031

You deserved it 8 647

By junior07 - 31/05/2017 22:00

Today, I gave my niece a $100 bill instead of a $10 so she could buy ice cream. When I realized my mistake, she never returned it but thanked me and gave me a big hug. Now I don't have money for gas or food all week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 565

You deserved it 1 952

Mixup

By Anonymous - 06/11/2021 23:00

Today, I had to Doordash lunch, due to an important work meeting in another timezone running incredibly long. I was trying to play it cool but I was starving. Finally, I get the notification that the food had been dropped off. I looked at the picture: it was delivered to my house instead of my office. FML

I agree, your life sucks 894

You deserved it 370

By has-evil-friends - 26/11/2009 20:30 - United Kingdom

Today, I had six friends round for pizza. When I went to answer the door to the delivery, my friends turned off the lights and pretended they weren't there when I shouted for help carrying all the food. Not only does the cute delivery guy think I'm greedy, but also that I have imaginary friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 639

You deserved it 3 609

By Terry - 05/12/2018 17:30

Today, I opened the bathroom door and it broke my wife’s little toe. As revenge, she ruined the ending of Assassin's Creed that she had gotten me for Christmas. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 398

You deserved it 643

By Shower? - 19/10/2009 07:26 - France

Today, I was texting my boyfriend, making plans to see him tomorrow. He ended the conversation by saying "I'm changing my sheets tomorrow, so take a shower." FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 332

You deserved it 6 359

By Anonymous - 12/02/2015 20:14 - Canada - Ajax

Today, I discovered that my male coworker, who coincidentally shares my last name, has been telling everyone we're married. I'm 26; he's 58. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 985

You deserved it 2 347

By CutePenguin - 17/03/2012 22:26 - Canada

Today, I returned to my university residence following spring break. I was greeted by a letter stating I'd been caught on camera vandalising a wall repair. At the time in question, I was asleep on a cruise ship in the Caribbean. The REZ coordinator is avoiding me, and I can't clear my name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 661

You deserved it 2 045

By Anonymous - 06/05/2012 04:41 - Canada - Edmonton

Today, I went with my boyfriend to the optometrist for him to buy contact lenses for the first time. He said the detail was much better than glasses. I excitedly asked him if he could see my freckles better now, and after a long and disappointed look at my face, he said "Nope, just more acne." FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 552

You deserved it 3 752

By Anonymous - 28/05/2009 04:19 - United States

Today, I decided to give blood for the second time. I felt excrutiating pain when she stuck the needle in my arm. Another nurse came running over in a panic. Apparently my inexperienced nurse had put it in my tendon instead of my vein. FML

I agree, your life sucks 70 196

You deserved it 2 899

By Username - 04/04/2011 17:36 - United States

Today, my dad woke me up for the second time to get me ready for school. Wanting me to prove I was really awake, he made me sit up. As soon as he left my room, I dozed off and faceplanted my nightstand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 266

You deserved it 44 436

By Anonymous - 27/03/2013 00:10 - United States - Pittsfield

Today, a man attempted to sue my business for giving him food poisoning. I make soap. When I called the cops on him for disturbing the peace, I was told, "Maybe next time you'll put 'not edible' on your label." FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 425

You deserved it 3 733

Motivation

By Anonymous - 03/04/2021 11:00

Today, I had a job interview today after being unemployed for months. I left early but a stranger's giant SUV had me blocked in for over 2 hours. I called to explain the situation in the hope that I would be given another interview slot later in the week. I was told I clearly didn’t want the job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 109

You deserved it 193

By linked - 19/04/2019 20:00 - Canada - Edmonton

Today, I found out my boyfriend was cheating on me using LinkedIn, a platform people use to connect with potential employers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 347

You deserved it 155

By antwhite1987 - 08/05/2016 17:30 - United States - Chicago

Today, my 5 year-old daughter saw me getting ready to sit down in a fold-out camp chair, and told me, with a big smile on her face, "Daddy, you're too fat to sit in that chair. You'll break it with your big butt." Out of the mouths of babes, I guess. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 291

You deserved it 1 403

By Nick - 16/03/2009 05:08 - Canada

Today, I was talking to this hot girl I have dinner with every week. Lately she’s always telling me how she loves me and I do the same. Today she said: "The way we talk and act around each other, people would think we were dating." My answer was: "Aren't we?". FML

I agree, your life sucks 87 639

You deserved it 15 777

Narcolepsy? Boredom?

By jinnai - 27/03/2021 00:30

Today, I was fired for falling asleep at work. I’m still not sure how I fell asleep, seeing as I’m a stocker and I was actively putting cans on the shelf when it happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 896

You deserved it 80

By Anonymous - 16/12/2010 20:30 - United States

Today, I woke up to find that I'd left my clothes in my roommate's bedroom. After returning from a night of heavy drinking, I apparently got up to use the bathroom and used her room as a toilet. I don't remember this, but pee stains don't lie. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 304

You deserved it 30 241

By Sandra - 18/02/2009 14:15 - Ireland

Today, I got talking to a really hot guy at a party. He told me that he was only here because he heard the host would sleep with anyone, and he and his buddies had a bet going. It was my party. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 624

You deserved it 20 355

Useful information of the day

By billy - 27/04/2021 08:01

Today, I learned that "unskilled labor" does not mean people who are bad at their jobs. I’m 22. FML

I agree, your life sucks 245

You deserved it 882

By Cheapo - 27/12/2017 19:00

Today, I gave my friend a $5 VR set that I purchased from the dollar store for Christmas. I received a $60 gift card. Later, I realized I left the receipt in the package. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 428

You deserved it 6 091

Messy

By Danielle Heichelbech - 15/11/2020 20:01

Today my 28-year-old husband got bored while cleaning the car. So he decided to stage a "crumb sacrifice to the vacuum gods" to "ensure a bountiful harvest." FML

I agree, your life sucks 657

You deserved it 273

By FarisH - 31/05/2010 09:15 - Jordan

Today, I went to my orthodontist where I was informed that I'll going to the prom, to my brother's wedding, and maybe to university with braces in my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 037

You deserved it 9 456

It's just a prank, bro

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my coworkers glued pairs of different sized googly eyes all over my office equipment, seconds before an important client arrived. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 237

You deserved it 4 198

By Anonymous - 13/08/2013 16:51 - Canada - Galt

Today, my 16-year-old brother managed to convince my 22-year-old boyfriend that I breastfeed my pet parrot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 568

You deserved it 5 419

By Unemployed - 17/09/2015 07:14

Today, I found out that after three years of telling my boss our strategy wasn't going to work, that I was right - it didn't work. I also found out that because it didn't work, I lost my job. My boss still has his. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 696

You deserved it 1 575

By anonymous - 26/03/2015 03:43 - United States

Today, I slept through my alarm because it was drowned out by humming. My humming, in my sleep. Even my body is against me waking up on time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 854

You deserved it 2 907

By Anomaly - 03/03/2015 02:43 - United States - Trenton

Today, I saw a person in my class completing a project that was due two periods later and that they had just started in the bathroom. They got a better grade than me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 265

You deserved it 4 797

By Imgonnahaveabf - 05/01/2012 12:06 - United States

Today, my parents got a new dog. It attacks me every time I laugh. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 339

You deserved it 3 591

By Anonymous - 05/07/2016 19:46

Today, I got yelled at for not taking an order correctly at work. I've been washing dishes all day and haven't taken a single order. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 092

You deserved it 863

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Top comments

saIty 17

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Friday 29 July 2011 16:10

Quickly buy a ring pop to give her temporarily.

ColtsDoug18 0

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Friday 29 July 2011 16:17

Quick! Grab an onion ring!

jadengtfo 0

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Friday 29 July 2011 16:07

oops :/ play it out somehow?

dolphincheddar 10

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Friday 29 July 2011 16:29

awkward turtle

honeysuckel 0

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Friday 29 July 2011 16:32

this would make a funny Twix commercial! :D

krazy_glu3 0

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Friday 29 July 2011 16:57

jump up and say 'GOTCHA!'. play it off and try again later haha

ilikeapplejuice 7

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Friday 29 July 2011 17:24

Or one of those State Farm commercials

enonymous 8

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Friday 29 July 2011 18:18

( gets on one knee ) Baby I've been waiting a long time to ask you this. Will you... pass the egg rolls.

JoeTheMan12 0

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Saturday 30 July 2011 1:09

Op- I got something to ask you? Girlfriend- what is it Op-(gets on his knees) will you marry me! Girlfriend- there is no ring inside the box...? Op- ( plays along) there is, you just got to believe it Girlfriend- oh... ok then YES!

zekecastro 0

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Saturday 30 July 2011 1:41

if it's a restaurant, get her an onion ring(:

PrimeStarscream 30

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Saturday 30 July 2011 1:48

Roflmao

PVVND 6

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Saturday 30 July 2011 5:47

thats going to be kinds hard

Po1ntBlank 0

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Saturday 30 July 2011 14:58

today my boyfriend proposed to me. he forgot the ring so he tried to grab an onion ring. FML

atthegates 0

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Saturday 30 July 2011 18:13

you need to do a self checklist before something as big as a proposal. try this, ring...check, girlfriend...check. now youre done. YDI

Crea8urWorld 5

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Friday 29 July 2011 16:10

April Fools in July!

genesisnirvana 11

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Friday 29 July 2011 17:22

He should have had a v8

firefail1031 0

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Friday 29 July 2011 18:18

need a moment?.... grab a twix

Jammy01jams 2

Saturday 30 July 2011 1:59

April Foo- aww fuck its July. My face goddamnit!

lolololer 8

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Saturday 30 July 2011 7:08

like a good neighbor state farm is there!.... with the ring :)

smellymellyy 7

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Sunday 31 July 2011 3:27

annoying little raywilliamjohnson fanboy. get out his arse already

smartypants96 3

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Friday 29 July 2011 16:10

haha it will b a great story to tell the kids!

TheChampagneBoi 5

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Saturday 30 July 2011 4:02

and the grandkids

iPoopMusic 0

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Saturday 30 July 2011 9:16

Unless she said no.

reallytho3 11

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Saturday 30 July 2011 16:33

or she kicks him in the nuts...

saIty 17

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Friday 29 July 2011 16:10

Quickly buy a ring pop to give her temporarily.

lolasains 7

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Friday 29 July 2011 16:10

Next time try to think it through

CADMAN82 1

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Friday 29 July 2011 18:57

his mind was most likely racing from nervousness and excitement.

natalieeeeee 0

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Friday 29 July 2011 16:11

that sucks ass. I'm sure your girlfriend will understand. just do something extra nice for her.

MrFlintstone 5

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Friday 29 July 2011 16:11

hey a story to tell the grandkids

airforce987 20

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Friday 29 July 2011 16:12

tell her that you couldn't decide what to pick, so she can get whatever she wants. then secretly return the real ring at the store.

SadinSherman 16

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Friday 29 July 2011 17:08

That's very clever

MerrikBarbarian 9

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Saturday 30 July 2011 8:49

most stores have a no return policy on engagement and wedding rings, just as an FYI.

Ugi 26

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Thursday 4 August 2011 12:02

I had mine on sale-or-return when I proposed. Thankfully it didn't need returning. The shop gave the impression that it was normal to accept return of engagement rings.