Intimacy: Talk sexy to me

Talk sexy to me

By fed up/turned off - 02/10/2013 05:47 - United States - Fresno

Today, I tried turning on my boyfriend by sending him naughty pictures and texts, describing in detail all the things I was going to do to him when we have the house to ourselves this weekend. He responded by quoting that crappy movie 'The Room', saying, "Oh hi doggie!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 566

You deserved it 6 798

When Christmas Ends Badly…
Rather than debating politics with Uncle Roger for the umpteenth time, share the best Christmas FMLs to finally have a good family meal! More…

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Same thing different taste

It's the thought that counts

By come on man - 29/11/2014 17:03 - United States - Sunnyvale

Today, I sent my boyfriend a dirty picture to turn him on. He texted back: "Jfc, why wud u tease me like that?? Srsly fuck off". FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 503

You deserved it 7 445

By McKenna - 16/07/2011 04:10 - United States

Today, I was sending my boyfriend dirty texts to try and turn him on so when I see him the next day he will want to get intimate. Twenty minutes later he texts back, "ew stop." FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 378

You deserved it 17 915

By giantcuntflaps - 13/12/2014 16:03 - Australia

Today, I was trying to turn my boyfriend on with dirty texts. When he said "I'm horny," I teasingly replied, "Whoops, did I do that?" His reply? "Huh? Naw i'm watching sum porn". FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 530

You deserved it 6 871

Dirty room

By love you too honey boo - 13/01/2020 05:00

Today, I sent a scantily clad pic to my boyfriend, to which he responded "Nice, but please clean your room". FML

I agree, your life sucks 945

You deserved it 2 307

By sarajj - 29/03/2013 21:36 - United States - Littleton

Today, I felt frisky, so I went over to my boyfriend's place, hoping to have some fun. I brought over a movie, and part-way through it, I started feeling him up. He responded by sighing, "That's really fucking annoying, babe. Cut it out, yeah?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 689

You deserved it 9 297

Blaze it 420

By Anonymous - 03/06/2014 09:46 - United Kingdom - Preston

Today, I sent my boyfriend a picture of my tits. He ignored it and instead sent a picture of his dog "looking blazed". FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 266

You deserved it 17 690

By -___- - 29/09/2013 19:46 - United States - Winfield

Today, I sent my boyfriend a text asking him to come over a little later and have some "fun" with me. He texted back, "WTF babe? Breaking Bad's on tonight. You got a dildo, fucking use it." FML

I agree, your life sucks 68 783

You deserved it 27 696

What ARE you doing?

By jentea - 05/09/2010 02:22 - Canada

Today, I was at my boyfriend's house waiting for him to get out of the shower. Bored, I sent my friend a picture of myself pretending to make out with his bear rug. After the photo shoot, I looked in the doorway to find his dad staring at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 359

You deserved it 34 949

By Anonymous - 09/01/2014 17:59 - United States - Imperial

Today, my fiancé texted me, saying he'd been masturbating to pictures of me. I told him that I couldn't wait to get home and take care of him. He replied, "Nah, don't bother, I got this." Now I'm horny and sad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 092

You deserved it 7 768

Remote sex

By Anonymous - 05/02/2020 05:00 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, I thought it would be fun to have a sex session with my boyfriend. I sent him a suggestive message, and 30 minutes later he texted me back to let me know he was done. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 380

You deserved it 355

Pwn17 25

Wednesday 2 October 2013 12:02

You're tearing him apart, Lisa!

ischneid101 4

Wednesday 2 October 2013 12:03

"Oh hi mark!"

Comments

dmmrekcd 10

Wednesday 2 October 2013 12:02

Fun..,

SimplyBird 9

Wednesday 2 October 2013 19:59

#1 that was probably the best and most creative first comment I have ever read. *slow clap*

Pwn17 25

Wednesday 2 October 2013 12:02

You're tearing him apart, Lisa!

jw90 18

Wednesday 2 October 2013 12:11

Haha I haven't seen that movie in forever. But I'm sorry he's not responding that well to your attempts OP. Maybe Breaking Bad is too important to him.

OnlyAvailableID 28

Wednesday 2 October 2013 12:21

I don't understand. I did naht hit her, I did naht. Oh hi Mark!

SomeRandomGuy15 18

Wednesday 2 October 2013 13:19

4- That's me!

Cocoapelli 23

Wednesday 2 October 2013 16:15

Maybe if you throw a football around as you walk between scenes you'll get his attention? But don't try and do it sexily - aim more for pointlessly.

annie_nk 22

Wednesday 2 October 2013 21:30

9 - Perfect portrayal of Wiseau's accent, which I believe is still unique to him lol.

ischneid101 4

Wednesday 2 October 2013 12:03

"Oh hi mark!"

joawmeens 7

Wednesday 2 October 2013 12:24

"Oh hey Denny!"

ischneid101 4

Wednesday 2 October 2013 12:25

Denny's a creepy bastard...

mFUNdo21 17

Wednesday 2 October 2013 16:27

these FML boyfriends are super trolls xD

julianna5782 12

Wednesday 21 September 2016 2:07

we're talking about aids, we're talking about lesions!

Ms_ValS 27

Wednesday 2 October 2013 12:09

Some guys really have a way of saying stupid things...

ItsAUnicorn 27

Wednesday 2 October 2013 12:12

I guess he wasn't as into it as you thought he was..

pistachiopanda 19

Wednesday 2 October 2013 12:15

I suggest more cleavage in the future. 60 percent of the time, it works every time.

nnnope 26

Wednesday 2 October 2013 14:27

I'm not gonna lie, that smells like pure gasoline.

joawmeens 7

Wednesday 2 October 2013 12:21

HEY!! It's not a "crappy" movie... It's the WORST MOVIE!! And it is AMAZING!! Do you understand life? YOU'RE TEARING ME APART LISA!! You're my favorite customer!