Miscellaneous: Today, I went to see a hockey game. The announcer asked if anybody... - FML

By anon - Canada - Vaudreuil

Today, I went to see a hockey game. The announcer asked if anybody found a ring in the stands, because a girl lost hers. While he talked about it, I realised that I forgot mine in my pocket, so I took MY ring and put it on my finger. A guy saw me and thought I stole the lost one. FML

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For the life of him indeed

By screwed - United States

Today, I was rejected for an internship due to 'lack of experience.' I have both an MA and a BA from a highly prestigious school and years of work experience. My would-be superior: a 24 year old without a graduate degree and only one year of work experience. She wore jeans to the interview. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Wrightsville

Today, I took my kids to an Easter party hosted by a local church. The nice lady in charge told the kids, "Jesus died, but He rose to life again!" My 9 year old screamed, "LIKE A ZOMBIE!" FML

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By flymetothemoon

Mother knows best...

Today, I finally figured out what I want to do for the rest of my life. Too bad my tattoos will prevent me from ever getting hired. Guess you were right, Mom. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I noticed a man in my neighborhood waving at me. I don't talk to him often so I excitedly waved back. Turns out he was trying to warn me of the car about to hit me. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I found out my boyfriend was going to propose. He'd bought me a beautiful white gold ring that I never got to see. His estranged mom stole the ring. FML

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By cheated - Australia

Today, I found out my ex boyfriend who recently cheated on me and broke up with me for another girl, has herpes. Guess how I found out? FML

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By hail science

Scammer

Today, I found out that my mother, who's been against me seeking treatment for my cancer, has been going to different churches and charities to get donations for her "poor ailing daughter." I've not seen a dime of this money, and my mom just tells me to pray my cancer away. FML

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By aquagoddess

Today, I used the last of my money to buy a bag of vending machine chips for dinner. It got stuck. A passerby saw and generously offered to buy another bag of the same chips to dislodge it. Gratefully, I accepted his offer. It stayed stuck. FML

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By Will - United States

Today, my roommate drew a giant red penis and scrotum on our refrigerator, using what he thought was a dry erase marker. It was a permanent marker. I just renewed my lease. I get to look at a red penis every day for the next year and a half. FML

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By NaCl - United States - Duluth

Today, my mother-in-law came over for dinner. She decided to salt the food I was preparing without even tasting it first, then complained at dinner that I'd used too much salt. She then lectured me on the proper seasoning of food for the rest of the evening. FML

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By Antonin - 13/11/2020 05:03 - Switzerland

We meet again

Today, I missed my bus to school, so I took my bike. The bus that I missed ignored a stop sign on its way back, making me crash into it. FML

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By drinkdrankdrunk - Canada - Edmonton

Today, I woke up from a night of heavy drinking to find my girlfriend dumped me. Apparently I drunk-called her last night and told her that someone as beautiful as her could be with someone way better than me. She agreed. FML

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By meow - United States

Today, I put a picture of my cat on Facebook. A stranger sent me a message saying how "attractive" she was and that her eyes are "very seductive". So, basically, someone is trying to hit on my cat. FML

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By James - United Kingdom - Cirencester

Lost

Today, I was having a good time drinking with a few friends. Next thing I know, I'm walking down an unknown street, with just one shoe, no wallet and no phone. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Hull

Today, my brother started ranting about how fluoridated water is a conspiracy to "turn people gay". I said the government must be doing a shit job of it, since he's been drinking the stuff longer than I've been alive and is still married to a woman. He punched me so hard, my vision blacked out. FML

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By Ignatius - United States

Today, was teacher appreciation day at my school. They played a slideshow of all the teachers. The students cheered wildly for every teacher. When my picture came up, nobody clapped. The whole room was quiet. FML

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By egged - Singapore - Singapore

Today, I had this really high fever and my sister decides I'm hot enough to fry an egg on. So I'm lying in bed now, still terribly feverish but smelling of the egg she cracked on my back. FML

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By

Love sex

Today, I flew home to Germany to see my wife before I'm deployed, only to find her in bed with another guy. She explained that she wants us to stay together, but she can't take a year without being intimate with someone. FML

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By Thank God I Flush Them Down The Toilet - United States - San Francisco

Today, I walked into my room and watched as my fanatically religious mother sniffed the used tissues in my trash bin to make sure I wasn't masturbating. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I drove three and a half hours to surprise my long distance boyfriend for our anniversary. He was out of town. Where was he? Three and a half hours away trying to surprise me. FML

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By oliviakelly25 - United States

Today, three months after finally ending a long relationship with the love of my life because he was cheating on me, we are now seeing each other again. And cheating on our new significant others with each other. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, my boyfriend and I had a lovely dinner date. Our waitress was really sweet, so we talked about leaving her a big tip. When we got home, we discovered we both thought the other person had left it. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Eastbourne

Today, I went to a big job interview. Everything went well at first, with the interviewer being impressed by my CV. I was then interrogated over not having a Facebook account, and practically accused of being a criminal, because people without them "always have something to hide". FML

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By ouch

Scratch that

Today, after 4 days of using anti-itch cream for what pharmacists and nurses have called “an allergic reaction”, I was diagnosed with shingles. FML

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By M3DO

Today, I got called for a job that I applied to 2 months ago, just to ask me if I had an older brother that could work for them. FML

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By wounded pride, intact cock - United States

Today, my wife wanted me to take her to a new restaurant in town. When I looked it up and saw their prices, I almost had a heart attack. When I said it was too expensive, she snapped "Maybe you'd like to look up 'Lorena Bobbitt' next?!" We went to the restaurant. FML

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By shahman14

Today, I started working at an extremely prestigious bank. In the first five minutes of being there, the boss had me do his laundry at a Laundromat, and when I actually tried to work, he kept showing me some magic tricks. Later on, he fired me for HIS mistake of giving an extra $400 to a customer. FML

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By AlexaSt2611 - Paraguay

Today, I was enjoying a nice shower in the morning. While I was massaging the shampoo out of my hair, I saw the gardener walking past my bathroom window, yelling "Good morning" and waving in my direction. My left boob politely waved back at him. FML

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By akosirm - Philippines

Today, I was going to a big concert at my university. I paid around a hundred twenty bucks for my ticket. Outside the venue, people were handing out the tickets. For free. FML

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By Scammed - Mexico - Mexicali

Today, a week after spending most of my paycheck on a down-payment and rent on a new apartment, I found out the "landlord" I paid was a scammer. Turns out the real owner was away on vacation, and he'd stolen most of her stuff before showing me the place. FML

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By Anonymous - 28/1/2021 18:03 - Singapore - Singapore

Going swimmingly

Today, I was excited to go to swim after a long time of not doing so because of Covid restrictions. After changing into my trunks and putting my goggles on, I jumped into the pool straight away, while still wearing my mask. FML

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By problems - Thailand - Phuket

Today, on my holiday in Thailand I was using the ATM to withdraw $500 worth of Baht. While doing this the ATM crashed and decided to restart. After 5 minutes it spat my card out and nothing else. When I returned to the hotel to use the Wifi, the ATM had deducted the money from my account. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Colorado Springs

Today, I was trying on a shirt and asked my boyfriend if he liked it. He replied, "If I say no, can we still have sex tonight?" FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I put on a lacy dress with nothing underneath and walked nonchalantly into the living room. My husband took one look at me, let out a heavy sigh and said "right now?" FML

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By djangle - United States

Today, my marriage counselor told me I have the communication skills of a Lou Gehrig's patient. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I went to a haunted hayride with my crush and friends. I got scared and screamed so he put his arm around me and hugged me. I took this as a good sign and leaned in. Turns out his friend was handing him something and he wasn't putting his arm around me. FML

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By e - United States

Today, I couldn't find my key so I sat against the wall to wait for my roommate to get home. I fell asleep. When I woke up a few hours later, I could hear her inside. She chose not to wake me up and let me in. FML

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By MeepMeep

Meep Meep

Today, I had to do a Google Image search to prove to my 32-year-old husband that road runners are real animals, and not just made up for Looney Toons. FML

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By Jota

Today, I was doing a job interview on Skype when my roommate decided to reboot the wireless router because "the internet was too slow". The interviewer didn't bother calling again. FML

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By anonymous - Australia - Tennyson

Today, I was with my boyfriend. He got up, shut the blinds and turned around to say, "I don't usually shut the blinds, but no one can see this." Assuming we were going to have sex, I took my pants off. He asked me what I was doing, then sat down to eat an entire tub of ice cream. FML

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Top comments

By CheekyRaccoon | 27

#6591151 - Thursday 28 April 2016 11:25

My precious, you no take my precious!

By Jailermom | 8

#6591210 - Thursday 28 April 2016 13:27

Women/Men will take their rings off to wash their hands and put their ring in their pocket so they don't leave it on the sink. At least that is why I'd have mine in my pocket.

COMMENTS

By Atomic_Mushroom | 14

#6591140 - Thursday 28 April 2016 10:41

I thought Canadians were nice?

Reply

Delta_0DST | 12

#6591325 - Thursday 28 April 2016 16:27

Yeah we're nice. Less so at hockey games though.

Reply

taywuhsaurusrex | 19

#6591419 - Thursday 28 April 2016 17:56

Hockey games are serious business. They're the only place I've ever met an asshole Canadian.

Reply

ImagineCrazy | 27

#6594356 - Monday 2 May 2016 1:10

You haven't met my landlord

By FunnnyGirrl | 19

#6591145 - Thursday 28 April 2016 11:02

I could just imagine how sus that would've seem like Hahahaah

Reply

Kitouran | 30

#6591352 - Thursday 28 April 2016 16:51

Your username is a lie.

By BrownEyedGrrrl | 4

#6591147 - Thursday 28 April 2016 11:08

Was it your wedding ring? Just curious...because why was your wedding ring in your pocket in the first place?

Reply

Jailermom | 8

#6591210 - Thursday 28 April 2016 13:27

Women/Men will take their rings off to wash their hands and put their ring in their pocket so they don't leave it on the sink. At least that is why I'd have mine in my pocket.

Reply

BrownEyedGrrrl | 4

#6591302 - Thursday 28 April 2016 15:51

Oh ok..That makes sense :)

By CheekyRaccoon | 27

#6591151 - Thursday 28 April 2016 11:25

My precious, you no take my precious!

Reply

SecundusSecunda | 27

#6591304 - Thursday 28 April 2016 15:52

CAST IT INTO THE FIRE!

By moodyreallyrocks | 27

#6591155 - Thursday 28 April 2016 11:38

Hope you explained to everyone

By ssnow_fml | 20

#6591172 - Thursday 28 April 2016 12:16

Sounds like a fun thing to explain to everyone around

By heirofhope | 38

#6591174 - Thursday 28 April 2016 12:18

If you had to explain yourself, hopefully the girl who lost her ring was truthful and said that no, that ring was indeed yours. If not, that's when you just walk out, or walk away. I would never let someone take something that's ACTUALLY mine. I hope it cleared up quick.

By RubeusSwagrid | 11

#6591188 - Thursday 28 April 2016 12:45

What has OP got in its pocketses?

By Nickimariek | 20

#6591217 - Thursday 28 April 2016 14:03

Canadians :')

By norpedo | 16

#6591270 - Thursday 28 April 2016 15:04

I feel like you should've expected someone to question that. Maybe you should've waited until they found the ring instead of taking your own one out.