Miscellaneous: Today, I went to a concert. Being 6'5" was a great advantage... - FML

07/12/2011 01:01 - Iran Islamic Republic of

Today, I went to a concert. Being 6'5" was a great advantage because I could see the stage from wherever I was stood. On the downside, I was used by people as a meeting point. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 304

You deserved it 4 051

Taking stock

Mama's boy

First Dates

28/01/2019 15:00 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, my little sister thought I was making up I’m lactose intolerant, so she swapped my dairy-free milk with regular milk. I’m writing this from the toilet and I’ve been here for at least 20 minutes, with cramps and diarrhoea. She’s also complaining about the foul smell coming from the toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 737

You deserved it 159

29/01/2013 09:48 - India - Mumbai

Today, I saw a lady who had fainted. I ran over to help, only to find out that she was unstable and had a knife in her hand. She was pointing it at me, and growled threateningly every time I tried to move away. It took the cops an hour to defuse the situation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 563

You deserved it 2 766

Dude walked into a porno…

By Anonymous - 08/08/2021 17:59

Spicy

Today, I got home from a business trip and found my wife in bed with my sister. She tried to claim they had just had a girls' night and fell asleep watching a movie, even though when I caught them, they were naked, wet and my wife’s head was buried in my sister's crotch. Movie night, sure. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 447

You deserved it 113

25/08/2009 16:04 - United Kingdom

Today, my mother was cleaning out my underwear drawer and found my vibrator. Everytime I see her in the hall, she just cracks up and makes jokes about how I can't get a guy, so I have to rely on electronics. What's worse, she told my dad AND posted a status on facebook about it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 71 523

You deserved it 10 377

29/12/2015 17:29 - United States - Charleston

Today, I woke up to several dead snails and worms all over my bed. I guess that's what my little sister meant yesterday when she said I'd be sorry for not letting her play on my phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 307

You deserved it 2 187

02/05/2012 15:46 - United States

Spicy

Today, my husband informed me that he has been purposely finishing before me in bed as a form of punishment for beating him at Mario Kart. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 702

You deserved it 6 817

12/03/2013 22:43 - United Kingdom

Today, I was helping my father-in-law out at a family barbecue. Somehow, the topic turned to grand-children, at which point I confessed that my wife has been having trouble conceiving. His response was to boom: "Sure you've been putting it in the right hole, son?!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 853

You deserved it 5 001

18/03/2010 07:05 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were play-wrestling on the couch. I got thirsty, so I got up and grabbed a metal water bottle and drank out of it. He tried to playfully touch it and spill water on me, but instead hit it hard enough to where it slammed my mouth, chipped my tooth, and cut open my lip. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 828

You deserved it 4 235

31/01/2011 05:47

Today, I was attacked by my dad because I got my hair dyed and he thought I was a robber. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 224

You deserved it 7 883

22/04/2014 03:00 - United States

Spicy

Today, after years of marriage and my lazy husband letting himself go, I can now finish a bottle of wine and still be sober. This means I've built immunity to the last thing that can make me want to have sex with him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 213

You deserved it 15 462

12/06/2012 16:38 - United States - North Las Vegas

Today, I started my new job as a repossession agent. While attempting to repo a boat, we came across a young couple. The woman was very annoying, and even hit another agent, so I threatened to throw her in the water if she touched him again. I ended up in the water instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 401

You deserved it 14 489

30/11/2016 10:48

Today, I finally went to the doctor for a condition I've had all my life. Turns out it was easily cured with a simple pill. I peed in my pants everyday for 27 years for nothing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 137

You deserved it 5 744

Honesty

By bridezilla - 31/12/2014 07:47 - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, I was trying on wedding dresses with my future sister-in-law who is a little bigger than me. We tried on a similar dress and she said it looked better on me because I'm skinny. Instead of saying, 'No way' or 'It looks great on you', I accidentally said 'Yeah, I know'. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 418

You deserved it 35 203

24/10/2010 19:29 - United States

Today, I was at work, when I got bored and started spinning around in my chair for a little fun. As I was spinning, I went to grab my phone. I missed and sent my phone flying, hitting my coworker in the face. My boss witnessed the whole thing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 011

You deserved it 37 587

19/11/2012 06:21 - United States - Scottsdale

Today, I had my wisdom teeth taken out. I vaguely remember telling the doctor that I'm a virgin. Several times. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 859

You deserved it 2 938

31/05/2009 12:03 - United States

Today, while shopping in the FML store I bought the "Retro Sport Tee," I didn't notice you are supposed to put your own "FML" on the shirt. Mine says "Today, Your Text Here. FML." FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 145

You deserved it 81 060

05/12/2012 10:52 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, my pregnant girlfriend gave me back the ring I'd used to propose with a week ago. Her reason? She only said yes because she was worried the real father of the baby wasn't going to stick around. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 868

You deserved it 2 859

Backwards

By twilight zone - 09/09/2020 17:02 - United States

Today, I was actually criticized for giving my kids scientific answers to their questions, instead of dumb downed fairytales. Gotta love the public school system, right? FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 410

You deserved it 118

30/03/2014 16:50 - United States

Today, I broke up with my psycho girlfriend of one month. She actually expected me to let her keep the vintage car that I've been rebuilding for the past two years, and when I refused, she threatened to burn my garage down with us still in it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 924

You deserved it 4 331

05/03/2010 06:10 - United States

Today, my 18 year old daughter comes home telling me she has been fired from her job at McDonalds. The reason? They had ICarly happy meal toys and she couldn't resist stealing one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 528

You deserved it 5 379

18/11/2012 12:13 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, after I spent two hours trying to teach my girlfriend to play sudoku, she broke up with me, tearfully claiming that I'd made up a fake, imaginary game to make her feel stupid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 676

You deserved it 3 661

29/08/2016 10:19 - United States - Kill Devil Hills

Today, I made a point of talking to our parachute riggers, and thanking them for all they do. Today is also the first day I had to pull my reserve chute because my main chute didn't open correctly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 100

You deserved it 1 018

22/01/2013 08:09 - United States - Huntington Beach

Today, my mother burst into tears and hysterics when she found out my fiancée and I were not "pure" for our upcoming wedding. I'm 28, she's 27, and we've lived together for four years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 636

You deserved it 5 016

02/03/2009 13:38 - United States

Today, the fitting room of the store I worked in smelled really bad. The customers started to complain and since I was on fitting room duty I went to go investigate. A middle aged woman pooped on the floor and then put the chair on top to cover it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 109 456

You deserved it 4 975

Running late

By Anonymous - 02/09/2020 23:01

Today, my in-laws missed a special event for my newborn child because they were running an hour late. They always run late and always think its funny. After 15 years, it's just not funny anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 573

You deserved it 189

25/07/2010 23:21 - Canada

Today, my boyfriend came over while I was babysitting my little brother. He wouldn't stay in bed, so my boyfriend told him,"If you don't stay in bed, the monster will eat you!" I now have to wash my brother's bedsheets, because he was too afraid to get up and go pee. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 610

You deserved it 10 789

07/10/2009 02:07 - United States

Today, I was walking my dog when, as usual, he did his business in the grass and stepped off to the side. I squatted and reached for the bag when my dog spotted another canine. He lunged forward in excitement and I landed face forward in the feces. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 734

You deserved it 4 088

01/06/2014 04:13 - United States

Today, at work, a lady approached me asking if I'd found a used cloth diaper on a table, and I told her it was probably in the trash. She said "That's okay, I can wash it." So I searched through several bags of trash, and when I couldn't find it, she said "Oh never mind! It's in my bag." FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 491

You deserved it 4 576

27/03/2009 14:13 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was going down on my girlfriend when I noticed a hickey near her hip. I said, "wow, last night was crazy, I don't even remember doing that!". Without even interrupting the action, she simply said, "You didn't". FML

I agree, your life sucks 102 582

You deserved it 6 758

Tasty

By Anonymous - 17/08/2021 06:01

Today, we all know the expression “Salt in your wounds” and it sounds rather unpleasant, right? Well, I just managed to breathe in while biting into an egg, so trust me, salt in your lungs isn’t great, either. FML

I agree, your life sucks 636

You deserved it 151

25/04/2010 10:00 - Australia

Spicy

Today, I was expecting a call from my friend. The phone rang and I answered with "WANK!!" as a joke. It wasn't my friend on the phone, it was my boss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 687

You deserved it 44 395

Student becomes the master

By Anonymous - 06/06/2021 09:58 - United States - Steele

Today, my son's "favorite" teacher went on a tirade criticizing my "awful" parenting. About two months ago, my son got her fired after he reported her to the principal for forcing him to miss out on lunch to finish a project. Apparently, that wasn't the first time she did something like that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 858

You deserved it 88

18/09/2015 14:43 - United States - New York

Today, I sneezed while my ID photo was being taken. I look like a total moron in it. The photographer refused to retake the photo because I "clearly" faked the sneeze just to be funny. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 977

You deserved it 1 780

20/01/2017 09:25

Today, I finally received my new computer in the mail. I was so excited, I kissed the box. The truck driver definitely noticed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 995

You deserved it 2 186

26/06/2012 17:13 - United States - Newport News

Spicy

Today, I discovered my children had found my vibrator and buried it in the cat's litter box. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 376

You deserved it 12 693

26/07/2013 00:51 - Canada - High River

Today, my eldest daughter has 'officially' removed herself from our family and will no longer communicate with any of us. Apparently it's my fault that her younger sister is having a baby before her, and she can't be part of a family that 'treats her so unfairly'. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 184

You deserved it 4 112

Heimlich

By Macdaddy - 05/12/2008 12:49 - France

Today, I attended my first meeting with my bosses. For lunch we went to a restaurant. I choked on a piece of meat and couldn't breathe anymore. I had to take that piece of meat out of my throat with my fingers, and then put it back on my plate all chewed up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 962

You deserved it 3 442

26/02/2013 20:26 - United States - Fort Smith

Today, I was trying to be sexy and change in front of my boyfriend. As I was changing, he started to talk to me about how we should both try and lose weight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 996

You deserved it 7 945

22/11/2012 05:44 - United States - Albuquerque

Today, I was so bored with my job at McDonald's that I actually hoped someone would come in and make a huge mess for me to clean. No one did. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 336

You deserved it 4 100

Distant love

By jadalaheart - 28/12/2019 03:00 - United States - Citrus Heights

Today, for the first time in more than two years, a guy asked me out. Too bad he lives halfway around the world. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 714

You deserved it 181

Add a comment - Reply to : #

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

Send a private message

Wednesday 7 December 2011 8:57

Not really that bad, just run around so people get lost.

Send a private message

Wednesday 7 December 2011 8:53

I'd hate to be the one standing behind you!

Comments

Send a private message

Wednesday 7 December 2011 8:53

I'd hate to be the one standing behind you!

Send a private message

Wednesday 7 December 2011 9:05

Ikr! Eff THEIR life

Send a private message

Wednesday 7 December 2011 9:12

I agree and also ... Nice cat

Send a private message

Wednesday 7 December 2011 9:26

Fucking tall people! Lol! My first pit area concert was Mötley Crüe. I hated it because I couldn't see. I'm tiny and was only able to see Tommy on drums because he was higher up on stage. :P Side note: Red Hot Chili Peppers are touring!!!

Send a private message

Wednesday 7 December 2011 10:35

OP that's when you just start whaling on people

Send a private message

Wednesday 7 December 2011 12:21

No, EFF YOUR LIVES for being short. Sucks to be you, haha. Being 6'3 is great.

ColdplaySucks 18

Send a private message

Wednesday 7 December 2011 14:24

"Meet me up at that really tall dude back on the top left." "Oh I see him. I'll be there in a couple minutes."

Send a private message

Thursday 8 December 2011 5:58

i recently saw avenged sevenfold live! i can die happy now! :D

Send a private message

Thursday 8 December 2011 21:26

I just watched Justin bieber live! I can die hap.... Forget what I said. *walks away quietly*

Send a private message

Wednesday 7 December 2011 8:57

Not really that bad, just run around so people get lost.

Send a private message

Wednesday 7 December 2011 10:35

Sorry to burst your bubble but no matter where op runs he will still be like a sore thumb sticking out. People who arrange to meet next to him will just close in on him like homing missiles even while he is moving. Besides it's tiring to run around like a madman for the entire duration of the concert. Just saying.

Send a private message

Thursday 8 December 2011 7:27

unless he ducks just to be an ass haha that's awesome this FML and the comment made me literally lol has has been awhile since I have!

Send a private message

Thursday 8 December 2011 8:52

Lol love your twisted mind

live4tomorrow 7

Send a private message

Monday 9 January 2012 1:49

LOL. You, my friend, are amazing. Aahahaha

Send a private message

Wednesday 7 December 2011 8:57

well that is just messed on every level, but at least you did your good deed for the day

OMGIFOUNDWALDO 6

Send a private message

Wednesday 7 December 2011 9:48

Agreed! being tall is sooo messed up...

lifesucks1234567_fml 2

Send a private message

Wednesday 7 December 2011 16:39

Us tall people have more things to step on like some shorties

Send a private message

Thursday 8 December 2011 4:33

I'm 6'4 Got a problem?

OMGIFOUNDWALDO 6

Send a private message

Thursday 8 December 2011 19:08

I was being sarcastical, and 6'1 isn't that tall mister I-try-to-look-tough-on-the-internet

Send a private message

Wednesday 7 December 2011 8:58

"Eff my life cause I was able to help other people find each other"...

Send a private message

Wednesday 7 December 2011 9:13

Dam f your life, stop being so helpful

Send a private message

Wednesday 7 December 2011 21:53

4 eff you

Send a private message

Wednesday 7 December 2011 22:36

WTF did I ever do to you 71?

maz255 10

Send a private message

Thursday 8 December 2011 8:24

Im tired of this mother effin' snakes on this mother effin' plane!

bobchickenfart 5

Send a private message

Wednesday 8 February 2012 16:16

thats probably not what he ment to say though. he just doesnt like the fact that he is so damn tall, people use him as a meeting point.

Send a private message

Wednesday 7 December 2011 8:59

You should of started charging for your services.

Send a private message

Wednesday 7 December 2011 8:59

What concert? I went to Mumford and Sons

maz255 10

Send a private message

Wednesday 7 December 2011 9:01

Mumford and sons go to Iran?

Send a private message

Wednesday 7 December 2011 10:15

YOU ARE A HATEFUL FOOL

Send a private message

Thursday 8 December 2011 1:09

You're so badass

chickenwalrus 14

Send a private message

Thursday 8 December 2011 5:26

6 just because you went to a concert doesnt make it at all likely that you went to the same concert. especially if you're talking mumford & sons

dirtyfivethirty 0

Send a private message

Wednesday 7 December 2011 9:02

My boyfriend is six four and I can always find him, it's great.

drawmesunshine 17

Send a private message

Wednesday 7 December 2011 14:48

Lucky. I'm 5'2 and my boyfriend is 5'1. We have to stick together in crowded places. Or use tall people as meeting points. Sorry, OP.

Arch27 27

Send a private message

Wednesday 7 December 2011 16:06

You're dating Tom Cruise? Does Katie Holmes know?

Send a private message

Wednesday 7 December 2011 9:03

On the bright side you don't have to do anything to get noticed :)

onlychildFTW 33

Send a private message

Wednesday 7 December 2011 9:05

Being a meeting point for people means you could get good karma for helping people.

Send a private message

Wednesday 7 December 2011 9:08

And here ladies and gentlemen, is the eighth wonder of the world..

toxicpinkcandy 10

Send a private message

Wednesday 7 December 2011 9:43

Aahaha

Nearly

Today, I just had the best sex in all my life. After that, my ex-girlfriend dumped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53

You deserved it 6

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 115

You deserved it 8

Spicy

Spicy

Today, for the first time I had to lie to the man I intend to marry, because I had a very intense and hot dream about Leslie Nielsen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66

You deserved it 19

Today, my boyfriend came out as a polyamorous, and then immediately asked me if he could date another guy I thought was my friend. I’m such a pushover, I said yes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 134

You deserved it 441