Today, I went to see John Mayer. Being 6'2", I didn't think there...

By edot - 16/1/2010 03:30 - United Kingdom

Today, I went to see John Mayer. Being 6'2", I didn't think there would be any trouble seeing the stage, until three 6'6" men stood directly in front of me, pissed in a cup and managed to spill it over me. FML

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Miscellaneous

Instadrama

Or he's just becoming an old goober

Business savvy

By Bummed - 12/6/2016 19:44

Today, I found out that after interviewing for two jobs at great companies, I was neck and neck with one other person for each position. They both offered the job to the other person. FML

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By Varnpike - 18/12/2018 03:00

Today, I was messaging memes back and forth with one of my female coworkers and I accidentally sent a junk pic. FML

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By the dead never die - 9/7/2019 22:00

Today, after over a dozen separate blood tests, my doctor told me conclusively that my results are perfectly normal for a middle-aged woman in the early stages of pregnancy. Problem is, I’m a 24-year-old guy, so my doctor is very concerned. FML

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By Anonymous - 23/8/2011 02:17 - United States

Today, I had a mild allergic reaction from eating pasta salad. I told my mom that I might be allergic to the parsley, since it was the only ingredient that I don't eat often. She made me eat a sprig of it to "make sure." Now my face is covered in hives. FML

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By morgie96 - 19/8/2014 04:11 - United States - Pompano Beach

Today, on Facebook, all these parents posted photos of their child's last first day of high school, saying they were so proud as they left for senior year. It was my first day of senior year today, but my parents just gave me a high-five for not doing drugs. FML

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By seriously?! - 11/2/2009 16:51 - United States

Today, my boyfriend told me he was going to take me out somewhere special, so I called in sick for work. Turns out he had made reservations for the restaurant I worked at. FML

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By Carrie - 8/5/2013 05:41 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, my water broke while my boyfriend was breaking up with me. FML

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By midwify - 5/1/2015 17:58 - Denmark - Asaa

Today, I gave birth to our first child at home. What was supposed to be a beautiful moment of us peacefully greeting our newborn, ended up with the cops knocking on our door. Apparently me giving birth sounds like a domestic dispute. FML

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By unit - 7/7/2010 04:19 - United States

Today, I finally got around to organizing my closet. Discarded clothes fell into three distinct categories: Too Small, Yellow Pits, Stained with Food. FML

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By Anonymous - 24/8/2012 21:10 - United Kingdom - Walsall

Today, a baseball bat fell on my head while my boyfriend and I were cuddling. The same baseball bat that he keeps next to the bed, because he genuinely fears a zombie outbreak. FML

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By Jake - 28/9/2010 17:35 - United States

Today, I took a girl I like to the movies. Everything went great until I went in to kiss her. She didn't object, but my mother, who apparently followed me to the theater and was now pulling me away by my shirt while saying, "We're leaving!" certainly did. FML

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By none - 17/1/2009 23:35 - United States

Today, was just like almost every for the past few months; I slept till 1pm, smoked cigarettes, jerked off, went to the store to get coffee, smoked more cigarettes, and sat in my room alone until 4am, jerking off and smoking cigarettes. FML

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By Anonymous - 7/10/2009 18:23 - United States

Today, my girlfriend of three years broke up with me because I'm in the military and I'm gone too much. The reason I enlisted in the first place is because we agreed that the money and benefits I would earn would help us be able to start a family in the future. FML

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By ohno. - 19/8/2009 08:44 - Canada

Today, at work while washing the dishes I was told to go put some things into the big freezer at the back of the store. While doing so, the door closed behind me, so naturally I pushed it, only to have my wet hands freeze to the door. I yelled to my manager for 10 minutes before help came. FML

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By ArsonistsLullaby - 21/9/2016 21:02 - United States

Today, I had sex with my boyfriend for the first time. When he slid his penis in, he felt my NuvaRing, and with the most excitement I've ever seen a man muster, said, "Oh my god! You have your clit pierced! I can't believe I actually get to have sex with a girl who has her clit pierced!" FML

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By Anonymous - 3/4/2009 14:37 - United States

Today, I was talking to my boyfriend and he brushed my hair out of my eyes. Then he smiled and said "Your eyes are two different colors right now. One's blue, one's green..." I was so happy he still noticed the little things. Then he finished his sentence with "...ya know, like a dog." FML

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By jayne_dhoe - 22/11/2009 07:41 - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend came home drunk and thought it would be funny to spray himself in the face with pepper spray. I was in his drunken firing line too. After him vomiting and being blinded for a few hours, he was fine. I, on the other hand, had a terrible allergic reaction and got rushed to hospital. FML

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By Ashley - 6/9/2012 12:46 - Australia - Gold Coast

Today, I met my boyfriend's parents for the first time. They jokingly asked me if I was only with him for his money. I didn't hear them properly so I just smiled and nodded. They now think I'm a gold digging bitch. FML

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By singleagain - 24/8/2009 05:16 - United States

Today, I almost got married. After the elaborate and very expensive wedding, my "husband" decided he did not want to sign the marriage license because he wasn't sure if he really wanted to settle down after all. FML

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By Anonymous - 23/9/2018 14:00

Today, my boyfriend proudly showed me that he's put me in his favourites contact list on his phone with a heart image. Cute, but I saw another contact on the list with a heart image as well: his favourite take out restaurant. FML

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By Raaaaage - 22/7/2012 06:54 - United States - Torrance

Today, my sister and I had a huge fight because I flushed the toilet while she was taking a bath. The faucet for the bath was not running, but she insisted that she felt the water in the tub turn "scalding hot." She won't listen when I try to explain to her that it doesn't work like that. FML

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By chicagobulls102 - 10/9/2011 18:19 - United States

Today, the really cute guy who asked for my number last night texted me. He wanted to know if he could get my friend's number, because he'd been too shy to ask her directly. FML

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By Noname - 10/3/2009 15:01 - United States

Today, a man in my town was arrested for hiding methanphetamine in a hollowed out walking cane and distributing it to the population of his retirement complex. That man was my 58 year old father. FML

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By unsatisfied - 9/3/2009 06:15 - United States

Today, I was working at the grocery store and a very old woman wanted to give me a tip for bagging her groceries. She slid a quarter into my pocket against my thigh as deep down as she could get it, then she gave me a smile and a wink. I was groped by a grandma. FML

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By shilpajayseanfan - 24/2/2009 13:43 - Canada

Today, I drove into my school. Literally drove into my school. FML

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By madzlovesgee - 16/5/2009 17:44 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were "fooling around." It started to get hot and he took out his penis for the first time. This was the first one I've seen in real life so I decided I'd complimented it. I had no idea what to say so I said, "It's pretty." FML

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By Lara - 3/8/2012 11:28 - Italy - Empoli

Today, my boyfriend told me he still has the key to our mailbox, while being at the other part of the country. Not to worry though, he sent it over. By mail. FML

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By nicetomeetyou2 - 25/9/2013 16:35 - Canada - Nepean

Today, a drunk man walked into my house at 2pm, screaming out, "Honey, I'm home!" He had the wrong house, but it looks like I've finally met my new neighbour. FML

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By Anonymous - 21/4/2018 05:00

Today, my husband got jealous of my new vibrator. I got the vibrator to "spice things up" between us, because he hasn't touched me in months. FML

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By wheresthelove - 30/12/2010 05:03 - United States

Today, I came home to find my Dad cheating on his new wife of six weeks. With my own mother who was supposedly dating "a real catch". Should I be happy that my parents love each other or pissed off that they're both whores? I can't decide. FML

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By frankfukhergood - 9/7/2009 05:49 - Canada

Today, I asked a buddy of mine if he wanted to see a movie. He said he was busy that day, so I decided to go alone. Midway through, the couple behind me is making out and kicking my seat. I turn around, and it's my ex-girlfriend making out with my buddy. FML

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By Anonymous - 17/9/2009 07:05 - United States

Today, I was diagnosed with diabetes. I went to tell my grandpa, who immediately said, "I'm sorry, let's go get ice cream to cheer you up." FML

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By arrow - 30/7/2018 19:00

Today, my math teacher decided to give everyone in the class candy. He skipped me, and when another student pointed it out, his response was "I don’t like her." FML

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By justinj360 - 22/6/2011 04:59 - United States

Today, my dad informed me that I will be staying in the bug-infested shed for the summer when I come to visit, due to his girlfriend's sewing workspace completely taking over the only room I've ever had at his house. FML

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By Anonymous - 24/10/2014 17:49 - United States - Lake Mills

Today, someone stole my coat. I can only imagine their surprise when they find the $3,000 engagement ring I bought earlier. FML

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By - 1/1/2009 17:54 - France

Today, me and my sister hear a buzzing noise in our parent's bedroom. We go to investigate. It's coming from a drawer. We open it up. Battery operated dildo. FML

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By Chatons - 5/12/2013 06:52 - Switzerland

Today, my kittens hunted and killed their first prey. My hamster. FML

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By Janie - 10/1/2012 05:52 - United States

Today, my boyfriend changed his relationship status on Facebook to "Single" and his status to "I'm not kidding, leave your key on the counter." FML

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By OytoBeAfather - 16/5/2012 03:05 - United States - Nesconset

Today, my 20-year-old son's external hard-drive stopped working. He's crying on my shoulder now, not because of the movies, porn, work, or music he probably lost, but because of the now irretrievable complete series of Digimon that he'd collected. FML

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By whaleninjapoop - 6/12/2012 08:24 - United States - Raleigh

Today, I jokingly tried to convince my girlfriend that Wyoming was a government conspiracy and did not exist. She believed me. FML

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Top comments

By chrissy888 | 0

#777612 - Saturday 16 January 2010 9:17

Unless they were security guards, why would there be men at a john mayer concert??

By djtelekinesis | 0

#777623 - Saturday 16 January 2010 9:32

The original problem was the presence at a John Mayer concert.

Comments

By cowgod | 0

#777580 - Saturday 16 January 2010 9:03

cowgod | 0

#777594 - Saturday 16 January 2010 9:07

BWAHAHAHA!!! THIS IS PROOF THAT GOD LOVES ME!!!! ALL YOU LOSERS WHO COMMENT AFTER ME ARE GOING TO BURN IN HELL BECAUSE YOU MEAN NOTHING TO GOD!!!! WAHAHAHA!!

and btw
first. :P

remy_xi | 0

#777608 - Saturday 16 January 2010 9:15

But gods are just fictional placeholders used by the insane and dim-witted to explain the terrifying things around them....

Secret_Fire_King | 0

#777671 - Saturday 16 January 2010 10:26

I'M GUNNA TYPE IN CAPITALS & MAYBE GOD WILL LOVE ME, TOO.. CAN YOU HEAR ME, JEEBUS ?!
RRAAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWWWWRRRRRRRR.. FEEL THE RAGE???

iKaite | 0

#778024 - Saturday 16 January 2010 16:42

So, you're only six inches high then?

cowgod | 0

#778348 - Saturday 16 January 2010 21:23

Nooooo!!! my comment was deleted. oh well. now back to the fml: thats what you get for going to a john mayer concert.

Secret_Fire_King | 0

#786309 - Wednesday 20 January 2010 14:01

cool.. My first buried comment.. R.I.P. The random comment in CAPS LOCK..

By null_fml | 11

#777599 - Saturday 16 January 2010 9:09

So... you're 6 inches and 2.. what exactly?

B4SK3TB4IL | 0

#1434257 - Tuesday 21 September 2010 6:24

fake. men don't see John Mayer.

154rct | 7

#3772063 - Thursday 22 December 2011 17:47

6 feet 2 inches

boycrazy30007 | 12

#5277327 - Monday 24 December 2012 22:46

' means feet dumbass, " means inches

By BrownSugar_fml | 5

#777609 - Saturday 16 January 2010 9:16

lol centimeters?

anywho, ydi for wanting to see that douche John Mayer

Superstitious | 6

#5526461 - Sunday 9 June 2013 1:21

His blues and folkier stuff kicks ass

By chrissy888 | 0

#777612 - Saturday 16 January 2010 9:17

Unless they were security guards, why would there be men at a john mayer concert??

npk88 | 0

#778104 - Saturday 16 January 2010 18:17

I'm just surprised John mayer has British fans! I didn't think people across the pond cared for him. Learn something new every day!

By chrissy888 | 0

#777618 - Saturday 16 January 2010 9:21

Oh sorry, OP is a man. I honestly didn't realize lol I just assumed a woman wrote that. My bad.

JoshB_24 | 10

#4842936 - Tuesday 21 August 2012 10:50

That's a tall woman hahaha

By Isamermaid | 16

#777622 - Saturday 16 January 2010 9:32

6"2 commas.

OMG, a John Mayor concert. That must have been hardcore. Did you mosh?

This_Quiet_Storm | 0

#779308 - Sunday 17 January 2010 9:28

LMAO

oarisimo | 4

#1048970 - Tuesday 29 June 2010 21:22

ydi for seeing john mayor

By djtelekinesis | 0

#777623 - Saturday 16 January 2010 9:32

The original problem was the presence at a John Mayer concert.

By CHEESYBIGMAC | 0

#777638 - Saturday 16 January 2010 9:46

YDI for going to see John Mayer and being a male.

starberries | 0

#1696348 - Saturday 13 November 2010 22:10

He deserves it for going to see John Mayer, period.

By not14anymore | 3

#777640 - Saturday 16 January 2010 9:47

thats why every time i go to a concert im there atleast 3 hours or so before it starts because im short to but also boots what boost you up like 3 cm also help

By Andyangels27 | 0

#777646 - Saturday 16 January 2010 9:52

you couldn't see John Mayer on stage o god no anyone but John Mayer