Miscellaneous: Today, I was told I looked like Beaker from the Muppets. After...

By cjgreer70 - United States - West Linn

Today, I was told I looked like Beaker from the Muppets. After doing a side-by-side comparison, I realized it's true. FML

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Miscellaneous

Cartoon villain

Boundaries

Always ask for documentation

By Tireddddddd - United States

Today, I got back from camp. My camp-mates? A girl who refused to shower the entire week, a girl who threatened to hurt me several times, a snorer, my princess of a sister who took forever in the mornings, and a counselor who watched us sleep. FML

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By comfylap - United States

Today, on the train, I was sitting next to a cute girl I didn't know. She fell asleep on my lap by accident and I just let her for the whole train ride. This is the closest I've ever been with a woman. FML

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By NotRetarded - United States

Today, I went to a friend's sweet sixteen. Since I didn't know any else at the party I was really happy when the mother told me she sat me next to someone she thought I would have a lot in common with. He ended up being mentally challenged and talked to a sock puppet the whole party. FML

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By Username

Today, I finally started my dream job. I turned up for work with a huge smile on my face. Imagine how much my face dropped when I saw that I had to share an office with the girl I stood up last weekend. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada - Montr?al

Today, I finally found out why my graphics card in my PC had been overheating recently. My brother disconnected the card's fan because it was too loud when he was gaming. I guess I can always spend another $750. FML

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By LetsMakeLove - United States

Today, I went to the game with my boss and some people he does business with on his tab. I got so drunk that I blacked out, threw up all over the table, and passed out in the bathroom. I woke up alone with my body reeking of vomit, and no phone. FML

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By Damnit - United Kingdom

Today I noticed a large crack in my windscreen. 2 weeks after getting it replaced. The warranty doesn't cover cracks. Several attempts were needed to replace it last time for reasons like losing the new windscreen and telling me they can't make it that day and turning up any way after going out. FML

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By uhoh901 - United States

Today, I just had a phone interview with a college. The lady asked me to spell out my password to a site so she can access my test scores. The password was "dick." FML

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By Jeepers - United Kingdom

Today, after playing in an online casino, I won £200. Being pretty tight for cash at the moment I was pretty excited. I then tried to withdraw it to be told that I can't have a penny of it because I didn't register my card details first. FML

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By I'm over it - United States

Today, I work 732 miles away from my wife and three children, and I rarely get to go home. After giving up many hours of family time to work on my last home visit, I returned to work only to have my boss accuse me of stealing time, dock me 50 hours, and "review" my employment for termination. FML

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By AJShow80 - United States

Today , I won 20 dollars on a lotto scratch off. My friend, pissed, makes me split the money saying its collateral for the gas money used to get us there. He then uses his 10 dollars on a scratch off, and wins 500 dollars. The jackass wouldnt split it. FML

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By mislabeled - 27/8/2020 20:05

What did I do?

Today, two friends of almost ten years told my husband they had concerns about our marriage, and basically said they can no longer be friends with me. My husband and I never fight, and have other people tell us they are jealous of our relationship. The worst part is they still want to be friends with him. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Sacramento

Today, a teenage girl with a selfie stick came into my workplace. She knocked down multiple displays while trying to take pictures, before leaving without making a purchase. I had to clean it all up. FML

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By wmkaz - Canada - Sault Sainte Marie

Today, I am six months pregnant and have been lactating. When I noticed this and pointed it out to my husband, I jokingly stated that I felt like a cow. He then replied. "Oh, you're not a cow. At most you're just a fat pig." He still has no clue why I'm upset. FML

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By Coryj1220 - United States - Louisville

Today, while working at Dairy Queen, a customer asked me what was so special about our ice cream cakes, and how they're different from regular cakes. I chuckled, and told her it's because they're made from ice cream. She threw a fit, which resulted in me being written up and sent home early. FML

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By shininghayley - United States

Today, my boyfriend decided to take me out bowling. My mom was going to take us. My parents ended up bowling with us. I had a double date with my parents. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia

Today, I finally found the words to describe how I felt after 2 years of depression. I asked on Yahoo Answers what I should do next. The most 'helpful' answer told me to go on a picnic. FML

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By Wet Britches - United States - Portland

Today, on my rush to get home from work to use the bathroom, I hit a deer. It startled me so badly that I wet myself. FML

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By Allen - United States

Today, I brought home a vase, which I was proud of, that I made for my mother in my pottery class. My mother took one look at it and said, "Oh good, you can sell that in our garage sale." FML

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By jjjjjjmmmmm92 - United States

Today, I was at work, when a co-worker began to shake a near empty box. Without thinking, I shouted "What if there was a baby in there? You just killed it!" I then remembered she recently suffered a miscarriage. FML

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By howniceofyou - Canada

Today, I was at a pool party with some friends. They grabbed and lifted me in the air, about to throw me in the pool. My iPhone was in my pocket, so I screamed "MY PHONE!" They paused so I could gently throw it onto a deck chair. It bounced, hit the concrete, and cracked its screen. FML

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By maystar

That's worth $0.30 at GameStop!

Today, it's my birthday. My mom and three other relatives each bought me a copy of Diablo 3 for my birthday. A video game that I didn't ask for, for a console I don't have. FML

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By needabettermirror - United States - Holland

Today, I spent twenty minutes looking in the mirror trying to remove a blackhead from my chin. It was a freckle. FML

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By WasteOfTime - United Kingdom

Today, as I stopped at a traffic light, I noticed the man in the car next to me break out in laughter. I pulled over later on to see that someone had drawn a large penis on the side of my van. I then spent all my morning cleaning it off. I went outside later only to see someone had redrawn it. FML

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By melonhead77 - Cyprus

Today, I got so bored that I ordered my DVD drawer from awesomest to non-awesomest. I need a life. FML

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By itsgotime - United States

Today, I was running to my car, slipped, and slammed my head on the car door. I started driving to the hospital because it was bleeding profusely and I was dizzy, I called my mom to tell her what had happened. She said I was grounded for "goofing off" and that she was "sick of my shit". FML

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By peallow - Puerto Rico - San Juan

Today, I asked my father if he was proud that I have never done drugs, never drank alcohol, never had sex, never had psychological problems, never been to the hospital for something serious, never been in a fight and maintain good grades. He told me I was a boring daughter. FML

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By jynxisadouchebag - United States - San Francisco

Today, I was doing laundry, so I decided to wash my cat's blanket. He chased me down the stairs into the basement, and I slightly closed the door behind me so he wouldn't follow me. He pushed the door shut, which automatically locks. I was trapped down there for 3 hours until my mom came home. FML

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By Mallory - United States

Today, after admitting he had feelings for me, my crush returned from out of town. He'd said that while he was gone, he'd meet people, but only think of me. He came back no longer single. He's known her for 4 days. We've known each other for 6 years. FML

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By drunk - Australia

Today, I woke up on a friend's floor with a massive hangover after her party last night. My friend, who was next to me, barfed all over me. She then told me that while I was drunk last night, I made out with her dog as well as two of our other friend's boyfriends. FML

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By lehonj49 - Australia - Burwood

Today, after years of battling my social anxiety issues, I went out clubbing with my friends. A girl started talking to me and we actually hit it off. The next thing I know, I'm on the floor getting wailed on by some bloke for hitting on his girlfriend. She didn't do a thing to stop him. FML

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By tango-c - United States - Parker

Today, I sent a cover letter in which I bragged about my exceptional attention to detail. After it was sent, I noticed the company name and address were from a different job application. FML

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By noname - France

Today, when I came home, my daughter's baby-sitter was busy smelling my thongs. FML

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By Sherressa - Ireland - Dublin

Today, I saw my friend's car in front of school. I'd had a bad day and just wanted to talk with her. I got in and sat down, and felt something squish beneath me. Turns out it wasn't actually my friend's car, and I'd just sat on a random woman's cake. FML

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By EmmaG123 - United States

Today, I sent my mom an email with "Bad news" for the subject. At the end of her reply, she said, "And don't scare me! I thought you were going to tell me you're pregnant!" I AM pregnant, and wanted to surprise her on her birthday. Guess I should get her something less disappointing. FML

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By elizabeth - United States - Las Vegas

Today, I came home to my mother-in-law wearing the gold chain which I usually keep in a hidden drawer. I searched my drawer only to find out my chain was missing. I asked my mother-in-law if she took it and she keeps denying the fact that she stole it from me. My husband is on her side. FML

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By fatcat117 - United States

Today, in order to avoid seeing my ex-girlfriend in class, I changed my schedule for "personal reasons." Apparently she had the same idea and changed her schedule as well. We now have all the same classes together. Before, we had just two. FML

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By Embarrassed wife

Today, I let my 5 year old play on my tablet while we were both using one of those family restrooms with two toilets. She took a selfie showing both on us on the toilet and sent it to my husband. FML.

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By Anonymous - 11/9/2020 15:02 - United States - Boise

Suspicious

Today, I pulled over because my cell phone was ringing, as it's now illegal to use in a car. I finished the call when a motorcycle cop on side of road pulls up behind me and comes over. The reason? "You pulled off the road and it was suspicious, then I ran your plate…" FML

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By Loveless - United States

Today, during foreplay, I was trying to be sexy. But instead I fell off the bed, landed in the laundry basket, and was attacked by the dog. FML

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Top comments

By jnanderson | 16

#5832063 - Sunday 19 January 2014 10:17

Meep meep
-OP

By jdizz16 | 16

#5832072 - Sunday 19 January 2014 10:20

I think you need a second opinion, pics please?

COMMENTS

By jnanderson | 16

#5832063 - Sunday 19 January 2014 10:17

Meep meep
-OP

aligator121 | 15

#5832304 - Sunday 19 January 2014 17:41

Pics or it didn't happen.

firegirl1993 | 21

#5832897 - Monday 20 January 2014 6:39

Can we... Can we have a picture? :3

Redoxx_fml | 22

#5832934 - Monday 20 January 2014 7:30

Stop selling meth to Big Bird

incoherentrmblr | 21

#5833018 - Monday 20 January 2014 10:49

Yeah, especially marijuana to Kramit the Frog.

By xXxJaGsTeRxXx | 11

#5832067 - Sunday 19 January 2014 10:19

Maybe its time to change hairstyle! Probably new color too.

jizzwold | 21

#5832090 - Sunday 19 January 2014 10:43

If they want to be sure that there will be no more resemblance then they can just get some light facial reconstructive surgery.

By emxy92 | 22

#5832068 - Sunday 19 January 2014 10:19

It could be worse op - at least you don't look like Kermit !

jnanderson | 16

#5832073 - Sunday 19 January 2014 10:21

Kermit's adorable though

HelloooooNurse | 20

#5832163 - Sunday 19 January 2014 13:42

Beaker is adorable too.

Enslaved | 36

#5832175 - Sunday 19 January 2014 14:10

Poor Kermit. "It ain't easy being green."

By froggyjade | 16

#5832069 - Sunday 19 January 2014 10:19

At least you don't look like miss piggy! Actually Beaker is worse...

By jdizz16 | 16

#5832072 - Sunday 19 January 2014 10:20

I think you need a second opinion, pics please?

summerguy97 | 16

#5832091 - Sunday 19 January 2014 10:43

I think the only real way to tell if he looks like beaker for sure is to set him on fire.

teyyoshi | 19

#5832093 - Sunday 19 January 2014 10:46

she's just a girl ，she's on fire

FracturedMinds | 21

#5832197 - Sunday 19 January 2014 15:11

I am insanely curious as to how close a resemblance.

By thecrazymancan | 17

#5832074 - Sunday 19 January 2014 10:21

Of course the apropriate response is to go "meep meep meep".

By mackdeezy | 21

#5832077 - Sunday 19 January 2014 10:22

Would you rather look like Gonzo? Big ass nose, blue skin, called "weirdo"?

By illinoiscentral | 16

#5832079 - Sunday 19 January 2014 10:24

I would kill for Beeker's awesome, fiery hairstyle.

By karlcolt45 | 19

#5832080 - Sunday 19 January 2014 10:28

at least you're not bunson honeydew

By girlrome | 19

#5832087 - Sunday 19 January 2014 10:41

At least you'll be a big hit with kids!