Transportation: Today, I was stuck in the car with my grandma for an hour as...

By painful - 24/07/2011 08:55 - Norway

Today, I was stuck in the car with my grandma for an hour as she described to me how she had looked through my great grandma's poop to make sure her calcium pills were being digested. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 530

You deserved it 2 643

Transportation

Dysfunctional

Mother of the year

Things can only get better

By Dang-ItsDanielle - 07/03/2009 18:28 - United States

Today, I was pushing my 4 year old on the swing. I did what we call our "under doggie push": I throw her up in the air while I run underneath her before she hits me coming back down. I walked away to get my water and she yelled across the park "Can we do it doggie-style again?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 266

You deserved it 19 384

By happycow122 - 20/06/2015 20:54 - United States - Lafayette

Today, I realized I'm pregnant by a man who won't even accept my Facebook friend request. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 044

You deserved it 20 304

By Anonymous - 21/11/2013 20:37 - United Kingdom - Bristol

Today, I tried to have a fun night out. I met a guy and we went back to "his" place, which turned out to actually be his mother's house. He introduced me to her. Two hours later, I knew his life story and had to do the walk of shame without ever getting anywhere near his bedroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 231

You deserved it 10 212

Germ warfare

By phantom-yamato - 01/05/2020 17:00

Today, I accidentally scanned a customer’s item twice. Before I could take it off, she quickly leaned over the counter and coughed on me. Repeatedly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 053

You deserved it 155

Benny Goodman classic

By Anonymous - 24/02/2021 17:00 - United States

Today, like every other day for the past two weeks, my husband was not in the mood for sex. He told me this while masturbating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 126

You deserved it 142

By mandy - 10/04/2009 15:35 - United States

Today, I was babysitting my neighbor's kid. We were playing in the yard, when he fell and got a small scratch on his leg. I gasp, and he takes a huge breath in and yells, "FUUUCK!!!" as loud as possible. The parents thought it was me, and the mother slapped me in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 73 173

You deserved it 3 543

By Bito - 21/12/2008 07:00 - France

Today, I played a table tennis final in public. After winning, I went to shake my opponent's hand. He doesn't react or move. It was only the first set. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 119

You deserved it 12 218

By Anonymous - 29/10/2013 00:53 - United States - Cranston

Today, I had to listen to my boss say "Arabica beans" in a goofy, fake New England accent every time the McDonald's ice coffee commercial came on the radio. I worked a 12-hour shift. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 694

You deserved it 3 257

By Boyufd - 09/09/2018 03:30

Today, knowing that I have severe arachnophobia, my brother brought over his friend's tarantula. One hour later, the spider got loose. It's been 5 hours and I'm afraid to go to sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 845

You deserved it 213

By kay - 03/12/2009 02:06 - United States

Today, I received an e-mail from my stepmom. It was a picture of a boy that she said she thought I might like to know. Next to the picture was the message "he comes from a good military background". My love life is so pathetic that my stepmother feels the need to try and set me up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 246

You deserved it 4 907

By StillBurning - 19/08/2017 01:30

Today, I enjoyed my favourite pizza topped with jalapeños for an extra kick. I later got to feel that kick a second time as I vomited in the middle of the night. Some came out my nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 656

You deserved it 645

By Bad Dancer - 05/07/2015 01:48 - United States - Rock Hill

Today, my friend and I went to a club. She said I look hilarious when I dance drunk. I was completely sober. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 938

You deserved it 3 506

Nice bird

By Sick - 01/01/2020 01:00 - Netherlands - Ede

Today, a bird shit on my jacket whilst smoking, I cleaned it and went back outside, and got shit on again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 725

You deserved it 960

By Anonymous - 20/08/2012 12:12 - United States - Worcester

Today, my husband had a temper tantrum because I wouldn't get him a chocolate bar at the store register. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 297

You deserved it 5 898

By Anonymous - 23/05/2012 21:14 - United States

Today, my husband called me in the middle of the morning. He was in jail and wanted me to bail him out. Not only was he stupid enough to go drunk drag-racing with his buddies, their route took them straight past the front of the local police precinct. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 407

You deserved it 3 366

By Trainspotting - 03/04/2011 13:32 - United Kingdom

Today, Amazon didn't deliver the present I bought my mother for Mothering Sunday, so she called me an 'Ungrateful bastard.' And about half an hour ago, I cut my thumb whilst making her lunch. She said, 'You're doing this on purpose so I feel sorry for you. Well I don't.' FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 689

You deserved it 3 713

By Anonymous - 31/12/2012 15:44 - Canada - Sydney

Today, while buying paint, I began to help an elderly woman working to lift some heavy boxes. She told me what a nice young lady I was. Then her boss came over, screamed at her for being lazy and fired her. She cried. So did I. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 462

You deserved it 3 305

By inappropes - 29/10/2017 01:30

Today, at almost 26 years old, my beard is finally coming in. Too bad it, like the hair on my head, is 50% grey already. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 617

You deserved it 264

By signinept - 18/09/2009 23:28 - United States

Today, I got really annoyed waiting for a bus that was supposed to come every 10 minutes. After a few minutes of waiting, I realized the "bus stop" was really a no parking sign. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 288

You deserved it 49 795

Save Me

By bad doc - 01/10/2019 04:00

Today, I had to repeat myself multiple times and dumb down all my anatomical terms and symptoms while describing my illness to my doctor. I want to switch, but my insurance won’t cover another one for at least 60 more days. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 361

You deserved it 146

By Coldsnap - 12/08/2011 17:25 - Sweden

Today, my father tricked me into eating a Tasmanian habanero, saying it was just another pepper. The burning in my mouth was unbearable, but nothing compared to when I took a shit later in the day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 741

You deserved it 5 000

By imy - 18/10/2011 15:01 - United States

Today, while performing a rectal exam on my female patient, I inadvertently said, "Okay, you're going to feel some pleasure now." I meant "pressure". Her husband was in the room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 018

You deserved it 9 430

By jeesh - 31/01/2009 11:48 - United States

Today, my girlfriend caught me picking my nose and eating the booger. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 928

You deserved it 89 134

By distressed - 17/03/2015 12:00 - Australia - Burwood

Today, my mother worked out that my boyfriend and I are having sex. Instead of confronting me about it, she now just sits and stares at me judgmentally whenever I'm in the same room as her, making me feel incredibly uncomfortable. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 185

You deserved it 6 931

By Anonymous - 30/10/2013 23:39 - United States - South Gate

Today, my girlfriend decided to break up with me over Facebook. Unfortunately, she "accidentally" posted it on my wall instead of sending me a message, so the whole world could see it. My mom liked her post. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 188

You deserved it 3 899

By picklet - 12/05/2012 14:36 - Malaysia - Kajang

Today, I started the job of my dreams. Our first marketing meeting was an in-depth analysis of the phrase, "Haters gonna hate, potatoes gonna potate". I have a 5 year contract. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 077

You deserved it 4 511

By uthinkucandraw - 27/02/2009 21:19 - United States

Today, I flew into New Zealand to surprise my girlfriend on her trip. In the New Zealand Airport I received a text message saying she wanted to break up with me. I live in Michigan and just spent $1,500 for this romantic surprise. FML

I agree, your life sucks 94 537

You deserved it 7 332

By bowler99 - 12/01/2015 16:43 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, my little brother walked in on me and my girlfriend having sex and threatened to tell my parents. I paid him $30 to keep quiet. 15 minutes later he told them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 160

You deserved it 15 051

By ANON - 21/09/2016 14:09 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I visited my Aunt in hospital. Another patient got jealous, so she threw a tantrum. She threw things at us, pulled her drip out, threw herself to the floor, screamed, pounded the floor with her fists and pissed herself. My aunt is still waiting for a new room, and the staff blame me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 687

You deserved it 763

By Anonymous - 15/10/2010 00:25 - United States

Today, as I put my 4 year old daughter in the car seat, she dropped her crayon. She then paused and matter-of-factly said, "Mommy, I don't say 'f***' anymore when I drop things." FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 054

You deserved it 9 170

By RuasaLove - 30/07/2015 02:34 - United States - Pleasantville

Today, I was doing laundry while my boyfriend was sitting at the table playing on his phone. I glanced over and caught him watching my ass as I put clothes in the dryer. Trying to be sexy, I looked at him as I slowly bent over to put more clothes in. Instead, I hit my head hard on the dryer door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 327

You deserved it 8 861

The Spectacular Spider-Thief

By Anonymous - 11/05/2018 15:00

Today, I went to a comic shop to celebrate Free Comic Book Day. A guy in a really nice Spider-Man costume showed up, so I asked and got a selfie with him on my way out. When I got home, I realized my wallet was missing from my back pocket. I was robbed by Spider-Man. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 797

You deserved it 473

Kids these days…

By Anonymous - 26/04/2021 16:59

Today, my mom asked me what I did with the first paycheck from my first "big girl" job. I told her I paid down my credit debt like a responsible adult. She rolled her eyes and said she was disappointed in me for not treating myself. She was serious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 377

You deserved it 78

By greaaaatt. - 25/07/2010 05:45 - United States

Today, I found out that I get to spend the next two weeks at my grandparents house, which smells like cat litter, while the rest of my family takes a cruise through the Carribean. They can't afford to take a ninth person. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 910

You deserved it 2 913

TMI, dude

By linren - 28/03/2009 18:40 - United States

Today, I was riding in the car with my new boyfriend. He had 'something serious' to tell me. He started to emotionally confess his addiction to masturbation. In detail. The drive was 2 hours long. FML

I agree, your life sucks 94 146

You deserved it 7 621

By Anonymous - 24/11/2010 13:18 - Sweden

Today, my cute co-worker asked if he could use my computer. I told him my password and went to the bathroom. When I came back he said he'd finished. I tried to log in, but my password wouldn't work. I then noticed a post-it note on the desk saying, "Stop stalking me and I'll change the password back." FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 955

You deserved it 40 996

Such a weird move either way

By 1337fade - 07/04/2011 05:19 - Denmark

Today, my wife figured that a good foreplay move would be to rub MY underwear in MY face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 155

You deserved it 9 706

By Soph - 25/03/2013 21:53 - United Kingdom - Birmingham

Today, during a sex ed lesson, we were given a lecture on pregnancy and abortion from the school nurse. Throughout the session she kept repeating, "Of course, Sophie knows ALL about this." The nurse happens to know that my dad's a gynaecologist. That's not what everyone else in the year thinks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 615

You deserved it 2 860

By Nemo - 11/06/2017 12:00

Today, I got an e-mail from a company saying that I would not be a good fit for them. Strangely, it's quite similar to an e-mail they sent me last month. And the month before. They aren't generated e-mails, each one is different. They just e-mail me every month to remind me that I suck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 192

You deserved it 255

By Anonymous - 12/09/2014 21:36 - United States - New York

Today, I found out my fiancée's been cheating on me. Her excuse? Her ADHD made her do it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 719

You deserved it 3 494

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Random_Person88 8

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Sunday 24 July 2011 19:19

i spent like 5 mins trying to come up with a response to this but i just couldn't.

iAmScrubs 19

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Sunday 24 July 2011 19:20

"Well, let me tell you one thing young one. The first thing I check for is if the poop is a healthy shade of green. Then I put my hand in it to check if it is the right texture. The last thing I do is waft the smell towards me. It should smell like a combination between sulphuric acid and orange juice."

kittykat1497 7

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Sunday 24 July 2011 19:12

that's something... interesting?

enonymous 8

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Sunday 24 July 2011 19:20

Well how else would you check? I roll around in my own poop looking for.... oh who the fuck am I fooling I do it for fun

JesusFishTaco 5

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Sunday 24 July 2011 19:22

May I join you?

lukehappygilmore 4

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Sunday 24 July 2011 19:25

room for one more??(:

enonymous 8

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Sunday 24 July 2011 19:26

Yes just becareful I had Cuban last night. it burned going in and out

skiier4life 1

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Sunday 24 July 2011 19:27

20- hellllllllll yeeeeeeaahhhh

UnicornHunter 12

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Sunday 24 July 2011 19:39

YDI OP because I say YDI to everything.

Enslaved 36

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Sunday 24 July 2011 19:39

I like Cuban in me sometimes, too. They're freaks in the bed. Nothing wrong with a little burn!

dolphincheddar 10

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Sunday 24 July 2011 20:09

At least there wasn't sperm and blood in his poop

sydmior 10

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Sunday 24 July 2011 20:26

You roll around in your own poop for fun? I would have to take an hour-long shower after that.

Iamnotmyself 17

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Sunday 24 July 2011 21:35

-51 Usually it's with piss when i do these things. enoumous, come to Vegas I hired strippers to join us!

T0sta 8

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Sunday 24 July 2011 23:00

Doesn't everyone?

coffeygirl12 14

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Sunday 24 July 2011 23:09

well shit

dwreck69 0

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Sunday 24 July 2011 23:25

What happens in Akershus, stays in Akershus

Thunderbender 2

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Sunday 24 July 2011 23:44

OP don't leave us with a cliffhanger like that I'm on the edge of my seat! DID THEY GET DIGESTED OR NOT!!!

theaws0m3guy 4

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Sunday 24 July 2011 23:53

Did she have to PILLage the toilet?

ifailplzinsultme 0

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Monday 25 July 2011 0:11

51- I shower in poop...

ifailplzinsultme 0

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Monday 25 July 2011 8:19

Damn nobody else showers in poop?

grapisy 8

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Sunday 24 July 2011 19:13

Well, were they?

JesusFishTaco 5

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Sunday 24 July 2011 19:18

I wonder if she licked the poop like in Year One.

NastyNinja31 0

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Sunday 24 July 2011 19:33

no she had to take them again

kmumma 3

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Sunday 24 July 2011 20:05

did she use her hands

T0sta 8

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Sunday 24 July 2011 23:04

would it taste good?

ColtsDoug18 0

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Sunday 24 July 2011 19:13

chill you boner

howslife123 0

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Monday 25 July 2011 4:59

judging by your comment along with your picture, you really like sex..

SLC_grumpypants 5

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Sunday 24 July 2011 19:14

Ha!! ummm.......gross

olpally 32

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Sunday 24 July 2011 19:16

that is a shitty sit.. never-mind I know that comment is overused.. that's just f**king disgusting!! cover your ears then.. fyl op... :(

mynameisusername 4

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Sunday 24 July 2011 21:44

Your cleverness has failed you and you successfuly pissed me off. :)

koe4 0

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Sunday 24 July 2011 21:48

may i recomond u gat angor manugmant?

mynameisusername 4

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Sunday 24 July 2011 21:55

I'm no grammar nazi but that was just wrong on so many levels.

olpally 32

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Monday 25 July 2011 0:16

then go fuck yourself asshole and don't comment if u see the comment is buried you dumb ass...go rot in hell for all I care..

ifailplzinsultme 0

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Monday 25 July 2011 0:24

Keyboard warrior much?

partyfool2011 4

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Monday 25 July 2011 5:24

you should have just said the shitty pun. maybe you would have gotten less thumbs down.

ckr911 5

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Sunday 24 July 2011 19:17

a look into the future...

omgcookeys 15

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Monday 25 July 2011 10:07

they could just drink a lot of milk.. of course, that could lead to bowel trouble

GreenMaze 0

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Sunday 24 July 2011 19:17

WTF??

IndigoFuckYou 9

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Sunday 24 July 2011 19:17

Well, where they?

mhayes119_fml 0

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Sunday 24 July 2011 19:18

I do that every day to my girlfriend because she's a vaegetable!!

Random_Person88 8

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Sunday 24 July 2011 19:19

i spent like 5 mins trying to come up with a response to this but i just couldn't.

Iwashere12345 0

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Sunday 24 July 2011 19:59

cool story bro.

Meraklez1013 9

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Thursday 23 February 2012 3:48

I love your picture lol!!

Nearly

Today, I spent my 25th birthday crying alone in my room with my baby, because no else seemed to care it was my birthday. My partner and I had a fight the night before and we haven’t spoken or seen each other since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17

You deserved it 6

Today, I live in Turkey and the dollar has risen to 13 lira. Just turks understand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32

You deserved it 6

Spicy

Today, my wife announced she wants to incorporate a saddle into our lovemaking. This might be fine, except she wants me to wear an actual 30-pound saddle, and I have bad knees. FML

I agree, your life sucks 246

You deserved it 30

Today, my daughter finally learned that you can’t sleep your way to success, after she tried and failed to seduce her married boss, was sacked, and blacklisted as a potential lawsuit throughout every company specialising in her chosen career field. FML

I agree, your life sucks 631

You deserved it 176

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