Today, I was stuck in the car with my grandma for an hour as...

By painful - Norway

Today, I was stuck in the car with my grandma for an hour as she described to me how she had looked through my great grandma's poop to make sure her calcium pills were being digested. FML

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Transportation

Blender time!

The X Factor

Out of the frying pan

By Anonymous

Today, I went on a date after months of rejection and loneliness. Everything was going great until my date argued with me over the correct way to pronounce my name. FML

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5028

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By Anonymous - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I'm travelling across the country with my family. My grandma thought it would be a good idea to take her shoes off. It's been 5 minutes and my eyes are watering from the stench. We still have over 200 miles left until we get home. FML

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By her mom raised her - Mexico

Today, I had to call a plumber out, because my idiot daughter clogged the pipes while trying to flush a hamburger down the toilet. FML

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43695

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my gynecologist told me that the ecosystem in my vagina is unbalanced, and that I have to do some reconstruction. Uhm what? FML

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34498

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5155

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By Anonymous - United States - Warren

Today, while having a bad dream, I went to punch a bully in the face. Mid-swing I wake up and punch the solid concrete wall to my basement bedroom FML

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4180

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By yosmurf

Today, my son proudly announced to me that he has been learning to cut out shapes at school, and that he'd cut out some ovals and wanted to show me. He showed me the pictures of Washington, Lincoln, Jefferson and Jackson and their corresponding bills. FML

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1768

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By Dog_Lover - Canada - Montreal

Today, a friend informed me that my dog's name means "penis" in Greek. I live in a predominantly Greek neighbourhood, and apparently I've been screaming for "dong" every evening for the past 3 years. No wonder they don't talk to me much. FML

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35625

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By rejected - United States

Smoke signals

Today, I texted my boyfriend, who's on vacation halfway across the world, but he didn't respond. I mentioned it to my younger sister who said, "It probably just takes a while for the text to get all the way there." My mom piped up, "Don't be dumb sweetie, he's just ignoring her." FML

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1487

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192

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By Andrea Trevor

Still counts!

Today, I finally did the splits for the first time in my life! Unfortunately, it happened when I stepped in wet dog poop on my kitchen floor. One foot slipped forward in it, and I fell right on top of it. FML

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2414

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215

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By mynameisarmpit

Today, I went out to eat with my girlfriend. The waiter came up and was being nice. He said, "What can I get you two gentlemen?" FML

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35622

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By fml_for_real - United States

Today, I asked my boyfriend to ravish me. He told me he would rather play PS3. FML

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38162

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6880

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By lilithfaye - United States

Today, my newly ex-fiancé, the father of my 5-year-old child, moved out of state with no warning. I just spent my last $500 paying off his car, and the rent is due tomorrow. FML

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27524

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was given a wedgie by a complete stranger in a crowded bar. FML

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30387

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3197

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By Anonymous - United States - Atlanta

Today, I met my boyfriend's parents for the first time. His father was completely wasted, his mom was high, and his 11-year-old sister was talking about her favorite alcoholic drinks at the dinner table. FML

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36968

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By lookwhereyasittin - Netherlands - Den Haag

Today, it was the first day in my life that I fell into a toilet because someone left the toilet seat up. I'm a guy. FML

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17850

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By thegoalie - United Kingdom - Sheffield

Yoga for Dummies

Today, I overheard this girl I don't really know say that she had cramps. Trying to be helpful, I turned round and told her she should stretch out where she had them. She then asked how the fuck she was supposed to stretch her ovaries. FML

I agree, your life sucks

601

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2219

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By Anonymous - United States - Broken Arrow

Today, I was diagnosed with type 1 diabetes. My mom's reaction was, I shit you not, to tell me to "walk it off". FML

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32009

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2649

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By paidback - United States

Rejection erection

Today, I rejected my wife for sex. She then started to masturbate next to me. I got an erection. She then rejected me for sex. FML

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8603

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82710

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By alexo - United States

Today, I took the bus. The old lady next to me almost fell when the driver stopped, but I managed to catch her. Five minutes later, the same thing happened to me. The old lady tried to help me, but I lost my balance and pulled her skirt down. FML

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29091

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2514

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By Username - France

Today, the sprinklers in the hotel room came on and stayed on. There was no fire. My family is currently living in the hotel, so everything we own is soaked. FML

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31790

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2894

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By newkid

Today, I was so lonely, I dragged out a conversation with a lady who called to get me to make an appointment to give blood. FML

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11806

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1322

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By smooth - United States

Today, my coworker pointed to our nervous new intern and asked who he was. I jokingly said, "Can't you tell? He's our new slave." I then quickly realized how bad that sounded, given the intern is black. FML

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30501

You deserved it

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By Anonymous - United States - Smyrna

Today, I was driving back home when I saw a yellow object flying off my roof of my car through the side mirrors. I thought nothing of it, then I noticed that I didn't have my phone with me. That's when I realized that the "flying yellow object" was my phone. FML

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18861

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By Mr.Viola - United States

Today, my future father-in-law, a respectable New England gentleman, bought me an $8,000 viola and bow for our engagement. I was so surprised that I spit a glass of wine from a 60 year old bottle all over his custom-tailored suit. He was not happy. FML

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31842

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13737

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By Butqhy

Today, while in the airport, I had to use the washroom. Upon exiting, I got confused due to an excess of mirrors and walked directly into one in front of an audience. FML

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13368

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By James

Today, I asked the restaurant manager if he could arrange to deliver an engagement ring to me and my girlfriend with our desserts. Desserts came, no ring. That guy wasn’t the manager, just a guy in a suit who legged it with my ring. FML

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1177

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1937

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By Greenskies - France - Corneilla-del-vercol

Today, I was talking to my boss at the end of an awesome internship. He said he was really satisfied with my work, and that he had considered hiring me. Turns out he decided not to because I smile too much and it unnerves him. FML

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23396

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I left home to start my new life at University. Saying goodbye to my mother, the last thing she said to me was "Don't turn gay". I'm gay. FML

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54692

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11120

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By smarterthanmymum - United Kingdom

Today, I had to explain very slowly to my mum why she cannot put metal cutlery in the microwave. She did it anyway. FML

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35169

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2967

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By wotwzombie - United States

Today, It took me over 3 hours to cut out little letters for an event I'm putting on. It took the wind less than a second to blow them all over campus. FML

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52542

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By bruh

Unexpected

Today, I asked my girlfriend to prom. Instead of saying yes, she broke up with me. FML

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4814

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316

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By mylifeissad - United States

Today, I had to look up how to eat a mango on the internet. FML

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10219

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By me - United States

Today, my friend and I gave our numbers to some guys at a bar. Twenty minutes after we had left, we got a call. We excitedly answered the phone, only to hear the guy ask, "So are you the fat one or the ugly one?" FML

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34298

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By Anonymous - United States - Pardeeville

Today, my dad might be dead. I'm basing this solely on the fact that he hasn't called recently to verbally abuse me as he often does. He constantly beat me as a child, yet now I'm kind of worried for the piece of shit. FML

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14189

You deserved it

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By Anonymous - Canada - Brampton

Today, my dad sat me down for a talk. After the talk, he wasn't my dad anymore. FML

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45815

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By Randolph - United States - Saint Petersburg

Today, a clown came over for my son's 8th birthday party. There was a moment of silence then laughter as everyone realized the clown and I were wearing the same plaid shirt. FML

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26537

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By fmlfmlfml - Canada

Today, I snuck into my brother's room to scare him. Just as I was about to go for it, his girlfriend calls. I had to sit there motionless listening to my brother having phone sex, then wait for him to go to sleep and sneak back out to pretend it never happened. FML

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24813

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By SmoothTalker - United States

Today, I had a meeting with my super-hot TA. When I got to her office, she complimented me for being early, to which I thoughtfully replied "oh I usually come early." She laughed. FML

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58202

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By -1 friend - United States - Freeport

Today, I was in a big Skype chat, which somehow turned into a heated argument. My friend lost it, typed "your stupid" and called me a "looser." When I pointed out the irony of his messages, he rage-quit, drove all the way to my house, and punched me in the face at the door. FML

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55198

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By Anonymous

Today, I went to have my tires replaced. While I was paying, the cashier asked if I would like a warranty for the tires. I said, "Nah, only idiots who can't drive need that." While pulling out of the parking lot, I took the turn too wide and popped my tire on the median. FML

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510

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Top comments

By Random_Person88 | 8

#2965871 - Sunday 24 July 2011 19:19

i spent like 5 mins trying to come up with a response to this but i just couldn't.

By iAmScrubs | 19

#2965888 - Sunday 24 July 2011 19:20

"Well, let me tell you one thing young one. The first thing I check for is if the poop is a healthy shade of green. Then I put my hand in it to check if it is the right texture. The last thing I do is waft the smell towards me. It should smell like a combination between sulphuric acid and orange juice."

COMMENTS

By kittykat1497 | 7

#2965810 - Sunday 24 July 2011 19:12

that's something... interesting?

enonymous | 8

#2965877 - Sunday 24 July 2011 19:20

Well how else would you check? I roll around in my own poop looking for.... oh who the fuck am I fooling I do it for fun

JesusFishTaco | 5

#2965903 - Sunday 24 July 2011 19:22

May I join you?

lukehappygilmore | 4

#2965946 - Sunday 24 July 2011 19:25

room for one more??(:

enonymous | 8

#2965957 - Sunday 24 July 2011 19:26

Yes just becareful I had Cuban last night. it burned going in and out

skiier4life | 1

#2965974 - Sunday 24 July 2011 19:27

20- hellllllllll yeeeeeeaahhhh

UnicornHunter | 12

#2966064 - Sunday 24 July 2011 19:39

YDI OP because I say YDI to everything.

Enslaved | 36

#2966067 - Sunday 24 July 2011 19:39

I like Cuban in me sometimes, too. They're freaks in the bed. Nothing wrong with a little burn!

dolphincheddar | 10

#2966255 - Sunday 24 July 2011 20:09

At least there wasn't sperm and blood in his poop

sydmior | 10

#2966386 - Sunday 24 July 2011 20:26

You roll around in your own poop for fun? I would have to take an hour-long shower after that.

Iamnotmyself | 17

#2966758 - Sunday 24 July 2011 21:35

-51 Usually it's with piss when i do these things. enoumous, come to Vegas I hired strippers to join us!

T0sta | 8

#2967165 - Sunday 24 July 2011 23:00

Doesn't everyone?

coffeygirl12 | 14

#2967216 - Sunday 24 July 2011 23:09

well shit

dwreck69 | 0

#2967306 - Sunday 24 July 2011 23:25

What happens in Akershus, stays in Akershus

Thunderbender | 2

#2967361 - Sunday 24 July 2011 23:44

OP don't leave us with a cliffhanger like that I'm on the edge of my seat! DID THEY GET DIGESTED OR NOT!!!

theaws0m3guy | 4

#2967407 - Sunday 24 July 2011 23:53

Did she have to PILLage the toilet?

ifailplzinsultme | 0

#2967465 - Monday 25 July 2011 0:11

51- I shower in poop...

ifailplzinsultme | 0

#2970341 - Monday 25 July 2011 8:19

Damn nobody else showers in poop?

By grapisy | 8

#2965820 - Sunday 24 July 2011 19:13

Well, were they?

JesusFishTaco | 5

#2965865 - Sunday 24 July 2011 19:18

I wonder if she licked the poop like in Year One.

NastyNinja31 | 0

#2966024 - Sunday 24 July 2011 19:33

no she had to take them again

kmumma | 3

#2966226 - Sunday 24 July 2011 20:05

did she use her hands

T0sta | 8

#2967187 - Sunday 24 July 2011 23:04

would it taste good?

By ColtsDoug18 | 0

#2965823 - Sunday 24 July 2011 19:13

chill you boner

howslife123 | 0

#2969256 - Monday 25 July 2011 4:59

judging by your comment along with your picture, you really like sex..

By SLC_grumpypants | 5

#2965831 - Sunday 24 July 2011 19:14

Ha!!
ummm.......gross

By olpally | 32

#2965843 - Sunday 24 July 2011 19:16

that is a shitty sit.. never-mind I know that comment is overused.. that's just f**king disgusting!! cover your ears then.. fyl op... :(

mynameisusername | 4

#2966787 - Sunday 24 July 2011 21:44

Your cleverness has failed you and you successfuly pissed me off. :)

koe4 | 0

#2966811 - Sunday 24 July 2011 21:48

may i recomond u gat angor manugmant?

mynameisusername | 4

#2966858 - Sunday 24 July 2011 21:55

I'm no grammar nazi but that was just wrong on so many levels.

olpally | 32

#2967483 - Monday 25 July 2011 0:16

then go fuck yourself asshole and don't comment if u see the comment is buried you dumb ass...go rot in hell for all I care..

ifailplzinsultme | 0

#2967506 - Monday 25 July 2011 0:24

Keyboard warrior much?

partyfool2011 | 4

#2969360 - Monday 25 July 2011 5:24

you should have just said the shitty pun. maybe you would have gotten less thumbs down.

By ckr911 | 5

#2965853 - Sunday 24 July 2011 19:17

a look into the future...

omgcookeys | 15

#2971245 - Monday 25 July 2011 10:07

they could just drink a lot of milk.. of course, that could lead to bowel trouble

By GreenMaze | 0

#2965857 - Sunday 24 July 2011 19:17

WTF??

By IndigoFuckYou | 9

#2965859 - Sunday 24 July 2011 19:17

Well, where they?

By mhayes119_fml | 0

#2965863 - Sunday 24 July 2011 19:18

I do that every day to my girlfriend because she's a vaegetable!!

By Random_Person88 | 8

#2965871 - Sunday 24 July 2011 19:19

i spent like 5 mins trying to come up with a response to this but i just couldn't.

Iwashere12345 | 0

#2966184 - Sunday 24 July 2011 19:59

cool story bro.

Meraklez1013 | 9

#4075509 - Thursday 23 February 2012 3:48

I love your picture lol!!