Today, I went over to this girl's house that I really like. I was planning on cooking her dinner. In the process, the grease in the pan got too hot and caught fire. We ended up having to call the fire department. FML
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Today, I cooked dinner for the girl I've been dating. Everything was going well until I accidentally set off the smoke alarm. The fire department showed up, and my date spent the rest of the evening flirting with one of the firefighters, so I guess we weren't actually dating? FML
Today, to impress my date with dinner, I spent hours prepping and cooking. Just as I was about to serve her, I realized I'd left the stove on and my kitchen was on fire. As the fire trucks arrived and my date looked on in horror, I couldn't help but think, "My cooking is so hot it literally set the house on fire." FML
Today, while I was at work, my wife discovered you cannot put out a grease fire with water. I came home to a frantic spouse, a fire department bill, and a newly destroyed kitchen. FML
Today, I went to kiss my girlfriend on the neck while she was cooking on the stove. Apparently I scared her and now I have a nice burn mark on my head from the hot frying pan she hit me with. FML
Today, I was sleeping in my apartment when I woke up to the smell of smoke. Alarmed, I ran out to the kitchen to find my roommates trying to put out a fire on the stove. As soon as they saw me, they ran for it, informing me that it was my problem now. They used my good frying pan. FML
Today, I tried to make breakfast. I had everything cooking on the stove when I reached to turn on the faucet, only to find out that the head of the faucet was up the sleeve of my robe. After drying off, I went to serve my boyfriend his plate, but when I returned, the stove had caught fire. FML
Today, I asked a waiter at a restaurant if I could go in the kitchen to compliment the chef. She turned out to be really pretty, so trying to be cool, I leaned back onto what I thought was a table. It turned out to be a stove, and my shirt caught fire. FML
Today, my boyfriend was cooking me dinner. He walked away and I decided to help by giving the pan of veggies a sautee flip. My boyfriend failed to mention that he had just pulled that pan out of a 500 degree oven. FML
Today, my boss told me to not burn the place down while she was outside. When she came back inside, I accidentally started a fire. FML
Today, I wanted to impress my girlfriend with a cool fire breathing trick I learned online, and ended up burning half her room. FML
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Top comments
biass 0
that was a hot date...
DocBastard 40
Tell her you're just a hunka hunka burnin' love.
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Comments (113)
yummycupcakegirl 0
Burn baby, BURN!;)
yukioshi 0
your beautiful
5t3ff1k4h 47
Your beautiful what? Clown? Toes? Baby? Martian? What?! Come on, be specific.
marinus_fml 20
lmao nice one #29 :]
Phustercluck 11
I don't understand how people (whom are taught english) mix up 'your' and 'you're', especially those educated beyond the 5th grade.
RachelHellYeah 0
43-Oh my gosh! I know right! It really irritates me. I'm not the smartest person in the world, but I still understand the difference between them!!
RedPillSucks 33
Maybe english isn't their first language and they're phonetic spellers.
DjeePee 25
English is my thirth language and I still know perfectly the difference between your and you're.
waiting4u 0
dumbass
CoachLlama 5
@5t3ff1k4h - You're such a stickler! Oh, wait. I mean, "Your such a stickler!".
5t3ff1k4h 47
71 - Get over it.
BadasS14 0
dumbass
Canyadiggit03 0
A smoking girl deserves a smoking date.
unfortunate_13 5
you like her house?
DjeePee 25
Damn, damn, damn, I wanted to say that :( (and he REALLY liked the house)
lolzatyourprobz 12
I love grammar. Let's eat, grandma! Let's eat grandma! It saves grandma :)
Doortje 30
ah well, I hope she appreciated the effort though :)
marinus_fml 20
blink182 ftw!!
UnicornsDoExist 0
Thought that counts?
5t3ff1k4h 47
OP - At least you were smart and called the fire department rather than throwing ice cubes in it.
RachelHellYeah 0
Who would ever throw ice cubes at a fire...???
biass 0
Hey, I thought it would cool it down... jp lol
5t3ff1k4h 47
...I was referring to an old FML, where the girl (I think it was a girl, at least) threw ice cubes into the fire. Obviously, it ended badly.
IpWarfare 0
No if you were smart you would have line the inside with m-80s, unscrew the front door hinges before hand, set up a camera outside. then once the m-80s go off kick the door done with your girl in your arms while slowly walking away from the exsplosion. NEVER look back at the exsplosion. I guarentee she'll put out, her and half the chicks on the block:)
honeybee366 0
you're so ******* annoying.
5t3ff1k4h 47
99 - I was going to ask where you came up with that idea. Then I saw your user name. Nice. ;) Honeybee - Don't read the comments then. Derp. I'm not bothering you, I just made one comment ^ up there, AFTER you said this comment. Also, if you didn't mean for that comment to be for me, specify who you're talking to.
Brave_Sir_Robin 4
If a fire should ever arise while you're cooking: BLAST IT WITH PISS! In this way, you will put out the fire and save the food. The girl will be impressed and she'll probably let you fondle her dog Dakota, if you know what I mean...
Alienized 0
I am not posting anything related to the post, therefore, I am trolling. Altough in a bad way.
RachelHellYeah 0
ummmm....okay?
Rallred32 20
That's not trolling.
Ruff_fml 3
Noonaa_fml 0
hahahahah niiceee ! :]
1personinthiswor 0