By JasonThorn - 17/12/2016 13:21
JasonThorn tells us more.
OP here. I am glad that a lot of people understood that it had been meant as a gift with no strings attached, only to have then attached later as a reward for performance. My dad never specified, "This is what you get for doing well." It was, "I had a great day and I want to share it with everyone." The truth is, if he had said he was disappointed in me but felt I should keep the $50 and hoped I would do all I can to improve, I would have respected him and listened to him. It's not about the money. It could have been $5 and I would have reacted the same way. I now understand that gifts are conditional and I have to continually earn every favorable reaction from him, on the off chance he intends to give one.
By 123alleyesonme - 02/11/2012 04:17 - United States - Austin
By Anonymous - 11/05/2011 14:33 - United States
By Anonymous - 10/11/2012 02:09 - Canada - Toronto
By future teacher - 09/07/2015 06:21 - Paraguay - Fernando De La Mora
By grossesfesses - 15/05/2013 06:58 - France - Compi?gne
By Anonymous - 26/06/2021 15:59 - United States - Cumberland
By Pinsky - 20/09/2021 01:00 - United States - Chicago
By Anonymous - 04/01/2022 11:01 - United States - Miami
By JG - 10/05/2012 11:48 - United States - Melbourne
By Alaska fire - 19/11/2016 22:14 - United States - Eagle River
By warningxxLidell - 09/01/2010 06:45 - United States
By shatfjord - 10/10/2014 22:34 - United States - Rochester
By Anonymous - 15/11/2013 20:30 - United States - Brooklyn
By Anonymous - 19/08/2011 15:08 - United States
By Noname - 05/03/2009 06:01 - Canada
By coco - 18/06/2009 05:10 - Canada
By Anonymous - 25/08/2021 02:01
By Anonymous - 29/11/2009 00:32 - United States
By Ralph - 04/04/2012 03:02 - United States - Candler
By fmyactuallife - 03/05/2020 08:00
By Ouchies - 01/10/2009 22:31 - United States
By hubby - 08/10/2013 17:57 - United States
By jack - 23/04/2012 02:43 - Australia - Melbourne
By Anonymous - 08/10/2013 21:16 - United States - West Chicago
By TMI - 20/04/2009 17:12 - United States
By Petergibbons - 05/03/2010 08:01 - United States
By missbutthole - 04/06/2011 13:07 - United States
By Broken - 03/08/2010 12:11 - United Arab Emirates
By Krazydude1000 - 03/01/2020 14:00
By hi Mum - 11/12/2013 19:59 - United States - North Charleston
By crushedsoul - 05/11/2015 21:34 - United States - Baltimore
By JK710 - 23/06/2009 01:13 - United States
By Anonymous - 11/08/2021 18:01
By Alexandra - 20/09/2011 08:25 - Lebanon
By Egyptian ToyBoy - 17/12/2019 20:00
By Anonymous - 07/09/2012 05:08 - Canada - Edmonton
By Anonymous - 09/04/2021 08:00
By Alright. - 24/09/2012 08:15 - United States - Missoula
By Anonymous - 14/03/2014 15:15 - United States - San Francisco
By LockandKey - 24/02/2009 23:28 - United States
Add a comment - Reply to : #
Love is not necessarily demonstrated by giving you money. Motivating you to do your best, even when you don't appreciate it, can be more loving than you might imagine.
I don't think that love is equated with the money specifically here. I think the meaning is that the money was a GIFT and gifts ARE equated with love. If the money was actually meant as a reward, it should have been withheld from the beginning until conditions were both explained and met. This sounds to me like probably a lack of effort on the part of both people. OP, potentially, for grades, unless Cs really were their best work; and the father, for inconsistent parenting choices/lack of planning.
The money wasn't presented as a reward for doing well in school. Dad said he wanted to share the good fortune he had at work with the family and did not imply that there were conditions with that money. There should have been an initial discussion so children are aware that there is financial compensation for performing well. Frankly, my parents never bought into that and I think it's a poor motivation for doing well in school but sometimes that is all that works. There could be a litany of reasons why the OP received C grades that we're not aware of. The FML is in Dad attaching conditions to a gift after it has been given.
I think I would have felt more sorry for you if it wasn't for the "So, love is conditional?". Money and love are two separate things
While I agree that money does not equate with love, OP's father initially presented the money as a gift with no conditions. If you think about Christmas/Hanukkah/Etc. gifts, those do equate with love, because they are GIFTS. OP's dad gave a gift because he loved his family, and then took it away after putting conditions on it after the fact. So I can see that being viewed as his love being conditional, even if he didn't mean it that way.
Love isn't, but rewards definitely are. Though he could've asked for the report cards beforehand.
That would be fine if the money wasn't initially given because he 'wanted to share it' before he even thought to ask for report cards. It seems unreasonably harsh to take back what was presented as a gift because you didn't meet arbitrary conditions that you weren't aware of. Plus for all we know OP isn't academically inclined and those are the grades he got after trying his best.
Why should you be rewarded for bad grades? I think it is unconditional love because he is showing you that you can not get by on bad grades. Maybe try harder next time and get some extra help.
I think the way OP's father handled this, instead of showing OP that they can't get by on bad grades, it mostly shows a lack of forethought on the father's part. As a teacher, if I tell my class "everyone gets a pizza party" and then give them pizza but stand by the pizzas with my grade book and turn students away when they get to the front of the line for not having good grades, that doesn't teach a lesson about working harder. It just teaches the students that they can't trust me at my word. This is basically what OP's father did.